September 9, 2014 by Stephanie

George-Two Weeks

It has been two weeks since our life changed forever, and our little bundle was born. He has been home for one week, and we couldn’t be happier!

Since this blog is meant to document our life, I am planning on doing monthly updates on George’s growth and his overall cuteness. You’re welcome.

Weight: On Friday, he was 5 lbs 10 oz. That is 4 oz less than his birth weight. It is normal for babies to lose weight in their first few weeks, so nothing to worry about yet. Even though he is so little, it is still mind-boggling that he fit in my stomach.

Health: Friday we got the all-clear on his billy report. I am very happy to no longer have to worry about that jaundice. Also maybe his feet will heal. He has prick marks all over his heels where they drew blood daily. All of our doctor’s visits last week went very well, and the doctor was very positive about how far he has come.

Diet: He exclusively is on breastmilk. We are trading between breastfeeding and bottle feeding though. I feel like my life is dictated by his eating schedule and having to pump for him since he needs to eat every 3 hours.

Clothes: He is barely fitting into newborn clothes, and even some NB clothes he is drowning in.

Sleeping: When he isn’t eating, he is sleeping. Actually sometimes he is sleeping while he is eating. He is a fairly good sleeper, and it doesn’t take much coaxing from us to get him to dream land. Except last night. He cried from 10pm until 5:30am…and then as soon as Tom left for PT he was my sweet little baby again.

Likes: It’s hard to say what he likes at this point besides eating and being held. He does love sucking on his fingers and hands.

Dislikes: Getting changed and being naked. Screams bloody murder when he is naked.

Milestones: Breaking out of the NICU and increasing our breastfeeding sessions.

Quirks: When we give him his pacifier, he will shake his head violently back in forth as if he can’t find it before he latches on to it. He also grunts all the time. He still gets the hiccups a few times a day like he did in the womb. However, now they look so painful when he has them.

Worst moment of the month: Obviously everything about the NICU.

Best moment of the month: Bringing George home.

September 4, 2014 by Stephanie

They Put Baby in the Corner

I left off with George coming out of my belly at 5:17 pm.

Our hospital has a rooming in policy, and they are very big on giving the families as much time together. They first will check all his vitals and they have a few tests that the baby has to pass before leaving us with him for an hour.

Because I was on magnesium for about 19 hours, George took on some of the drug too. My side effects were to feel like death, so you can imagine the toll it took on George’s little 5 lb 14 oz body. The mag made him super sleepy and sluggish so he did not pass some of the breathing tests and reflex test.

So I was able to hold George for about 2 minutes before they took him to the nursery to get a closer look at him. Even then, he was swaddled in so many blankets all I got to experience was his bluish gray face, no counting toes or seeing those knobby knees. Tom did not get a chance at all to hold our little man at this point.

Not exactly how we imagined this to go.

I am not sure how much time had passed, I was high as a kite with the mag drip still coursing through my veins. It could not have been very long before the nursery nurse practitioner and attending doctor came to our room to let us know that they took George to the NICU to put him on oxygen.

He was not able to breath on his own. Those last few weeks are time for babies to fully develop their lung and intestines. So in addition to not being able to breath, he was also put on an IV because he could not feed on his own.

He was on the oxygen for 3 days, and the IV for two days.

Feeding George went from the having an IV, feeding him drops of breastmilk from a syringe, breastmilk in a bottle and increasing mL he took with each feeding, to finally testing the breastfeeding waters 5 days after he was born.

While in the NICU, they also did heart scans on him because he had a murmur at first. He had some holes, but they all turned out to be normal holes that all babies have due to being hooked up to an umbilical cord for 9 months. I wasn’t aware that the heart isn’t fully developed at birth, and that murmurs are pretty common in newborns. The second heart scan gave us some positive news that these holes were closing on their own like they should. We do have to do a two month follow up with a heart specialist in Nashville just to make sure he is still progressing.

He also has jaundice and had to be put on photo-therapy until the day before he left. He still has high billy levels so we are taking a few minutes outside each day to hopefully get that down on his own. They also say the more he eats the more he will work it out of his system. We are having to go back in every couple days to get his levels checked to make sure he doesn’t have to go back to the hospital for even more photo-therapy. We are trying to kick the jaundice like a bad habit.

But hey we got to see him rock these shades.

So that was the prognosis of why he was in the NICU.

