August 11, 2013 by Stephanie

Talks with Tom #7

My husband works out every day, sometimes two or three times a day. So with all these sweat sessions, he gets a pretty large appetite.

Tom-Part of me wants to eat healthy and have a small piece of cake. And part of me wants a big piece of cake because I don’t care.

Me-What part did you get?

Tom showed me the plate. He practically had half of the cheesecake on his plate, but into two distinct pieces-one large and one small.

Tom-I got a big piece and a little piece so both parts would be happy.

Me-The best part is that you have a little piece on your nose.

This weekend I was under the weather. I woke up several days last week with a sore throat and it just progressively got worse throughout the weekend. So I went to Pinterest to see if I could find a home remedy.

I saw one with ingredients we had in our pantry. It called for:

3 tbs lemon juice

1/4 cup raw honey

2 tbs coconut oil

We got this honey at the local farmer’s market. Local honey is always better for you than store bought. It can also help with allergies.

Anyway, back to the sore throat remedy. I mixed it all together. And the product made me want to gag just looking at it.

So I added some regular tea and then put it in the microwave for a few minutes to smooth out the coconut oil and honey. The tea also helped lessen the acidic taste.

It was still very very tart and acidic. It wasn’t too horrible but you have to drink it fairly fast because the coconut oil will harden back up.

So did it work?

Initially maybe it did soften up the harsh scratchiness. However the sugar and lemon juice made me a little more nauseous than I was before. So if you can get paste the taste maybe it will work.

But I still have a sore throat so you be the judge, and it is even worse today. Ok maybe I would need to use it more to test it out, but I just couldn’t get past the taste and wanting vomit.

So I just went back to my other home remedy of putting hydrogen peroxide drops in my ears. That seems to work after a few days much better!

Hope you all had a much more luxurious weekend than I did with my raspy voice and phlegm. I definitely have the man voice going. Although, Tom and I started season 8 of The Office and had online Chinese and Chipotle galore, which is exactly my idea of a perfect weekend.

What are you favorite home remedies for sickness?

August 9, 2013 by Stephanie

Friday Filter-Nikki Heat Series

One of my favorite shows currently is Castle. I have always loved mystery in stories. I guess because I hate it in real life so I live vicariously through the excitement of the stories, all the while knowing nothing is really surprising is happening to me.

In Castle, the main character-Richard Castle-is a novelist who shadows NYPD to get insight for his latest series.

Bonus for us, they actually hired individuals to write these books from the fictional novelist.

Fantastic.

I read the first four this summer. I was not able to put them down once I started.

I find it interesting that some of the covers look somewhat racy, and one of the main characters in the book Jameson Rook moonlights as a Victoria St. Clair-a popular romance novelist.

I will say that if you like the show Castle, you are going to fall in love with these books as soon as you start. The book characters mirror those in the T.V. show, so that was fun to see that. You can also tell that this was a love letter from Castle to Beckett, which in the T.V. show she takes a long time to realize. Ugh I can’t wait to see if she says yes or not!

The books all follow the lead detective Nikki Heat as she solves crimes. Each book focuses on one particular case (sometimes involving several murders), and with each book they of course get more twisted and more intense than the one before. I love sequels though because they just keep adding layers to the characters. And then you don’t have that sadness when you realize that your relationship with the characters is over. Deadly Heat is coming out in September, just in time for the beginning of the newest season!

In these books, there is always an attack on Nikki’s life, and of course how she barely escapes alive. Rook is always in the thick of it humorously trying to save Nikki. Sometimes doing so, but sometimes just putting in some romantic comedy. It is an action murder mystery at it’s best.

Just when you think you can predict the next suspect they twist you around and show you new details that has you gasping. There were many nights Tom begged for me to turn off the bedroom light and just go to bed. I just couldn’t put it down. (And now I read by a red bulb headlamp…)

I don’t want to give too much away on the plots because half the fun is figuring it out on your own.

