July 7, 2015 by Stephanie

A Generous Heart

When I created my 35 before 35 adventure list, I thought it would be good to pick things that would challenge me to not only to explore other things in this world but things that would challenge my inner being as well.

I wanted to stretch my own limits and push myself to really live fully. When it came down to it, I just thought it would be fun and light-hearted.

One of my undertakings was to pay for someone behind me in the drive through. This seemed like a simple task when I put it on my list. One that would not really challenge me much but would be a good effort to put out some love and kindness into the world.

Needless to say, this is a small task that ended up having a huge impact on my heart.

But not in the way that you may think.

See, it was honestly a huge struggle for me to pay for someone’s meal. Like a ridiculous struggle.

First, McDonald’s is my weakness friends. Anytime I go out for errands at lunch, I pull through to grab myself a frappe or smoothie with a side of fries (ok and maybe a McChicken). So even though I was going there at least once a week, I would forget about this challenge of mine until I was already down the street munching on those fries.

About a month ago, I was finally remembering that I should check this off my list! What a great opportunity now that I am remembering to actually do it before I pay.

However, there were several times I remembered, but when I pulled up to that window, the words would not come out of my mouth to do it.

There were a few things happening.

1. I sized up the vehicle behind me. “Oh it’s a van-They probably have a large order because of ALL the kids that must be in there. I can’t shell out a lot of money. We are trying to buy a house.”

2. I sized up the vehicle behind me. “Oh it’s a [insert expensive car]-They don’t need my measly money. They have ALL the money already.”

3. I chickened out.

I was making a lot of judgments in the three minutes I was in the drive-through. I was talking myself out with reasons why this person wasn’t deserving of my kindness or how I just couldn’t manage to fork over 10 more dollars because our finances are tight with our impending move. I am very strict/stingy with our money. I know where every penny goes, and I am not good with spontaneous spending, even if it is a good cause. We make a lot of donations else where, so why did I make this challenge for myself? Honestly I was just thinking too much about it. I just needed to DO it.

I started thinking though, “No one would know if I didn’t do it.”

But I would know.

God would know.

I started feeling really guilty for my thoughts and lack of action. Here I am talking day in and day out about not making quick judgments of people and trying to be a good light for others, and I can’t even anonymously buy someone else a meal (and let’s be real-a cheap meal).

I am embarrassed how many times I went through the drive-through over the last month contemplating this task.

Then one day, I was going through the longest line ever, and I started saying to myself, “Self, you gotta make this happen today. Put your money where your mouth is.” Literally.

As I was driving through that double drive-through, even then I was still sizing up the cars around me saying if it was this car I would, or this car I wouldn’t. Then low and behold, the car behind me ended up being this rough looking man who was in his mid twenties and revving his engine up telling everyone in front of him to hurry up. He was tapping on his car in angst and just looked as pissed as all get out. In my head, I first thought, no way am I giving it to this guy. He would not be grateful at all. He doesn’t deserve my money because of his rude demeanor.

Then it hit me like bricks. It is not my place to decide who is deserving and who isn’t. I should show kindness to all that I meet.

Also I am not doing this for praise. He will have no idea who I am.

As I pulled up to that window, I was shaking and nervous. Then I became more nervous because why was I freaking out about paying for this guy’s meal. Seriously just calm down. Why is being generous so hard?!?

I thought about my grandparents and parents who make giving all of themselves look so easy and effortless. Why am I struggling with handing over a few extra dollars?

And then it was over. I payed for his meal, and we both went about our day.

I have no clue how it impacted him; I didn’t even watch him in my mirror when he pulled up to the pay window to see his reaction. But it really changed my outlook and how I serve other people.

Generosity is rarely about money.

It made me think about how often we do things for others.

It made me think about how we need to get our mind off ourselves.

It made me think that love always comes at a cost, but that it is what makes this world go round.

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It made me think what if God was as stingy as I was being or judged me on one of my worst days? What if he just gave me just enough to get buy? What if He hoarded His blessings because He was making sure He had enough for everything else going on in His world?

²¹The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
²²those the Lord blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be destroyed.

²³The Lord makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
²⁴though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

²⁵I was young and now I am old,
    yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
    or their children begging bread.
²⁶They are always generous and lend freely;
    their children will be a blessing.

