August 30, 2013 by Stephanie

Cara Box Exchange

This month I entered into a gift exchange where you are paired with two individuals who are in similar life situations as you: 25-29 married. You spend a few weeks getting to know each other, and then you send each other a gift with some encouragement.

This month I was paired with two lovely ladies, Amanda and Lesle.

Lesle and I chatted about our hubbys, our sweet little dogs (both rescues), and the love of tea and wine. I sent her a gift, so you can check out her blog for that package. I did make a lot of the stuff, so I will be highlighting it here in the upcoming weeks too for how-tos.

I also loved getting to know Amanda. She and I have similar personalities and both have husbands who are big goof balls. We have so much in common in was a little ridiculous reading her stuff at times!

It would be no surprise to me if I continue to chat with these ladies, for they are kindred spirits for sure. It was such a pleasure learning more about them!

And who doesn’t like creating and receiving gifts?

Amanda sent me this lovely box of things!

She was so thoughtful about getting things for my crafty side! And for my love of wine! I love the picture. I need to find a frame for it so I can hang it in my bathroom ASAP. Tom made fun of me for how giggly I was when the box showed up on our doorstep. So fun!

She also wrote me a lovely personal note, which may be my favorite part of the whole exchange.

It’s not every day that you are able to meet other women/wives randomly from across the country. So thank you to Kaitlyn, for putting this unique exchange together.

I will be sure to participate again in the future!

August 29, 2013 by Stephanie

Let’s Go Peay!

That slogan gets me every time.

I work at Austin Peay State University, and we started the Fall Semester this week.

Things have been crazy busy and hectic trying to work through student requests, but I love the start of the semester. LOVE!

As a kid the start of the school year was always so exciting. New adventures, new lessons to learn, new school supplies. It was the one time of year that we got to really splurge. I loved picking out my new pencil boxes, folders, and back packs.

Yep huge nerd alert over here.

But my favorite thing about school starting was a tradition my dad started. The first day of class, he would take me to Baskin Robbins and we would chat about the day. We went every year from kindergarten until my senior year of high school. And every year, I got the same thing-double scoop mint chocolate chip and chocolate. My brother did the same thing on the second day of school, so we each had our individual school date with Dad. I had first child benefits and stole the first day privileges!

I have kept the tradition alive over the past decade, always finding someone to eat ice cream with me on that first day of classes even when I was no longer a student. But for the last decade there has not been a Baskin Robbins nor has it been a date with my dad, so it has not been quite the same.

Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

This year though the tradition was re-instated in full because Clarksville has BRs everywhere!

AND my dad was in town this week!

So we went and indulged in our 23 year old tradition, which is still one of my fondest memories growing up. We still chatted about our thoughts on education, although the conversation was much more sophisticated than what happened at recess and when the new Scholastic catalog was going to arrive. I should have gotten a picture, but we were too wrapped up in the conversation and the goodness of the BR.

This is definitely a tradition that I want to carry on to my kids. Such a simple way to get excited about the new year and be able to create intentional memories. And it was a great way to bond with my dad since it was just the two of us.

A little Armucation for you. The military allows soldiers to be absent from work the first day of classes for their own children. That way they can help get everyone where they need to be when routines haven’t been set, but also be there for the big moments that come with starting a new year at school. They are very family oriented when they are stateside, mostly because they know that the soldiers potentially miss out on all these things when they are deployed.

This week has been super nuts with Dad in town and it being the first week of school, so I have not been able to blog as much as I had planned. We are also going out of town this weekend, so things are getting pushed back so I can enjoy time with friends and family.

But here are some previews of what is to come:

The results of a blog gift exchange I entered
A blog award/recognition
a new blog partnership
updates on the doggie adoption
crafts galore…I have so many to put on here! I just haven’t had time!
my “math” class adventure

I hope you all have a great holiday weekend and had some good stories for the start of the academic year!

For now, I leave you with my 4th grade First Day of School picture. It was the only one I could find in my house. I was going through my tomboy stage and thought the hip action was super cool apparently.