That was all technical, but there are so many emotions that no one prepares you for when you have a NICU baby.

You always think that it wont happen to you, and that you will get to take home your little one soon after the birth. Yea you hear the stories and read the articles trying to get you to think about the possibilities. However, I think most of us choose to be optimistic and brush the forewarning aside.

Even if you do think about the what ifs, you are never ready for the shock of the news that your baby had to go to intensive care. That reality cannot be explained.

You cannot prepare for the feelings of being helpless as you see him being strapped to monitors and watch him cry as he is poked and prodded.

I was so overwhelmed the first time I saw him 28 hours after he was born. Overwhelmed with worry that something else could go wrong, but happiness that he is alive.

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You never think this is how you will spend time with your newborn.

You are disappointed that you can’t snuggle him close.

You are heartbroken that he has all of these gadgets attached to him.

You are taken over from anxiety that every knock on your door or phone call will be someone telling you even more bad news. So sleep isn’t really happening because each time I closed my eyes I feared the worst.

You are just scared.

I think you would expect those emotions to come but maybe not the depth of them and how paralyzing they can be at times.

The one that I was not expecting was the guilt.

Seeing that it was my blood pressure that caused George’s 3 week early entrance to the world, I felt like it was all my fault. I felt responsible for not being able to carry him full term so his lungs could develop. I hated myself and my body for not passing my first test as a mom. I felt like I had failed him. Why couldn’t I just get my blood pressure down for just a couple more weeks?

Maybe it was the delusional side effects of the mag drip, but I was so distraught that I was to blame that I would cry at the drop of a hat.

When you have a baby in the NICU, you also have to consider balancing your time. While we could go to the NICU any time we wanted minus the 3 hours they were closed due to staff changes, we needed to take time to take care of ourselves. Having a NICU baby is both physically and emotionally demanding. (not to mention having a baby period is physically and emotionally demanding) I would have stayed in there the whole time if I could, but I had family remind me that I needed to eat and sleep-you know basic functions of life. Once we left the hospital and weren’t just down the hall we had to keep in mind the time it takes to get to and from the hospital and how to break up the day to make the most of the drives. But all the while when you don’t go see him you think, “Are we being bad parents because we aren’t at his side every second?” How does he know that we love him if he can’t see us constantly?

Eventually you work through all these emotions, and a lot of it goes away for those moments where you get to hold his hand and you see his improvements each day. You start focusing on the positives and push aside the ugly emotions so you can celebrate the small (yet huge) strides towards being free of the NICU.

Holding George sans tubing for the first time was possible one of the best moments of my life. This happened three days after he was born.

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You realize that while the experience is difficult, it is a blessing to have the NICU staff taking care of your little one. He is getting 24 hour attention and being observed by professionals to encourage his growth. I would love to be the one giving him that attention, but let’s be honest I have no idea what I am doing so it was comforting to be able to chat with medical professionals every day on how to do things. Knowing they were taking ever precaution was comforting that we would have a healthy baby soon. We were able to ask all kinds of questions related to parenthood and how to be the best for George. It was like a gradual and practical introduction to taking care of our baby. It was very reassuring to have that help and guidance. Gotta look at the positives.

I was also able to get a lot of assistance and hands on help with breastfeeding which we would not have had outside of the NICU. Granted, we are still working on that because he still isn’t strong enough to do it for long, but the nurses were so encouraging and gave me some great advice for his particular situation. They made me feel better about issues that we were having, and I feel so much more at ease about the one thing that I was most anxious about prior to giving birth.

Coming home without George was definitely painful and devastating, but it gave Tom and I time to rest and get our house fully ready for our little guy.

We feel very fortunate for the staff who took care of him for his first week. George followed their guidance and was able to get stronger with each passing day. Every time we came to visit, he passed another NICU milestone and was one step closer to coming home with us. That week in NICU felt like an eternity too, but I know we are lucky that we had a positive experience and that it wasn’t any longer than the 7 days.

Our little guy is a fighter, and now we get to have him all to ourselves. And we are so thankful for that. The security blanket of having 24 hour staff to ask for help has been lifted, and they actually trusted us to take him home.

We can totally do this right?

I won’t lie, I had my first mommy panic attack sans hospital on the car ride home from the hospital…chalk it up to sleep deprivation.

Oh and they really did put our baby in the corner.