Psalm 37:27-26

It made me think I not only need to be open-minded, but open-handed. I don’t think this was a lesson that God was saying I need to give out all my money, but He was showing me that I need to have a more generous heart. I need to let me stinginess down a bit and step out of my comfort zone.

We often are content in staying uninvolved with people around us, strangers and friends alike. As long as our own lives are comfortable we don’t want to mess with the water. We make excuses of why we should stay in our own bubble.

I am right there in the struggle. I don’t like shaking things up, and I like my peace and knowing where things are going. Again spontaneity is not my friend. But I pray that God continues to work on my heart to be more Christ-like, especially in this day and age of constant judgment, apathy and uninvolvement.

It makes me think of the Good Samaritan parable in Luke. Many individuals passed up opportunities to show kindness because of the burden or mess that it would cause for themselves. We would like to think that we would be the Samaritan, but which would you be when it really comes down to it? Imagine what would happen to our world if we started even doing one small acts a day. Simple acts can have huge impacts, and I think we often forget that. It was definitely something that I needed a reminder of in my own day to day.

We are always looking at big ticket things that can change the world and the hearts around us, but it is often in these small gestures that cause that warm feeling in your gut. This kindness can have a ripple effect. And it is a reminder that giving doesn’t always have to monetary. We should give our time and be there for people as well.

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Even though I wasn’t the intended target of change for this, it ended up changing my mentality and reset my outlook completely. I have some work I need to do.

We all have trials and ways that we stumble trying to live out God’s plan. It is comforting to know that even though I am not perfect, God will not let me fall and is using me as His instrument. God gave me what I have, so I should be willing to share my good graces in return. He will always provide a manner for us to be giving people. The more you give the more you live.

Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

2 Corinthians 9:7

Have you struggled with giving? What are small gestures you make to spread kindness?

July 6, 2015 by Stephanie

Talks with Tom #38

One of the struggles of being a police officer is the ever changing shifts. One day he is off and trying to be an active member of our family during the day, and the next he has to be a night owl going to work at 8pm.

This was a conversation about Tom trying to retrain his body to be awake at night.

Tom: I slept from 7 (pm)-12, 1-3 (am), and then 7-11 (am).

Me: I started laughing once he said 1-3, because he had originally wanted to take a couple hour nap at 7pm so he could stay awake over night and then sleep the next day.

Tom: I won’t get into it but I got into my bivy sack and slept on a boot at 1am.

Me: still laughing…

Tom: In the storage room.

Me: So you got out of our comfortable bed at midnight, to go to sleep downstairs in the storage room on a boot?

Tom: I wondered if it was still as comfortable as it was in Afghanistan or if just anything was comfortable over there. And it turns out if you were infantry, it is always comfortable.

Me: laughing

Don’t mind me enjoying the big bed all to myself.

July 3, 2015 by Stephanie

Book Review: Love Arrives in Pieces

“This book was great,” is a gross understatement.

While The Longest Ride sparked the fire for reading again, Love Arrives in Pieces really set that fire ablaze.

This book really got me back into my reading like crazy. It was the first book in a long time that I stayed up to read. Like I stayed up past 11pm reading for hours. It was fantastic.

There was just something about this story that had the perfect combination of the realness of human emotions and love, and all the emotions we may experience on that journey.

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Stella is an interior designer who is an old beauty pageant star. She has endured some heartache over the past couple years, and is now trying to figure out her true self since she has hidden behind a marriage or tiaras for so long.

Chase is a contractor who just recently lost his fiance in a car accident. Because of this loss, he lives life in the moment and realizes he needs to move back home to reconnect with his family.

Chase and Stella start working together to rebuild a theater in their hometown. During this project they must face their past and overcome some heartache.

The story is about the two of them finding their way and also finding love may not come automatically.

What I enjoyed about this book is the realness. Sometime in romance fiction things may be over dramatized and show the air of a fairy tale set in modern times. This book highlights struggles and insecurities both individuals may face on the way to love. There are obstacles for each person to overcome to be in a place to really put down walls and let someone in like that.

I also really appreciated that God was the center of this book, and not in a overly pushy way. I think sometimes when you read Christian novels they can get preachy and make you think you can never attain that. Again the author was real with how a person would talk to God and look for guidance. It was a reminder that you don’t have to have a perfect life to seek out God’s help and faith.

I really enjoyed how St. Amant chose her words and the flow of the story. She would give you little pieces at a time of why each character was struggling. It was like she was slowly peeling an onion for you to reveal more layers. She switched between Stella and Chase’s point of view, so you could see both perspectives. It’s an honest and raw view of how God can take the broken pieces of our past and use them to put us in the right place for something beautiful.

