June 24, 2015 by Stephanie

Fit for Me 25/52

What I did last week:

Saturday-BodyPump for an hour. I made it through every track friends. Progress. And my favorite teacher was there!

Sunday-BodyJam for an hour. This is that dance class that is taught by the 60 year old free spirit. Y’all, this is one woman that I would choose to kick my butt every day. I get such a great workout when I go to this class. Sweat is ~~dripping~~ flying off me by the mid point, and it is great. It is such a great class to just let loose and really get your muscles moving. It reaffirms though that this white girl has no business on a dance floor. I can get the moves eventually, but there are some that just do not come naturally. But I am there to have fun and sweat my booty off!

Monday-20 minute core workout.

Impressed by:

I made it through every track in BodyPump. I may have been on baby weights, but I made it none the less. Look at these mom guns.

Struggled with:

I will be honest. I have given up on the plank and push-up challenge. It is doing nothing for me but making me frustrated. I realize that doing 5 minute planks, while admirable, is not something that defines my fitness level. So I am not going to keep doing something that makes me hate myself every night.

Did I meet my goal from last week?

While I wasn’t really more consistent, I did make it to two classes, which is something in my book.

What is my goal for next week?

I realized this week that my 10k race is a little less than 3 months away. I need to get my training started! I have printed out a tentative schedule, so my goal is to actually start that this week. Anyone in COMO want to run with me?

Fitness Thoughts:

I talked about being in a rut with my workouts last week, so I did some online research to find something to kick me into gear. I found this app for my phone, Sworkit. It can work on Android or Apple products. I am just using the lite version right now to see if I like it. So far I think it is great for those days where I just can’t make it to the gym. I am not the greatest at following just a list and knowing how to do an exercise. I like that this prompts you as you are going, but also provides a video of each exercise so you know how to do it. It looks like you can track your progress, but I am not sure how much it shows you since I have only used it a couple times. There seems to be a wide variety of options of exercises (upper body, lower body, core, stretches, yoga, and cardio), and each area has probably around 20 different options. I think this will be nice so I am not doing the same in-home workout. You can do 5 minutes or an hour (or anywhere in between), so I like the versatility there. I used it for my core workout Monday. It was awesome. Once I use it a little more, I will update you whether it was worth it.

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Have you ever trained for a race? Do you use any fitness apps?

June 23, 2015 by Stephanie

To My Mom

Today is my wonderful mother’s birthday.

Y’all, seriously hands down, this is the most amazing woman.

I can’t even begin to explain what she has meant to me over the years.

She is a woman who has always been there, for the good days and bad. She has made us laugh with made up songs, kissed away booboos, and spent Saturday nights making mac and cheese with chicken nuggets so we could watch Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman as a family. (Mac and cheese is still my go to comfort food to this day.)

I remember summer nights riding our bikes in the Kauffman stadium parking lot. I remember going to the zoo to see our favorites: the tigers and elephants. I remember the time spent in the kitchen making cranberry salad and banana bread. I remember the picnics. I remember the Friday afternoon taco runs before we picked up my brother from school.

Now that I am a mom, I am starting to realize what she went through with us. I strive to live up to the standards that she has shown us as a parent.

She is a Godly woman to so many people. She was always “adopting” other kids as we grew up. Our house was always full and always fun. I don’t think she even knows the lives that she has impacted over the years.

You see my mom has been working in the preschool setting (in many capacities) for over 30 years. She directed hundreds of church programs over the years, which are some of my favorite summer memories growing up. She has taught probably thousands of young kids how to write and recognize their colors. I remember spending many nights and weekends in her classroom trying to set things up for her kids or paint the elaborate backdrops for the musicals. (Let’s be real, my brother and I usually watched Lion King or begged her to get out the tumbling mats…) But more importantly she has made every kid who has walked into her classroom feel special and loved.

She is humble, generous, and is more likely to stay in the background so others can shine. But little does she know that her support has meant the world to so many. She has always lived a fairly simple life so she can provide for not just my brother and I, but to so many other kids and families who have come through her life. She always showed us what it meant to be a servant of the Lord and serve others fully.

I only hope that I can be half the mom and woman that she is.

And it is so fun to watch her in her newest role as Gammy to Addison and George.

