From A Distance

From a distance the world looks blue and green….anyone else have Bette Midler singing in their head?

Tom and I have had our fair share of time enduring long distance.

There was that time during grad school. Then we had it again our first year married when he went to basic training. The last time we tackled long distance, he was deployed.

We still have spent more time in a long distance relationship than we have in-person.

And we have been together for 7 and a half years…whomp whomp.

So at first when we realized that we would have to do long distance yet again for about a month, we thought it was no big deal.

We can do a month.

But y’all, I am here to tell you that a month is still hard!

This time we have a kid.

That for me was/is the hardest part of this separation. In times past yes we had things going on that we missed (holidays, traditions, random days, etc..). Yes one of those times, I wasn’t sure what Tom was doing most days and feared for his life.

But this one takes the cake on hard separation.

This time, Tom was missing out on big things in George’s life. And George was missing special time with his daddy.

That made this time much different. George made this one different and probably much more impatient with the situation.

Then add in that I was starting a new job and Tom was beginning his out-process in the Army, and the fact that we are in limbo land with a place to live.

A month is no big deal…

I actually think the shortness of it made it more difficult in some ways. Regardless of the time, long distance is hard.

Any long distance couple knows that communication is the key. The two of you have to find ways to keep connecting and be clear about whatever is going on with you.

That’s really the only advice I can give to those embarking on the long distance journey. Open communication. You have to figure out what that means to you. Even in our relationship, communication has looked different each time we have been apart. You have to adjust to the circumstances you are in. BUT open communication is still vital.

This time for Tom and I it meant texts and FB messaging throughout the day and calling Tom on my  commute. We didn’t chat much at night just because I usually fell asleep on the phone. Whoops. We Skyped a few times so George could see him, and I often had Tom on speaker so George could hear his voice on the phone.

Every day I would describe what new thing George did trying to keep Tom as involved as I could.

We have been searching for a place to live, so much of our Facebook chats have been sending each other links and discussing our options as I called realtor after realtor. (another blog post coming to you soon)

I will be honest, it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses. We are both very stressed and arguments have happened. You just have to work through it, and for us that means hammering it out even if it calls for a late night. We are firm believers in not going to bed mad, but I know that doesn’t work for everyone. (My mantra here is to adapt to your situation…)

There has been a lot of trust in this separation. Trust that I could find us a suitable home and a caring person to take care of George. Trust that Tom could successfully part ways with the Army in time and gather all of our belongings without wanting to burn it all. (We have a lot of stuff, and for that I am thankful my husband is a master packer.)

I will just say that I believe this time was harder for Tom then it was for me. His whole support system was here in MO (mostly in one house since I have been staying with his parents.) He also was finishing the arduous task of leaving the military. There are lots of briefings to attend and boxes to check off. Oh the paperwork…The list of things he had to turn in and sign was astounding. He also had the mission of packing up our house since I just brought my clothes and George’s things in my car when I moved after having a two week notice that I needed to move. It was a mighty big undertaking. He really is the best for dealing with all of that, and I love him for it.

Tom called me many times because he was bored and had nothing to do or he would be stressed because he had everything to do.

I also had our sweet baby, so again, harder for Tom.

Army paperwork or George’s diapers–Clearly, I had the better deal.

And while, I was sort of a single mom for the month, I was fortunate to have the help from my in-laws. It would have been so much worse without them.

I will say that because I had a new job and a baby to take care of, the month did fly by. (Keeping busy is also key to a long distance relationship in my opinion.) Still a hard month, but luckily it went quickly.

Tom will be home this weekend. (Like forever home together) We will officially be a civilian family. Crazy to think we started this roller coaster ride 3 years ago with the military. And in 7 and a half years, this is the first time I can safely say that Tom and I will never again live in different places. (Unless Taylor Swift comes to her senses and sweeps him up from me…)

It has taken a lot for us to get here. There were times in the last year that I never thought it would come.

God is good. His plans come together for us even if they don’t go as according to our plan. And sometimes His plan is better than we could have ever imagined. (You’d think we would learn to let go of our own plans and not think that our plan is the master plan…but I digress.)

So happy the three of us will be back together again in a matter of days!

Tom, we are almost there. We have been dreaming of this day for so long. I love you, and thank you for all that you have done to get us here.

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 Have you done long distance? What is your sage advice?

Talks with Tom #32

This weekend Tom was able to see George for the first time in 3 weeks. Unfortunately, George has also been going through a grumpy phase this past week. I think he is going through a growth spurt because he is always hungry, which outside of putting on lotion is the only time he cries. He is also really drooly so I also think he may be starting to teeth…ahhhh.

Anyway…

This is a conversation we had about George being a grumpy pants.

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Tom-I wish that he came with a Grumpy bag that we could just empty so he could be happy all the time. We could just empty it out like wooop…(as he demonstrated emptying a bag off of his side)

Me-So like a colostomy bag?

Tom-Well yea. Just squirt out the grumpy. Or you could clean it out with a q-tip like blooop. But no….

