June 18, 2025 by Stephanie

Dear Husband

Fourteen years.

It’s hard to believe that so much time has passed since we said “I do,” and yet, when I look at you, I still see the same man who made me laugh, made me feel safe, and made me believe in forever. What I didn’t know then was just how much that “forever” would teach us.

Fourteen years of marriage of growing up together, of figuring life out hand in hand. We’ve built a life full of ordinary moments that mean everything—shared glances across a crowded room, caffeine-fueled mornings, chaotic dinners with the kids, quiet nights when nothing really needed to be said and there are Office episodes to watch. And through all of it, one thing has stayed constant: us.

Staying connected hasn’t always been easy—especially in the seasons when life pulled us in a hundred directions. Work, kids, responsibilities… the noise of life can be loud. With the complexities we have experienced, especially over the past couple years, it would be easy to just fall apart. But somehow, we always found our way back to each other. In the small things. In the effort. In the choice to show up for each other, again and again.

You still make me feel chosen. You still make me feel wanted. And loved. And seen.

You always know how to lighten the mood with a perfectly-timed joke or sarcastic comment, and even when I try not to laugh—you get me every time. You have a way of talking all of us off our proverbial ledge and help us focus on reality. Your mind is sharp, your hands are capable, and I swear, you can fix anything. Whether it’s a broken toy, a car, or a rough day—you’ve got a way of putting things back together.

You’re the kind of dad I always hoped my kids would have—playful, patient, endlessly loving. You have made their childhood magical. They look at you like you hung the moon. And honestly, so do I. This life we have built together is nothing short of a miracle, and it is more than I ever dreamed of.

What I admire most, though, is who you are when no one is watching. Loyal. Ethical. Steadfast. Honest. People underestimate you all the time—and you just keep showing up, proving them wrong. There are so many little things that you do to improve the world around you that no one even knows you are doing. But I see you.

Thank you for being my steady when life gets messy. For showing up, not just as my husband, but as my teammate, and my safe place.

There’s a quiet kind of magic in a love that grows deeper over time. It doesn’t need grand gestures or perfect moments. It just needs care, commitment, and a whole lot of grace. And somehow, we’ve found all of that—together.

Fourteen years in, and I still choose you. I choose this life. I choose us.

Happy anniversary, my love. Here’s to every year that brought us closer—and to every year still to come.

Love always,

Steph

June 18, 2024 by Stephanie

Year 13

Today is our anniversary.

When you get married, you are full of excitement. There is nothing but celebration around you. You are looking towards your future and you tend to focus on the happiness that is before you. You think about the mundane routines that you will experience together. You dream of the family you are going to make. You think about the LIFE you will have together.

What I didn’t realize 13 years ago when we high-fived our I dos, is how much we were choosing a partner to navigate death with. I mean I imagined growing old with Tom, as I sing the Adam Sandler song from The Wedding Singer. So it seems obvious that when you say “till death do us part” that was part of the deal.

However it feels different when you start navigating that stage of life.

Tom has an illness that will be with him the rest of his life, and can cause life-threatening situations. We have been searching for the past couple years for the right diagnosis as we hone in on different symptoms. He has seen a sharp decline over the past 6 months, but especially over the last few. We are looking at a long road to maintain positive health, but there are still a lot of unanswered questions. Our life lately has been trips to the hospital, surgeries, biopsies, scans, and a carousel of doctors.

I didn’t imagine to be talking about end of life plans this early in our marriage, but here we are.

It is in these moments that I find that I am blessed to be in this marriage. I could easily say “why us?” or think about life if it went a different direction for us. But then I wouldn’t have this marriage as it is, and all that it has given us despite our current valley.

This marriage has taught me about unwavering love.

This marriage has taught me the value of partnership.

This marriage has humbled me.

This marriage made me a mom.

This marriage has given me everything.

Our wedding verse is a constant comfort for me in this time.

It is often in the valleys where we are stripped to our core and made to learn about ourselves and life.

I am constantly learning about compassion as I watch him be in constant pain. Tom has always been the strongest person I know, and it can be easy for me to just expect the same since life is moving around us like everything is normal. I have needed to slow down and be there for him in new ways and try to understand what new support looks like.

Kindness in a marriage should be a given, but it can be hard when the stress is piling up. It can be hard on a relationship to go through any hard time, but even more so when health is affected. Tom feels helpless because this illness has him knocked down, and I feel helpless to fix any of his ailments so I am trying to keep everything else afloat. But that can make it easy for us to be stressed around each other, and it has been a good reminder for us to be kind in the simplest of terms.