I feel like I am just rambling because it is hard to put it fully into words what she has meant to me as a mom and a person of guidance in my life.

So simply put…

I love you Mom! You deserve the best on your birthday!

June 22, 2015 by Stephanie

A Father’s Interview

I still find it funny that on our first date, Tom explicitly told me he did not want to have kids.

Here we are 8 years later celebrating his first Father’s Day.

These pictures were part of Tom’s Father’s Day gift. We are going to blow them up and hang them up in his new workshop.

I asked the new dad to reflect a little.

What was one thing you weren’t expecting as a parent? Just how much I could love a kid. I just had no idea.

How has being a dad changed you? I worry a lot. So much of the things I used to worry about for myself, I worry for him now.

What has scared you the most about parenthood? Now it’s my job to turn my kid into a decent human being. It’s one thing to do that for yourself, but to get someone else to the point where they are a decent human being is a huge task. So much of the current generation are mean and self-entitled, and I want George to grow up knowing that his failures and successes are his alone.

What have you loved/enjoyed the most about being a dad? When I get to Brenda’s (our baby sitter) and he knows who I am, and then smiles because I am there. Also using George as an excuse not to do social things because I am a homebody.

What is one thing you did as a child that you want to do with our kids? Just the outdoors in general.

What do you want to teach George? Lots of things: How to be self-reliant, like no matter what happens he can handle it and thrive in that situation. Success in life is 100% based on the work you are willing to put in. I want to teach him to be the kind of adult that puts his morals and integrity before anything else.

Anything you are looking forward to in your 2nd year as a dad? Giving George the house and the room to explore that he deserves. I am excited to be able to finally communicate and find out what’s going on in that little mind.

What is your advice to new dad’s? Don’t listen to the naysayers. Your life isn’t over once you become a dad. Do it your way. No matter how you raise your kid or what decision you make, someone out there will say you are a bad parent. Parent the way that you think is the best for your kid.

baby uniforms

Tom is such a sweet dad. He is quirky and real with George. I love watching the two of them together, and their relationship is already a special one. I can see that it is hard for Tom to be away from George on his long shifts. He tries to make the most of the time they have together, even if that means that he just is holding George’s hand in the middle of the night while George is asleep. George just loves his daddy, and I can tell he already sees him as his own hero.

It has been a wild ride so far since we became parents.

I cannot wait to see their relationship blossom even more. Can you imagine Talks with Tom AND George? I can’t wait.

June 19, 2015 by Stephanie

Book Review-The Longest Ride

First of all, thank you for the sweet comments to my post yesterday. Sometimes it can be scary to be raw and open on the blog, but it is nice to know that it is well received. It meant a lot.

Secondly, I am here to announce that finally. FINALLY. my book rut is over. Bring all the books to me.

I just finished The Longest Ride by Nicholas Sparks last week, and I am already halfway through another book. Yes, yes, and yes.

I knew a book from good ol’ Nick would get me back.

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In true Sparks fashion, this is a book about love.

But what I love about this book in particular is that it is two different stories woven together. One follows a new young couple and their journey to love, but the other follows an elderly couple’s memories of love with flashbacks of sorts.

It was a brilliant way to show how love transcends many different situations and can surprise us in so many different ways but yet be so comforting in it’s normalcy.

You knew that in the end these two couples would be connected, but the plot kept you intrigued until the very end. It was like a carrot being dangled. I just wanted more and wanted to know the why and how.

I don’t want to share too much about the book because the secrets within are really meant to be read, and not summarized by me a little ol blogger. I would hate to ruin it for you.

Here is the synopsis from Goodreads:

Ira Levinson is in trouble. At ninety-one years old, in poor health and alone in the world, he finds himself stranded on an isolated embankment after a car crash. Suffering multiple injuries, he struggles to retain consciousness until a blurry image materializes and comes into focus beside him: his beloved wife Ruth, who passed away nine years ago. Urging him to hang on, she forces him to remain alert by recounting the stories of their lifetime together – how they met, the precious paintings they collected together, the dark days of WWII and its effect on them and their families. Ira knows that Ruth can’t possibly be in the car with him, but he clings to her words and his memories, reliving the sorrows and everyday joys that defined their marriage.