Thank you to everyone who said prayers, sent good vibes our way, or reached out with words of support. This was one of the most difficult weeks, and those thoughts in our direction were definitely appreciated.

Now I hope you are ready for George pictures in overdrive now that I have my hands on him full time. Check out #georgegram on my Instagram for the latest adorable thing.

As Tom put it about his sneezes, “It’s the most adorable thing. It’s like seeing a puppy ride a pony.”

August 21, 2014 by Stephanie

36 Week Bumpdate

Week 36

How far along: 36 weeks…He will be here in less than a month!

Sex of Baby W: He is all boy. We saw his little turtle. Also the old wives tale about little boys drying out your hands may be true. My hands have been so dry like it is the middle of winter.

Weight gain: I have gained 19 pounds. I feel gross from sitting all the time. I am packing on the pounds now, and feel like a chunky monkey. Also people are really judgy about pregnancies. Last week at one of our check ups there was a woman who mocked me for going to the bathroom several times while we waited. She said to Tom that I had no idea what it was like to be pregnant like her at 21 weeks and to just wait for what my bladder will feel like when I am farther along. First of all, I know that I am smaller, but I know that I at least look like I am 20 weeks…And secondly, I am much further along than you, and I definitely know what it feels like to be pregnant while I sit on the toilet every 45 minutes. While there are common things about pregnancies, people really need to remember that each of us will have a different experience and never say “You don’t know what it is like to be pregnant.” Do you not see this bump?

Size of Baby W: He weighs 5 lbs and 13 oz. He is closing in on how much I weighed when I was born (6 lbs and 4 oz). He should be about the size of a head of lettuce right now. We have another ultra sound this afternoon to see how much he has changed in the last week. He was in the 41% last week, which is way better than the beginning of July when he was in the 13%. If he would have been below 10%, George may have come last week…We need him to keep bulking.

Maternity clothes: Since I am no longer working, I wear yoga pants and t-shirts all the time. Also putting pants on is hard friends. I can’t really bend over nicely or I lose my balance so I have to sit on the bed to put on pants.

Baby items: We did our big discount trip with our registry last week, so we still have a few items trickling in from those shipments. We have been having fun playing with the baby monitor the past couple days. If you want to see more of our nursery you can see my posts here, here, and here. I also will have a few more things to show in the upcoming weeks so stay tuned!

Stretch marks: Nothing so far.

Belly button in or out: I have a flattie still, but it looks like it is expanding. Sometimes though it dips back down.

Sleep: I actually have been sleeping pretty well the past few weeks. I feel like I am barricaded by pillows, but I do a pretty good job of staying asleep most nights. There are only a few nights where I have to get up to pee.

Best moment the past few weeks: George passing all of his tests and getting to see how big he is during our ultrasound.

Worst moment the past few weeks: Being diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and all the hospital visits. I have been to the hospital 4 times in the last 3 weeks and had 4 separate doctor’s visits. My blood pressure is basically sky-rocketing and I have protein in my pee, which means my liver is not doing what it is supposed to be doing. Pre-eclampsia happens to many women during pregnancy, and there really is no rhyme or reason why you get it. I never had high blood pressure before in my life. The concern though is that if it is not monitored it can turn into eclampsia which causes seizures, which you can guess is super bad for baby. Luckily my blood tests are coming back normal so we are still in the just monitoring phase, but this is something that could change fast and without me noticing. The thing is I feel fine, so it is hard to know what your BP is doing. That is why it is called the silent killer. Not terrifying at all for someone who is supposed to keep her blood pressure down right? So I am on bed rest to hopefully keep things calm. However, what bed rest does is just give me time to focus on all the bad things that could happen and stress myself out! We go in twice a week for two different tests now. One test is a non-stress test where George has to move so many times in a 20 minute period and they watch his heart-rate to make sure it is reacting properly. He has passed the two we have had so far. They call him a happy baby every time, which makes me happy. The second test is with an ultrasound, and again George is being tested. They check for several different things that he does to make sure he is growing on track. The only thing he didn’t pass was the practicing breathing. The doctor said this is pretty normal since they aren’t doing this around the clock, and she has seen him hiccup in other appointments. He did enough of the activities to pass the entire test though, so that is a bonus. Because he is doing well in there, we are trying to keep him in the incubator just a little longer and will monitor my body for any other issues. We will not be making it to our due date (Sept 15th) though, and we will be induced at least by 39 weeks if it doesn’t happen naturally otherwise. It may be earlier if I keep sucking on my tests. Hopefully we can at least make it to next week because 37 weeks is more of a safe zone for a delivery. I just need to get myself under control, but it looks like he will be an early September or late August baby! The doctor is pretty hopefully that we will still be able to do everything naturally (besides the induction part to get it started), which is great because I want to avoid a c-section if I can. We have been really blessed with the amazing care we have received throughout the entire ordeal. It’s just all a little stressful to sit and wait and hope for the best.