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Tom did get some smiles out of him before he had to head back to KY for his last week in the Army. Last week what!?!

George-3 months

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Weight: He weighs 11.4 lbs now. He has more than doubled his birth weight. I don’t know where my tape measure is right now to measure his length, so maybe I will find it before 4 months. It’s hard for me to see how much he has grown sometimes since I see him every day, and then I look at pictures and think holy moly he is a big boy.

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Health:  An update on his heart scans:  they went well. He still has some holes, but the doctor seems optimistic that they are normal and will close on their own. They are getting smaller, but they aren’t on par with most kids his age so we are going to have to go in again for another scan at 6 months to just keep checking the progress of them closing. The doctor did say that George is not reacting negatively to them so that is a positive sign that he is just fine. So hopefully that is the case. Otherwise, this kid is doing super health wise. He still spits up, but we now think most of that has to do with the fact that he just eats too much so it has to come back up. And now it is not violently painful for him so that is good news. He still looks like he is in pain when he farts/poos. The gas drops made him throw up more so we stopped giving him those. So we are just working through the gas issue with rubbing and warm cloths to make him not so tight.

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Diet:  Still exclusively breastmilk. This last week he has been pretty awful during nightly feedings. He will shriek in the middle and right after the feeding all the while doing windmills and burpees on my chest. I don’t know what his deal is, but he usually calms down about 20 minutes after we barrel through the feeding. He is not doing this when he is fed through a bottle or our first feeding of the day. Who knows. I did buy formula again (our previous back up stash is in KY.) I have not been pumping as much as he is eating through the day so we depleted our frozen stash again. Plus sometimes I don’t have the time to do a full pump session at work. I had to start pumping right after he does his first feeding in the morning to make that little bit extra for him. I think it is interesting that I can’t pump enough to feed him but yet he was doing just fine when he was just breastfed. So anyway, I bought formula again to have on reserve. I plan on writing more in depth about our new feeding adventure with pumping here soon too. Funny story about feeding: George’s cousin Ava, who is 5, is around him quite a bit. She gets upset with me all the time because I don’t let her feed him since I am breastfeeding. She said to me the other day that if she had a kid she would let me feed them. Way to guilt trip me Aves. She is helping babysit him today so hopefully she will get lots of feeding time with him to hold her over for a few days.

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Clothes:  We put away all the newborn clothes a week ago. Tear. He is rocking the 0-3 month clothes and some select 3 month items. Most are still pretty roomy but he is slowly filling them out. Another note about baby clothing items, I think it should be a rule that all pants are made with built in feet/socks. Baby socks are worthless 90% of the time because 90% of the time they do not stay on.

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Sleeping:  He does so well sleeping. He is still taking several naps a day, but he is also sleeping through the night. Which makes for one happy momma. His down for the night bedtime is 10pm. Then sometimes he will start stirring about 4:30, and then we wake up officially at 5am to get ready for the day. Since we are in limbo with our living situation and currently staying with my in-laws, we don’t have a crib. We were trying to make the Rock and Play still work for him, but he outgrew it for a full night’s rest. He can still nap in it for short periods of time, but when he fully stretches he bumps his little head on the top. My sister-in-law gave us a Pack and Play to use in the meantime until we get a house and unload the crib. I was concerned about him laying flat on his back and throwing up on himself which is why he was in the inclined Rock and Play for so long. But he has been doing great in the Pack and Play! I don’t think he has thrown up on himself during sleep time once since the switch, which was not the case a couple months ago.

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Likes: Gosh this kid loves to snuggle and be held. I don’t mind that one bit! And since we are living with Grandma and Papa right now, he really is never put down for the most part. He LOVES ceiling fans. We joke that he is making love poems about them. “Oh fan of mine…” He likes to stare out windows and at Papa’s fish tank. He loves being sung to and talked to. He is pretty content when he is put in his baby swing. He still wants a pacy a lot, but it is getting less and less the more talkative he gets. He still loves the Kick and Play Piano…and by love I mean he kicks the dickens out of it.

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Dislikes:  He still hates being naked and diaper changes. The worst part of his day is lotion time. It is absolute torture for him. Just dreadful. He screams so hard that I usually have to stop halfway and hold him so he will remember to breathe. Yes it is that awful for him. He does tolerate baths now, but not the dreaded lotion. He does not like it when you stroke his spine, which is the same ticklish spot that I have and makes me quiver. So we just have to remember to pat and not rub his back. He also is still not a fan when we are actively attempting to do tummy time, but he does nap on his tummy sometimes. Weird kid…

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Milestones:  He can hold his head up on his own now. We joke that we should have made him a bobble head for Halloween because that is what he looks like when he is trying to steady himself. He will stand (with much holding assistance); he likes straightening out those legs and putting his weight on them. He smiles and responds to people now. BEST THING EVER. We can get him to imitate a howling noise, and he will go back and forth with you. I am overcome with joyful emotion when he does this (seriously I have tears sometimes), but of course he doesn’t ever do it as well when I am trying to record it. Geez George, just trying to capture the memories. Anyway, he is definitely trying to find his voice now and figure out what that mouth can do. He rolls his tongue a lot and sticks it out like a lizard. And that stinkin’ smile is just adorable. He is doing great at the babysitter’s. The other kids love him, and I know he is just loving all the attention he gets. This past weekend he rolled on to his side. I don’t think he realized what he did because he has only done it that one time. He is throwing his booty up in the air quite a bit though while he flails his little legs around on the Kick and Play. I wish I had that sort of enthusiasm when I was doing leg lifts…So I think constant rolling is in our near future. So there’s that.

