July 1, 2013 by Stephanie

“My Job is Freedom”

Another dose of Talks with Tom.

With deployment, one misses out on a lot of TV programming. Seasons come and go. And in the past you would just miss out on them forever, or until the next year when the DVD was released. Then you had to spend a nice chunk of change on that. Oh, or Hulu may or may not have your show, but you can only watch the last 5 episodes and hope they don’t go to HuluPlus.

That is until recently.

My friend Susan introduced me to a site that allows you to watch ANY episode, from ANY season, at ANY time. As a TV junkie, this is a life changer. And when I say any, I will admit that I have not looked for every show out there, but it has yet to fail me.

I introduced Tom to “Project Free TV” so he could catch up on the Walking Dead and Gold Rush.

The trouble with the site though is that it can be finicky and not load as lickity-split as Hulu or a network site, or the unrealistic expectations we may have as millennials.

Tom was near the end of the season for Walking Dead when we had this conversation.

Tom: This shouldn’t be this difficult. (talking about uploading a video)(groaning and impatient foot-tapping commenced)

Me: Well, if it is that easy, why don’t you figure out how to post episode videos online on your own?

Tom: That’s this guy’s job. This is his only job in life, and he can’t do that? How hard is it to be awesome at your job? My job is freedom, and I am pretty awesome at that. I have that down pat. I’m just saying.

Happy Independence Day everyone! I hope that we can all celebrate our freedoms this week, and that videos will upload at your command.

And what can be more than American than a weekend was full of home improvements?

We inherited a pair of dressers from my grandparent’s over Father’s Day weekend.

This weekend we did a makeover on these bad boys.

Before…

They were this old plastic wood, so I first primed them with this stuff.

Then I painted on a light orangey brown satin finish paint. I did two coats of this. Tom had to help with some parts because I am not the “smoothest” or most patient painter. You can tell the edges that I worked on–>globs of dried paint are left in my wake. But I did paint 95% of them fairly successfully! It was just a lesson in my on-going curriculum of patience.

And after…

We ended up keeping the same knobs (just taking off the fancy plate things that were on there). It would have cost too much to replace around 25 knobs, but that is an option if you are trying to redo dressers to make a different look.

I wish I had taken a before and after of our bedroom/closet to show how dramatic of a change it was going from living into laundry basket chaos to a much more organized and structured closet. We can actually see everything now in it’s place.

They aren’t perfectly brand new. You can still see nicks and wear and tear from the years they spent in my grandparents’ home. But we gave the pieces a facelift and hopefully a new life with just an afternoon of time and a little bit of paint. And as Tom says, “They are just showing some character.” (He also said that about my globs. He’s a keeper.)

I am excited this week to see what is happening on base for the 4th of July. Red, white, and blue baby!

What are you doing for the 4th?

June 25, 2013 by Stephanie

More Than Ever

Recently Tom had surgery at the on-base hospital. He had to be knocked out and sliced open. Someone had to go with him to be his partner and follow the doctor’s instructions, get his medications, and other things that you do for someone who just got their stomach ripped apart.

That someone was me-his wife.

I have been titled an Army spouse. My ID says I am a dependent. I had to show my marriage license to get this badge of honor.

This ID then opens “gates” to get onto base, to get his meds, to sign different documents, etc. This little piece of plastic has guaranteed me a lot of things as his partner in life.

While Tom was on deployment I received his checks and benefits.

I am his power of attorney in case the worst were to happen.

It was a great solace for him and I when he was on deployment knowing that I was able to take care of things if needed. (Except for that whole credit card thing, and no I am still not over it..)

I was able to do that because some politicians have decided that I am “blessed” to be straight. I have the “right” to be married because I was born liking the opposite sex.

Seriously?

Why am I granted this freedom when some of my closest friends are not? We have the same diplomas, came from similar families, have brothers and sisters, have similar faith systems, and live in the same neighborhoods. We both love with our whole hearts and have decided to be with one person forever.

Why are service-members that my husband fights with not able to have the peace of mind knowing their husbands and wives will have benefits while they are away and can deal with the day to day without any extra red tape or people saying, “I don’t think so.”

