October 30, 2014 by Stephanie

My Husband Is NOT My Best Friend

I know a lot of people claim that their spouse is their best friend.

I am not one of those people.

Yes, Tom is the love of my life. Yes, he is the one person who knows me the best. Yes, he is my favorite person to be with. Yes, I love seeing him every day.

But he is not my best friend.

That spot in my life is reserved for someone outside of my marriage.

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Here are just 3 reasons why I believe you need to have a best friend who is not your spouse/partner.

1. You need to have someone you can go to who isn’t your partner. Sometimes it is nice to talk/vent to someone else. You get a different perspective on things. I don’t condone talking bad about your partner, but let’s be real sometimes you need to let out some steam. You need to have your person that you trust and know will keep you grounded. Plus there are some things that Tom just doesn’t get because he is a dude, and the same works for him. My lady hormones are sometimes too much, and he needs some man talk.

2. I can’t hang out with my husband all the time. That is the best way to get into a funk or drive each other crazy. Change of pace and company is nice. (I think this goes for anyone, not just those who are romantically involved.) Sometimes you need space. It is here that you can find new energy and be reminded why you love your spouse in your time away. I feel that if you spend ALL your time with one person eventually you will either get bored or just annoyed because you aren’t having any time away . I think when you don’t have that space you start to see little quirks and make them into big quirks that you aren’t fond of. So space in my opinion is good. Think about why vacations are good for your soul. It may sound bad, but every once in awhile I need a vacation. Hopefully you get what I mean.

3. It takes away the pressure to be EVERYTHING for your spouse. If I didn’t have friends, I would be solely dependent on Tom for every need. That is a lot of stress to put on a relationship. Tom and I having a best friend outside of our marriage allows us to be better partners because we know we don’t have to be everything to each other. The fact is that I don’t like everything that Tom does. My ideal Saturday morning is not one where I lug metal around to recycling yards. If I was his only friend, I would come to resent the fact that this is how we spend our Saturday mornings even if it makes him happy. Then further down the road, I would probably start to ruin his fun with my disdain for the activity. By letting Tom have someone else who likes all the four wheeling and car repairing, this means that I don’t have to dislike the time we spend together but yet Tom is filling that need. And that leaves time for me to watch college football or Dawson’s Creek with my best friend, which are things Tom does not particularly enjoy. In the end it means both of us are happy, which is what we want for each other anyway.

I understand that the definition of best friend is going to be different to everyone. So if you view your partner as your best friend, I don’t hate on that! Also please note that this doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate or see the importance of focusing on quality time with your spouse/partner. (Seriously, Tom is the person I have most contact with in the world, so it would be pretty bad if I hated that time.) The moral of this post would be that there is a lot of value in having friendships outside of your marriage.

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Tom would probably not get as into the dressing up as Annette and I do…

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There have been countless costumes or silly outfits we have worn over the years.

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My best friend was here this last weekend. It was great to have some gal time with her. We have known each other for almost 10 years, and our relationship predates Tom and I’s. It is always so nice to be together because I know it will be a fun carefree time. We can be open and honest about everything and just enjoy ourselves no matter what we are doing. And no matter how long it has been since we have talked with each other or seen each other, it is like we never missed a day.

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Annette and I have been through a lot together. We have been through through breakups and budding relationships, through disappointments and triumphs, and everything in between.

We attempted to learn N’Sync dances and created interpretive dances together and road tripped to New Orleans. We have puddle jumped and ran in the snow. We have cheered on our favorite sports teams. We played our hand at being hamster parents, which was an epic fail. We worked together at Worlds of Fun and are brothers in Phi Sigma Pi together. We spent our senior year as roommates and have since traveled to see each other every year no matter the distance. I seriously could go on for pages with the memories…

Because of her, I am not only a better person, but a better spouse.

We are going to grow to be old best friends at the senior home with purple and yellow walkers.

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What do you think? Is your partner in life also your best friend? Or do you fill that role outside of that relationship?

October 29, 2014 by Stephanie

Talks with Tom #31

Tonight is Game 7 of the World Series.

And my Royals are IN IT!

Last night was a fantastic game. It was the highest shutout since the 1985 series, uh when we were in it the last time. When we do something, we do it big and in style. Nothing like making records along the way!

And it is so beautiful that it will be ending in Kansas City.

We earned this even though so many thought it wasn’t possible…eh hem Joe Buck…

Today’s conversation with the husband happened during one of the amazing games we have been able to watch this last week. Talk about good baseball!

Tom- If I owned the Giants, I would only hire big dudes. That way I can say I actually have a team of Giants. And I would pay them with giant checks too, like the giant sweepstakes checks.

LET’S GO ROYALS!

Did you see last night’s game? Will you be watching game 7?

October 26, 2014 by Stephanie

George-2 Months

“Oh hey I am 2 Months Old.”

