Whoa Baby!

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Let me first clarify, we are not pregnant. This is not an announcement of a baby in the oven.

I assure you there will be something much more creative to announce the birth of our first child.

After you get married, everyone seems to want to know when babies are coming, especially since we are the last in our families to have children. It seems like every day there is someone else online who is bringing a new life in this world. We are just at that age. So naturally people want to know when we will have our baby. (PS. What you are really saying is-So are you all having a lot of sex?)

I have resisted writing this to keep some semblance of privacy when it comes to our baby plans , but felt compelled when I saw the link up with Ashley today to address the topic of family planning with the military. Maybe it will squelch some of the never ending questions on when little W will be coming into the world and how the military factors in. That seems to be question number two for everyone after the “We want Baby Ws” comment.

Tom and I have been married for a little over two years. Out of the 27 months we have been married, we have only lived under the same roof for 13 months, and not consecutively.

Because of our distance relationship many people told us that we should just put baby plans on hold so we can get to know each other again. This is the only time in our lives that it will just be the two of us, and we shouldn’t rush into having kids just yet.

Well that sounds great in theory.

Here is our reality.

We have been together for 6 years.

We are 28.

We are part of the United States Military.

I am not sure if you were aware of baby making, but it is slightly unpredictable and can take a long time (at least 9 months) for that little bugger to introduce themselves.

And the Army can change it’s mind every other day on what they want to do with you. So making any kind of plan is hard, let alone one that has to simmer for approximately 9 months.

So because of that, we have had to adjust our timeline. Actually, we needed to accept reality and change our perspective with the timeline. It just cannot look like I have always dreamed, but that is how most of life goes. We have been seriously talking about babies since Christmas of last year. It was during Tom’s deployment that we decided that when he came home it was time for us to start considering our first child.

We are financially stable, even if my job hadn’t of panned out as it did. Because of the benefits we receive, our savings, and no debt situation, this really wasn’t a huge concern.

We are at a good age to start that chapter of our life. Our life is good and awesome.

When you are in the military there are a lot more things to consider though. There is a huge chance that I would have to either be pregnant alone or have to tackle the baby’s first year alone.

Not really the list you want to be choosing from as a first time parent.

And there is no way to guarantee that it wont happen that way. It’s just part of the life.

We talked extensively about what it means for us and what we would do in any situation. Contingency plans for the contingency plans. And we honestly started talking about these plans when Tom enlisted to begin with since at that time he was considering making the Army is career.

Yea maybe we haven’t had as much time “together together” as other couples who are starting to have babies.

But let’s get real.

I cannot get pregnant while Tom is deployed.

And that is what it comes down to. We have to be together to conceive that baby.

So we have to make the most of the months that we have together.

That is really what our planning has come down to. Would we ideally like to have a baby before the next deployment? Well yes, but there is no way to guarantee that. Ideally we would like a lot of things that are not an option in the Army lifestyle. We don’t have the luxury of time. So ideally, we have to deal with the time we are fortunate to have.

Whoa baby.

I have really struggled with this “time” acceptance more than Tom, which is probably why I have hesitated talking about this much. I have quickly changed the subject when people ask and skirt around our plans. There are a lot of personal issues that go into this, which is one reason why I decided to be open about the fact that we are trying to have a baby. To be frank, I would like for it to happen sooner than later, for the obvious reason that I want my partner to be here with me for this. It is our first child, and you only get to do that once. It kills me to think of doing that alone, and it kills me that he would miss precious moments of our child’s life.

I have felt that pressure of our time and wanting to know that it is going to become a reality. You know that inner clock they talk about with motherhood? Well I think baby fever goes on high alert even more when you are in the military and you have to get that bun in the oven with precise timing. Did I mention that pregnancies, while there is a science to it, there really is no way to ensure that this time will be the time? So for this perfectionist who always runs on time with her plans, this has been super stressful to try to figure out within the Army time constraints. Thank you Army, for another lesson in patience.