Deployment was hard enough with the realities of war. I cannot even begin to imagine it without the support and safety-net of the spousal privileges. And the communication you receive from the FRG only goes to spouses. The FRG was my main connection to the Army and helped me understand what is going on and what to expect. This group gave me information that I needed to feel better about the deployment and feel like I had some people to reach out to if ever needed. They were my life line and sense of stability some days. In deployment times you need to know you have that security, because some days that is all you have. At some bases, same sex spouses are banned from these organizations. Banned from hearing first hand when their spouse is coming home and the best way you can support them.

To think that our children could be impacted negatively by our love instead of profoundly brought up by it because of someone holding your parents back because your parents happen to be the same sex.

Like Major Shannon McLaughlin and her wife, Casey McLaughlin

To think that I would not be able to live on base with my husband and share our lives together.

Like Marine Captain Matthew Phelps and his soon-to-be husband Ben Schock

These are just two of the thousands of love stories.

Love stories–We grew up adoring Love stories and rooting for happy endings. (Well at least I did.) So why is there so much hatred towards them now? Why isn’t the solution obvious? Love is love. Love is about hearts not parts.

I know I get to have the peace and ease of being married already with the “government” blessing and benefits. And it may not mean much for me to fight for something I already have for myself. I realize my massive following of 25 people on this blog may not go far. But as an human, I could not stand idly by. So instead of changing my profile picture, I write.

I am big supporter of marriage. If you have read any of my words before, you know that I think marriage is awesome. So I am a big proponent of marriage for anyone who decides to make that commitment to another person.

Marriage to me is much more than what a piece of paper says, but unfortunately the reality is there are some doors that open because of that paper.

My words may be small and not far reaching, but I hope that people take the time to listen to the real stories and struggles and think about their choices and behaviors when they decide to pass judgement. Get to know real stories so you can understand the impact of your own judgements. We all came in this world alike and will leave alike. We breathe the same air. Our hearts beat. Period the end.

Show a little humanity will you? Have we all forgotten the golden rule that we were taught in kindergarten? “Treat others as you wish to be treated.”

Gosh life was simple then. Play, count, have snack, play, learn ABCs, play, nap…

Someone wise once told me, “Be as human as you can be.”

I ask that everyone dig a little bit to figure out what that means to you. Ask yourself if how you feel/act is really being “human.” If your answer is always yes, good for you. You are a saint. If not, jump on the self-reflective train with the rest of us.

This week our country will change dramatically with the decisions that the Supreme Court will be sharing one way or the other, and hopefully sharing soon.

For this couple and so many others, I hope that the SC decides in love and what I believe to be equality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=sb2Pi5M4LEE&feature=endscreen

Bill and John have a breathtakingly beautiful love. During this video, I laughed, cried, nodded in agreement as they explained some of the day to day of marriage, and then I was heartbroken. Heartbroken that there are people who don’t see this as real emotion and real love. I mean seriously, those selfies they took are just delightful.

For goodness sake, it is just two people loving each other. Your feelings have nothing to do with their marriage.

Oh wait they do…says every law saying a marriage is between a man and a woman. Until when…

I am optimistic that others can see that Bill and John deserved what I have been granted.

I hope my words are crafty enough for you tonight. Thank you for bearing with my ramblings.

Love one another more than ever.

freedomtomarry.org/military

April 21, 2013 by Stephanie

One Fine Day

Now I know that the Chiffons are dancing in your head right now as you hum the tune “One Fine Day.”

My post has nothing to do with that song.

It’s just that one fine day I decided to go without shoes.

Last Tuesday, I participated in an event sponsored by TOMS shoes. This was a day where people around the world decided to ditch their shoes so we could put ourselves in someone else’s “shoes.” It was an event to raise awareness for awareness about global children’s health and education.

There were several at ISU that participated with me in this challenge.

I will say, I am not sure how many I actually spread the word to throughout the day, but it was a simple step for me to take a look at this issue.

Here are some of my personal observations from the experience.

1. Not wearing shoes is not the norm. People stared and did those double take looks. At first, many people were squeamish about the idea of it it. I found myself often throughout the day hiding my feet so people wouldn’t stare. I felt a little naked…And I even chose to go shoeless.

2. I walked different than I do with shoes. I found myself walking on my toes instead of the whole foot. Which one is better I don’t know, but I did it because I felt like I needed less of my foot to hit the ground to protect it.