Miss anything: Not being confined to my couch. I also miss seat belts fitting normally. The way it lays now because of the belly, it cuts off my boob and feels like it is strangling me. Also I miss my boobs not touching my belly. I don’t have big boobs at all, so this has been VERY weird and uncomfortable to get used to. Like seriously, boob sweat is awful….

Cravings: I haven’t really had any the past few weeks.

Movement: He is pretty active still. He normally perks up a little more after I eat. I can also play with him a little if I am concerned about him, so he is really reactive to people pushing him around (which is great for all these tests). It was also fun to actually see his foot that he likes to push in the same spot on my right side during the ultrasound. You never really know what body part that is that is poking you, so it was cool to see it was indeed that big foot of his. He also favors sitting on my right side more than the left, which has made for some pretty awkward belly shapes the bigger he gets. Lately, he has been getting hiccups so hard that they hurt me a little bit. He also gets hiccups a couple times a day now.

Symptoms/how I am feeling: Besides going stir crazy due to this bed rest, I have had a few other issues that are related to the pre-eclampsia. I have had some blurred vision and headaches. I also have had some upper abdominal pain, which is what has sent me to the hospital a couple times just to be safe. I have been pretty lucky that I haven’t had any swelling though.

Looking forward to: Little man making his debut! I can’t believe it is almost here! Our plan is to have everything George ready by the end of this weekend. We are almost there! We also had to move our maternity pictures since Tom had staff duty the day we were supposed to have them. Thank you last minute planning Army. I really hope we make it that long to have them on our rescheduled date!

36 weeks

Since we aren’t sure how much time we have left, this may be my last update. Depending on how much notice we have, I will try to do one last update before we deliver. But no promises friends.

Tom and I were having a conversation about whether he would come on his due date a few weeks ago before all this induction talk went down. However, I said, “Do you think he will come on his birthday?” Tom replied, “I assure you he will come on his birthday.” Apparently I was already throwing the due date out the window…

August 12, 2014 by Stephanie

Cribs: Baby Edition

So this might be somewhat different than a spotlight on MTV. No crazy lighting, trick doorways or indoor pools here…Darn.

The nursery is finally in a place where I feel like I can share things without showing our messy storage woes.

I am going to show you all it in pieces, because well, let’s be honest, it’s still not all together.

And we have 5 weeks to go, no big deal.

First up on the baby room show and tell: Crib bedding.

I don’t think Tom and I ever really discussed having elephants as the “nursery” theme. I think it went down something like me showing him a picture from Pinterest, and he said ok. And then here we are.

I have always loved elephants, and luckily Tom is fine with being on that train. We have them all over our living room, and our spare bathroom also has elephants stamped all over it.

It seemed like a great nursery theme, and people have been kind of running with it.

I can’t blame them. Elephants are the greatest.

When my mom was here in June, we made the crib skirt, blanket, and a small pillow.

I found some gray fabric online for sale, and it matches the curtains we already had in the second bedroom. Then we picked up solid orange and blue fabric here in town.

I showed my mom a picture, and she worked her magic with making it happen. She used a pattern from a different bedding set, and we (I mean Mom) tweaked it as we went to fit my idea.

It was my first time using patterns, so it was definitely a learning experience.

I did help! But most of it was all Mom.

Here is the layout of the blanket.

We made the bed skirt so it just lays on the springs/crib bottom.

So there is a white middle with the skirt on the sides.

You can’t see the blue all the way around because of the current height we have the crib and how it lays with the rails. Once we move the crib up or down to fit George’s demands, you will be able to see the blue more.

For the blanket we made two identical sides and put thin batting in between to make it thicker. We sewed the eyes of the elephants to add some strength to the middle parts and so the batting wouldn’t move around.