Do you have any traditions from your family for the first day of school?

August 14, 2013 by Stephanie

Going Commando

A few weeks ago, I wrote about T.J.

His story continued to weigh on my heart especially as I am trying to re-define my own personal dreams and trudge through some of the work.

Then I saw an update on his support page detailing a visit to several specialists.

As I read through his reports and saw what was going well and what was expected, an idea dawned on me.

Why don’t I run for T.J?

I had been going back and forth whether or not to run another half marathon. I like the idea of the race, but not always the time it takes to put in working up to that mileage.

(Is that a metaphor for getting your dreams or what?)

I knew that I wasn’t going to get a PR. I have ~~sort of~~ accepted that fate, knowing that trying to push myself too much would ruin my knees. And to be perfectly honest, I am just not that committed to giving away so much of my personal time to running to knock off minutes to my PR. But the fact is that races do inspire me. Having a race to work for does get me out and logging miles that I would never have thought I could do. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and strength. There is something in the air on race day that makes you feel alive and a part of something bigger. And I do like running in small increments–between 3 and 6 are my sweet spots. It’s fun to get your legs moving for a few miles. And it is a great way to have some Grace time while getting her some exercise too.

But I was plagued with the idea that if I could not beat my time, would a race really be worth it? Competition with myself has been a lifelong battle..

And have you seen the hills in Clarksville, TN?

Running vs running up hill!

So yea, I was teetering more towards not doing another half marathon for a long while, if ever.

But reading how T.J. so bravely meets with these doctors telling him what is working/not working in his body stirred something in me. God was telling me something. He wanted me to use my ability for this. Live it up and stop making excuses.

So I signed up for the Go Commando Half Marathon here in Clarksville.

I wanted this race to be more than just a race. With the undertones of what we are willing to do for our community and it being a military focus, I knew this would be more than just a race. It had to be more than just 13.1 miles.

I have started a fundraising page to help raise funds to find a cure and new medical practices for T.J. and many like him. I figure that if 90 people donate at least $10, I can reach my goal of $900, which is a $100 for each of his birthdays. So if you are feeling up to it, you can sponsor me. Yep just like those fundraisers in elementary school. You can think of it as a dollar per mile per say! Click this link if you are able to help me reach this goal. It should show up to my personal fundraising page. Any amount is appreciated, and I would be grateful for the support!

Donate to End Duchenne!

If you are not familiar with Duchenne, it is a fatal genetic disorder that causes muscles to weaken rapidly. It occurs mainly in young boys, and most live only until their early 20s. I was not aware of this disorder until I heard of T.J.’s story, so I am sure there are many out there that have never heard of it. There are about 20,000 new cases each year. If you would like to learn more visit http://www.endduchenne.org/.

T.J. is my inspiration when I feel like I can’t do that last mile or when I am struggling to break away from the couch. I am going to do these 13.1 for him whether that I finish it walking or running. If he can pitch for the St. Louis Cardinals (I won’t judge him for not going to the Royals), I can run a few miles.

I “Go Commando” for him.

(If you didn’t watch that promo video, please know that I am not a creeper who is going to go naked. Clearly, I will be wearing Ranger panties.)

August 11, 2013 by Stephanie

Talks with Tom #7

My husband works out every day, sometimes two or three times a day. So with all these sweat sessions, he gets a pretty large appetite.

Tom-Part of me wants to eat healthy and have a small piece of cake. And part of me wants a big piece of cake because I don’t care.

Me-What part did you get?

Tom showed me the plate. He practically had half of the cheesecake on his plate, but into two distinct pieces-one large and one small.

Tom-I got a big piece and a little piece so both parts would be happy.

Me-The best part is that you have a little piece on your nose.

This weekend I was under the weather. I woke up several days last week with a sore throat and it just progressively got worse throughout the weekend. So I went to Pinterest to see if I could find a home remedy.

I saw one with ingredients we had in our pantry. It called for:

3 tbs lemon juice

1/4 cup raw honey

2 tbs coconut oil

We got this honey at the local farmer’s market. Local honey is always better for you than store bought. It can also help with allergies.