I have also wrestled with the reality of what if we don’t have kids and something happens to Tom. How do you move on from that? I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I understood what that meant. I have wanted to have Tom’s kid since we first said I love you. What if we can’t get pregnant before the deployment day? I don’t sit long on this one for obvious reasons.

Why don’t we just wait until after the Army you say?

We could realistically do that. We will be 30 when his enlistment is up. We will be back closer to family. Seems like a good idea right?

But that doesn’t seem right to waste the moments we have now. It doesn’t seem right to put our life on hold because the Army makes things more difficult. That is no way to live. You would spoil your life worrying about all the worst case scenarios and waiting for life to be “perfect.”

The truth is we are ready to be parents. We have put a lot of other things on hold during our relationship, and we are ready to put this plan up on the table God willing.

There are also benefits of having a baby while we are still in the Army. If we go to the base hospital, all the medical care is free. When Tom is stateside, there is a lot of leeway with helping with appointments and childcare necessities (at least with his unit we have seen this). When he on his business trips, I have a community of spouses that are also in the same boat who can be a support network who can be go to people in times of crisis or when I just need advice. I am also in a situation with a job that can allow for some flexibility if needed, plus it is a military friendly university with various offices that I could call on, let alone the colleagues that I know I could ask for help from.

So our decision to just go for it comes with a lot of thought and some planning…and a whole lot of crying, laughing, praying and dreaming…

The truth of it is though you cannot really plan for a pregnancy, and doing so in the military is really no different. As with most things in life, there comes a lot of uncertainty. And no matter how much I try, some things just cannot be planned. You set yourself[bodies/health] up for the best situation, and just start trying and hope for the best. There is a lot of patience when you have made that decision because there is a dump-truck load of anxiety that comes with deciding to have a military child. If you get caught up in all the what ifs of the military you will make yourself sick like I have on many occasions. (Tom is seriously the most patient husband to deal with my sometimes delusional expectations.)

What we did was just decide if we were ready to take care of another human being as our own and with the different scenarios would we be able to handle it. We are just ready to have a baby. It is as simple as that. We will figure out everything else as is comes, which is what ALL parents have to do. The timing will be perfect whenever it happens.

Tom has to accept that he may miss things. And I have to accept that I may be alone for things.

But really we just need to accept that this will change our life forever. And are we ready for that?

Whoa baby, let’s have a baby!

Just not today…

Autumn on my Mind-Autumn Outside Activities

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Who is ready for another fun fall inspired link-up?

“Autumn Activities Outside”

  • There are so many outside activities that are associated with this time of the year. We have hay rides, pumpkin patches, apple picking and so much more. What are activities that you are doing this year in your neck of the woods? Or what is your favorite fall outside funtivities?

Rules of the Link-up:

1. Do one entry or all! It’s up to you!

2. Add your entry’s link below, and be sure to put the button in your post!

3. If you do link up, check out a couple fellow bloggers to see something new.

4. Your hosts (Elizabeth and Stephanie) would love a following on Bloglovin, but it is not required! We are just glad you stopped by for “Autumn on My Mind!”

I tend to drag Tom along to many different events for the sake of fun. This fall funtivity was no different.

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Clarksville has a weekend festival every fall that usually is around Labor Day weekend. Last year the event was the weekend before Tom was deployed, and we went for the evening music scene. It was jam packed so I wanted to see a different part of it this year and avoid the crowds.

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We got up early on Saturday to see the Riverfest Regatta.

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This is an event where groups enter their boats that are made purely out of recycled materials. They have several different prizes for the design and costumes the teams are wearing, plus the winners of the racing part. Cool right?

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It was super fun to watch and see the creativity. We also saw a few sink despite their best efforts.

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This helicopter was the sweetest make up in my opinion. Too bad it didn’t last long.