It’s been a long time since a book got me good in the gut like this, so I don’t know if my heart was just itching for it, but I loved it all the same. I really enjoyed the complexity of the book, one page was deep but yet the next would be light-hearted, which I think sometimes how we portray ourselves in life.

If you are looking for something new, I would definitely recommend this book. There is another book with some of the same characters that I am not sure if it is a prequel since All’s Fair in Love and Cupcakes details Stella’s sister’s love story. But from the excerpt it does look like the timeline of that plot-line proceeds this one. I will definitely be checking that one out.

I did receive this book complimentary from Litfuse Publicity Group for my review. These thoughts are my own.

Have you read any books that have kept you up late reading past your bedtime?

July 1, 2015 by Stephanie

Fit for Me 26/52

What I did last week:

Sunday-I started my 10K training. It was a slow 30 minute run/walk, and I took the dogs with me. But I feel good about it! It was a perfect start.

Monday-I walked downtown for lunch which is a 30 minute round-trip. And I did it in heels, which I am regretting now because of the blister it caused.

Tuesday-Another 30 minute training run.

Impressed by:

I am always impressed with myself when I start training for a race.

Struggled with:

I have been a little inconsistent with working out lately. I can blame it on rain, or Tom being home in the evenings, but a lot of it boils down to I forget to make the time at the end of the day. I am hoping now that I have this training schedule that will put me back on pace.

Did I meet my goal from last week?

I did start my training for my 10k.

What is my goal for next week?

We have a lot going on this weekend with the holiday, so I want to just stick with my 3 training runs.

Fitness Thoughts:

You would think after 6 months, a workout schedule would come more naturally. What this weekly journal has reminded me that it is an every day commitment. This will be something that I have to work at every day as our schedule ebbs and flows. I am always wishing for consistency, but that honestly will never be there. George is growing so fast, and Tom’s schedule changes monthly. I need to just find ways to keep myself honest to my body every day.

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How do you keep yourself in check with your workout goals?

June 30, 2015 by Stephanie

My Favorite Childhood Vacation

This time of year always makes me think of vacations. Outside of the one night stay on my birthday, it has been a few years since we have been on a true vacation without there being another reason for travel like a wedding.

Since Tom cannot request time off right now, it has been hard to plan a vacation this summer.

So instead I will just reminisce about my favorite childhood vacation.

It wasn’t anywhere luxurious. We stayed in state. But boy do I love Missouri.

And most of the time we had to walk across the park for running water.

My favorite childhood vacation was definitely camping.

I looked forward to these excursions every summer, even though it looks like we hate our lives there….

My dad would take my brother and I to a lake near Branson, and we would camp for a few days. We had the tent and the cooler set with all our necessities, and we were pulling our boat in tow. Then my step-mom would join us for the second part of the vacation which meant we moved to a hotel. So it was awesome and dirty for a few days then it turned luxurious with a pool and a plate of giant nachos from the hotel restaurant. We also did much more touristy things like mini-golf or one of the many shows in Branson once we were at the hotel part of the vacation.

But camping, was just us and nature. Even as a kid, I knew there was something special about being outside like that.

What I loved about camping was the simplicity of it. We got to explore and rough it. We even looked forward to helping with the cooking because it generally meant lots of hotdogs.

It also meant lots of soda (Shasta) because we never really had any at home. In fact, we had a lot of food that we didn’t normally have, again read hotdogs.

We would play and sing lots of Beach Boys and Jimmy Buffett, and I would read because Anne of Green Gables was probably calling. My brother would try to fish, and I would hardly ever get out of my swimsuit because where there is water I must swim. (And I would have a bathing suit with the alphabet on it. A genuine nerd since 1985 folks…) We would talk about the stars and attempt to catch all the lightning bugs. We would dig for clams and skip rocks for days.

We learned a lot on those trips, and we made a lot of memories that I look back on fondly.

Tom and I want to continue this tradition with our family, and we had full intentions on doing so for our anniversary but the rain has been so unpredictable that we didn’t want to bank on it. Also maybe when his schedule is a little more free as well. We also may have been a little ambitious attempting to take a 10 month old camping this year. Hopefully next year we can go on our first official camping trip as a family.

What was your favorite childhood vacation?