May 7, 2015 by Stephanie

Relapsing Perfectionist

I am a self-proclaimed perfectionist.

I don’t like being wrong or in trouble. I like things to be squared away. I get worked up when things don’t go according to plan or I don’t meet the goals that are in place.

Being imperfect meant there was conflict, and I was not having any of that.

I have never been laid back, even though I strive to make it look like I am.

I have struggled with this anxiety for most of my life. I have had many moments of wondering what I did and how I could have improved. Many times sending me to tears of panic (or straight up panic attacks) that I have not met the bar I set for myself.

I am always concerned about what people think about me and how my reputation is viewed in the world.

Lately though, God has been putting so many things up in my face to address my perfectionist ways.

Seriously, it has been in a professional book I read, my personal devotional lessons, my women’s group devotional on Ruth, on a couple shows I watch…

I get it. I need to let some things go.

“We are saved by acknowledging our vulnerability, not by showcasing our ability.” -James C. Klagge

Here is the thing, in my perfectionist ways a lot of what I need is some sort of praise for my efforts to let me know I am doing ok. I like being recognized. I have a need to strike this weird balance of seeming to be humble and not demanding that praise, but internally my inner self is screaming for it. Really that isn’t very humble at all I realize. I don’t like asking for praise but it is definitely something that I need.

I became a perfectionist because I wanted that praise. I wanted things to be orderly and free of conflict. I wanted to feel significant. There are some deeper seeded things that have happened in my past that contributed to this which I won’t delve into here. The layers I still need to unravel for my own self-discovery and growth are many. Basically though, I wanted to be recognized on any level for the work that I was doing. I wanted to be a good kid, a good student, a good teacher, a good wife…you get the picture. It’s not really that I am in competition with others, but I am in a competition with myself. However looking back at times, I see that I came off as “better than” because I was trying so hard to attain perfection for myself. (Which is causing me some anxiety just thinking about how I may have come across…ugh the cycle of self-deprecation.)

“If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Gal 1:10

This turnaround is what gets me into trouble. I get too stuck on waiting for that praise that it becomes a vicious cycle of working to be perfect but then the pain of no one acknowledging it. When no one acknowledges it, I go down this rabbit hole of self-doubt and wondering if I could have done it better. I will beat myself down and guilt washes over me that I didn’t do my best. The should have/could haves wash over me like a tidal wave, and I have a hard time fighting back to reality.

Congratulations Steph, you changed another diaper or sent another email. There is not going to be a crowd applauding that so get over it.

However when I don’t get recognized, I become a little bitter and feel rejected. It’s just what I do. Like I said, most of the time that just sends me into a deeper frenzy of trying to find other things to be “good” at to showcase or work harder and bigger at said thing. (If you are familiar with StrengthsQuest, I believe this is a huge reason why Maximizer is one of my top Strengths.)

Other times that non-recognition comes out in the form of nagging aka adult temper tantrums. (Why didn’t you see me?Look at all the things I am doing!)

I see this nagging come out mostly with my relationship with Tom. I am sure it is because I feel most comfortable with him and on some level I know he isn’t going to leave me because of my perfectionist tendencies or bossiness. But needless to say, generally my outbursts or silent rebellions only happen with him and not my co-workers or friends. They get the other type of foolishness of trying to outdo myself.

Unfortunately, I have seen this bickering happen even more since George was born, hence the reason that God probably has been throwing up some “Get it together girl” signs in my direction.

I become irritated quickly with Tom when it seems like I am doing “all the work” but get no reward. Maybe it was the baby blues and woes of breastfeeding (that is such a one-sided/can’t be shared job) that exacerbated my perfectionist downfall, but I was a mess searching for that praise from Tom. In my head I needed him to recognize every time I spent hours washing pump parts or folded George’s onsies. I lashed out a harsh, “I’ll get it,” when George cried for the umpteenth time in the middle of the night desperate for a thank you from my slumbering husband. I became bitter when the academy started and he was gone late into the night and never felt like I got my time. I became resentful when he would come home and sit on the couch for 5 minutes while I was “slaving” over dishes. In my head all I could see was how much I was doing instead of what he had been through that day. I wanted him to help me or acknowledge me. I became a big calculator or scorekeeper, always looking to get paid back. It was about me, big ol ugly perfectionist me.