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Since we were there, we had to check out some of the festival food stands. It was super hot that day so I couldn’t pass up the fresh lemonade!

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This is a great event in this area. It is located in a gorgeous area of town right on the river, which I love. It spans two days with a variety of things to do for all groups of people. And going to the event is free. Each year we only paid for the food we consumed, so you really cannot pass up an event like this. Good time had by all as soon as Tom got over that I dragged him out of bed for it.

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What are your fall outside activities? Link your posts up below! The link will close in October, so you have plenty of time to join us!

We hope to see you return on Thursday for your Fall Fashion Trends! You can see the full schedule for our Autumn link up here.

Check out my lovely partner!

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Why I Love Fall Link Up

Today is the first day for Autumn on My Mind!

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We have a pretty easy prompt for today!

“What I Love About Fall”

Link up with us to describe what you are excited about this autumn. We want to hear what you love about the fall season. That could be everything pumpkin flavored, the scarves galore or how the leaves get crunchy. Tell us what you “fall” for!

We have a few simple rules for this link up.

Rules of the Link-up:
1. Do one entry or all! It’s up to you!
2. Add your entry’s link below, and be sure to put the button in your post!
3. If you do link up, check out a couple fellow bloggers to see something new.
4. Your hosts (Elizabeth and Stephanie) would love a following on Bloglovin, but it is not required! We are just glad you stopped by for “Autumn on My Mind!”
I always think of this song when I think of fall. Plus it was one of my favorite marching shows I ever did because the saxophone part is pretty swell and just so upbeat and fun.

Here is why I love fall.
1. The colors-I love the variety of hues you see. I love driving through the country and seeing the skyline just colors every day. I am really excited for my drive to work this fall since the trees are huge and glorious here.
2. Marching band. What can I say? I am a band geek at heart. I love cheering on my teams! I love hearing them practice in the morning on my way to work. Oh the memories…
47_506955809901_5676_n 49_508607829241_4112_n And nothing says fall like wool uniforms.
2744_520124010705_1516026_nI would try to learn the cheers too at every game. If I did any reality show, it would be like “MTV Made” where they make me a cheerleader/pommie. No lie…
3. School starts. Even though I am not in classes, I love the excitement of school starting and getting to learn new things. So many great things have happened at the beginning of the school year. I still feel the need to buy crayons and a Lisa Frank trapper keeper each year.
4. The fruit picking options: blueberries, blackberries, apples… I just love getting out there and getting my hands dirty!
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5. Crunchy leaves. I will go out of my way to step on crunchy leaves.
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6. Football. It probably started from watching the Chiefs every Sunday with my dad growing up. Then have my Friday nights, [then Saturdays] filled because of marching and having to pay attention and learn the game because of pep band. The infatuation for the game blossomed, and I love watching my teams each week. (Tom doesn’t so much appreciate the yelling and cheering that occurs, but oh well!) And thanks to my time at Clemson, I also was exposed to the best tailgating experience. Really no where can compare to the “Most Exciting 25 Seconds in Football.”

