faith

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15 Years of Blessings

Fifteen years ago, we stood before God and promised to walk through life together. At the time, I thought I knew what our future might hold. I imagined a home, children, careers, traditions, and milestones. What I couldn’t imagine was how many different lives we would live within this one marriage. Honestly, our life looks nothing like I imagined when we high-fived I do. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Over the last fifteen years, we have been newlyweds and exhausted parents. We have celebrated promotions and navigated disappointments. We have welcomed babies, endured uncertainty, packed boxes, said difficult goodbyes, and started over more than once. We have walked through seasons that felt abundant and seasons that required us to trust God one day at a time.

When I look back at our marriage, I don’t see a perfect story. I see a testimony of God’s faithfulness.

God’s Provision

There were seasons when we weren’t sure how everything would work out financially. There were moments when unexpected expenses, career changes, and uncertainty made the future feel unclear.

We bought our house right before a housing market boom in our area, and we have been able to update it to our forever home.

Tom got his VA benefits upgraded right before his law enforcement career was uprooted and left him waiting on a lawsuit. And then the lawsuit itself became a significant blessing.

Looking back, I can see God’s fingerprints all over those moments. He provided what we needed, often in ways we never expected. I get goosebumps thinking about all the times that it just worked out as it needed to for us to feel comfort.

God’s Guidance Through Career Changes

Neither of us could have predicted the paths our careers would take. When we got married, Tom wanted to be a canine officer, and I was going to continue working and moving up in Residence Life on a college campus.

Over the years we got devastating no’s and some yes’s that took faith in the unknown. We went down unanticipated paths as the years have gone by. I worked in Disability Services and then found myself working up College Enrollment Management positions which was a far cry from my Residence Life roots. Tom joined the Army and then eventually worked as a road police officer with a pit stop as a Loan Specialist for a hot second. Each of these experiences have helped us where we are now. I would not be the teacher I am now without the path that led me here. I think about the opportunities Tom has had that have helped us in other areas of our life. He can connect with ANYONE due to his law enforcement conversation skills, and even his time working on loans has come in handy with our own house and finances.

I also think about the people along each of these routes who either nudged us with job openings, helped mentor us, or highlighted that it was time for a change for a myriad of reasons. It is another moment of looking back and thinking how perfect all the timing was for each interaction to move us.

At the time, some doors closing felt painful. Some opportunities felt risky. But God was writing a story we couldn’t yet see. He allowed for these career changes to help us grow together as partners. I will have to say these career moments gave us some of our darkest moments where we felt hopeless and we each have had to dig the other out of those career pitfalls. It is in these moments that leaning on each other just made our marriage that much stronger and helped us realize that our careers don’t have to define us.

God’s Faithfulness Through Medical Challenges

There have been moments when health concerns brought fear, uncertainty, and difficult decisions.

I still can’t think about Tom’s situation without getting a lump in my throat thinking about God’s graces during that time.

But we have seen it other moments like George being in the NICU, my hemorrhaging after Daphne’s birth, and Wally’s seizures.

All of these were scary and again moved us to have faith and lean on each other for strength. It was in these situations that our marriage was a lifeline because someone else was going through it with you and you could share the weight of it all.

In those moments, God met us with strength, wisdom, peace, and wove us even more together.

God’s Grace in Parenting

Perhaps nothing has stretched us, humbled us, or grown us more than becoming parents.

One of the greatest blessings of our marriage has been choosing each other as partners in parenthood. Before we ever held our babies, we each carried our own stories, experiences, traditions, and even wounds from childhood. Some things we wanted to recreate. Others we wanted to do differently. Parenting has a way of bringing all of that to the surface, inviting you to examine where you came from while deciding together where you want to go.

There have been countless conversations about the kind of family we hope to build, the values we want to pass on, and the cycles we want to break. We haven’t always approached things from the same perspective, but we’ve continued to learn from one another and grow together. In many ways, raising our children has also been a journey of healing and growth for us. It has given us the opportunity to extend grace to our younger selves, appreciate the sacrifices of those who raised us, and intentionally create a home rooted in love, faith, laughter, and security.