Everything about this year has brought us to our knees and humbled us in ways that we didn’t even think was possible. It has made us be vulnerable in new ways as we continue to grow together. As we have humbled ourselves, we have been able to share more depth about each other and our hopes and fears.

When you are dealing with the hardship of life, being gentle is a weird concept. You’re kind of like an eggshell yourself never quite knowing what will break you. You don’t want people to pity you, but at the same time it can be a large weight to bear. You try to make yourself stronger than maybe you really are to just make it day to day. I am reminded of the extraordinary gift of gentleness that we can offer each other in our marriage. Our world is often filled with chaos and noise, the soft touch of gentleness has the power to soothe our souls, nurture our bond, and create a sanctuary of love and understanding between us.

Patience. Deep down, I am not a patient person. I get anxious waiting on others and want to know what is happening so I can prepare. Being a mom definitely has tested me in that, but so has being married to Tom in everyway. He walks boldly in life, and that can be a wild ride for this anxious heart. He joined the Army, became a police officer, and now has this unknown illness that makes me stop in my tracks daily. I have to be ok with waiting a lot in this life. I pray that God grants me the strength to persevere in times of trial, to remain steadfast in times of uncertainty, and to hold onto hope in times of despair. In my moments of impatience and frustration, I have to ask for help to cultivate a spirit of calmness, understanding, and perseverance, even in the face of these challenges and uncertainties.

There is nothing like facing death that makes you realize holding grudges or bad feelings does no one any good. One of the most remarkable aspects of forgiveness is its ability to bring about profound healing and transformation. By choosing to forgive, we free ourselves from the chains of bitterness and resentment, allowing us to experience inner peace. We quite frankly don’t have time to be mad at each other, so it has been really healing to just let things go and return to love.

Because above all else is love. Love is what got us started. Love built this family. Love is our foundation. Love ties us together.

While this year has been full of strife, it has also brought us immeasurable peace as we both have grown in our faith in God. Everything about this has been scary and unknown, but we have put our trust in God to pull us through this. We have been telling each other that God has something in store for us with everything that is happening. We may not know what that is, but we have found peace that this is the life He chose for us and there is purpose in that. We have had to learn to trust in His divine timing.

And for all of this I am thankful. I am thankful that we started dating 17 years ago during our summer jobs at Worlds of Fun. I am thankful that Tom asked to be tied together 14 years ago on the shores of Savannah, GA. And I am thankful that we chose to navigate life together 13 years ago when we got married.

I am thankful for everything because even in the hard, there has been so so much good. And I wouldn’t change anything about that, so I will take all of this hard now knowing we have more laughs and good to experience.

Happy anniversary, love.

June 18, 2022 by Stephanie

Year 11

Today, Tom and I celebrate eleven years married.

As we reflected on this year we really couldn’t think of anything gigantic happening.

But then we started thinking about all the small moments we had this year.

George is really blossoming and figuring out his way at school. He is learning to read at lightning speed, and he joined Boy Scouts this year. Watching him become someone outside of our unit is such a bittersweet thing!

Daphne started and finished pre-K, and we really are starting to see her come out of her shell. She is a beautiful soul, and I cannot wait to see her in kindergarten.

And Wally. We are starting our last firsts. He is our last baby, and so with that comes all the firsts for the last time. He is the last to learn to walk in this house. He is the last for us to hear talk for the first time. We are trying to embrace all these little moments with him.

And with that, on the plus side, I am out of the breastfeeding fog. This is always a freeing moment. While I love being able to provide that experience for my babies, it really does change our life when I am not tied to that time table of feeding any more.

We also both experienced a lot through work.

Tom is now certified as a combat firearms instructor and a law enforcement jiu-jitsu instructor. He is very passionate about training officers, and these both were significant steps in his career to learn more about his field.

This last year seems like a blur to me work wise. I had so many growing moments with “other duties as assigned” and had to pivot many times in my leadership role. I took on supervising two other departments temporarily while other things at the institution shifted into place. Both of these areas where new and made me stretch in ways I could never have imagined. I led campus wide initiatives to impact culture changes, which can be hard but also fun and inspiring to navigate through the challenge. Fortunately, I am surrounded by phenomenal colleagues who help me learn each day, and I am grateful to be where I am. I am extremely proud in the work that I do, and this year, while hard, made me realize that even more.

We didn’t last long as a no-dog home, and we brought Daisy into our lives. I honestly don’t know how we could have found a better dog after Grace and Crosby. She is seriously the most docile and sweet thing who we have had to do zero training with. She just is a happy go-with-the-flow kind of dog, which perfectly fits into our crazy little family.