Each book is slightly different and shows the variety of what happens in NYC. Throughout the four novels though, you watch Rook and Heat fall in love (much like Castle and Beckett). You see them razz each other, but also how to be there for each other when times get tough. You watch them break down each others emotional walls, which I believe was Castle’s way of telling Beckett he would be there when she was ready to be raw instead of closing up all her feelings. I feel that the underlying tone of how it paralleled the show’s characters is why I found it so endearing. You can tell that even though Castle was trying to pay homage to one of the great NYPD detectives, he was really trying to tell her that they were meant to be together and would protect her, while also making her laugh. There are parts of the book that had me busting up laughing (which makes for an awkward lunch when you are alone in the courtyard). Then there are other parts where I thought I was going to chew my finger off from nail-biting-induced anxiety.

My favorite one is the last book, Frozen Heat. The case is much more personal than those shown previously. It goes into detail about Nikki’s mother’s death and a web of spies. The plot twists are perfect. They are expectedly unexpected. This is really the only book that doesn’t finish the case completely, so you will have to read the next sequel to find out what happens to a certain spy. (I also find life of spies fascinating. Why they ever took PanAm off the air is beyond me!) But, don’t fret, some pieces of the mystery are solved. One, I almost threw the book at the wall I was so mad-in a “NO WAY” kind of mad, not a “I hate this story” kind of mad.

My absolute favorite part of this series though are the afterwards. Since it is “written” by Richard Castle, he writes what a typical author would as far as thank yous go. For some reason I just get a kick out of these because they are thank yous to his fellow characters in the show. (Thoroughly confused?) He also manages to thank the real live actors subtly as well. I find this to be captivating to go through this weird lens of imaginary and real-when it is all in fact imaginary. Fascinating.

These are a particularly easy reads that have suspense, love, and some hilarious moments. It is an investment for the series if you start one because you won’t want to be left wondering what happens to Rook and Heat. If you have never watched Castle, you can still easily read these and never miss a beat. I think they [T.V. and book] are both able to stand well enough on their own, but I think are made all the better if you are invested in both the show and the book series. Like I said, they are intertwined marvelously, and I believe that is one reason why I was so riveted by this series.

But hey, I am a fan so I am probably biased. I am also a sucker for the drama!

I hoped you liked my first entertainment review!

Friday Filters offer a review that are my own opinions and are not influenced by anything other than my love for entertainment and art.

August 7, 2013 by Stephanie

Forgiving the Imperfect

“I hate you. You ruin everything.” My niece said this comment this weekend when she didn’t get her way and disapproved how a conversation was going. Nothing like a sucker punch…

Then 5 minutes later we were all in her good graces again like nothing every happened and building a cave out of blankets and pillows.

Seriously we should all have this mentality of forgiveness. Be in the moment and let the past go. We probably shouldn’t go for the sucker punches and hurtful words though. My focus here is the carefree attitude and forgetting past grievances.

This is not always easy for me to do in my quest for independence and a need to be right. I am stubborn to a fault.

My marriage has been a constant reminder about the lessons of humility, not needing to be right ALL the time, and getting past arguments so they don’t impede on the future or our love for each other.

I heard this list on the radio recently.

The 5 dumbest things couples argue about:

5. Laundry

4. Staying out late without telling the other person where you are

3. What to watch on TV

2. Cell phone bills

1. Emptying the dishwasher.

Anything sound familiar?

5. I am not sure if we have had a fight persay about laundry, but I am sure we have nitpicked at each other. We have fought over our laundry machine though…

4. Staying out late…yep that has happened

3. What to watch on TV-you know I am not remembering a time where we have. We razz each other about what we like watching. Sometimes he will watch what he wants and I will read or vice versa. We watch a lot of things together too, so I think this helps stave off any “arguments.” We may have tip-toed around it when I first moved here but we have fallen into a pretty good groove that the anxiety went away. And having a DVR helps.

2. Cell phone bills-I know we have fought over the password, but not the actual bill. This was actually the worst fight we had while he was deployed. So silly.