Looking back, I am so grateful not only for the children we have been entrusted with, but for the person standing beside me through every sleepless night, difficult decision, proud moment, and unexpected challenge. There is something sacred about building a family together, about taking two different histories and, with God’s help, creating a new legacy for the generations that follow.

God’s Presence in Navigating Relationships

Life is rarely complicated because of circumstances alone. More often, it is relationships that stretch us, shape us, and challenge us the most.

Family dynamics. Friendships. Misunderstandings. Seasons of hurt and healing, but also finding “our circle” of people.

Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate the saying that “people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” As we’ve moved, changed careers, navigated deployments, raised children, and grown into different versions of ourselves, we’ve experienced all three. Some relationships have stood the test of time and distance, becoming part of the foundation of our lives. Others served a purpose in a particular season, offering support, wisdom, or companionship when we needed it most. And some relationships required difficult conversations, changed over time, or came to an end altogether.

One of the gifts of marriage has been having a partner to walk through those moments with. We haven’t always viewed every relationship the same way, but we’ve learned to trust each other, support one another’s decisions, and extend grace as we worked through complicated dynamics with family, friends, and the communities around us.

Through it all, God has continually taught us that love and forgiveness can coexist with healthy boundaries. He has shown us when to hold on, when to seek reconciliation, and when to release relationships into His hands. In every season, He has used the people in our lives to teach us something about grace, humility, and what it means to love others well.

God’s Faithfulness in the Hardest Seasons

Some chapters were heavier than others.

The seasons where we didn’t know how things would turn out.
The seasons that tested our faith.
The seasons that revealed what we were truly made of.

  • Deployments
  • Moving
  • Layoffs
  • Babies
  • Sickness
  • Homebuying
  • Home Renovation
  • Church Exploration

When I look back now, I see that God never wasted any of it.

The Blessing of Growing Together

The greatest gift of these fifteen years isn’t the life we’ve built. It’s who we’ve become.

We are not the same people who stood at the altar fifteen years ago. Life has changed us. Parenthood has changed us. Challenges have changed us. God’s faithfulness has changed us.

And somehow, through all those versions of ourselves, we have continued to choose each other.

As I look back over fifteen years, my heart is filled with gratitude. Not because every season was easy, but because God was present in every season.

His provision.
His protection.
His grace.
His guidance.
His faithfulness.

Fifteen years later, those are the blessings I celebrate most.

Here’s to fifteen years of God’s goodness and whatever adventures He has planned for the years ahead.

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A Step Into Teaching

Tomorrow I begin my second semester as a middle school teacher, and I’m filled with gratitude, anticipation, and a depth of peace I wasn’t sure was possible when I made this transition.

Six months ago, I shared the why behind this pivot, the long, honest reflection that led me to leave a career in higher education that had been my professional home for two decades. I wrote about feeling a quiet nudge that eventually grew into a persistent whisper I couldn’t ignore. I realized I wasn’t just ready for change, I was being called back to my original dream: being in front of students.

Since stepping into this classroom, that call has become joy, meaning, and connection in ways I could never have fully anticipated.

Creativity as Lifeline

I didn’t realize how much I missed creating, not just planning or strategizing, but crafting moments, lessons, activities, and experiences that live and breathe in real time. Over time, my work became shaped more by navigating initiatives and carrying forward other people’s ideas than by creating from my own gifts. I spent a lot of energy trying to bring others along, shaping messages, and working through layers that slowly pulled me further from the student and the heart of the work. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of how deeply I’m wired to create in order to encourage learning.