Another flaw of being a perfectionist is that I retreat when I am wrong. In my head I know I am wrong, but I dread admitting it out-loud. Once when I was a kid, I sat in our family room for an entire day refusing to admit that I said something I shouldn’t have. Stubbornness at it’s finest. I knew that I said it; I just didn’t want to say it out loud to my parents that I was wrong. I didn’t want it to be true, and I hate facing the music. Like somehow saying it out-loud would produce this dark cloud over my head that would never leave. Because sulking made me look like such an angel…I don’t know why I feel that if I admit failure, I feel that I will always be a failure. So I just hide from it instead. It is avoidance in the biggest way. I guess you could say that I am also stubborn along with the refusal that I have any ounce of bad in my body. I want the shroud of perfection to stay there, and I have some delusion that admitting faults is going to drastically change people’s perception of me. Like somehow they can’t move past that tiny indiscretion and get on with our day.

I need to remember that people don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think.

This may make Tom sound like an inconsiderate husband. I want to dispel that and say that he is indeed a fantastic husband. He shows me thanks in many ways, and I know that he does appreciate me. I also love being a mom, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be recognized for the work that I do, even if it just about becoming a master poop cleaner-upper. My perfectionism just makes me delusional at times. Sometimes it has merit, but most of the time it just causes misplaced resentment. This is just me admitting some of my faults.

I don’t want to be the person who racked up what I did and was only looking for the recognition. I don’t want to be the person who hides in fear because I am human and had a moment of weakness.

I was feeling alone, lost, and very bitter. But I couldn’t admit it to anyone for fear of what they may say.

It became exhausting and almost paralyzing trying to win approval from others when really the only approval I need is from God.

I am never going to be perfect, but I can be me. I can be a person that God can use for His will, imperfections and all.

This is a daily struggle for me to accept hence the relapsing perfectionist.

But all I can do is be better than who I was yesterday and show deep care for those who come into my life.

This past month I have really been trying to embrace some of these lessons of letting things go and not being as concerned with getting praise. But with that, I also am learning to be more open with Tom about things that I need as well instead of just silently glaring at him waiting for his attention and putting him on notice because he didn’t do this arbitrary thing that I never asked him to do in the first place. I am trying to remember that he is not a mind-reader. I am trying to recognize the things that Tom does and not in relation to what I am doing. I am really trying not to dwell on things and move on. I am trying to see that perfect isn’t always the best. I am trying to understand that even if I make a mistake that it doesn’t define my whole being.

If you look throughout the Bible, there are scads of imperfect people that are doing His Will. God looks past our faults and still uses us. That is pretty comforting. In fact the more I dive into the Bible, I see it is through this that we make our impact.

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So this is me, a perfectionist, admitting quite publicly that I don’t have it all together.

That’s has to mean something, right?……You don’t have to acknowledge that.

May 6, 2015 by Stephanie

Fit for Me 18/52

What I did last week:

Saturday-I did a 1.5 mile walk with the dogs AND George. I have been too scared to attempt this until now. However with Tom’s weird schedule the past two weeks, he hasn’t been able to help with the dogs as much. And chasing them in the backyard just wasn’t cutting the crazy down. So I wrapped George to my chest, where he promptly fell asleep, and then hung on for dear life. This ended up being more of a workout that a normal walk because I am fairly certain my whole body was tensed up the whole time afraid I would lose the reigns. But we were successful in making a lap around the neighborhood, and we even passed another dog without any major freakouts. I don’t think we will do this often, but now I know that I can if the dogs are driving me crazy enough.

Sunday-I took the dogs on a one hour walk/run sans George. We found a tunnel on the golf course near our house. It was fun to explore a little with them.

Tuesday-1 hour BodyPump. I made it through every track but Shoulders. That track is always the enemy…

Impressed by:

Conquering a walk with all the kids. This is no easy feat, but we managed! And no one (but my muscles) got hurt in the process. We have a Tula on the way, so maybe I will be more inclined for more walks like this in future with that carrier.

Struggled with:

I had a couple days where I just didn’t want to work out, so I didn’t. But honestly, with assuming the role of single parent these past two weeks, I sat on the couch guilt free. Sometimes you just need to sit on your butt.

Did I meet my goal from last week?

Um no. There were no planks on my agenda at all.

What is my goal for next week?

Go “hiking” on Mother’s Day.