3. Because of my high arches and walking abnormally as said above, my feet and knees were in pain by the end of the day without my hand dandy arch supports I slip into every pair of shoes I own.

4. I did not fully participate in the challenge because I knew there were places that I could not go without shoes like restaurants. I also didn’t feel comfortable going barefoot when I was outside with Grace. Who knows what would have happened if she would have ran after a bunny or leaf blowing in the wind. So there were parts of the day that I did slip my shoes back on. I couldn’t bring myself to even really go the full day.

5. I did go to public restrooms without shoes. All I have to say is that I feel fortunate that I was going in women’s restrooms. But there were comments made by others who wouldn’t go because they couldn’t bring themselves to go barefoot in the lavatory.

6. I am disgusted by things sticking to my skin. I rarely ever go barefoot normally because I hate feeling things stick to my feet. So I was constantly checking my feet and rubbing them clean on the hem of my dress.

It was a great experience for me. I feel empowered by it. It made me think about the access and privilege that I have. If you know me, you know that I have a pair of shoes in pretty much every shade, and I am always matching my outfits with my footwear. Do I feel guilty that I have this many shoes? To be honest, I don’t. I did not choose to be born into the family I am in so I cannot feel guilty about my lot in life and the opportunities that have been put in front of me. And I worked hard to have money to be able to afford many pretty things. I don’t think we should feel guilty about where we came from and what we have. But just because I do not feel guilt, doesn’t mean I didn’t learn something that I can change to help reach out.

I am humbled by this experience. It made me think about what I have and appreciate that I can take care of myself. Yep, I do have privilege. I am able to afford shoes that help with my bad arches and support my bad knees. I have shoes that aren’t of convenience or comfort, but that make me happy inside. I am able to wear shoes that give me the pass to participate in school and social events. Even within this one fine day, I was able to have the freedom to wear shoes as I needed. Something to think about there.

It makes you take in what you have and appreciate it, but also realize that with your privilege you should pass it on. A pay it forward message so to speak. I have made some promises to myself to do things that will help in the cause whether that is donation or education.We all have a contribution to make, but we have to decide that for ourselves with what is within our means and abilities.

Do I think that I can change the world? Eh, maybe not.

Do I think that I completely understand these situations because I went part of a day without shoes? Well no.

But I am doing my best to change myself to be a better human being who is appreciative of the life I have and try to give back wherever and whenever I can. You just have to put your best foot forward everyday.

Here are some of my staff members and I going shoeless at the desk!

With that what can you do to make a simple step towards bettering either your life or someone else?

I don’t have a craft today. Eeeek I know! I have been working on a few things, and I really wanted to write this before I could complete anything.

So in a craft’s place I have a website that was shared with me for crocheting projects. I spent hours on it earlier today just perusing different patterns and making a wishlist of projects. And you can find a lot of free patterns!

ravelry.com

I am excited to start some new projects, but I have two in the works right now that I need to finish first. So I will just make a long list in the meantime.

March 21, 2013 by Stephanie

Lean In

Now that Tom is back, I keep getting the question, “How is he adjusting back?”

I will say that my husband is very good at compartmentalizing things. It is a skill that I envy at times. He is good at separating things and knowing when to appropriately deal with them. So for the most part, I would say that the adjustment is going really well. He is awesome, what can I say?

There have been a few minor things for us to work through, but you have to make adjustments in any relationship when circumstances around you change. You learn and adapt with the growing pains. You talk it out and figure it out together. If you don’t then you are just stubborn. I will admit, I have had my own few moments of stubbornness since Tom has gotten back which I have since learned the error of my ways. In most cases, we have picked up right where we left off when he left in September. But there have been small nuances that I noticed that I tried to change without understanding. Because my world hadn’t physically changed, I forgot in those moments that so much had for Tom. Seeking to understand was something that I preach every day at work, and here I was assuming that I know everything about Tom. Whoops.

There are many things about the deployment that I still don’t know or will never understand. It is what it is. He experienced it so I don’t have to. Regardless if I think about it or not, the deployment is part of who he is now. I just need to be patient and willing to ask questions and not always get an answer. Ain’t that the pits though?