1. Emptying the dishwasher-um sadly probably once a week this debate continues….Did I mention that both of us are a little bit stubborn and have a little bit of lazy in us? Funny though, that we switch sides and use the same arguments against each other. I also think we each are just waiting out the other to see who will break first. haha the age old gotcha game.

Arguments are inevitable. I don’t think that there is a secret recipe that you can shake at it that will let you avoid tiffs in your relationship. I think people are lying when they say they don’t get into fights with their spouse (or they are ignoring things and bottling them up for the fight of a life time or possibly divorce). You are two individuals living together trying to live in harmony all the time. Things are bound to get stressful, emotions are going to rise, and expectations will not be met. Insert fight scenario here.

But.

You can get past it AND still love each other.

It’s true.

Tom and I could not be more opposite (except when it comes to desserts and all things 90s music) which can be a recipe for disagreements, but we love each other through and through despite his hatred for musicals.

When I asked Tom initially about his thoughts on conflict, he said, “There is one simple step to conflict resolution. Soften up their defenses with a MK-19, wait until nightfall, and overrun their perimeter with a superior force.”

Then we had a real conversation about relationships. We came up with some of our top considerations/tips for confrontation with your significant other:

1. Think about big picture-

Me-Does it really make that big of a difference if Tom wants to stay over at his friends to camp over night? No, I was just being selfish and thought I would never see him again. Long lasting effects of long distance…I will see him again, and I know it’s not because he doesn’t want to hang out with me. In the end is what you are fighting about really worth what you and your spouse have together?

Tom-She is either going to divorce you or she’s going to get over it.

2. Recognize each other’s fighting styles

Me-Tom calls me out all the time because I like to retreat. I call him out because he likes to yell. Maybe those play against each other…Neither of these are helpful, but we know that is how we work so we have to try really hard not to push each other to those points just to get our thoughts across. There is also an element of understanding the right things to say (or not say) in these situations. There are some things that may push the person further into ‘smoke out the ears’ emotions, and that is not a place where harmony can occur. This also does not mean to use this knowledge to “win” arguments. In a marriage there are no winners of arguments.

Tom-When you are married, an argument is like a chess game.

3. Be constructively honest not destructively honest.

Me-I can’t blame Tom for how I reacted, but I can tell him why I felt the need to react the way I did. And when does pointing fingers ever really help the situation? But I feel that you need to be honest about what you are going through.

Tom-Sometimes people need to hear when they are wrong, except for me, I have never been wrong before. I take that back. One time, I thought my shirt was dazzling, but it turns out it was stunning.

(And we can see where number 5 goes into affect here.)

4. Actually listen to what the other person’s concerns are.

Tom-I don’t have a funny or quippy thing to say. That covers it.

Me-How can you apply their concerns to your behavior? Are they grounded? Seriously, did you do that? Which leads to…

5. Take ownership of your own mistakes and be willing to say “I am sorry for what I did.”

Me-Sometimes acknowledging it will make things better. But don’t just sorry to say sorry. You have to mean it and be genuine about your apology. No one is perfect, we should stop trying to be. If you can’t be imperfect in front of your significant other, we have some other things to hammer out.

Tom-If I ever screw up, I assure you I will be the first to admit it. But this generally doesn’t apply to me. (My husband is not confident or anything. I think he stopped taking this seriously after number one.)

7. Understand that saying sorry doesn’t always cut it and smooth things over.

Me-Be ready to offer how the future may be different because of the lessons learned here. What can you do differently? Talk about compromise-where can both of you give in a little? You can learn from this confrontation. Learn to become a stronger unit because of it.

Tom-Sometimes it is a good idea to go down to the shoppette and get her an ICEE just in case. Do something nice.

8. Make each other laugh.

Me-Tom and I are really good at diffusing the situation and making each other giggle. (Can you tell by his responses?) This helps us clear up the angry and get back to the heart of it. And really once you start laughing, everything seems better.

Tom-It doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing, we can always be happy.

