April 21, 2013 by Stephanie

One Fine Day

Now I know that the Chiffons are dancing in your head right now as you hum the tune “One Fine Day.”

My post has nothing to do with that song.

It’s just that one fine day I decided to go without shoes.

Last Tuesday, I participated in an event sponsored by TOMS shoes. This was a day where people around the world decided to ditch their shoes so we could put ourselves in someone else’s “shoes.” It was an event to raise awareness for awareness about global children’s health and education.

There were several at ISU that participated with me in this challenge.

I will say, I am not sure how many I actually spread the word to throughout the day, but it was a simple step for me to take a look at this issue.

Here are some of my personal observations from the experience.

1. Not wearing shoes is not the norm. People stared and did those double take looks. At first, many people were squeamish about the idea of it it. I found myself often throughout the day hiding my feet so people wouldn’t stare. I felt a little naked…And I even chose to go shoeless.

2. I walked different than I do with shoes. I found myself walking on my toes instead of the whole foot. Which one is better I don’t know, but I did it because I felt like I needed less of my foot to hit the ground to protect it.

3. Because of my high arches and walking abnormally as said above, my feet and knees were in pain by the end of the day without my hand dandy arch supports I slip into every pair of shoes I own.

4. I did not fully participate in the challenge because I knew there were places that I could not go without shoes like restaurants. I also didn’t feel comfortable going barefoot when I was outside with Grace. Who knows what would have happened if she would have ran after a bunny or leaf blowing in the wind. So there were parts of the day that I did slip my shoes back on. I couldn’t bring myself to even really go the full day.

5. I did go to public restrooms without shoes. All I have to say is that I feel fortunate that I was going in women’s restrooms. But there were comments made by others who wouldn’t go because they couldn’t bring themselves to go barefoot in the lavatory.

6. I am disgusted by things sticking to my skin. I rarely ever go barefoot normally because I hate feeling things stick to my feet. So I was constantly checking my feet and rubbing them clean on the hem of my dress.

It was a great experience for me. I feel empowered by it. It made me think about the access and privilege that I have. If you know me, you know that I have a pair of shoes in pretty much every shade, and I am always matching my outfits with my footwear. Do I feel guilty that I have this many shoes? To be honest, I don’t. I did not choose to be born into the family I am in so I cannot feel guilty about my lot in life and the opportunities that have been put in front of me. And I worked hard to have money to be able to afford many pretty things. I don’t think we should feel guilty about where we came from and what we have. But just because I do not feel guilt, doesn’t mean I didn’t learn something that I can change to help reach out.

I am humbled by this experience. It made me think about what I have and appreciate that I can take care of myself. Yep, I do have privilege. I am able to afford shoes that help with my bad arches and support my bad knees. I have shoes that aren’t of convenience or comfort, but that make me happy inside. I am able to wear shoes that give me the pass to participate in school and social events. Even within this one fine day, I was able to have the freedom to wear shoes as I needed. Something to think about there.

It makes you take in what you have and appreciate it, but also realize that with your privilege you should pass it on. A pay it forward message so to speak. I have made some promises to myself to do things that will help in the cause whether that is donation or education.We all have a contribution to make, but we have to decide that for ourselves with what is within our means and abilities.

Do I think that I can change the world? Eh, maybe not.

Do I think that I completely understand these situations because I went part of a day without shoes? Well no.

But I am doing my best to change myself to be a better human being who is appreciative of the life I have and try to give back wherever and whenever I can. You just have to put your best foot forward everyday.

Here are some of my staff members and I going shoeless at the desk!

With that what can you do to make a simple step towards bettering either your life or someone else?

I don’t have a craft today. Eeeek I know! I have been working on a few things, and I really wanted to write this before I could complete anything.

So in a craft’s place I have a website that was shared with me for crocheting projects. I spent hours on it earlier today just perusing different patterns and making a wishlist of projects. And you can find a lot of free patterns!

ravelry.com

I am excited to start some new projects, but I have two in the works right now that I need to finish first. So I will just make a long list in the meantime.

March 21, 2013 by Stephanie

Lean In

Now that Tom is back, I keep getting the question, “How is he adjusting back?”