There really is something in those hills.
13937_575946826351_297321_nPart of my grad cohort after a Tiger game.
317_528071578731_3697_nWe tailgated before, and after, pretty much every game guaranteed.
I am really bummed that I will not be making it to either Central or Clemson to watch a game this year.
431763_965147984111_1018736824_nThis was my first tailgate at Central since I was always in the band. And it only came 5 years after I graduated! Go Mules!
7. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. It is the perfect holiday focused on family and service, without having to worry about gift giving. And really it is all about the food…Love me some cranberry salad, marshmallow yams, and stuffing with noodles.
8. Hoodies. Fall has the best weather for hoodies. If I could, I would live in hoodies. I own a hoodie for every school I work at, plus several from Worlds of Fun, my fraternity, and some just because. I have a giant stack of them in the closet. They are just so comfy. I do need to get one for Austin Peay though…
9. TV. shows return from the summer hiatus. I am a TV junkie, and I love fall premieres. One of my task list items this weekend is to set up the DVR for all my shows! Cannot wait to have some closure from all those season ending cliff hangers.
10. The weather isn’t awful. My husband is hot blooded so this weather is perfect for him, which means that he is much more likely to enjoy the outings that I put him through. Which then means, that I enjoy them more too! Yes outdoor date ideas! It’s also not just events for dates, but fun times with friends and family at things such as corn mazes and pumpkin patches. There is just so much fun stuff to do!
7432_572696500031_6925678_nWe went through a Corn Maze, and of course they had other fun stuff to play around with.
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My family last year at a pumpkin festival. We were only missing Tom who was having a very different kind of fall in Afghanistan. Look at the Missouri Hills behind us! Glorious!
Tom said that he loves this season because all of his favorite hunting seasons are now. He said his mind always goes to a deer stand when he thinks of fall. He is trying to convince me right now that he needs a new bow….
So we all have our reasons for loving the season. Link up and show us your reasons!

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I am having trouble with my links today. Of course it worked when I did the test site, but not when it needs to go live. I am not sure why sometimes they show, and sometimes they don’t. Anyway, if you don’t see the graphic for the link, you can either click the first link shown above, and it will take you to a separate page, or you can go to Elizabeth’s page by clicking the image below.

Check out my collaboration partner!
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Autumn on My Mind

I am so excited to announce a new partnership for the blog! Our very first link up!

I have known Elizabeth for a little while now. We have a lot of things in common beyond both of us being married to Army men. Fun fact, our hubs were both at basic at the same time just different units. So we have been Army wives about the same time. We have gotten to know each other through our blogs, so when she offered a free sponsorship on her blog, I happily put my hand up to be selected. And who knew that we would start something so exciting? We brainstormed for a little bit before we came up with the idea of collaborating on a link up about fall and how amazing of a season it is.

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Hey there Army Crafter readers! I’m Elizabeth and you can find me over at Army Ever After where I blog about life, love, and our Hawaiian adventures. I really enjoy reading Stephanie’s blog and have secretly “blog-stalked” her for months now so I am over-the-moon excited to team up with her on this linkup.  Stephanie and I created this linkup to jump start and record all of our fun fall memories and we’d love for you to join in!

So here we are introducing Autumn on My Mind!

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We will be doing two link ups each week on Sundays and Thursdays. We have already set the schedule of topics for each day to hopefully help with busy schedules and also stir some excitement for what I believe to be the greatest season.  We hope that you join us on this new adventure for the next month! Check back on Thursday for our first link up on what you love about this season!

We don’t have many, hardly any, rules for this link up. We would love for you to come back for each post and link up your entries! We are both crazy about fall (the football, the leaves, the scarves, the food, etc), and are just excited about seeing more of this awesome season through your eyes. Hope to see you around this fall!

The line-up…

Thursday, September 12th: “What I Love About Fall”

  • Link up with us to describe what you are excited about this autumn. We want to hear what you love about the fall season. That could be everything pumpkin flavored, the scarves galore or how the leaves get crunchy. Tell us what you “fall” for!

Sunday, September 15th:  “A Fall Food Must”

  • Do you have a favorite food that you associate with fall? This is the time to highlight those yummy fall goodies!

Thursday, September 19th:  “An Autumn Creation”

  • With the changing colors and impending holidays, do you have some inspiration to make something? Link up here to release some creative juices and share some autumn inspiration and craftiness.

 Sunday, September 22:  “Autumn Activities Outside”

  • There are so many outside activities that are associated with this time of the year. We have hay rides, pumpkin patches, apple picking and so much more. What are activities that you are doing this year in your neck of the woods? Or what is your favorite fall outside funtivities?

Thursday, September 26th:  “Fall Fashion Trends”

  • Do you have go to styles that you wear only during fall months? Share your favorite styles and help inspire all of us to be more creative with our fall attire and what we have in our closets.