Now, every day, I get to use my skills in a way that feels aligned with my calling. I create, I respond, I adjust, and I engage in real time with the students in front of me. I’m no longer removed from the impact. I get to witness it as it unfolds. It’s one thing to dream up ideas; it’s another entirely to watch them land (or not) and learn from it immediately. Even when things don’t land perfectly, the freedom to try again, reshuffle, and adapt has been deeply restorative. There’s a joy here I didn’t realize I had lost,

Connection and Showing Up

One of the most meaningful parts of this work has been the connections with students and the privilege of truly getting to know them. Middle schoolers are raw, honest, funny, and deeply human in a way that feels sacred to witness. They show up as they are, still figuring themselves out, carrying stories that are sometimes light and sometimes incredibly heavy. This work is not easy. There are moments that stay with me long after the bell rings, stories that remind me how much some kids are holding at such a young age. But rather than feeling helpless, my perspective has shifted. I no longer feel removed; I am in it with them. Being present, listening, laughing, and offering consistency has reminded me that meaning isn’t found in fixing everything, it’s found in showing up. Those connections, even on the hardest days, are what anchor me and continually affirm that this is exactly where I’m meant to be.

Community That Feels Like Home

In higher ed, I was part of teams (some truly amazing teams), but often in leadership roles that felt isolating. Even when I had support, solitude was part of the territory. Leadership can feel like being on an island, surrounded by people but still very much alone. And I had been in a leadership role for the last 8 years.

Teaching is different. I have peers I can walk alongside, not lead, not manage, not supervise, just colleagues who share the same floor, the same schedules, the same moments of triumph and challenge. We brainstorm together. We laugh together. We support each other without competition. I am not having to convince anyone of anything. We show up knowing we have the same goal.

That sense of team, not as a title, but as a shared experience, has been one of the greatest gifts of this change.

Joy, Play, and Presence

My day isn’t dictated by data dashboards and proposal pipelines. Data still matters. I use it to inform and adjust, but now it’s woven into the action of teaching rather than looming outside it. The joy, the play, the laughter, these are not distractions; they are essential.

Some days, I laugh all day. On heavier days, I still find gratitude because even in the weight, I can see God’s hand at work. On the last day before break, I cried on the drive home, not from exhaustion, but from deep thankfulness. I was overwhelmed by the quiet assurance that I am walking in God’s plan, that this path was prepared long before I ever stepped into it. This work aligns so deeply with who He has shaped me to be through every season, every detour, and every hard decision. I cried because I knew I had followed His leading, even when it meant letting go of something familiar to step into something unknown.

Those tears weren’t sadness. They were surrender. They were relief. They were peace. Peace that comes from trusting God’s timing and recognizing His faithfulness in every step that led me here.

Honestly, I have at least one moment of genuine, unfiltered thankfulness every single week, moments that stop me in my tracks and remind me to pause and give thanks. Sometimes it’s a student’s unexpected comment that makes me laugh out loud, a lesson that finally clicks, or a quiet moment at the end of the day as I straighten desks and erase the board. I know this may sound Pollyanna, almost too neat or optimistic, especially to anyone who has felt professionally stuck. But the truth is, I was stuck in higher education, weighed down by roles and rhythms that no longer fit. This shift in perspective didn’t come from naïveté; it came from clarity. And that clarity has been deeply freeing.

In those small, ordinary moments, I feel God’s presence so clearly, a steady reminder that He is near and that this path was never accidental. This gratitude feels different than it has before. It isn’t rooted in novelty or ease, and it certainly doesn’t ignore the hard days. Believe me this work is challenging, and some days I scratch my head on how to reach some of these 8th graders. Instead, the gratitude flows from the peace of knowing I am walking in obedience, stewarding the gifts God has given me in a way that feels honest and aligned.

Some transitions are about growth, about stretching into something unfamiliar. But this one feels like a return, a gentle leading back to who God created me to be in the first place. It’s a homecoming of sorts, marked not by perfection, but by peace, purpose, and a renewed trust in His timing and faithfulness.

Movement, Body, and Belonging

On a lighter note, I am not meant to sit behind a desk. I feel that in my bones. I walk, I move, I dance around my room, and yes, it’s tiring. But it’s the good tired. The kind that fills you up because it comes from being fully alive in your work.

