What We Love About Each Other

Yesterday we talked about those little quirks that irk us about each other. Today we will flip the tables and talk about some of the things we love about each other.

We’ll try not to get too ooey-gooey.

163072_627536415401_573797_n

What I love about Tom…

  1. His woodworking skills. I love that he can make anything, and I do mean anything. His imagination and ingenuity is bar-none. It is coming in real handy with our house, and watching him and George bond over it is becoming one of my favorite things to witness. (Just wait until you see all the mini tools George has…post coming soon.)
  2. His humor is one that will make milk shoot out of noses. I often am left in the wake of his wit. I just can’t keep up with the daily talks with Tom, but they often lift my spirits and can make any serious moment not seem so serious. Sometimes the humor is crude, but I think it is always in an effort to bring some fun to the table and help people (like myself) not to be hoity-toity all the time. I appreciate his ability to make me smile every time I need it.
  3. His loyalty is pretty hardcore. I am always impressed with his willingness to go all in for a cause. His dedication to his city, his country, and his family is rare. He has no hesitation going to bat for the things that he holds dear. I don’t know if there are a lot of people out there that are willing to sacrifice what he will in order to protect those that he loves. He has stuck by me in some pretty rotten times, and for that I owe him all the love in the world.

165385_627523910461_1651230_n

What Tom loves about me…

  1. She is an awesome wife and mom. I don’t think I could put into words at how great she is. She is so legit. (Too legit to quit.)
  2. At the very least, she seems to appear to reserve judgements about some of my opinions about politics and humanity in general that are often shocking to say the least. I appreciate that personal leeway.
  3. The level of trust that we have. I don’t feel the need to go through emails or phone and we have joint accounts. I know everything is the way that it is supposed to be.

Tom also went on to say that he could go on and on but it would also be hard to wrap it up in words what I mean to him. And the collective awww..

What are things that you love about your partner?

8 Years in the Making

To be a little sentimental, eight years ago today Tom asked me to be his girlfriend.

233_520735061171_9716_nAnd today, we will be closing on our very first house to call our very own. We are going to be HOMEOWNERS!

So much has changed in the past eight years.

We have lived in three apartments together, but have never moved in at the same time.

We have traveled all over the country and made residence in three different states.

We both graduated college, and each have had several jobs in the eight year stretch.

We dated for four years, and have been married for four years.

We have two crazy dogs.

And one wonderfully perfect baby boy.

Today, eight years later, we get the keys to the place George will grow up in. We can finally settle down after years of moving.

So I thought it would be fun to interview Tom and see his thoughts on a few things. I saw a few other bloggers do this, and I thought today was the perfect opportunity to see his responses. I pulled some questions from Chelsea and Melissa, and created some of my own. (Tom also insisted I ask some serious questions after some of the fluff.)

My responses/thoughts are italicized.

What’s the name of my blog?

  • Finding My Yellow? Are you just making sure I knew it? Blog, that’s the name of your blog.

What do I normally blog about?

  • Your life? What are these questions?

What was my first car?

  • Red Chevy blazer.
  • Nope. It’s was a Jimmy.
  • That’s the same thing. They were made on the same production line. You can’t dig me for that one because remember how many times I fixed that thing.
  • You would think for the amount of times you fixed it you would remember it.

What’s your proudest moment of our marriage?

  • Either George or the day you graduated Clemson.
  • We weren’t married yet when I graduated.
  • Hell I consider the last 8 years our marriage. Did you feel any different the day before we got married then the day after?
  • No.
  • There you go. I am also proud that you can deal with this (as he puts on his duty gear for work). A lot of people don’t watch their husbands put on a bullet proof vest as they go to work and deal with it as well as you do. That’s not normal or something a husband does every day.
  • Then we went off script and talked about the different dangers of law enforcement and the Army.

What jewelry do I wear on a normal day?

  • Earrings, wedding ring, Clemson ring.
  • Correct, but I also wear a watch.
  • That’s not jewelry. You use it to tell time, not to be pretty.
  • False. Am I right ladies? 

What items are in my purse?

  • I don’t know. (The rest of his answer was wildly inappropriate.)
  • Wait you never use your purse. You always use your work bag or the diaper bag.
  • Life of a working mom, yep.

What is my favorite food?

  • It’s a daily thing for you. Beef mac? Cheese rolls at red lobster…Rueben.
  • He is right about it being a daily choice, but my go to will always be Mac and Cheese.

What is my favorite T.V. show?