Fitness Thoughts:

I just want to mark the week that I am finally able to fit into that last pair of pants that was eluding me!!! I couldn’t find my black belly band to wear with my black work pants, so I went ahead and tried to button them. AND THEY CLOSED WITHOUT ANY PROTEST! I may have done a silent dance in my closet even though I wanted to jump on the bed and do cartwheels. But alas Tom was sleeping, so I just rejoiced very quietly. It’s taken me 8 months, but it feels so good to finally be back in ALL of my pre-pregnancy clothes. It made me feel ok about not doing any of those planks…

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May 5, 2015 by Stephanie

Conquering Mealtime

Feeding a baby can be very overwhelming.

What do you start with?

How much do you feed them?

How often do you feed them real food vs formula?

How exactly do you teach them to eat on their own?

Can I avoid them choking?

I am going to be covered in applesauce at some point in this process aren’t I?

It’s enough to make you cross-eyed.

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It can be seriously crippling to get lost in all the articles, books, and posts out there about feeding your baby from what and when to how and with what. You can spend days trying to read everything and come up with a game plan of how to attack this new part of parenthood.

I am here to help!

Well only sort of.

I have found that you can plan all you want to but ultimately your baby will be the driver of how meal time will go. So get ready to be messy.

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I had full intentions of doing BLW all the way, but George said differently. He hasn’t taken to all things solid. I have said it before that some days he will only do purees, and then other days he can’t get that toast in his mouth fast enough. Most days he could go either way as long as food is entering his body.

Exhibit A:

It is an exercise in patience and flexibility.

But beyond the food, you do need some good products like a bib and utensils. Otherwise every meal time means bath time.

I am here to share my favorites to help you in your search. Because we all have opinions.

First a bib.

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We love love love Snap Bibs.

I hate cleaning, so in my search I needed something that was going to make this messy process easy. These are a snap (put intended) to clean. The food sticks on the vinyl like material while they are eating but doesn’t stain it. (Caveat, it does stain the back a little. So if you have a munchkin who likes to fold up the bib and try to eat the bib with his messy hands, you will get stains on the back. But no one sees this part anyway.) Once he is done, I either take a baby wipe and wipe them off, let the dogs lick it (truth), or just run it under the faucet. We have used the same one for almost every meal for 4 months and the front looks as good as when we first bought it. It’s nice too when you are traveling because then you aren’t putting a messy bib into the diaper bag.

I will also note that I have even not wiped it immediately after he ate which caused the food to dry on there. You may think that the bib is doneso, but nope. Still just as easy to get the food off by just wiping it with a wet cloth or again just put it under the faucet.

Snap Bibs for the win.

These bibs are super sturdy. Unlike Velcro bibs, they stay put even with all the flailing and moving about little man does.

They come in all kinds of colors, so you have a lot of options. I have tried to limit myself and not buy all the colors. We have three. But seriously we need all the colors.

These are one of my favorite baby purchases, which I have a feeling we will be using well into the toddler years.

All they need to do is find a way to make a baby feeding suit out of these things….somehow there is always food in his hair.

Now the utensils.

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I actually tried around with a few different products.

We have really tried to make George independent throughout this process. Soon after we started, I made him take the spoon. There were several spoons that we tried but he just was having a hard time holding and maneuvering in his mouth.

Then it came down to what was actually making it to his mouth. Babies are not all that coordinated if you didn’t know…I can confirm that they are like tiny drunks…So you need to have a spoon that is going to keep things on the spoon on the way in, even with lots of tosses and turns.

Some spoons were too slick. Some had too deep of wells that he couldn’t get everything out. Some were too short.

Then we fell upon Oogaa products.

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Everything about these spoons have been perfect.

They are long enough for him to hold. The spoon isn’t too deep that he can’t get it all out. It’s silicone nature keeps things from sliding off too much. My praises are endless…

Silicone makes them easy to clean. Seeing a theme here? (Easy to clean is my number one priority.)

These bad boys can go in the dishwasher, but they are super easy to hand-wash because under water the stickiness comes right off.

I also love that these can double up as a teether. They are not hard on his gums like a lot of plastic or metal baby spoons. This is a must when I am not moving fast enough to get new food in front of him. The spoon gives me a little distraction time while he munches on them.

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We love the regular spoons and use them ALL the time. However, we also love the more fun spoons. There is a train, truck, plane, and tugboat. These help with making meal time fun and engaging. This can also help your older kids become involved in the process. George isn’t quite at the stage where he knows what these things are but it is still fun to play with him. Plus these make good handles for him.