Test days, when I’m suddenly sitting again, feel longer. They remind me of what I was missing: activity, motion, and the simple physical rhythm of a real, full school day.

Growing Into Myself and Not Away From My Story

I am still me. I didn’t leave all my skills behind, I bring them here. All that I learned in higher education, data analysis, leadership, strategy, advocacy, they are now tools I apply in real time with students. I still believe firmly that “detour” into higher ed wasn’t wasted, it was preparation. It shaped the teacher I am today and gave me perspective.

But the difference now is that the work feeds me and not just my resume or boosting me on a leadership organization chart.

This change wasn’t about leaving something bad. It was about recognizing that something good was no longer the right fit for me anymore , and having the courage to follow the whisper that said there was something more waiting.

I am thankful for higher education and all it taught me: the growth, the relationships, and the seasons that shaped me. I’m deeply grateful for the people God placed in my life during those years and for the lessons I carried forward with me. But I am equally grateful that I learned to listen when God began to stir my heart, when the quiet whisper grew clearer and I sensed Him saying, “There is something else for you.” Trusting that nudge required faith, but it led me exactly where I am meant to be.

And that whisper led me here: to a classroom full of life, laughter, challenge, joy, and purpose.

Here’s to the work that lights us up, the journey that shapes us, and the courage to choose what feels right in our bones.

Here’s to finding our why and living it.

I can’t wait to see what the rest of this year brings.

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Is Time Different at 40?

Today I turn the big 4-0.

I have never been weird about birthdays. Generally, I have embraced them and been excited about this journey of life and moving to the next year.

But I have to admit, this one hits different.

FORTY.

It is not a sad thing about aging or that I am having a mid-life crisis, but it is making me pause in a way that I don’t normally do for birthdays.

Age is very relative, and I know at some point I thought 40 seemed so far away. You wonder what milestones you will have reached and whether there is this sudden urgency to “live life to the fullest” because it all seems downhill from here. There are a lot of societal expectations by this time of your life to have things figured out.

But honestly, I am really seeing it as a reset button. If this last year has taught me anything, is that no day is guaranteed, so maybe it is that I need to “live life to the fullest” but I am seeing it more as being bold in my priorities.

My thirties brought me so much, and I have learned a lot about what is important and how awesome my life has become. I am realizing that now is the time to fill my cup differently and prioritize my focus on certain things.

By the grace of God, Tom and I are stepping into our 40s together this year. I am forever thankful for our relationship and what being married to Tom has taught me. This time last year there were moments that we did not think 40 was possible. It is a true gift to continue growing in our partnership and move through life together. There is beauty in realizing all the different versions we have seen of each other. We met in our early twenties, and here we are stepping into another decade with our love story. We have shared and survived so much as a couple. We are comfortable with each other for sure, but within that is a deep connection that has allowed us to navigate life together with intense purpose. I do believe that we make each other better, and growing “old” together is a blessing every day.

While I had George when I was 29, my thirties is where I really came into motherhood. We have created a beautiful family, and through this time I have become more sure of the childhood we want them to have. It is an interesting balance to strike with encouraging them to try new things and put them in activities that interest them, and then still finding time to just simply exist in our own space as a family. I want them to stay little and innocent as long as possible as to not age them too fast. This next decade will bring new things in motherhood as we start to navigate them becoming young adults and eventually start moving into the world on their own. I hope due to the complexities of becoming confident in my own life and the lessons I have learned thus far will make it easier to guide them in theirs. Ultimately, I know that I want my focus to be on their lives, development, and being present in all that I can with them.