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Quirks:  He can raise one eyebrow. It is hilarious that he knows he is giving you the stink eye. He curls his toes, which is something that I do as well.

We parents are: doing fairly well. This month has been a little rough because we are apart and doing A LOT of transitioning. Tom is officially out of the Army on December 5th, and we are in search of a new home. So there is still a lot of things in a state of flux right now on top of the new job situation. We are making it work though. I have been trying to figure out a new workout routine because I have definitely been feeling like sludge since starting my new job. Also I am hungry 100% of the time. Breastfeeding can also be coined the suckage of all calories out of my body. Tom has been super bored by himself in KY, so it will be nice to be back together so we can be homebodies again.

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The dogs are: freaking out with the move process. They obviously aren’t with George right now, but they are definitely not acting themselves with us gone. Tom is in the midst of packing our home in KY, and they do not like living amongst all the boxes. They do move permanently back this weekend though, so we are happy about that reunion. They can be a big drooly mess together.

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This kid is just the best. Happy 3 months little man! Thanks for letting me be your mom!

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Talks with Tom #31

Tom hasn’t seen George for two weeks now. There is so much change that occurs in a 3 month old. I try to update him about all the little changes while we are apart.

This was a conversation last night.

Me-He is getting really good at talking. He will go back and forth with you.

Tom-Does he say words?

Me-No he doesn’t say words. He gurgles. (and I made the noise George does.)

Tom-What kind of teacher are you if you can’t teach a 3 month old words. And you call yourself an academic advisor.

Me- I know I have failed him, but in my defense my students should already know words by the time I get them.

Tom- Just saying, no child left behind.

Grr…he knows that NCLB is a big thorn for me and a huge reason why I left teaching in the traditional sense.

This weekend he can have a crack at it and teach him all the words.

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The Long and the Short of It

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That was me in 2013, which was the last time I donated my hair.

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I have donated my hair I think 4 times now since high school. It might be 5, but I can’t remember.

I go through cycles of growing it out to donate and then whacking it off. There are times though that I get frustrated with that “in between” phase and whack it off before I can donate it. Grad school made me impatient with it so I kept it short for those two years. Two years of growth lost…

Usually it takes me about two years of growing to get to the point of donations, hence the reason I get impatient.

Right now I am in that itching phase of doing something drastic with it. I hate the middle part. I love the way I look with short hair, and I love having long hair. This middle business is stupid.

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And I have never dyed my hair. I am too in love with my natural color, so that is not a solution to my bored dilemma.

I am glad to report though that I am past the dreaded shoulder phase. I really hate the phase that is between being short and being past my shoulders. I have thickish hair so it seems almost afroey when it is before the shoulders but past actually being short. It just doesn’t want to lay flat so it does a flare on it’s on with wreckless abandon before getting to the shoulders. See above picture. And there is NOTHING to fix it. This girl can’t do layers so it has to all stay at the same length so afro carefree blob thing it is. Can I get a halleluiah for making it past that part?

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I have had so many hair lengths over the years and ways of coping with the growing process.

Bangs…

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Perm…

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Layers…(see bad idea)

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Braids…

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Braids and bangs…

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Curls and bangs, which is different from perm and bangs.

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And tons of headbands and hairclipys.

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So you can see that I have had a variety of lengths and ways of styling it.

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But now I am in that phase that I am tired of it and am just annoyed with it.

I am annoyed that it gets caught in coats and shoulder bag handles.

It has become a handle for George to pull. And he pulls hard like he is holding on for dear life.

It takes so many minutes to dry. So many.

And there is hair EVERYWHERE. Seriously, I could donate what falls out of my head and have the same amount as the momentous cut. I find it on everything. I have at least one moment a day where I think, “how the heck did that get there?”

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I will say that as far as maintenance goes, I actually love having long hair more than short hair. I just have to remind myself that there are so many more possibilities to creating different looks with long hair. I love the versatility of it, but I just need to make myself do it. I love that I don’t have to actually wash/dry/straighten every day. For me with short hair I just have one option, so it is nice to have that flexibility. And when all else fails it can go in a braid or ponytail. Long hair don’t care. Short hair is drama and needs constant attention.

So we’ll see what happens when I get my hairs cut this weekend. I might get impulsey…

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What are you thoughts on hair length? Have you ever grown yours out to donate?