A few miles away, at a local rodeo, a Wake Forest College senior’s life is about to change. Recovering from a recent break-up, Sophia Danko meets a young cowboy named Luke, who bears little resemblance to the privileged frat boys she has encountered at school. Through Luke, Sophia is introduced to a world in which the stakes of survival and success, ruin and reward — even life and death – loom large in everyday life. As she and Luke fall in love, Sophia finds herself imagining a future far removed from her plans — a future that Luke has the power to rewrite . . . if the secret he’s keeping doesn’t destroy it first.

Ira and Ruth. Sophia and Luke. Two couples who have little in common, and who are separated by years and experience. Yet their lives will converge with unexpected poignancy, reminding us all that even the most difficult decisions can yield extraordinary journeys: beyond despair, beyond death, to the farthest reaches of the human heart.

I love YA books, and Nicholas Sparks happens to be one of my favorite authors. I know he isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and some people find that all of his books are the same. I think that he does have some underlying similarities in all of his books, but I think this one was pretty sharp with using two very different couples to show parallel love stories. But hey I am a sucker for a YA love story novel.

This review sums up my own opinions. I was not contacted by anyone associated with these works or compensated for my review. My review has not been influenced by anything other than my love for reading.

Are you a Nicholas Sparks fan? What is your favorite NS book?

June 18, 2015 by Stephanie

4 Years

How has it been 4 years since the day we said “I do?”

Well really we never said I do. We high-fived it.

Fact.

Year four was a rough one for us, not going to lie.

We experienced the highest of highs (George), and the lowest of lows (just stuff).

After celebrating our last anniversary, we found out that Tom was not going to be deployed. This was a huge turning point in our life. It meant that we could close this military chapter of our life. It meant that Tom could be there for George’s birth and first few months of life. It meant that we didn’t have to go through all the deployment emotions as a family again.

I was job searching, and continued to receive some devastating no’s during the end of my pregnancy. Honestly, there is one no that I still have issues with and to this day still haven’t completely processed. It was soul crushing to say the least, never mind the fact that I was also an 8-month pregnant woman-holy hormones.

It was no wonder my blood pressure was out of control and my doctor ended up putting me on bed-rest, meaning that I had to quit my part-time job a few weeks before I had planned.

Then George decided to make his appearance early. This is a day that was scary and wonderful all at the same time. The days that followed were terrifying as we watched him hooked up to monitors in the NICU, and also Tom and I were coming to terms with that we were actually parents.

But seeing this beautiful face, makes every low point of this year seem like it was nothing. We love him so much.

He is the reason for everything now. You can’t understand what your heart is capable of and how much it can grow until you have a child. It is amazing. I feel honored that God has chosen us to be the guiding lights for this little man.

A couple weeks after George was born, a friend of mine let me know that a job was available that sounded perfect for me. I had put the job hunt on hiatus since that paralyzing no so I could focus on little man and to get my head right. However this job was just too perfect not to apply for. So it pushed me back full swing into the job search. I interviewed for several jobs through Skype and phone during September and October.

And low and behold, I finally got a yes (to that initial job my friend suggested). Everything had timed out perfectly. (You are good God. Why I doubted your plan, when you have it so perfectly made for me.)

Waiting for this job offer allowed me to stay with the doctors I loved to deliver George. It allowed me to stay at home with George for 2 months. It allowed me to stay with Tom a little longer while he started his out-processing in the Army.

September and October was also a very exciting time since our beloved Royals were making their way into the World Series, which was the first time since the year Tom and I were born in 1985. You can just search my blog for Royals baseball, and you can read for days about my infatuation for this team. We stayed up many nights to watch all the extra innings during Blue October!

In the beginning of November, George and I moved to Missouri, permanently. Tom stayed behind hoping he would be approved for an early out, otherwise he would still be in KY until June due to his military orders.

I started my dream job and juggled the demands of being a working mom.

Tom accepted a police officer job after about 6 months of interviewing with this one department. This also helped seal the deal on the Army letting him out early.

Before Christmas, Tom and the dogs finally joined us in Missouri. The place we have always wanted to be.

The place we were going to make roots and raise our children.

The place we were going to make the life we had always dreamed of.

But the sunshine and roses didn’t last very long.

December through March were some pretty dark days for us. Some of the darkest of our entire 8 year relationship.