I will say that my husband is very good at compartmentalizing things. It is a skill that I envy at times. He is good at separating things and knowing when to appropriately deal with them. So for the most part, I would say that the adjustment is going really well. He is awesome, what can I say?

There have been a few minor things for us to work through, but you have to make adjustments in any relationship when circumstances around you change. You learn and adapt with the growing pains. You talk it out and figure it out together. If you don’t then you are just stubborn. I will admit, I have had my own few moments of stubbornness since Tom has gotten back which I have since learned the error of my ways. In most cases, we have picked up right where we left off when he left in September. But there have been small nuances that I noticed that I tried to change without understanding. Because my world hadn’t physically changed, I forgot in those moments that so much had for Tom. Seeking to understand was something that I preach every day at work, and here I was assuming that I know everything about Tom. Whoops.

There are many things about the deployment that I still don’t know or will never understand. It is what it is. He experienced it so I don’t have to. Regardless if I think about it or not, the deployment is part of who he is now. I just need to be patient and willing to ask questions and not always get an answer. Ain’t that the pits though?

You will ALWAYS be learning about your partner. Do I know Tom the best? Absolutely, but things are constantly changing for both of us. I needed to be more aware of the things that I was saying and how I was reacting to him. Yes there have been some things that are different, but that doesn’t mean that deep down he isn’t the man that I married. And I am sure we will have to adjust again once I move on base with him this summer. Just wait until my OCD comes out when we reorganize. (“You put those spoons where?”)

Everyone has little quirks that we have to accept and move past lovingly. The best way we are getting through that is being open and honest with each other. We both have to be patient and be willing to say “I’m sorry.” That’s about all you can ask for really. Like I said, we are doing just dandy adjusting back to both being in the states and we are creating our happily ever after for once.

Life is a constant roller coaster. It goes a lot smoother if you lean in a little bit and change your position based on the turns. I am serious on that one. I rode roller coasters for a living for a few years. (Yay Worlds of Fun!) If you sit back against the seat in resistance, you don’t enjoy the ride as much, and it may seem bumpier or a “rough ride.” Life is just like this. You have to lean in a bit on the corners and just ride it out. And sometimes you put your hands in the air and scream it out. Who doesn’t love a little air time?

This week my craft comes from my staff. We do fun on ones once a semester to change up our normal weekly office meetings. They get to choose what fun activity we do, and this time one of my staff wanted to make something for our event. So craft away we did!

She bought a canvas bag, ribbon, liquid stitch, and the t-shirt she wanted to use.

Liquid stitch is awesome! I had never heard of it before Megan introduced me to it. You just have to iron it! Mind blown.

Megan did most of the work. I just assisted with cutting and placement holding. But who doesn’t love crafting as part of your job?

February 17, 2013 by Stephanie

Say I Love You

Like many churches, we were asked to go through a marriage counseling class before our wedding with our church.

They had several couples come throughout the day to give us advice. For the most part, we had great discussions and things were applicable to our relationship.

But there was one couple who made remarks that I still disagree with to this day. They said that Tom and I didn’t take love seriously if we said “I love you” all the time. They thought that it didn’t make it special if you threw it out at each other anytime and everyday. I believe they called us young and naive with how we say those words.

Plain silliness.

I think saying “I love you” has kept us together as long we have. If we didn’t have love, then what I am I sitting here in Iowa all by myself for?

I fully believe that you should proclaim your love to those that you love every chance you get.

I will say it in the heat of an argument to remind myself that I do love him and whatever we are fighting about is really not a big deal.

I will say it randomly and out of the blue just to feel some love.

I will say it to be romantic.

I will say it to compliment something that Tom has done for me.

I will say it because Tom is doing something uber cute that makes me fall for him just a little bit more.

I will say it to remind Tom that I am always here for him no matter what life throws at us.

I will say it anytime we have to say goodbye or before we go to sleep.

I will say it because I am not always sure if this time will be the last time. And I want him to know that I do. No doubts.

I say it because that’s how I feel, and why wouldn’t I reiterate to my husband that I love him dearly anytime I can?