The pillow was just made out of scrap pieces and then stuffed to my heart’s content. I might make more pillows here soon if I get inspired before he is delivered.

I know the pillow and blanket won’t be in there when he is sleeping, but it will be nice to have for other things.

I wasn’t sure how I would like the brown against the gray, but I actually am digging it. We knew we weren’t going to paint the rocking chair we already had, so brown was here to stay, and I just hoped that the gray fit in!

We have lots of fabric still left over, so there are some other projects I have in mind, like huge floor pillows. That will come later though, possibly after a move.

It is super simple, but I love that. Babies don’t need crazy elaborate. Plus it was an experience making it. I am also pretty proud of us knowing that my mom and I did that instead of just going and buying it.

Although, we did buy the fitted sheet. Ain’t nobody got time for that elastic sewing…

Huge shout out to my mom for bearing with me as I struggled to understand patterns, freaked out about sewing machines not working, and feeling like I had the touch of death. She really made all of this come together. My mom is the best!

And in honor of elephants, today is World Elephant Day!

Here are some awesome elephant things for you to enjoy.

Elephant and Mirror

Eye Opening Facts About Elephants

Seriously the Most Adorable Clips of Baby Elephants

August 4, 2014 by Stephanie

Never Volunteer An Introvert…Unless There Is A Competition

Last week, Tom and I had our last baby class. Five weeks of class means that we are totally ready for George right?

This last class was all about infant care and what to expect after delivery and those first few days at home.

Yes we got to play with creepy infant dolls.

So we are going along in the class, and it is actually pretty beneficial. Some stuff I already know from common sense, but how my son may be circumcised was new for me. Learn something every day…

Anyway, I am feeling good about this process and not stressed at all about having to take care of a human being soon.

Then the nurse asked for 2 couples to volunteer. She didn’t say why, just that she needed volunteers.

I gave Tom a glare and mouthed, “Don’t you dare. Do NOT volunteer us.”

If there is one thing that I as an introvert hate more than anything, it is being surprised into an activity in a room full of strangers. Cue panic attack in my head.

I just keep looking at Tom pleading with him not to break the silence that has entered the room.

No one wants to volunteer here. And I especially do not want to do something in a room full of soon-to-be-new parents so they can see how un-ready we are.

My husband, the big extrovert, jumped up and said “Oh we’ll do it,” as he grinned mischievously at me. He said something quippy about being an introvert and just giggled at me. I don’t remember what he said because I was dying inside.

I was not very happy with him. I did a teenagery pout up to the front as we waited for another couple to volunteer for this mysterious task. I did not want to look at my husband. How dare he volunteer me for such random torture.

Finally another couple (well a mom-to-be and her mom) stepped up to the plate.

The nurse explained that we were going to race to properly diaper, clothe, and swaddle one of the naked baby dolls. The trick though was that we had to hold hands and could only use our outer hands to do the task. So instead of having 4 hands, we only had two. And by the way we were standing also meant that we would be using our non-dominant hands for the task-I had my left and he had his right.

Oh this random activity that my husband forced me into is a competition.

Game face on!

Tom and I are very serious when it comes to competition.

And can you believe it that the other couple tried trash talking us before-hand? The mom-to-be tried scaring us even further saying they had a ringer with Grandma being a baby expert on the team.

Bring it.

You can’t make me more nervous lady. My husband just blindly volunteered his introvert wife. Your trash talk only fuels this fire to get this thing done with.

So Tom and I joined hands for the competition of a life-time. Yes it is that serious when you are in a room full of strangers trying to prove you can be parents together. (Because this race totally means that we are going to be experts at being parents…)

We made that baby so comfy in that diaper, onsie, swaddle blanket! Everything just went so smoothly. We owned that activity. Tom and I communicated coolly and quickly to make our baby not be a creepy flasher. Then we held that baby up Lion King style. I call that a parent success.

And we killed it with time. By the time we finished, the “expert mom” and her spawn were still fumbling with the onsie.

But I am not trying to rub it in or anything…Ok I am.

Take that! We are going to rock this parent thing.

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Plus we got a goody bag with some diapers and wipes for winning the race. So maybe it was ok to be volunteered by the hubs. I can’t say no to free diapers.

But now I can sit down and calm my heart rate.

Does you partner ever volunteer you for random things? Are you competitive?