I was worried at first with these particular spoons because they have a deep space/hole in the back where I just envisioned all the food to collect. But even caked on food comes off easily under the faucet or the dishwasher. No more fuss!

We are still in the stage that every thing just goes on the tray so he can explore it. So we really haven’t had too much in the plate department for George to use. But I do love using Oogaa bowls to cook oatmeal in! Again easy to clean and goes in the microwave. Can’t get better than that. I talked more about their bowls here.

What can I say, we love our Oogaas!

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We still haven’t found the sippy cup for us. George hasn’t figured out how to tip and doesn’t get the straw idea yet. And if I am going to have to hold him to tip him back it defeats the purpose of him drinking independently. We are kind of putting the search on hold really because I don’t want to shell out any money. We are going to try again in a month with those that we have.

Those are just two of the items that have made our feeding adventure a little less stressful for me. George just wants the food in his mouth, so the easiest way to do that for Mom is the best way for him.

These are both small businesses started by moms wanting better products for their own kids. I found both of these through Instagram.

I did not receive the Snap Bibs for a review, but I did receive Oogaa spoons complimentary for testing purposes as an Oogaa Brand Partner. All thoughts and opinions are mine, and George’s of course!

What products would you recommend? Do you just feed your kids in the bathtub to fix the mess?

May 1, 2015 by Stephanie

Your Questions Answered Round Two

Thank you for coming back for Round Two of Questions. You can read the first round here.

Royals

First, can I just say how happy it made me to have a whole category of questions for my Royals? If you have been here much at all, you know that I do love that baseball.

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(Janelle) How about these ROYALS?!?!? I am so excited about this year. They have gotten off to a great start, however they definitely have a target on their back. I really enjoyed this article yesterday after we saw yet another one of our players get hit at bat. I have always enjoyed watching the Royals play, and finally our way of playing is getting noticed. These are just guys living out their dream of being all stars and having fun while doing it. I feel like that is how every major sports star should be. You can’t knock the Royals for doing it, even though everyone now thinks we are hotheads. We’ll still be in Kauffman having a ball.

(Kevin) Favorite Royals player of all-time? I am going to be that person that says George Brett. My brother and I used to idolize over him, and we coveted our GB baseball cards. My dad also did the Fantasy Camp last year. This is basically where normal people can go play with big leaguers for a week. It’s like you are a baseball star. They play real games, get to be in the dugouts and locker rooms, get jerseys, the whole shabang. Your team coaches are all famous Royals players. My dad was on George’s team for the week. From my dad’s real life interactions and everything that I have read about him, he seems to be a down to earth guy with the Royals’ best interest at heart. And it is hard not to love him when you see his reaction to plays and genuine passion for our boys in blue. So I feel connected to him in some way. Also my George is kind of sort of named after him. (Just kidding, but only sort of.)

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(Kevin) Favorite current Royals player? I would have to say Mike Moustakas. Time and time again he has made some amazing plays. He also seems like a great down to earth individual and great team player. I love a lot of people on the roster right now though. It’s hard not to love Cain, Hosmer, Gordon, and Salvy.

Leisure

(Leslie) If you could travel anywhere where would it be? I want to go to Africa. I really want to do a safari. Like bad.

(Leslie) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life what would it be? Singing in the Rain. A little bit of romance, a little bit of comedy, and a lot of singing and dancing. Yes please.

(Melissa) When are you visiting Iowa? I will actually be in Iowa in August! I am so excited to come up for a wedding and see a whole lot of people while we are there! Tom and I talk all the time about how we miss Iowa. CAN.NOT.WAIT. I miss these ladies!

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(Ellen) Who are you rooting for to win DWTS this season? Ahh I was rooting for Derek and Nastia, because well I am obsessed with Derek. I am still rooting for Nastia even though Derek seems to be out for the rest of the competition due to some stupid klutziness on his part. For the ultimate mirror ball trophy, I really want Allison and Riker to win. They are so sharp, and I love Allison’s choreography paired with Riker’s personality. They are a fantastic match!

(Annette) What are your favorite documentaries you would recommended? Anything Ken Burns is good. He does a lot of different subjects and does a mini docu-series. I also loved Vietnam in HD and WWII in HD. On a lighter note, I enjoyed the Science of Dogs.