We should say those three words when we feel it. Yes, there is a lot of meaning when you put it out there, so it shouldn’t be said unless you actually feel it. But love is meant to be shared so let it out and tell people that you love them.

During Tom’s basic training, I wrote him a letter each day because you don’t get to interact any other way. And each day I ended it with, “I love you more than yesterday.” Love should grow. So each time I say it, it means a little bit more.

So that couple in my opinion was wrong. You should say it as many times as you can. We all need real love. It is fundamental.

(I will add that this couple also told us to sniff diapers and charcoal to learn more about each other. So I am not sure how much I would actually take their advice in the first place.)

My craft tonight is inspired by Tom and I’s journey of love.

It was really easy to make.

You need:

maps (I ended up just printing them of the internet because some of the cities I needed were on state borders and thus meant they were on the crease in the atlas. )
3 part picture frame
marker

I cut the maps down to size and then traced the words with a marker.

Tom and I met in KC, MO; got engaged in Savannah, GA; and married in Jeff City, MO.

Also fun fact, KC is where I grew up and JC is where Tom grew up. I think that is just fun that they sandwich Savannah where we would like to retire someday.

We might add other frames with the places that we have lived together since it looks like we still have a few travels ahead!

January 3, 2013 by Stephanie

Memories of Us

Today is my husband’s birthday. There was no cake with sprinkles, no picking out a lobster to eat and watching Tom scarfing down everything in sight at Red Lobster, and no trip to Jax to peruse the gear we need for our bunker. So we are postponing the celebration until he gets back, as with most things during this deployment. I did sleep in for him, and I did go to Red Lobster but I was pretty conservative on my lunch. I just didn’t want to end up like this after a seafood overload…

It does stink to have holidays come and go and not be able to make new memories with each other.

I guess you could say though we are still making memories, they just aren’t the traditional ones most people are having. These months have been difficult, but it has given us strength and an experience to be really proud of.

And sometimes the memories are all we have to get us through this last little bit.

So in honor of Tom’s birthday, I thought of memories from our relationship to highlight his 28 years. I promise it won’t get to mushy.

Meeting at Worlds of Fun both as supervisors of our respective departments-later to hear that Tom used to find excuses to come into the park to see me before he asked me out. One being a park wide power outage and “happening” to come to the ride where I was coordinating an emergency evacuation.
The whole asking me out scenario-He had just pulled over my brother for running a stop sign and thought Randall had stolen my car. Then as Tom was asking me out, he spit gum at me. And I still said yes…
Seeing Blue October live in KC
Having our last year in Warrensburg together
Moving me to and from South Carolina, and Tom being an awesome partner who drove the truck both times so I could get into my car coma
Building elaborate sand castles every time we are at a beach
Fudge, Moccasins, and Ninja weapons. Enough said.
Building a laser obstacle course in our apartment with two lasers and lots of mirrors, then singing the theme song to mission impossible as we tried to roll through it.
Watching Tom with Grace.
Watching Tom with Ava (his sister’s daughter)
Nights on Pine Street
Friday Night Date night means Hy-Vee Chinese and a movie rental.
Taking care of me when I have food poisoning, which unfortunately has happened more times than I would care to remember
Making the ribbon streamers for our wedding and making up ribbon dances in our apartment to “test them out”
Tom being the first person to tell me Boy Meets World is going to have a sequel. This is a big deal folks, especially since he called me from Afghanistan to do so.
Hearing Tom’s end of the world plans, which changes on a daily basis.
Being there to watch each other graduate from big milestones (undergraduate, graduate, basic training)
Me beating him repeatedly in miniature golf…
Our first date and being serenaded by a band at the restaurant
Having different opinions in how Rummy should be played
Going to Zoo Brew the past few summers
BASEBALL
Tom reciting how I talk jibberish in my sleep. (Basketball Time!)
Being cited by WoF employees on our second date at the KC zoo. We didn’t want to be tainted by the WoF rumor mill…
Making forts out of anything and everything
Helping me train for my first half marathon and singing “Push It” as we run.
The proposal story in Savannah, GA
Our perfect wedding

We have lots of memories still to make and many more birthdays to experience!