Sunday, September 29th:  “A Date With Autumn”

  • What would be the perfect date night you can only do in fall in your area? Are there go to places for couples?

Thursday, October 3rd:  “A Fall Food Must”

  • We love fall foods! Let’s expand our recipe books by sharing go to foods that we have at fall get-togethers tailgates!

Sunday, October 6th:  “Autumn Activities Outside”

  • With the ever changing scenery, it is hard not to want to spend time outside admiring nature. What are you up to outside? Do you have a fun fall activity to share?

Thursday, October 10th:  “An Autumn Creation”

  • What are you inspired to make this time of year? Are you getting gifts ready? Are holiday decorations coming out? Show us your autumn creations!

  Sunday, October 13th:  “Autumn on My Mind Collage”

  • They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This is a link up to show in photos what you love about the season. We would love to see what fall looks like in your community! So take out that camera!

So there you have it. Autumn on My Mind will commence on Thursday! Hope to see you back for the first link-up!

Getting a Little Political

Ok, if you have been watching the news at all, you can see that things in Syria are getting pretty serious. If you haven’t been watching, I would suggest tuning in.

Yesterday, the Senate started the vote for military action, first getting it approved in a committee.

We have been talking about Syria for a while in our household. Regardless of what the news is saying, it will affect us as a military family.

A fellow Army wife shared this article yesterday, and it really made me think. It made me think enough that I felt the need to respond in my own words.

Please keep in mind that I am talking from my military spouse lens. This is not meant to be about why we [United States] are considering military action. It is just my reaction to some of the media comments as of late, what I see at work and expanding on that article.

Many people think that our time in Afghanistan is coming to a close, and some even believe we are out. This is false, even though it is something we have been told even before Tom left for his first tour there. I even heard a politician say something to the tune of “We aren’t sending anymore troops there.” Tom deployed the next week to said “there”. One of our very good friends is currently there and schedule to be there until next February. He just found out yesterday that his first expected child is going to be a boy. I don’t think they would agree that we are “moving out” of that area. Also, Tom is scheduled for his second deployment back to Afghanistan next July. They have started extensive training which takes him away from our family for days at a time and often has him coming home at odd hours of the night. This kind of training will continue up until they leave next summer. I sure wish it was true that they were out of that country!

“But we are leaving the county” (and also Iraq) they continue to report. The reality is that, yes, there are less troops being sent over. Many COPs (combat out posts) are being closed, but we are still planning to have a presence for awhile to come.

Military families will not be affected with the current proposed Syrian Plan. Hmmmm… As of right now the plan is not to use ground troops and to take no longer than 3 months from everything that I have read. That is great and I am absolutely on board with that seeing as my hubster is the ground troops. But when you talk about war, you have to be prepared for the unexpected. While this timeline would be ideal, it may not be completely accurate once we begin. We have no idea how the other side or other countries will react to our plan.  You cannot wrap war up in a pretty little package with a bow, which is what I think this plan insinuates. The leaders of Syria are already warning us of what may unfold. Who are we to say they aren’t bluffing? This three month thing could get an approved extension to add support troops to this initial wave.

Plus let’s think about it, if we are going to get involved with military action, some troop somewhere has to take that action. I don’t think they are going to be doing that from American soil, so even though it may be for a couple months, some military family somewhere IS going to be affected. It doesn’t matter if this is the safest plan for our troops, there is always a concern from families. Always. Even when Tom was in a “safe” country on his way back from Afghanistan, I was still worried. I still felt this weight on my chest that I would never see him again. Unless your service member is beside you in person, you have concern and are affected by any type of deployment. And to be real with you, I still worry about him even when he is in the safety of our house. Being in the military is a life altering commitment that while I am honored to be a part of it, the reality is that it affects me every second of every day, and terrifies me all the same regardless of if he is stateside or not. His job is literally life or death. I am not sure how that can’t affect me.