(Ellen) Favorite TED Talk? You know, I don’t think I can honestly say that I have one. It has been awhile since I have watched one, and those that I have watched have not been so profound to leave a lasting effect. Do people have ones to recommend?

Crafts

(Leslie) What has been your favorite craft project? My favorite craft project (besides crocheting) would have to be these yellow pieces of art. Tom hates them, but I win the decorating argument, and I love them. I made them while Tom was in Basic, and was one of the projects that sparked a conversation about crafting my way through his deployment and the birth of this blog. Here are the instructions since I did this prior to being a blogger.

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(Melissa) What is your recommendation for a first time crochet project (something easy but still makes you feel like you accomplished something)? I would say a scarf or a baby blanket are great starters. These are both small scale projects and can be done simply. A scarf is probably what I would start with just so you can get the rhythm down. I think people start with too small of needles and trying to do too intricate of stitches. Then they make the stitches too tight or vary in the tight and loose so it looks more holey in some areas. You want to start with a big fat needle and the basic single stitch. Once you have that down, then you can move on to more complicated things. My first attempt at crocheting was atrocious as are most people who begin, so in all honesty you probably don’t want to bank on that first project being anything special. It really is something you have to practice on so you can get a feel of how the yarn moves with the weaving so you are consistent with each stitch, which is not as easy at it sounds. I am planning on doing a post sometime this summer on how to start crocheting and some of my favorite Youtube tutorials.

(Robin) When did you start crocheting, and what inspired you to do this? I started crocheting when I was seven years old. My dad taught me. I just did straight lines up until undergrad when I started making blankets for my fraternity auction every year. I though it was time for a change, and ever since then I try to learn a new stitch or at least do a different pattern on every project I start. Pinterest and Youtube also helped with showing me all kinds of different techniques that I was too scared to try for almost 15 years. It is probably my favorite crafty thing to do. I can pick it up whenever. I can travel with crochet in the car. I have taken it to the movie theater with me. It is one of those things that helps me relax but I also feel like I am accomplishing something in my downtime. (Which as an Achiever this is very important.)

(Robin) Have you ever considered knitting? I have tried knitting. I learned how to do it in college, but I lost the skill after a few years. I honestly found it confusing and with having done crocheting for so many years, I just reverted back to that technique. Crochet only has one needle so it was easier in my book.

Random

(Amanda) What Disney princess are you most like? Hands down Belle. However, a recent Facebook quiz/mind-reader said that I was more like Pocahontas. I am pretty partial to Belle though because of the love for books.

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(Amanda) What is your favorite food? Healthy answer is fruit of any variety, unhealthy answer is mac and cheese of any variety.

(Amanda) What is your favorite flower? Daisies, but I also LOVE poppies. I do not like roses.

(Katie) Is there a meaning behind your blog title? Yes there is! I wrote a whole post on it here. The gist of it though to quote myself: I want to always be looking for positives and be ever thankful. No matter how gray or blah it may be with the storm, there is always a yellow umbrella. (I like this better than the silver lining garb.) So I want to always be finding my yellow in this world. I did go with “my” instead of “the” because it is my journey which may seem narcissistic, but I think at times we do need to focus on ourselves. What I may find positive may not be the same experience for someone else. I can only control my attitude so this is just to help me focus along the way to be a more positive light.

(Katie) What is your biggest pet peeve? Having a meeting start late, or other participants of a meeting not showing up. I hate going to the doctor for the sole reason that I always end up waiting. I think it is stupid to have a set meeting time and have me put in the effort to schedule this time when you can’t even keep it. And most of the time it’s not just a 15 minute wait. Just stupid. I might as well take off the whole day for the doctor. I also get really frustrated at work when people make an appointment with me and do not show without any notice. There was one week when every day I was only meeting 1 out of the 6 appointments I had in a day. I was peeved to say the least. I hate it because I feel like I can’t get any quality work done because I am always waiting on someone else’s time. I just think the whole thing is disrespectful to waste my time when an appointment is made and it can’t be kept.

(Elizabeth) What is your “tell” when you’re sad or upset? I bite my lip. Its a reflex to try to not cry. I also become more quiet and a little sulky. This wasn’t your question, but when I am concentrating really hard, I stick my tongue out. I do this a lot when I am exercising hard. It sounds silly, but I am pretty sure this is hereditary. My brother does this and so did my great grandfather.