9. Lastly, don’t let arguments linger.

Tom-If the argument goes longer than 20 minutes, I have forgotten what we were arguing about.

Me-This is Tom and I’s style. We don’t fight for days, or really hours. We hash it out and then try to move past it. I think this also goes for a time frame of when an argument is relevant. If you can’t bring up an issue in the designated window, is it really all that big of a deal? If you draw out a fight, emotions only have time to fester and think about all the things that you thought the person said (that they never said) and reading into the situation and applying it to every encounter under the sun….Stop. This is where forgiveness begins.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:31-32

So just like a kid, say what you need to say, and then become best friends again. Be tenderhearted and forgive each other so you can grow even more in love. Understand that every day won’t be a Disney fairytale, but if you are honest and open and fearfully love each other, I think you’ll be alright (and maybe your next romantic comedy storyline). You didn’t get married because you were perfect, but because you were finally able to be imperfect.

I am still learning and still trying to be a better wife. Creating this list by no means makes me an expert. Just this past weekend, I will admit I did something stupid and hurt Tom with my nasty emotions. But my husband showed me some forgiveness and we talked it through. Always learning.

I am always up for more growth in this area, so what are your tips for confrontation and forgiveness?

August 6, 2013 by Stephanie

Friday Filter-Action!

“We get the bum rap for not being the ‘money making field,’ but the arts are probably the only kind of unifying thing in our society…Stories are the only thing that tie us all together. I don’t know a physicist from a garbage man who doesn’t like a good story…We are all connected by that. The challenge is to find the stories that the physicist, the garbage man, the ballerina, and the fireman can all sit in the same room and enjoy or find something that speaks to them.”

(This is a quote I clipped a long time ago and put in my planner. I honestly have no idea where it came from or who it was by.)

Growing up, I remember sitting in front of the record player listening to the various musicals my step-mom had on hand. This perhaps persuaded me into my music and theater careers.

Saturdays, it was a ritual to watch Wheel of Fortune, Dr. Quinn, Early Addition, and Walker Texas Ranger with my mom. It still feels wrong to eat chicken nuggets without the mac and cheese and peas combo which we ate pretty much every Saturday in conjunction with our line-up.

Sundays were movie night with my dad. You always hoped it was your week to choose the flick at BlockBuster. Sometimes Dad was nice enough to let Randall and I both pick! Probably just to keep us from throwing a fit or fighting with each other, and I don’t blame him.

I also loved when summer came around because it meant the book reading contests happened at the library. If you read 10 books, you could pick out a free one. Ugh, how many can I get? Reading the entire series of the Boxcar Children, Sweet Valley Twins, and Nancy Drew-game on! Reading got me through so many personal crisis and teenage angst…let’s be honest also adult angst. A little reading is all the therapy you need sometimes.

Reading..... I LOVE the story telling world. Hmm no surprise why I became a history major. It’s just story telling!

I grew up always wanting to go to these made up places, whether it is in movies, books, or t.v. I am just absolutely fascinated by the stories people can tell. It was an escape from my reality, and I could imagine being anyone I wanted for those brief moments I spent enthralled by these tales.

Reading

I even dabbled at my own story making when I was a kid. I “wrote” and “illustrated” many short novels-as I used to call them. I would even bind them with string, who cares if they were only like 5 pages long. Trying to make my own Belle library I guess, but that ended quickly because well, I am just not that good at making up the stories. My parents did a good job supporting my self-acclaimed authorship though for awhile there.

I have a book with me at all times, just call me Rory Gilmore. You think I am kidding, but I am not. Kindle has made it a little easier to do this, but that just means even more books. You never know where you are going to get 5 or 10 minutes of wait time, so why not fill it with some light reading?

Anyway, this infatuation for the art of storytelling has inspired me to do a series called “Friday Filter.” It will be me filtering through what I call entertainment. It is going to be a review of sorts on television, movies, and books. I am no expert at reviewing, and it will strictly be my opinion, reaction, or just plain ramblings. As my husband tells me I am into teeny boppy things, so who knows where this may go or if you will find what I review up your alley. It may end up being more for me than it is for you. My own book club meeting per say.