  • Anything with teenagers and vampires.
  • I don’t watch anything with vampires.
  • Riiiight…You are addicted to the Bachelorette, Boy Meets World, lots of trashy TV.
  • The correct answer would have been Castle, but in his defense I do watch a lot of bad TV.

What’s an acceptable amount to pay for a dress?

  • What’s the dress for? Depends on what the occasion is?
  • Wedding dress there wouldn’t be a limit. On a normal day, a hundred bucks? (I laughed because I hardly spend over 30 bucks on a dress) Oh I shouldn’t have said that should I?
  • I just spent 12 dollars on a dress.
  • Ok well I want you to know that now if you do spend that much on a dress, I can spend that much on tools.

What are some of my favorite activities?

  • He said something dirty first-typical Tom answer.
  • Running, photography, watching trashy tv, blogging, you like live events like concerts and stuff.
  • Pretty spot on.

If I could travel anywhere, where would it be?

  • You would go on a cruise, probably somewhere like the Bahamas.
  • True.

Where did we go on our second date?

  • The zoo, duh.
  • It’s still probably one of my favorite dates.

What is your favorite quality of mine?

  • You are hopeful. (Then he went into a monologue about how he would view the world if we weren’t together, which I will spare you all from that.)

What am I looking forward to in our new house?

  • Comparatively, storage space. An air conditioner that works. A dish washer that works. A laundry room that isn’t an abyss for baby socks. And a kitchen that isn’t the size of a closet. A yard of any kind. Not wasting 750 a month on rent.
  • Yep to all that. And to be able to decorate our own space for real.

How did you know that I was the one?

  • I think if I could answer that question, then it probably wouldn’t mean very much. You just kind of know.

Is there anything you would like to share with my readers?

  • (Goofy grin.) You are not a good apologizer.
  • Sadly this is true.

Tom was really upset there weren’t more serious questions. Haha I think people (myself included) forget that Tom has a serious side because he is always goofing around. He surprises me all the time when he finally lets down his guard. But once you get past that facade, he is pretty sentimental and has some pretty serious and awesomely profound things to say.

Tom, I am so happy we decided to do life together. Now carry me over that threshold, and let’s make this place our home!

11707526_10100846068599111_3963957438269352376_n

When Love Gets Comfortable

This is not going to be your typical sappy lovey dovey post which are abundant with Valentine’s Day this weekend.

This is going to talk about those personal boundaries that are crossed once you fall in love and get comfortable.

Maybe too comfortable.

Remember when you first start dating someone, you try to look perfect around them all the time. You are almost frantic about having the perfect hair, fresh breath, and making sure you never mention bodily functions. And you glistened, no sweating here.

Over time I think it is natural for you to become more comfortable with that person and not feel like you have to go to bed with all your make-up on.

We have been together for almost 8 years and have lived together for 4 years. Eventually you start peeling back layers and your perfect facade isn’t so important anymore. Obviously this is Tom and I, and we will admit that maybe we have gotten too comfortable over the years.

deb2716eabea966ff733840d18f71357

image via

So here are 5 lines we have crossed in our boundaries as a couple.

1. We eat off of each others plates.This happened really early on. While some call it stealing of food, I just call it mutual property. I feel like there is an unwritten rule that whatever Tom has ordered, essentially I have ordered it too.

2. We have used each others toothbrushes. We each have our own, but sometimes it just happens that we use the other. Like when we are traveling, and one has forgotten it. We also keep our toothbrushes in different locations (his in the shower and mine in the vanity drawer), so there is a convenience/laziness to get our own factor. I mean seriously, why is this gross? We make out, so we are already swapping saliva.

3. We fart in front of each other. With my lack of smell, this kind of has gotten out of control we admit. We believe gas is natural so we let it out. You really shouldn’t be trying to suppress them. Tom does sometimes get upset with me because I really have no gates up about this one, and he can smell. Sucks for all y’all who have working nostrils.

4. Speaking of noses, we pick ours in front of each other. (We don’t pick each other’s…FYI. That would be gross.) I know it is inappropriate to go digging around your nose in public, but you are lying if you say you don’t occasionally have to pick your nose in private. And if you don’t, then you must not have the booger problems that the Whiteners do. (and well this has just gotten embarrassing.) It’s just something that happens for us. I have some pretty bad allergies, and for the record, Tom has the worst boogers on the planet so this was something I had to get over quick. Seriously he has boogers that he has to go in with tweezers and practically do surgery to get them out…quarter size boogers I tell you. It’s as gross as it sounds.