(Elizabeth) What is one thing you’d like to go back and tell teenage Stephanie? Not to worry so much. Things will work out. I have always been a pretty anxious person, so I wish I could tell myself to relax a little bit and not be so uptight. I need to tell 29 year old Stephanie this some days. Also that hamsters are a very bad idea as a pet.

So there you have it. Thanks for playing along and giving me some great questions.

Here’s to the weekend!

April 30, 2015 by Stephanie

Your Questions Answered Round One

A couple weeks ago, I put this post out there. You all are amazing and gave me some great questions! You all showed up so much in fact that I am splitting this into two posts. Crazy!

I split them up into categories, and I will do half today and half tomorrow. The names next to the questions are who asked the question in case you were curious.

I hope you enjoy learning a little bit more about moi.

George/Mom Stuff

(Leslie and Janelle) What is your favorite thing about being a mom? The whole thing is pretty miraculous. It really shows you unimaginable things that you can do emotionally and physically. I would say my favorite thing though is just watching George become his own person. Even at such a young age the wonderment of taking things in and his personality blossoming is just a joy to be a part of. It’s also pretty awesome to see his face light up when you pick him up at the end of the day.

(Annette) What has been the most difficult part of being a mom? The most difficult part right now is knowing I can’t shield him and protect him from all harm. You want to put this bubble around them and keep everything innocent and good inside that bubble. Unfortunately, that just isn’t possible. It is a hard responsibility to swallow to try to keep danger and badness away but also accepting that you can’t do that all the time. I would say the mom guilt is also really hard. From going back to work to ending our breastfeeding journey, it can be crippling at times when you see messages that this is wrong for kids, even though it is far from the truth. It can be very hard to be ok with what you have to offer and knowing it is the best for your kid even if it isn’t the same for everyone else.

(Janelle) What has been your favorite age of George’s so far? This is so hard to say. Every month has been SO different it is hard to compare them. I will say if I had to choose that this past month has been really fun watching him eat more foods and become more stable with exploring.

(Amanda) What has been your favorite photo shoot with George? I would say the 6 month tie shots are my favorite to date. Not only were they some of the best photos of George, but I was also really proud of my process during this shoot. This is one of the shoots that I did without an assistant family member, and it was one of my shortest time wise too. It was really affirming and confidence boosting that I could do this “set up” efficiently on my own if need be. George was also really cooperative, which is not always the case. I think it one of the only sessions that I haven’t had to bribe him with a pacy at one point. It was also really cool to compare how much he had grown to when I took pictures of him in the tie when he was a newborn. And seriously what can be better than these results?

(Robin) Is sleep deprivation really as bad as people make it out to be with a newborn? I may be in my own little world when I say this, but I honestly don’t think so. I have always been a person who needs lots of sleep, and I sleep pretty hard when I do. I think our bodies do an amazing thing though when you have a baby. You adjust. Before people get all up in my grill for saying this and mark me as delusional, let me also say that George is not a good sleeper so its not like I am still getting 8-9 hours of sleep. There were a couple months he refused to nap and would only be held to sleep. Most nights he still wakes up a couple times, and more often than not he is up every 2 hours. However, there have been very few days where I didn’t think I would make it through the day due to sleep deprivation. Your body just makes it work. You learn to make the most of the two hour spurts, and know that this too will pass. I have also been fortunate to have an awesome partner to share this parenting adventure, so we can take turns if we feel the tank dipping too low. I won’t lie that you get less sleep, but like I said I think you eventually just adjust to it. And when you don’t there is coffee and Dr. Pepper.

(Ellen) Favorite childhood experience you had that you hope to pass down to George? Since my parents are divorced, I am going to share one from both family experiences. My dad used to take me out for ice cream on the first day of school every year. We did this until I graduated high school. I still will eat ice cream on the first day of school out of tradition. I am going to definitely take that afternoon off to be there to take George out to Baskin Robbins every year. It was a great time for me to just be me with my dad. (My brother went on the second day of school for his Dad date.) I think it also helped with the excitement of school and to process what was ahead. My mom did so many things to make the day to day special when we came to her house, it can be hard to narrow down it down. However something that I want to definitely do with my kids that she did with us is cook with them. I really can’t recall a meal that she did not have my brother and I doing something to help out. Whether it was opening cans of pears or cutting up the cheese for the macaroni, we were always in the kitchen with her. (At least that is how I am remembering it, Mom may say that we protested at times…) Anyway, some of my favorite times with my mom were the normalness of this because there were times in our childhood that weren’t so normal. So having these special moments of helping cook dinner is definitely something I want to continue. I learned a lot about cooking from her, and it was a great bonding experience for us.