Being together this long is no easy feat.

It is not as simple as “just don’t give up.” Every day is its own small thing. There is always something to solve together. It could be paying down debt, who is taking Daphne to gymnastics, what new show are we going to commit to binging, or how do we advocate for our kids’ needs at school.

Marriage is fixing and deciding these things together. You pick someone that you want to do the hard stuff with, and then the good stuff is the bonus part. These decisions become more impactful when you choose someone to share them with.

We have learned that everything happens one step at a time. We didn’t just all of a sudden become married over a decade. It was a lot of little commitments to each other over the years to get here.

We still have the ability to surprise each other. Both of us are still striving every day to be better than we were the day before. So in a sense, we have never gotten truly comfortable and said this is good enough. We are still learning about each other and ourselves. We have both gone to counseling, and we are constantly looking for opportunities for growth. We make an effort with each other every day to connect in some way. And for us that is the only way that this has been successful.

15 years ago, many people considered our success a long shot (or a no shot). Just a summer romance that would sizzle out. But here we are coming off of a vacation with three kids happier than ever. Eleven years married and many more ahead!

June 18, 2019 by Stephanie

Year 8

Today Tom and I are celebrating EIGHT years of marriage.Holy Wow!

This is one of our first photos together twelve years ago, and we had no idea what was ahead.

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Eight years later we have experienced the marriage bliss, but things haven’t been all rainbows this year.

This has been a year of transitions.

We have been watching our kids transition.

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George started gymnastics and soccer. This forced transition on all of us. I had to let go of him more, and he had to learn structure with the new found freedom. This was a whole new adventure for us as parents. We also embarked on getting him enrolled in pre-school which is huge for him. I struggled more than I could have imagined with my little man growing up and out, and Tom as usual was a good balance to my anxiety.

Daphne transitioned from a baby to a toddler. We were concerned about her speech this past spring because she just wasn’t talking and only communicated in grunts and minimal sign language. However since birth, Daphie has operated on her own timeline and we are just all along for the ride. We got her assessed by a speech therapist a few months ago, and there were many emotions that went along with that testing. She did not qualify, which now isn’t even a concern because girl can say the whole alphabet (and identify the letters), all her colors, and has started counting, amongst all the other day to day words she now says.

And a man who indulges me in my need to have themes for our kids’ Halloween costumes is a keeper. We are on 4 years strong of famous Georges and 2 years of influential women.

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We watched two of our best friends transition into marriage. We could not have been more blessed to stand beside them on their days. It was also special for us since it was our first alone trips away from both kids.

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We transitioned into the time of our lives (finally) where we start making more permanent holiday traditions. We hosted our first 4th of July shin dig which is something we have been dreaming of since we first got together.

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We are slowly transitioning our house into a homestead. We now have chickens and a garden full of produce. These have made us stronger despite the fact that the garden sometimes makes us angry with each other. Tom keeps trying to make us farmers, and I keep reminding him that we are in fact not farmers. We do have 4 chickens, an orchard with 12 trees and 3 blackberry bushes, a corn “field,” a pumpkin patch, and 6 different vegetable beds. So there’s that…

Last summer, Tom switched jobs. While he is still in law enforcement, his job looks much different than he ever expected. While he lost some of the adrenaline rush and community influence he loved about being a street cop, he gained back his health and valuable time with his family. There is also something to be said about removing yourself from a toxic environment, which was where he was previously. We gained a static routine and he gained bedtimes with the kids. We have officially had more lunches together this year than we have in our entire marriage. It has been hard for Tom to leave the road and the shift work, but he started putting our family first. But even with the added time back with our family, things haven’t been easy for him, and there are many late night talks about where he wants to be and the choices to make. It’s been a hard path to the right end. It might not feel like we are in the right place all the time, but he knows he is right where he needs to be.

With this transition though, it has allowed us more freedom. We have been trying to find our place as a family within our community whether that is with friends or with our church. We aren’t having to add this whole other element of what the shift work did to our family.

Our marriage has transitioned into a comfortable relationship in all the best ways. We have had to put in the work to get here though. I heard this phrase sometime this year, “Marriage is a practice, not an institution. Love has to be renewed every day.” This has rang true this year. You hear a lot that a marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but I would say that we both have to be giving 100%. If one of us loses we both lose. So we each have to be giving our all to this marriage. While we are partners in this life, we both have to go all in and show our whole selves otherwise this won’t work. There may be times that one of us is struggling, however even in the struggle we need to be giving our whole self to be transparent about our feelings and needs even in those down times. There is no way for us to fully support each other without that openness and willingness to let each other see all of us. The good and the sad. So it is not an institution where we just show up when we want to and claim it as it is. It is something we have to get in to every single day and commit to constantly. There are ebbs and flows as with most things, but we commit 100% each day. Because of this comfortable relationship, we have been able to be there for each other because we feel the safety from each other and know that we can fall into each other despite our flaws.