I hope you come back this Friday when I review the book series of Nikki Heat from the show Castle, which has pretty much consumed my summer.

August 5, 2013 by Stephanie

Talks with Tom #6

This weekend was tax free weekend here, which apparently in TN is like another Black Friday event. They throw out tons and tons of sales around here to coincide with the tax free time. One of the gals at work went at 5:30am on Friday to hit up some stores for her little tykes to get some of the hottest new school items. I don’t remember this much hoopla in any other state I have lived in.

So Tom and I went to the mall yesterday to take advantage of some of the excitement. We had a great time shopping together.

After Tom selected his new pair of tennis shoes for work, he lingered near the shoelaces display rack.

Tom-“I have a dazzling new pair of shoes, should I get shoelaces to match?” His eyes were sparkling and lit up with glee.

Me-“Really?” (I have married a 5 year old. We might as well have gotten light up shoes.)

Tom-“Yea, I need to branch out from blues, greens, and all the earth tones.”

Me-“I think you will be ok with just the ones the shoes provide.” (which are yellow and black)

Amidst his rugged and sometimes obscene personality, he has his moments as a sweet and endearing hubster. We broke ways so I could go into Maurices while he went to Radio Shack. I like shopping in peace, so this works out in our favor. Moments after perusing some of the new skirts, Tom pops up and says, “You’ll find me at Mr. Bulky’s.” And I am fairly certain he skipped away to find his Jordan Almonds.

Resisting the urge to buy a few items, I left a few minutes after to follow him to see what kind of sugar coma he was about to go under. My heart melted when Tom pulled away from the cashier with an ICEE. He told me I could choose between mint chocolate truffle and the ICEE. The choice was obvious. ICEE all the way! The thought of the mint chocolate was sweet too, since I love most things with mint and chocolate. Love him.

Also, if you have never been to ROSS, you need to hurry up to your nearest store. It must be a southern store though, because I have never seen them back in the Midwest. It is a fantastic place to find some hidden deals for clothes and household items. We have been in desperate need of rugs, but weren’t willing to shell out the ridiculous amount of cash to do so. Our floors are bare no more! We bought two door mats, two long hallway ones, and one large one for our living room. We spent about $75 for all of these! And they aren’t just cheapo rugs either. Elsewhere you could have spent at least $25 for the small ones, and well over one hundred for the large one. Win for us!

Other highlights from the weekend:

Our family was in town. Five extra people in the house and another dog for Gracie to play with!
BBQing
finding the best local pizza place in town by accident (Luigi’s-the crust is delightful)
Farmer’s market, even though it was raining-I had the best soft pretzel!
My niece, Ava, teaching me how to play My Little Pony’s correctly and everything about the “Elements of Harmony”
introducing Ava to Mulan
watching the wedding episode of the Office-Love Jim and Pam!
people watching at the mall

I got out the fancy camera to practice some of my manual modes. Ava was a great subject! I still need to get a good editing program, so these are all before editing. Even though it was practice, I was able to get some fairly good shots of a few moments.

Grace loved having her cousin in town!

We went to the museum on base. Ava wanted to read to us.

We went to the park right next to our house for the first time.

Playing hide and go seek, she would whistle “youwhoo” if you didn’t find her fast enough or if she got impatient searching.

It was nice to have them visit and not have to do the driving. Someday we will live much closer so there isn’t as much time in between visits!

I have another curtain project for you today. Remember the torn bed sheet?

I decided to dress up this bathroom with it.

See how boring and WHITE it is? Again, we don’t want to paint or cover our walls with holes.

So I bought a cheap tension rod you find in the bathroom sections.

Very similar to the other curtains, I had to pin my edges down before I started sewing. This was a little different because I did need to sew all four edges, and the sheet wasn’t exactly straight so I had to work some magic to get it to look the way I wanted to.

Again, this is a great way to start sewing because it is just straight lines.