(Rosie) How is George doing with baby-led weaning? Every day is a new day. Sometimes he reacts really well to the BLW approach. Other days he will only take purees. But when we do purees, we really do try to have him feed himself with the spoon so he is still learning basic mechanics of eating. The one consistency about feeding him whole food is that if it is slippery and he can’t get a good grasp on it, he gets angry and stops trying. So we have to be patient and just let him pitch a fit until he realizes we aren’t going to feed him. I think Tom has more issues with this approach than George does. He is afraid he will choke on everything.

(Rosie) What foods has he had a hard time eating? He still needs pretty soft food because he hasn’t had teeth up to this point. Broccoli, cantaloupe, and apples have been the hardest for him to eat. Food that he can’t hold well has also been an issue. He hasn’t quite figured out when he smashes it in his fist how to open his fist up to get what is in there. He usually ends up with a fistful of eggs or pasta.

(Chavel) More kiddies in the future? We would like to have one more. Tom is pretty set that two is our max. I go back and forth on a third. Honestly though, we want to wait awhile to see how handling just George goes. We both came from a family of two kids, so we feel comfortable with that number.

Talk About Tom

(Robin) How has married life affected conflict resolution methods and efficacy with Tom? I honestly don’t think our conflict resolution changed just because we are married. I will say that we have evolved over time. Our circumstances have changed, which makes us change. I don’t think the institution of marriage did that. But since he is my life partner, we have had to find new ways to communicate over time to make sure we are hearing each other and working together. I think as human beings this is always a work in progress because we all bring our own insecurities and issues to the table. I have a post drafted about some of my imperfections and how I deal with it towards our relationship. I think with marriage though it does reinforce a commitment so you kind of have to figure it out as a team as you go.

(Chavel) How did you and Tom meet? Tom and I met in 2007 while working at an amusement park in Kansas City. It turns out we were going to the same college, but we had never run into each other there. However, as we have divulged stories of our time before we were us, we were definitely in a lot of the same places at the same time or we had just missed each other type of things. Anyway, if you want to read more about how we met you can go here.

(Melissa) How is Tom adjusting to the new job? Tom loves his new job! He just started week two, so obviously it is still very fresh. He had quite the week last week to basically baptize him into the field. It sounds like things are going really well for him so far, and he is definitely pulling his weight. You can just tell in the way that he describs his day or the texts he sends that he is where he is meant to be. I think it is hard for him to be gone so much when George and I are home though. Fortunately though they are on a shift rotation, so they are only a particular shift for a month. Eventually, I think we will all adjust to this new normal that Tom doesn’t work a normal 8-5 M-F job.

(Katie) For you and Tom, how was the transition from Army life to “normal” life? These past 6 months have been hard, but I really don’t think it had anything to do with the transition out of the Army. While we lived that life and went through some things as an Army family, we knew it was never going to be permanent. So to be honest, it was like we were always biding time to be civilians again. We had been “adults” in the civilian world for several years before he joined, so it wasn’t that big of a shock. I think it can be tricky for people who have been in a long time or when the Army is all they have ever known, which wasn’t the case for us. The transition was more of a relief that we didn’t have deployments or the schedule anymore, but just to be traded with the responsibility of being a law enforcement family. So we just moved from one danger to another really, so I don’t think we are in a “normal” life yet. We were ready to be out, but more because we wanted to start our new jobs that both of us enjoyed. Tom is much happier being out, which I think is just about having some freedom like being able to control his own workout schedule. On a lighter note, I will say that I do miss the free prescriptions with the health care.

My Career

(Kevin) NASPA, ACPA, or Neither? NASPA and ACPA are both national organizations for my career field. I have been a member of both in the past, and to be honest at this point in my career I am not really get invested in either. The conferences I had been to before seemed like they were geared more towards higher ups, so it was hard for me as a new professional to feel involved. I haven’t had the ability to be a part of either for a while now either due to circumstances in TN. Now that I am in the advising world, they may stay on the back burner for now.