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The days aren’t always easy, but it’s easy committing to you every day.

I love you more than yesterday and thank you for this life we have.

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June 18, 2017 by Stephanie

Year 6

Today marks SIX years married for Tom and I, and about this time 10 years ago we went on our first date.

10 years ago, a summer romance turned into a lifetime for us.

I really don’t even know where to begin writing this post on our 6th year of marriage. It seems like last summer was a lifetime ago, and so much has happened since our last anniversary.

Towards the end of the summer, we were able to pay off all our remaining debt and our finances really stabilized because of the incoming cash flow.

We started talking about the next steps for our family. We knew we wanted to have another child, and now it seemed like a good time to start. We felt ready financially, and we also felt like George was at a good age where we could manage two.

However first, we wanted to look at our living situation. We had some serious conversations on what we wanted out of a house. We really loved our property, but knew in the long run we would outgrow it. We decided to just go for it and add on to the house before we had another kid. Unbeknownst to us, we were already cooking baby 2 when we started drawing up the plans with our contractor.

In August, we celebrated George’s 2nd birthday. I loved how all of this came together to honor the little man. A week later, we gave him his first big boy haircut and lost those curls.

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We started another school year, which had me teaching in a classroom again. It was definitely the type of teaching that I enjoy, and I am so grateful to have that experience with the freshmen class.

George saw a train in real life for the first time, and we experienced Silver Dollar City a couple times that fall.

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We traveled to Iowa a couple times to see old students and friends tie the knot.

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We had a great fall season with many things happening:

George was George Brett for Halloween and went trick or treating for real.
I went to my Alma mater for Homecoming for the first time in a long time and marched on the field with George. #bandgeekforlife
I ran a 10k with my sister-in-law.
We went to pumpkin patches, corn mazes, and did all the fally things.
George also got to experience his first Chiefs game.

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But all of this pales in comparison to the news that we were expecting baby 2.

The year became about preparing everything for her arrival: our hearts and minds, our house, our finances, and George. We needed to prepare for the ultimate expansion of our family.

Thanks be to God, I received a promotion not long after the news of the baby. If anything, this year really solidified that God blessed me with the most amazing work life. I love the job that I get to do, and the people I get to work with.

In January, we found out that we were having a girl. I realized I never shared the video of how we told Tom’s family we were expecting a little lady.

We also started potty training George in January. I am so happy this went over well, but it was a trying time in our house that first month. If Tom and I can overcome potty training, I feel like we can overcome a lot more!

In February, I went to my first work conference since having George. It was the first time I was away from him for more than 24 hours in his entire life. These are the moments that make me grateful to have a partner like Tom. He took off that entire week to be with George and made it a special bonding time for the two of them. He made it so I could go focus on my professional self more, which is something I have not done in years.

This spring I also went on a ladies only trip with my favorite women. Again another time that Tom knew I needed to foster my relationships outside of our marriage.

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April brought us our baby shower, and then we settled in for the last few weeks of enjoying time as a family of three.

May was a big month for us. Our house was getting near the end of the renovation. I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia again and trying to get everything settled at work for my leave.

Then on May 18th, Daphne Christine made her way into the world swiftly.

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I had a traumatic experience the day she was born. I thank God every day that I look into my family’s faces that I came through that fully back to normal. By His grace alone was that possible.

Daphne has been with us for a month now, and we are adjusting to life as a family of four quite nicely I believe.

This year has been so full of changes, but also was an opportunity for us to be still. Tom and I have had to have hard discussions about our future whether that be our investments or how we decide to parent. (Parenting a toddler brings out the best and worst in people.)

This year we really tried to make sure that each other’s needs were being met so we could be the best for each other and our children. It is still a work in progress some days, but marriage will always ebb and flow.

We have really come into our own as a couple this year. Our jobs are good; our family is good; and we love our newish house.

I was talking with a friend recently about how it seems like this is the time that we are no longer working towards something. We aren’t in school; we aren’t waiting for something to end like the Army; and we have the family and jobs we hoped and prayed for. We have everything we ever wanted and dreamed of right now. This is the time that we are supposed to just enjoy the fruits of our labor and to be normal and settled.

I can’t wait to see what this next year brings.

Especially with these two leading the way.