Tonight’s craft has been a long time in the making. I have been collecting plastic bottle caps for the past 6 months for this. For someone who doesn’t buy a lot of groceries and has reusable bottles, this took me longer than others. Half of these honestly came from when we cleaned out my grandparents’ fridge after the funeral. So I am sure if someone else was doing the collecting it might go a little quicker.

So you just need need enough caps to cover the canvas of your choice. Then you just glue them all to the canvas in the design you want. It took me awhile to organize them so it wasn’t all one color in a certain area.

But this is the final product!

Happy Birthday Thomas!

October 18, 2012 by Stephanie

Red Line Message

This is the subject line of an email that I received a few weeks ago. Red Lines are messages that are sent out to families to notify them that someone was killed where their soldier is located. In the message, it detailed that 3 soldiers attached to Tom’s unit were killed by a suicide bomber. (Now was this in the news? Not any that I saw. But that is a subject for another day.) In the letter, it does explain that it is not one of our 101st Airborne men, however this did not stop the panic attack that quickly ensued.

I know that the procedure is that I will be the first person to be notified if something were to happen. And I also know that it would be in person and not through an email. People in their right minds know these things. But I had just lost my grandparents, I hadn’t heard from Tom that day, and to top it off, I had just done a staff development activity on telling people around you that you appreciate them and not waiting until it’s too late, so my loopy mind kept going to the worst possible scenario. I was an absolute wreck that night. It was like that scene in “A League of their Own” when one of the players found out in the locker room her husband dies, and then Geena Davis lost it in a scene soon after because her husband was also in the military. I was Geena Davis, only my husband didn’t walk in to make it a magical moment. Bummer.

Tom was able to call me the next morning. He explained to me that he was no where near this incident, and the jobs were completely different than his. He also explained that when things like this happen they are under a “blackout” with communication which is why I hadn’t heard from him. This is so the families really are the first to know of the tragedy. Can you believe that people have found out from text messages from friends who heard before they did? So now they have very strict policies of how this information is disseminated.

Luckily, I do get to speak to Tom pretty much every day. They have phones and computers, and he does a good job trying to find time when I am awake to call. He is about 10ish hours ahead of us, so he is often calling in the middle of the night where he is just so he doesn’t disturb my slumber. Good man.

It still is difficult though. I never know when he is going to call. Each day his schedule and mine are different. I would be lying if I don’t look at my phone several times an hour hoping that it rings. I worry all the time about his safety. His calls are all I have to know that he made it through another day, well that and his updated Facebook statuses.

I try not to think about it too often to ward off anxiety attacks. I have a lot of personal pep talks in my head to try to stay positive and know that Tom is doing all that he can to come home safe with his unit. All those counseling classes from grad school are coming in handy for myself. Or I just keep myself too busy to really have time to think about it. But sometimes the waiting gets too rough, and I end up crying in the middle of a restaurant during the lunch rush. Yes this happened. And sometimes, I have to step out of a meeting because I haven’t heard from him in 24 hours and just need that peace of mind.

Today, we were able to Skype for the first time since he left. Even though it was for like 8 minutes, it was still awesome! I feel very fortunate that we get as much contact as we do.

For the most part, I do pretty ok with him being gone. I had gotten used to him not being here with basic last spring, so this wasn’t that hard of a transition since he left again so soon after. Grace and I had not really gotten used to him being home in the first place, as bad as that may sound. And unlike basic, we actually get to speak this time around! But there are a few moments every day where it hits me: Grace does something that is super awesome (which is pretty much her every waking moment) or I see “How I Met Your Mother” in our Netflix queue, or the dirty dishes are piling up in the kitchen…So I let myself wallow for a second, accept it and move on and clean those dang dishes.

That’s really all that I can do, otherwise I would be spending all my time in bed crying into a box of ice cream. You have to get up every day and live it, otherwise what are they fighting for? So I do and hope for the best. I mean 9 months goes by super fast right?

Ha, well speaking of 9 months going quickly, my latest project is for my very pregnant other half, Jeannette. She is actually due with little Herman tomorrow!

I crocheted Herman this wonderful little blanket and was able to hand deliver it to Jeannette while I was at home this past weekend. Maybe next time he will be ready to see me when I visit!