You will ALWAYS be learning about your partner. Do I know Tom the best? Absolutely, but things are constantly changing for both of us. I needed to be more aware of the things that I was saying and how I was reacting to him. Yes there have been some things that are different, but that doesn’t mean that deep down he isn’t the man that I married. And I am sure we will have to adjust again once I move on base with him this summer. Just wait until my OCD comes out when we reorganize. (“You put those spoons where?”)

Everyone has little quirks that we have to accept and move past lovingly. The best way we are getting through that is being open and honest with each other. We both have to be patient and be willing to say “I’m sorry.” That’s about all you can ask for really. Like I said, we are doing just dandy adjusting back to both being in the states and we are creating our happily ever after for once.

Life is a constant roller coaster. It goes a lot smoother if you lean in a little bit and change your position based on the turns. I am serious on that one. I rode roller coasters for a living for a few years. (Yay Worlds of Fun!) If you sit back against the seat in resistance, you don’t enjoy the ride as much, and it may seem bumpier or a “rough ride.” Life is just like this. You have to lean in a bit on the corners and just ride it out. And sometimes you put your hands in the air and scream it out. Who doesn’t love a little air time?

This week my craft comes from my staff. We do fun on ones once a semester to change up our normal weekly office meetings. They get to choose what fun activity we do, and this time one of my staff wanted to make something for our event. So craft away we did!

She bought a canvas bag, ribbon, liquid stitch, and the t-shirt she wanted to use.

Liquid stitch is awesome! I had never heard of it before Megan introduced me to it. You just have to iron it! Mind blown.

Megan did most of the work. I just assisted with cutting and placement holding. But who doesn’t love crafting as part of your job?

February 17, 2013 by Stephanie

Say I Love You

Like many churches, we were asked to go through a marriage counseling class before our wedding with our church.

They had several couples come throughout the day to give us advice. For the most part, we had great discussions and things were applicable to our relationship.

But there was one couple who made remarks that I still disagree with to this day. They said that Tom and I didn’t take love seriously if we said “I love you” all the time. They thought that it didn’t make it special if you threw it out at each other anytime and everyday. I believe they called us young and naive with how we say those words.

Plain silliness.

I think saying “I love you” has kept us together as long we have. If we didn’t have love, then what I am I sitting here in Iowa all by myself for?

I fully believe that you should proclaim your love to those that you love every chance you get.

I will say it in the heat of an argument to remind myself that I do love him and whatever we are fighting about is really not a big deal.

I will say it randomly and out of the blue just to feel some love.

I will say it to be romantic.

I will say it to compliment something that Tom has done for me.

I will say it because Tom is doing something uber cute that makes me fall for him just a little bit more.

I will say it to remind Tom that I am always here for him no matter what life throws at us.

I will say it anytime we have to say goodbye or before we go to sleep.

I will say it because I am not always sure if this time will be the last time. And I want him to know that I do. No doubts.

I say it because that’s how I feel, and why wouldn’t I reiterate to my husband that I love him dearly anytime I can?

We should say those three words when we feel it. Yes, there is a lot of meaning when you put it out there, so it shouldn’t be said unless you actually feel it. But love is meant to be shared so let it out and tell people that you love them.

During Tom’s basic training, I wrote him a letter each day because you don’t get to interact any other way. And each day I ended it with, “I love you more than yesterday.” Love should grow. So each time I say it, it means a little bit more.

So that couple in my opinion was wrong. You should say it as many times as you can. We all need real love. It is fundamental.

(I will add that this couple also told us to sniff diapers and charcoal to learn more about each other. So I am not sure how much I would actually take their advice in the first place.)

My craft tonight is inspired by Tom and I’s journey of love.

It was really easy to make.

You need:

maps (I ended up just printing them of the internet because some of the cities I needed were on state borders and thus meant they were on the crease in the atlas. )
3 part picture frame
marker

I cut the maps down to size and then traced the words with a marker.

Tom and I met in KC, MO; got engaged in Savannah, GA; and married in Jeff City, MO.

Also fun fact, KC is where I grew up and JC is where Tom grew up. I think that is just fun that they sandwich Savannah where we would like to retire someday.

We might add other frames with the places that we have lived together since it looks like we still have a few travels ahead!