Looking at where I am right now with my career, I could not be more grateful for all the twists and turns that got me to where I am right now. I have always dreamed of being part of educational moments and being able to create experiences where others can grow and learn. Looking back at every decision that seemed hard and unknown, they all have led me to right here. I am feeling more self-assured about where my passions are and how to advocate for where I can be best utilized. It is through my career experiences that I have learned more about my own voice and how to lean into my strengths and desires in order to impact the communities I am in. I have been so fortunate for the opportunities I have had career wise, and I am excited to see what is on the horizon. Our lives are never linear as our age presumes, and I have found making “five year plans” is never a permanent decision for my future. There is strength and comfort in knowing that I am moving myself to really look at my impact and what brings joy instead of climbing a business ladder because it seemed to increase my ability to affect change. As I am turning into this decade, I am really happy for each time I bet on myself in my career and defined my own success.

Looking over my life, building community is not something that has come easily to me. I do enjoy relationship and connections, however, due to my propensity to keep my circle small it can be challenging to create those deep relationships as lives shift. And making friends as an adult is HARD. It has been one of those pieces I have had to learn to take chances and be vulnerable. But I also have had to let go and realize that not every relationship will serve you forever. This has been a very hard lesson for me, and I have had to learn to be intentional about how I am showing up to spaces to build community. However, community is so important. We are supposed to live in connection. Finding your circle can be hard, but it is worthwhile to find people you can navigate life with. I am hoping that as I move into this next phase, community building is at the forefront of my priorities. Finding space for connection can take a lot of my energy, but I find that after these intentional interactions I feel full and blessed.

I would be lying to say that 40 doesn’t make you think about the longevity of life and enhances a deeper hunger for meaning. I have been thinking a lot over the last couple years what it could look like to walk with God differently in this season. I have been pushed and pulled on my faith as I have grown. It has evolved from striving to do faith “right” to leaning into grace and being in relationship with God. I am discovering that spiritual maturity often looks like surrender, not certainty. I am coming to terms with the mysteries of life and that faith doesn’t need to demand all the answers. I am learning the true art of letting go with my faith. I am listening more, asking better questions, noticing God in everyday moments. I have started seeing my faith not just as belief and a focus on self, but how I show up in the world with my faith. As a perfectionist, my faith journey recently has been allowing myself to strip down the expectations and high achievement to have a more honest, less polished faith. My intention as I move forward is to seek continued growth and closeness with God.

I feel that I am the most confident I have ever been in my life. I am discovering that not all important things are measurable. I have started letting go of the fact of any pressure to arrive at a certain point and a certain time. I am embracing how weird and awkward life can be, and instead of trying to maneuver into a perfect picture, to really sink in and enjoy the simplicity of the day to day. I have realized everything doesn’t have to be so serious, and there is importance in finding magical moments in this amazingly precious life. I think that is the beauty of resetting myself as I turn forty today. This last year showed me how fast life is moving, and I have an opportunity to slow myself down to enjoy it. Aging is really an expansion of life, not a decline. And I hope that I can continue to choose intentionally how to walk through this life while focusing on fun, fulfillment, and connection.

So here is to 40!

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Countdown to Christmas

Our life is full of chaos. I wanted to be “where my feet are” and be more present as the world flew around us. So I picked out a devotional to be grounded during this advent season. I am trying to take a cue from Mary, who was a young mother, who humbled herself within the craziest of circumstances.

As we have gone through the season of Advent, we are invited into a sacred time of waiting, preparing, and reflecting. Advent marks the four weeks leading up to Christmas, a time that allows us to pause and meditate on the deeper significance of Jesus’s coming. It’s a time that calls us to reflect on hope, peace, joy, and love—each of which has its own meaning and relevance in our lives today. My devotional took a few days to reflect on each over these last few weeks. While the story that led us to the holiday is not new to me, making the space to reflect on each piece (especially in a year like ours) was extremely beneficial. Here are a few nuggets that I took away.

Hope: A Light in the Darkness

Advent begins with the theme of hope. This year seemed to be filled with challenges, uncertainties, and darkness. Advent was a reminder that Christ is the Light of the World, a beacon of hope for all. The Advent season is a powerful reminder that no matter how difficult life may get, we can always look forward to the coming of Christ. It is a hope that transcends circumstances and draws us into the belief that God is present with us, guiding us through even the darkest times. I have felt that so deeply this year.