Anyway, back to the sore throat remedy. I mixed it all together. And the product made me want to gag just looking at it.

So I added some regular tea and then put it in the microwave for a few minutes to smooth out the coconut oil and honey. The tea also helped lessen the acidic taste.

It was still very very tart and acidic. It wasn’t too horrible but you have to drink it fairly fast because the coconut oil will harden back up.

So did it work?

Initially maybe it did soften up the harsh scratchiness. However the sugar and lemon juice made me a little more nauseous than I was before. So if you can get paste the taste maybe it will work.

But I still have a sore throat so you be the judge, and it is even worse today. Ok maybe I would need to use it more to test it out, but I just couldn’t get past the taste and wanting vomit.

So I just went back to my other home remedy of putting hydrogen peroxide drops in my ears. That seems to work after a few days much better!

Hope you all had a much more luxurious weekend than I did with my raspy voice and phlegm. I definitely have the man voice going. Although, Tom and I started season 8 of The Office and had online Chinese and Chipotle galore, which is exactly my idea of a perfect weekend.

What are you favorite home remedies for sickness?

August 7, 2013 by Stephanie

Forgiving the Imperfect

“I hate you. You ruin everything.” My niece said this comment this weekend when she didn’t get her way and disapproved how a conversation was going. Nothing like a sucker punch…

Then 5 minutes later we were all in her good graces again like nothing every happened and building a cave out of blankets and pillows.

Seriously we should all have this mentality of forgiveness. Be in the moment and let the past go. We probably shouldn’t go for the sucker punches and hurtful words though. My focus here is the carefree attitude and forgetting past grievances.

This is not always easy for me to do in my quest for independence and a need to be right. I am stubborn to a fault.

My marriage has been a constant reminder about the lessons of humility, not needing to be right ALL the time, and getting past arguments so they don’t impede on the future or our love for each other.

I heard this list on the radio recently.

The 5 dumbest things couples argue about:

5. Laundry

4. Staying out late without telling the other person where you are

3. What to watch on TV

2. Cell phone bills

1. Emptying the dishwasher.

Anything sound familiar?

5. I am not sure if we have had a fight persay about laundry, but I am sure we have nitpicked at each other. We have fought over our laundry machine though…

4. Staying out late…yep that has happened

3. What to watch on TV-you know I am not remembering a time where we have. We razz each other about what we like watching. Sometimes he will watch what he wants and I will read or vice versa. We watch a lot of things together too, so I think this helps stave off any “arguments.” We may have tip-toed around it when I first moved here but we have fallen into a pretty good groove that the anxiety went away. And having a DVR helps.

2. Cell phone bills-I know we have fought over the password, but not the actual bill. This was actually the worst fight we had while he was deployed. So silly.

1. Emptying the dishwasher-um sadly probably once a week this debate continues….Did I mention that both of us are a little bit stubborn and have a little bit of lazy in us? Funny though, that we switch sides and use the same arguments against each other. I also think we each are just waiting out the other to see who will break first. haha the age old gotcha game.

Arguments are inevitable. I don’t think that there is a secret recipe that you can shake at it that will let you avoid tiffs in your relationship. I think people are lying when they say they don’t get into fights with their spouse (or they are ignoring things and bottling them up for the fight of a life time or possibly divorce). You are two individuals living together trying to live in harmony all the time. Things are bound to get stressful, emotions are going to rise, and expectations will not be met. Insert fight scenario here.

But.

You can get past it AND still love each other.

It’s true.

Tom and I could not be more opposite (except when it comes to desserts and all things 90s music) which can be a recipe for disagreements, but we love each other through and through despite his hatred for musicals.

When I asked Tom initially about his thoughts on conflict, he said, “There is one simple step to conflict resolution. Soften up their defenses with a MK-19, wait until nightfall, and overrun their perimeter with a superior force.”