Weight: At his appointment last week he was 8 lbs 13 oz. At our home scale today he is right over 9lbs. He is also 22 and a half inches long compared to the 20 when he was born.

Health: We did see the doctor for his acid reflux because he was just miserable. We now have medicine that seems to be helping with the comfort a little. He still spits up a lot of what he eats, but it hardly comes out the nose anymore. He does have terrible gas so that may be some of his discomfort still. Seriously he farts like a grown man, like his father in fact. We have his 2 month check up this week so hopefully he gets a good grade. We also have his cardiology appointment this week to make sure the holes in his heart have closed up. Hopefully it is a just a routine check-up from being born early. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers on that one!

Diet: He is doing much better with breastfeeding. I have a post completely about our breastfeeding experience, but I can’t seem to hit the publish button…

Clothes: He is still rocking newborn clothes. He is filling them out much better now. I am kind of glad that we have been able to put a lot of good use to this size. A lot of people said that he would grow so fast out of them, but we have had the opposite experience. He can fit lengthwise into 0-3 month clothes, but he doesn’t fit them width wise. It looks like he should have shoulder pads in there. I have been putting him in his Royals gear despite them being a little roomy for all this World Series goodness. Also not sure who makes baby clothes because real buttons should NOT be on newborn clothes. I also prefer the snaps on the butt to zippers.

Sleeping: He is doing sooo much better with sleeping. I think there are a couple reasons for this. 1) We have a pretty solid routine now, so he knows what to expect. We were still trying to figure out all of his feeding woes that first month. 2) We have this reflux medicine that helps calm his stomach juices a bit which allows him to sleep longer. 3) We don’t put him in the crib anymore. We have an inclined bassinet, and the doctor said this is the best way for him to sleep until he gets over this acid reflux. As much as I would love for him to be adjusted to his crib, I would much rather for all of us to get sleep. Even when I try to put him down in it for a brief moment during the day so I can go to the bathroom, he will barf all over that crib. We’ll revisit the crib again in another couple weeks.

Likes: He loves the stoller and car rides. He is pretty fond of his pacy. (Not sure how they always go missing. Seriously, we have 6 or 7 of them, but they always seem to be MIA when we need them.) He also loves when we dance around during music time. His favorite songs right now are “Wheels on the Bus,” “Monkeys Jumping on the Bed,” “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” “Down by the Bay,” and “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” He also loves when Tom sings to him; so do I. He loves laying on our chests. He will fall right asleep most of the time this way if he is fussy. I think he also uses this to his advantage and knows what he is doing. He just started loving his kick and play. He stomps the heck out of those keys.

Dislikes: He still hates being naked and diaper changes. He doesn’t like when I walk the dogs and leave him out of the fun. He also does not like tummy time unless it is on our chests. (My dislike is that he has started grasping which means he unintentionally scratches. Scratches and breastfeeding are not a good combo…)

Milestones: He is sleeping through the night!! He started smiling at us the last week. Melt my heart. He holds his head up for brief periods of time. He can’t turn over when he is flat, but he can flip himself from his stomach to his back when he is on his boppy. He is starting to grab things (mostly my hair and tshirts). He has been grabbing his pacy and attempting to put it in his mouth. Most of the time, he misses, but he has thrown it into his mouth a few times. He also found his toes during this photo shoot.

Quirks: He belches like me and farts like his dad. Nice to know he got our best traits. He has a lot of new gurgles, grunts, and squeals that are fun to decipher. He still has great facial expressions.

We parents are: doing great! I have been feeling stronger and much more normal this month. I just love being his mom. Postpartum hair loss is real. I am constantly shedding fistfuls of hair. It is slightly disturbing how quickly it comes out. Tom thinks that George hates him though. He feels that George cries a lot more with him than he does with me. I keep trying to tell him that a lot of it has to do with the fact that he is with George during his most difficult time of the day. And babies cry…it’s a thing.

The dogs are: kind of leaving the baby alone. They will hang out in the nursery with us, but they don’t really come near him much anymore. The novelty has worn off I guess. Crosby has learned how to play George’s kick and play piano, which is super funny to watch. Grace will sometimes give George the stink eye when he is crying.

Just throwing up those baby signs.

October 24, 2014 by Stephanie

A Day in Our Life

I have had several people ask how mommyhood is treating me. Now that we are on a routine, I am feeling a lot better about things. Our days are fluid and change a little but for the most part we have a pretty good schedule going.

Here is what a day looks like for us right now.

Around 5am- George starts stirring. If he gets whiny, I will pick him up and snuggle with him until Tom leaves for PT.

Between 5:30-6am- Tom lets the dogs out and then leaves for PT. I get up and wash my face and brush my teeth to scrub away the night. Then I get George up and change his diaper. Then I feed him. This can last anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes depending on how feisty George is feeling.