I recognized where hope pulled us through in the most unbelievable places this year. But I also was able to identify some areas where I still feel helpless. I spent quite a bit of time recognizing those areas and some small steps I can take to work through that feeling. Identifying those dark areas honestly takes some of the darkness away. It brought it to the surface so I can more plainly give it to God. And honestly that is what God and hope is about for me: bringing light into the darkest of places.

Peace: Christ’s Peace Within Us

The second week of Advent brings us the theme of peace. This concept seems so foreign to me as someone who suffers from anxiety. I find it hard to be at peace or wholeness through being calm. Yet, Advent reminds us that peace is not merely the absence of conflict, but the presence of God’s love and reconciliation in our lives.

These few days were hard for me to really nail down. I think we can talk a good game when it comes to peace, but it can be really hard to be vulnerable to really allow this to seep into us. But I think it really comes down to trusting and giving it all up to God’s grace. Then that is where peace can settle our hearts, calm our fears, and remind us that God is with us. Peace is not about me understanding everything; it is the comfort that I have a God that does.

Joy: Celebrating the Gift of Life

Advent is also a time to reflect on joy—the joy of anticipating the birth of Jesus the joy of the incarnation, and the joy of the new life we find in Him. Joy is not simply happiness based on circumstances, but a deep-rooted joy that comes from knowing that God loves us and is with us in every moment. The joy of Advent calls us to celebrate the coming of Jesus, a gift to the world, and to celebrate the gift of life itself.

This year has been a deep valley for us, but it has also been a great lesson in finding reasons to be happy despite the pitfalls. This is one area that I am always so amazed about reading and studying the Christmas story. Everything about the story is messy and not picture perfect. There is murder, extreme laws, travel hardships, jealousy, and teen pregnancy. But amongst all of this, we can find joy in the story. I think about the shepherds and how they came to encounter Jesus. They weren’t supposed to be main characters in a story, but they got to share in the amazingness. They saw joy in that night, and then were able to spread it all about. If anything this year has taught me that exuding joy is a way to keep my eye on God and have faith in the story he has for me.

Love: The Greatest Gift

Finally, Advent calls us to reflect on love—the greatest gift we can give and receive. The love of God, revealed in the birth of Jesus, is the foundation of our faith and the model for our own relationships. The story of Christmas is a story of love, a love that is unconditional, sacrificial, and eternal.

Advent challenges us to embody this love in our daily lives, loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and loving our neighbors as ourselves. This element of advent keeps me in awe. The magnitude of God giving His Son, so that we may have eternal life…It gives me goosebumps. This is the characteristic that we are called to share in our lives. And for me then it circles back to hope. If we are able to show love because God loved us, we can help shine light into the dark places on this earth.

So while I haven’t made all the holiday magic this year, I am glad that I made space for these reflections. It kept me centered on the story of Christmas. How can we become people of hope, peace, joy, and love? As we anticipate the birth of Christ, may our hearts be ready to receive the greatest gift of all—the love of God made manifest in Jesus Christ.

Merry Christmas to all!

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In Pursuit

Anyone who is close to us knows that this last year has been lots of ugly words. Tom’s health has been a rollercoaster. He stood up to a corrupt city and lost his dream job because of it. Now we are in a lawsuit with the city we live in which comes with so many twists and turns and loneliness. My job has been constantly changing over the last year, and we have had to withstand many hard decisions as higher ed is in a turbulent time. Needless to say we are tired and it could be easy to lose faith in it all.

But as the year turned over to 2024, I was determined to take back my faith. I wanted to really lean in, and I will admit for mostly selfish reasons. I was lost and sad and felt like there was no good around us. It was a dark place for us. So I started trying to listen more to God and trying not to get ahead of his plans and try to reason with all the heartache that seemed to just fester and multiply around us. I thought what was the worst that was going to happen if I just let go of the controls and really trusted God, but that meant I needed to pursue him more.