Tom had started the police academy, which meant a lot of time away from the family. His focus was very much on succeeding there as it should be. But it meant George and I were alone a lot more than I imagined.

I was feeling a lot of anxiety and guilt from our breastfeeding experience and was also becoming resentful for Tom’s time away. Thinking back, I think I may have had some post-partum depression but wasn’t really willing to admit it, so of course I took it out on Tom. I am not proud of that, but it happened.

We had some other life things happen that definitely impacted our emotions. One of those being my grandma’s passing.

We were having a really hard time figuring out this newness of our relationship with both of us having new jobs and balancing being new parents. These new demands and expectations put us on the struggle bus to say the least. I have heard a lot of new parents say the baby’s first year is the hardest on a marriage, and boy was that true for us.

But then around May things started to turn around.

Tom was finally on the road as a commissioned police officer. I am finally finding a groove with my job, and I feel valued and appreciated as a professional.

And George started sleeping through the night. (This makes a world of difference friends.)

We were finally communicating better with our needs and recognizing where each other needed more support as parents and spouses. We were clicking again. It didn’t hurt that we also took a night away and stayed in a B & B. This time we had to focus on each other was something we really needed. It was also the first night that both of us were away from George.

May was also when we got really serious about finding a permanent house to pay a mortgage on. We were done with rental property, and we were committed to entering the next phase of becoming home owners.

All of that leads us to where we are now.

Today.

Celebrating 4 years of hard work and dedication to each other.

Celebrating the love between two people.

What this year has taught me is that everything in life will not be perfect, and that is ok. There are going to be some hard times; some times that you think you want to just throw in the towel because that seems easier. It was a year we definitely had to live up to our vows. But with some perseverance and a lot of prayers, God will show you the way. Life is never going to look the way you had imagined-and that is some good and bad. You need to take one step at a time and own up to your insecurities and flaws, especially with your spouse. We had our fair share of fights, and we both had to learn when to give in. This can be a hard lesson. (One that I have to relearn quite often) You often hear that marriage is about team work and compromise, but sometimes there is the reality that one has to give more than the other. As very independently stubborn adults, you can imagine this can sometimes cause some friction of the heart. We need to not let our pride get in the way of our marriage. Even after 8 years, it can still be hard to be vulnerable and bare with another person. There were also moments of great strength shown throughout this year. I would not have been able to pick myself up after being uttlerly crushed during that job search and keep on going if Tom had not been cheering me on or lifting me back up. We will always need each other. Even in the darkest moments, I knew that this season would pass eventually because that is the way of things. It was just something we had to get through to get to better moments.

This sounds like a very downer post about our marriage, but I think it is important for people to know that a marriage can struggle. People can struggle. That doesn’t mean that it is the end, and you CAN get past it. I think we often put this facade out there that everything has to be perfect, and honestly that was part of our issue this year (ok maybe my issue). We had to accept some of our realities and just muddle through it. We made some mistakes, but we always came back to we loved each other and that this marriage was important for us. I wish more people would be honest when they are struggling because it can be very lonely to feel that no one may understand. Things aren’t always perfect, but that doesn’t mean that there still isn’t beauty there to find. There were times that I didn’t want to admit what was happening because I was embarrassed and felt like I failed as a wife or I didn’t know if people would understand, but I also didn’t want sympathy or those looks (that I would assume are judgement on my “said” failure). Because this imperfection is something I really struggle with, I am working on being more open about these moments where my life doesn’t look like a fairy tale.

This is now part of us, and I believe that it has made us stronger in the end.

I want to document that this year was hard, uncomfortable, and difficult for us, so we can look back and be proud of what we came out of. And it is a little cathartic to admit that we had a rough patch and gives you a reason to just let it go instead of trying to hold on to it like a secret.

Tom and I have been together for 8 years, and there is still stuff that we are learning about each other. And nothing is bigger than learning how to be parents together.

In the end, there is the love that I have always had for Tom. (and lots of sideways glances)

This year both of us turned 30. We have the jobs that we have always dreamed of finally. We have the baby we never imagined we could have. Things haven’t always been perfect, but I couldn’t imagine doing life with anyone else.

Tom-thank you for showing me more every day. Thank you for putting up with all my emotions and silliness. Thank you for choosing to be my partner. Thank you for all that you do for our family. Thank you for loving me the way that you do.