Then we had a real conversation about relationships. We came up with some of our top considerations/tips for confrontation with your significant other:

1. Think about big picture-

Me-Does it really make that big of a difference if Tom wants to stay over at his friends to camp over night? No, I was just being selfish and thought I would never see him again. Long lasting effects of long distance…I will see him again, and I know it’s not because he doesn’t want to hang out with me. In the end is what you are fighting about really worth what you and your spouse have together?

Tom-She is either going to divorce you or she’s going to get over it.

2. Recognize each other’s fighting styles

Me-Tom calls me out all the time because I like to retreat. I call him out because he likes to yell. Maybe those play against each other…Neither of these are helpful, but we know that is how we work so we have to try really hard not to push each other to those points just to get our thoughts across. There is also an element of understanding the right things to say (or not say) in these situations. There are some things that may push the person further into ‘smoke out the ears’ emotions, and that is not a place where harmony can occur. This also does not mean to use this knowledge to “win” arguments. In a marriage there are no winners of arguments.

Tom-When you are married, an argument is like a chess game.

3. Be constructively honest not destructively honest.

Me-I can’t blame Tom for how I reacted, but I can tell him why I felt the need to react the way I did. And when does pointing fingers ever really help the situation? But I feel that you need to be honest about what you are going through.

Tom-Sometimes people need to hear when they are wrong, except for me, I have never been wrong before. I take that back. One time, I thought my shirt was dazzling, but it turns out it was stunning.

(And we can see where number 5 goes into affect here.)

4. Actually listen to what the other person’s concerns are.

Tom-I don’t have a funny or quippy thing to say. That covers it.

Me-How can you apply their concerns to your behavior? Are they grounded? Seriously, did you do that? Which leads to…

5. Take ownership of your own mistakes and be willing to say “I am sorry for what I did.”

Me-Sometimes acknowledging it will make things better. But don’t just sorry to say sorry. You have to mean it and be genuine about your apology. No one is perfect, we should stop trying to be. If you can’t be imperfect in front of your significant other, we have some other things to hammer out.

Tom-If I ever screw up, I assure you I will be the first to admit it. But this generally doesn’t apply to me. (My husband is not confident or anything. I think he stopped taking this seriously after number one.)

7. Understand that saying sorry doesn’t always cut it and smooth things over.

Me-Be ready to offer how the future may be different because of the lessons learned here. What can you do differently? Talk about compromise-where can both of you give in a little? You can learn from this confrontation. Learn to become a stronger unit because of it.

Tom-Sometimes it is a good idea to go down to the shoppette and get her an ICEE just in case. Do something nice.

8. Make each other laugh.

Me-Tom and I are really good at diffusing the situation and making each other giggle. (Can you tell by his responses?) This helps us clear up the angry and get back to the heart of it. And really once you start laughing, everything seems better.

Tom-It doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing, we can always be happy.

9. Lastly, don’t let arguments linger.

Tom-If the argument goes longer than 20 minutes, I have forgotten what we were arguing about.

Me-This is Tom and I’s style. We don’t fight for days, or really hours. We hash it out and then try to move past it. I think this also goes for a time frame of when an argument is relevant. If you can’t bring up an issue in the designated window, is it really all that big of a deal? If you draw out a fight, emotions only have time to fester and think about all the things that you thought the person said (that they never said) and reading into the situation and applying it to every encounter under the sun….Stop. This is where forgiveness begins.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:31-32

So just like a kid, say what you need to say, and then become best friends again. Be tenderhearted and forgive each other so you can grow even more in love. Understand that every day won’t be a Disney fairytale, but if you are honest and open and fearfully love each other, I think you’ll be alright (and maybe your next romantic comedy storyline). You didn’t get married because you were perfect, but because you were finally able to be imperfect.

I am still learning and still trying to be a better wife. Creating this list by no means makes me an expert. Just this past weekend, I will admit I did something stupid and hurt Tom with my nasty emotions. But my husband showed me some forgiveness and we talked it through. Always learning.

I am always up for more growth in this area, so what are your tips for confrontation and forgiveness?