I believe that your testimony is ongoing. At least it has been for me. I have had moments in my life where I have gone up and around my relationship with God. I have had periods in my life were I didn’t feel like I needed to depend on him as much, sometimes because things were going great, and other times because my timing didn’t seem to align with His and I thought I was just seeing disappointment so what was the point if I didn’t seem taken care of.

But this year after experiencing our trials, again maybe for selfish reasons, I thought what have I got to lose getting to know my God more fully and deeply. So this year, I am determined to pursue that relationship more.

I had a desire to become more grounded in my faith and be able to truly let go of what I thought my path was. Healthy souls will be unhealthy if left unattended, and here I was with a unhealthy soul already. I knew I needed to change my routine and immerse myself in the Word differently. We go to church and I listened to a Christian podcast as I got ready every, but what I was doing outside of that in action was so inconsistent. People were just talking at me about faith. I wasn’t really bringing other things to the table to learn and get involved with it. I didn’t pray daily, my bible had a layer of dust on it, and my bible app would send me into guilt every day with it’s notifications that I would quickly swipe to ignore as I never seemed to have “time” to open it. I had let my relationship with God be more of an acquaintance. I believed in God, but I needed to spend time getting to KNOW God.

So to start off the year, I did the Forty Forty challenge. I needed a way to stay accountable to carving out time each day. I love a good accountability challenge, so this seemed right up my alley to help with my habits changing. This challenge is doing a mile a day for 40 days, but that mile is where you intentionally connect with God by listening to bible verses, devotionals, prayer, or worship music. I did a little of it all. I chose a 40 day devotional in my app. Then I would listen to the Let’s Read the Gospels podcast (highly recommend). And then to round out my mile, I would end on one or two praise worship songs.

The way my mind shifted over those 40 days still gives my goosebumps. I have kept this routine pretty steady after that 40 days ended. My life is still hard, but I found ending my day connecting with God and praising him changed my reactions. I was brought to my knees on more than one occasions because of the perfect timing of a verse that connected with an action earlier in the day. It helped me release tension as I danced in praise. I could feel fear of the unknown just wash away.

Now did it stay away, oh heavens no. My anxiety is still very much present, and there are days/weeks were it gripped me hard. I am human and still lost sight of things often when I felt like I was losing control and thought my path was not going the way I had planned. I cried why me/us or why not me in other situations an embarrassing amount of times. However, what I noticed is that if I would just change the input of the Word in those moments, I would find a different peace. Whereas before I may have looked for answers, I was now finding peace even in the absence of answers. My faith is growing, and what I put myself in contact with, I will catch.

I still want to be in control and know what is up ahead. I don’t think that will ever change due to my personality. But what I have learned over the past few months is that faith can give me some control too. I know that I don’t have to know what is coming, but I do know that God has me.

2024 has been humbling. I know I am still broken and still struggle. However, I have been reminded over these months that brokenness is a requirement for salvation. If you look throughout the Bible, there are so many examples of Jesus reaching out to broken people or God using broken people for big things. God desires to take what is broken and redeem us. He is always pointing us to the cross and the redemption he has given us. Our pastor shared a lot of good nuggets over the past few months that have really encouraged me to write again here. He talked about if you put pottery back together after being broken and hold it up to a light after being restored, light will shine through. Let that sink in. We can be fully broken and our lives torn to pieces, but His redeeming Grace can still let light shine through us and our life on Earth.

So this year has been terrible to us, and there are many days I can’t think of nice things to say. But if you can’t think of anything nice to say, talk about your hope in Christ. So that is what I showed up today doing. I hope that the light is able to shine through my brokenness. I am trying really hard to know and accept my imperfections for His Perfect Plan. If you allow God to walk into our darkest valleys, He will make it holy in ways we can’t make it on our own. And I am learning to trust more in that than to believe in what I think my life should be.

He’s got this.