5. We leave the door open when we go to the bathroom. I would say that we only recently crossed this line. I haven’t really cared for awhile, but Tom was pretty adamant about keeping that part of our anatomy in secret. But when you have a bad case of food poisoning and are pretty much helpless in all functioning, Tom had to realize that I do indeed poop. Also when you watch your wife give birth and help her shower/walk/sit on a toilet for a few days after, pretty much any boundary that wasn’t crossed is now non-existent. I think his stint in the Army also made it more acceptable in our house to leave doors open.

For the record, one line I hate that we have crossed is putting sunblock on each other. I think it is disgusting to lotion someone else up. This may seem backwards considering what I have witnessed from Tom and other boundaries we have crossed, but there is something about putting lotion on someone else that gives me the heebeejeebees.

50081e13c71df06d2f822f29b203a27b

image via

Anyway, there is very little mystery in our relationship. Open books. There are some times where we think why are we letting the other see this? We also want to talk to high schoolers and say love is when you are able to talk about your poop to each other.

They love you at your best, and also stick with that love at your worst (and stinkiest).

10401264_540223850481_8040838_n

Are we alone in our over-sharing? What do you still keep as a mystery with your significant other?

There is dog hair EVERYWHERE

Literally.

There is dog hair everywhere.

Even in my foot.

You read that correctly.

I have gotten dog hair splinters several times.

Yes, I feel absolutely ridiculous saying that I get dog hair stuck in the heel of my foot.

This weekend I got one so bad that it was starting to bruise my foot.

It looked like Tom was doing surgery on my foot to get it out. He had a head lamp, tweezers, nail clippers, and a needle to dig that sucker out of my foot. That single piece of hair was half an inch. That little bugger.

Doing rudimentary surgery on your significant others foot is love.

Trusting your significant other with above items to dig out a dog hair is love. (Although he did live in a place without doctors for 6 months)

This is love.

2013-09-23 22.16.10

These are the moments we see right before we go to sleep now. A beautiful embrace in their slumber.

I love them so much.

Even if it means I have a dirty house with the never ending layer of dog hair no matter how much we sweep and wipe things down.

Even if it means that we now have  two full size comforters on the bed because only one means that Tom and I are never comfortable sleeping.

Even if it means on a regular basis I have a dog hair splinters.

Those rare moments seen here make me love them despite all that.

I am taking in these moments of love.

Forgiving the Imperfect

“I hate you. You ruin everything.” My niece said this comment this weekend when she didn’t get her way and disapproved how a conversation was going. Nothing like a sucker punch…

Then 5 minutes later we were all in her good graces again like nothing every happened and building a cave out of blankets and pillows.

Seriously we should all have this mentality of forgiveness. Be in the moment and let the past go. We probably shouldn’t go for the sucker punches and hurtful words though. My focus here is the carefree attitude and forgetting past grievances.

This is not always easy for me to do in my quest for independence and a need to be right. I am stubborn to a fault.

My marriage has been a constant reminder about the lessons of humility, not needing to be right ALL the time, and getting past arguments so they don’t impede on the future or our love for each other.

I heard this list on the radio recently.

The 5 dumbest things couples argue about:

5. Laundry

4. Staying out late without telling the other person where you are

3. What to watch on TV

2. Cell phone bills

1. Emptying the dishwasher.

Anything sound familiar?

5. I am not sure if we have had a fight persay about laundry, but I am sure we have nitpicked at each other. We have fought over our laundry machine though…

4. Staying out late…yep that has happened

3. What to watch on TV-you know I am not remembering a time where we have. We razz each other about what we like watching. Sometimes he will watch what he wants and I will read or vice versa. We watch a lot of things together too, so I think this helps stave off any “arguments.” We may have tip-toed around it when I first moved here but we have fallen into a pretty good groove that the anxiety went away. And having a DVR helps.

2. Cell phone bills-I know we have fought over the password, but not the actual bill. This was actually the worst fight we had while he was deployed. So silly.

1. Emptying the dishwasher-um sadly probably once a week this debate continues….Did I mention that both of us are a little bit stubborn and have a little bit of lazy in us? Funny though, that we switch sides and use the same arguments against each other. I also think we each are just waiting out the other to see who will break first. haha the age old gotcha game.

Arguments are inevitable. I don’t think that there is a secret recipe that you can shake at it that will let you avoid tiffs in your relationship. I think people are lying when they say they don’t get into fights with their spouse (or they are ignoring things and bottling them up for the fight of a life time or possibly divorce). You are two individuals living together trying to live in harmony all the time. Things are bound to get stressful, emotions are going to rise, and expectations will not be met. Insert fight scenario here.