And being gone just for one day affects families. Try saying that it doesn’t affect a family to the mom who has to figure out daycare and carpooling for all 3 kids since their partner is gone. Try saying that it doesn’t to the 3rd grader who didn’t see their mom in the stands at their first little league game. Try explaining how it doesn’t to the parents who just said goodbye to their 18 year old as they board that plane for overseas. The time does matter to us, and we are affected.

Constant battering of the military expenses. I have held my tongue to this point about all the sequestering business, even as I watched vital offices/services around base get closed during regular weekly business hours to help cut costs. But as I went home to MO this past weekend and saw billboards about the fast food strike and the “right to work”. As I have been seeing comments all over the place about how our military is ready to go, I was pondering our jobs and what effort we put into our work as a country. I thought about the respect that is given to those who choose to work in this [military] field without much regard except on big holidays. The military is ready to go at any time. That is what is so great about our Armed Forces. Tom is ready to go wherever America needs him to go (a little to eagerly in my opinion, but I am a little greedy about my hubster time.) This commitment to the oath they took to serve their country hasn’t come with full support of our nation. Constantly over the past year there have been talks about cutting benefits, bases, and military personnel. Here at Ft. Campbell they are going to be eliminating one of the most famous brigades (Band of Brothers) in the next year to hit the mark on the new budget. The scope of what that means, just boggles my mind. But regardless of the comments or the payback, they are ready to serve and willingly go every time. They do it with pride and honor. They do it without constant(or even regularly scheduled) pay raises. I think that is something that people should take note of before considering taking a swipe at the defense budget. Don’t get me wrong, there are some awesome benefits, and I am grateful for what we do get, but on the grand scale of things I am not sure that everyone has their facts straight when trying to say the military gets too much. P.S. There is no sitting out in the military. Have you heard the term AWOL and did you know  that you can get arrested for it? Also, war doesn’t stop when you are asleep, eating, going to the bathroom, so a full-time job has a whole other meaning for service members.

I work in a field were we constantly talk about injustice and under-represented groups, which is one thing I love about my job. I love getting out there and connecting people to their passions no matter their past or situations. We all have a voice and story to be told, and I love that I am in an environment that allows me to interact with a variety of people.  I think the military should be one of those under-represented communities that comes to the forefront of people’s minds because they are so misunderstood and disregarded too often. They also encompass many of the most common groups that folks think of when you say the word “diversity” or “social justice.” You cannot always tell if someone is military, and many don’t feel it necessary to boast about those achievements. But, just because they don’t want to talk about it, doesn’t mean we don’t need to take care of them in this country. Yes they are independent and have had experiences that are worse than most of our nightmares. That, I think, puts most people in this mindset that veteran’s and military folks can just take care of themselves because of all that they experienced. They can handle anything right? Well, maybe so, but that doesn’t mean we don’t owe them a little gratitude and a hand. We need to be more empathetic to this population and how our politics can affect them.

Because, quite frankly, they will fight to their death to save our county.

They would rather make sure they are ready and trained for their war life. They cannot control the whens/whys/hows of  where they go; they can control how prepared they are once given orders. Why can’t we as a country be ready to support them in this endeavor?

Ask yourself are you ready to go to war? I know I am not. So I am thankful that service members are willing to put it all on the line so I don’t have to.

(I have a similar contempt for America’s treatment of teachers, but that is a soap box for another day.)

As I said, this was not intended to be a debate on whether we should go to Syria or not, but I hope it inspires you to think a little harder about what you say about the folks that do go and the support you provide them. Seriously, we should think about any group we talk about and seek to know the facts. We need to hear the stories of that group before we turn a blind eye. Obviously, I am biased, and I will own that. But I see what these men [in Tom’s unit] do every day and I think it is about time someone takes notice instead of throwing stones at what they don’t know or understand.

So here I am just trying to tell a little bit of our story to hopefully remove some barriers.