7am- I make my breakfast and watch Good Morning America. Depending on how awake I feel, my breakfast will either be scrambled eggs or cereal. I let you guess how that goes on the sleepy scale. Also there is always coffee.

8am- Tom comes home from PT and has his breakfast. This is about the time that George and I snuggle on the couch for a nap until he needs to eat again.

9am- Diaper change and feeding time for George. This is also the feeding time that Grace and Crosby wrestle through the entire house, which sounds like a stampede going through the house.

9:15am-Tom heads back to work for the day.

9:45-11am-George and I play. We sing and dance to songs. (Baby Einstein is the best channel on Pandora. Most of the time it is rock in lullaby form. The other day, Tom came home to me singing “Dude Looks Like a Lady”) We do some vocabulary cards and read. We end it with some time on the kick and play while I catch up quick on emails and other social media. Trying to type with one hand is hard friends. We do this until he falls asleep.

11-12pm- I workout. I have a Wii game that is this virtual trainer. It has customizable workouts that tailor to my goals, so it is nice to get some focus on me while George is taking a nap.

12pm- Diaper change and feeding time for George. I usually end this with a book that sends him to sleep.

1pm- I eat lunch and watch something saved on our DVR. (Somewhere between 11-2, Tom comes home for lunch. It varies every day so I am never really sure if he will come home for lunch.)

1:30-3:30pm- I do chores around the house. Some days, I will be honest only the bare necessities of cleaning happen in this time frame. This is also the time where I run errands if I need to because he sleeps this whole time.

3:30pm- Diaper change and feeding time for George.

4pm- George does some tummy time. This last for bout 5 minutes before he starts screaming. So we do this cycle of trying for 5 minutes than I hold him and play music, and then once he is calmed down we try again. Do other babies cry during tummy time? I always see pictures of kids loving this. I really think he has an issue with being completely horizontal and flat. Are we alone in this?

He usually rolls himself into this position if he isn’t crying about tummy time. He will just stare at me like he is saying “You can’t make me be on my tummy or my back.”

Around 5pm- Tom comes home. He takes over George duty, and I go for a walk with the dogs.

6pm- We make dinner and then eat said dinner.

7pm- Diaper change and feeding George time. This is the only feeding that happens downstairs because we are usually watching a TV show and having family time. The rest of the day George and I are upstairs in his room during feeding times..

5-9pm is also known as George’s witching hours. He isn’t always fussy the whole time, but generally during this block of time he has some rough moments. This is really the only time of day that he is on the struggle bus past a diaper change and being naked. So we take turns holding him and loving on him while we watch TV.

10pm- Getting ready for bed time. Some days this includes a bath, but we are not there yet to him having one every night. We do a diaper change, and I cover him with lavender baby lotion. This is the worst diaper change of the day. It’s right after his fussy time of the day. Plus, I make him get naked, and then subject him to water and lotion. A messy combination of all the things he hates. So this is usually a half hour of screaming the baby equivalent of “GET OUT OF MY ROOM MOM.”

10:30pm- Feeding time. I let him feed a little longer at this time than I do the rest of the day so he can get through the night. I then read him a bedtime story and sing “Twinkle Twinkle.”

Around 11pm- I put him down to bed. I get ready for bed myself. Usually by the time I have washed my face and brushed my teeth George will be asleep.

Tom and I usually spend a little time with the quiet for just us before we go to bed ourselves.

Then George sleeps through the night. That means that his parents ALSO sleep through the night. The other day he slept from 10:30pm to 7am. I woke up startled because the sun was peaking through our shades, and I still hadn’t heard him move! Glorious! (Then panic ensued because I thought he wasn’t breathing since he was so quiet.)

The weekends look a little different than the week since Tom is home all day. For instance, Tom and George usually join me and the dogs for the walks on the weekends. Generally, the feedings (ours and his) are the only thing that stay the same. Oh and my morning nap at 8am.

Also for the record, I do let the dogs out more than once a day. They have NO schedule and just go out whenever they decide they want to demand it, which usually coincides when the elementary school is starting and ending. Crosby does not like the neighbor kids passing by our door.

Showers for me don’t happen every day either. I still don’t feel comfortable not having some eyes on George, so I wait until Tom is home to take a shower. Since his schedule isn’t always consistent, I don’t always get a shower when I have planned on it. Should I just go for it and shower while he is napping? Ahh makes me nervous just thinking about it. I gotta cut the cord sometime I guess…

I try to spend as much time as I can holding him and loving on him. I know this time will pass, and he will soon be squirming and moving all over the place. So I try to stop and enjoy these moments throughout the day as much as I can. Who doesn’t want to miss their kid creeping them out by sleeping with his eyes open like he is here? I know I don’t!

Do feel out of whack when you aren’t in a routine? What is one thing you have to do every day to feel sane?