But.

You can get past it AND still love each other.

It’s true.

Tom and I could not be more opposite (except when it comes to desserts and all things 90s music) which can be a recipe for disagreements, but we love each other through and through despite his hatred for musicals.

When I asked Tom initially about his thoughts on conflict, he said, “There is one simple step to conflict resolution. Soften up their defenses with a MK-19, wait until nightfall, and overrun their perimeter with a superior force.”

Then we had a real conversation about relationships. We came up with some of our top considerations/tips for confrontation with your significant other:

1. Think about big picture-

Me-Does it really make that big of a difference if Tom wants to stay over at his friends to camp over night? No, I was just being selfish and thought I would never see him again. Long lasting effects of long distance…I will see him again, and I know it’s not because he doesn’t want to hang out with me. In the end is what you are fighting about really worth what you and your spouse have together?

Tom-She is either going to divorce you or she’s going to get over it.

2. Recognize each other’s fighting styles

Me-Tom calls me out all the time because I like to retreat. I call him out because he likes to yell. Maybe those play against each other…Neither of these are helpful, but we know that is how we work so we have to try really hard not to push each other to those points just to get our thoughts across. There is also an element of understanding the right things to say (or not say) in these situations. There are some things that may push the person further into ‘smoke out the ears’ emotions, and that is not a place where harmony can occur. This also does not mean to use this knowledge to “win” arguments. In a marriage there are no winners of arguments.

Tom-When you are married, an argument is like a chess game.

3. Be constructively honest not destructively honest.

Me-I can’t blame Tom for how I reacted, but I can tell him why I felt the need to react the way I did. And when does pointing fingers ever really help the situation? But I feel that you need to be honest about what you are going through.

Tom-Sometimes people need to hear when they are wrong, except for me, I have never been wrong before. I take that back. One time, I thought my shirt was dazzling, but it turns out it was stunning.

(And we can see where number 5 goes into affect here.)

4. Actually listen to what the other person’s concerns are.

Tom-I don’t have a funny or quippy thing to say. That covers it.

Me-How can you apply their concerns to your behavior? Are they grounded? Seriously, did you do that? Which leads to…

5. Take ownership of your own mistakes and be willing to say “I am sorry for what I did.”

Me-Sometimes acknowledging it will make things better. But don’t just sorry to say sorry. You have to mean it and be genuine about your apology. No one is perfect, we should stop trying to be. If you can’t be imperfect in front of your significant other, we have some other things to hammer out.

Tom-If I ever screw up, I assure you I will be the first to admit it. But this generally doesn’t apply to me. (My husband is not confident or anything. I think he stopped taking this seriously after number one.)

7. Understand that saying sorry doesn’t always cut it and smooth things over.

Me-Be ready to offer how the future may be different because of the lessons learned here. What can you do differently? Talk about compromise-where can both of you give in a little? You can learn from this confrontation. Learn to become a stronger unit because of it.

Tom-Sometimes it is a good idea to go down to the shoppette and get her an ICEE just in case. Do something nice.

8. Make each other laugh.

Me-Tom and I are really good at diffusing the situation and making each other giggle. (Can you tell by his responses?) This helps us clear up the angry and get back to the heart of it. And really once you start laughing, everything seems better.

Tom-It doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing, we can always be happy.

9. Lastly, don’t let arguments linger.

Tom-If the argument goes longer than 20 minutes, I have forgotten what we were arguing about.

Me-This is Tom and I’s style. We don’t fight for days, or really hours. We hash it out and then try to move past it. I think this also goes for a time frame of when an argument is relevant. If you can’t bring up an issue in the designated window, is it really all that big of a deal?  If you draw out a fight, emotions only have time to fester and think about all the things that you thought the person said (that they never said) and reading into the situation and applying it to every encounter under the sun….Stop. This is where forgiveness begins.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:31-32

So just like a kid, say what you need to say, and then become best friends again. Be tenderhearted and forgive each other so you can grow even more in love. Understand that every day won’t be a Disney fairytale, but if you are honest and open and fearfully love each other, I think you’ll be alright (and maybe your next romantic comedy storyline). You didn’t get married because you were perfect, but because you were finally able to be imperfect.

....

I am still learning and still trying to be a better wife. Creating this list by no means makes me an expert. Just this past weekend, I will admit I did something stupid and hurt Tom with my nasty emotions. But my husband showed me some forgiveness and we talked it through. Always learning.

I am always up for more growth in this area, so what are your tips for confrontation and forgiveness?