(Ellen) What is your favorite SA theory that you actually use on a regular basis? I will be honest and say that I am not theoretically minded. I think they have their place and provide a good foundation, but I don’t use theories every day, or even every month. I think that some of the fundamentals of student theory live out sub-consciously and I use them as stepping stones throughout what I do. But I don’t intentionally say, “We need to do this because of Chickering.” One of my favorite theories though is Astin’s Theory on Student Involvement. The premise is looking at how involvement factors into student development. I believe that involvement in the classroom but also co-curricular is vital to the success of the student. Generally, students become more invested the more involved they are. This is something I talk about with every student who sits in my office since my goal is to keep students connected.

(Ellen) What is your 10/15/20 year career goal? The old me would definitely have a plan in place of exactly where I want to be, but over the years, my interests and skill levels have changed with each passing year. At one point I wanted to be a Director of Housing, then it was Learning Communities Coordinator, maybe some dabbling in training, then Academic Advisor/Coach…My goals have also evolved due to what is going on personally. Now that I have a family, I have no desire to go back into a position that may require a lot of evening or weekend duties. Reslife has always been a passion of mine, and I love love love the work that is done in this arena. However, I don’t think the expectations create the best balance. At least for me. So with that, I had to change some of my goals. I have no clue what may change in the future. Who knows things may change enough that I find myself back in ResLife, which would be great if I could do some learning community development or academic initiatives. I have also considered Guidance Counseling at the High School level, but that would require me to go back to school for a few classes and a 300 hour internship which now that George is here is not something I want to do. (Nor do I have the time currently to do that internship to become certified.) So I honestly cannot say what I will be doing even in 5 years. I hope to still be working with students closely on their academic success. I really love academic coaching and college access so I imagine I would still be doing things in this arena. I do know that I do not want to be in a position where I don’t see students every day, so I do not forsee that I will ever be a Dean of Students or high up on the Director scale. But only time will tell. When I graduated from grad school 5 years ago, I thought I would never see the day where I would leave Residence Life. So who knows. I also think there are things that are out of my control that factor into this decision. I have to wait for positions to open, and who is to say they will open when I am ready. That is what got me in trouble in TN, so I may have a track I want to be on but the reality is there are not opportunities for me to move forward. I do miss the opportunities that Residence Life had, so I think in the back of my head I want to be back there, but there are some expectations that would have to change before I would do that. I miss things like this.

(Annette) What has been the most rewarding thing about your current job? My job right now is pretty awesome. I work with a lot of at-risk students, whether that is financially or academically, or anything in between. What I enjoy most is helping a student get to the next step to help them be successful and stay on course. Just seeing the obstacles that some of these students get out of because we are taking the time to give encouragement or show them all of their options is pretty awesome. It is pretty stellar to give out some endowments and scholarships too. I know those things changed my academic career so it makes me misty to see that happen to the students I am working with as well. It’s like giving them a second chance at the future they have always imagined.

Life

(Janelle) Do you LOVE being back in Missouri? I love being back home! I wanted to be at Mizzou since I was little so living in Columbia is fulfilling part of that dream even though I am not part of that university system. It is also really nice to be close to family. It was really evident when my grandma passed away. I have been able to get home quickly for things, when for almost the past decade, it was more of a feat to come home. I am glad we don’t have to do that production anymore. Plus I see lots of Royals games in my future! I am also excited that I will have the opportunity to go back to my Alma Mater in the fall for various things.

(Katie) How did the pups handle the move? Well I just wrote about them earlier this week and how they are going crazy. They were really good in the move initially. I think they like this house a lot better with the carpets and windows they can actually see out of. They also travel really well, so we didn’t see any issues initially.

(Elizabeth) What is something you love about your life right at this minute? Ooooh. This is a hard one. We are house hunting, so we are still in somewhat of a transition. However I think this is the first time Tom and I haven’t been counting down until the next big thing or feeling like we are in transition constantly. It is very different to know that we will never move out of this area, which after moving so much over the past 12 years, it’s a little odd! It’s nice to actually feel settled. We are finally in a place where we are able to live out our passions and really focus on what is important to us. I also love the possibility of summer. This is just an exciting time of year that I love. Also all the fresh and light food that is popping up, what is not to love about that life?

So that was round one of getting to know more than you probably wanted.

If you do have more questions, it is still not too late to ask. I will just tack them on to the next post! I am hoping to get it out tomorrow, but no promises.

Thank you to all who submitted! This has been fun!