June 25, 2013 by Stephanie

More Than Ever

Recently Tom had surgery at the on-base hospital. He had to be knocked out and sliced open. Someone had to go with him to be his partner and follow the doctor’s instructions, get his medications, and other things that you do for someone who just got their stomach ripped apart.

That someone was me-his wife.

I have been titled an Army spouse. My ID says I am a dependent. I had to show my marriage license to get this badge of honor.

This ID then opens “gates” to get onto base, to get his meds, to sign different documents, etc. This little piece of plastic has guaranteed me a lot of things as his partner in life.

While Tom was on deployment I received his checks and benefits.

I am his power of attorney in case the worst were to happen.

It was a great solace for him and I when he was on deployment knowing that I was able to take care of things if needed. (Except for that whole credit card thing, and no I am still not over it..)

I was able to do that because some politicians have decided that I am “blessed” to be straight. I have the “right” to be married because I was born liking the opposite sex.

Seriously?

Why am I granted this freedom when some of my closest friends are not? We have the same diplomas, came from similar families, have brothers and sisters, have similar faith systems, and live in the same neighborhoods. We both love with our whole hearts and have decided to be with one person forever.

Why are service-members that my husband fights with not able to have the peace of mind knowing their husbands and wives will have benefits while they are away and can deal with the day to day without any extra red tape or people saying, “I don’t think so.”

Deployment was hard enough with the realities of war. I cannot even begin to imagine it without the support and safety-net of the spousal privileges. And the communication you receive from the FRG only goes to spouses. The FRG was my main connection to the Army and helped me understand what is going on and what to expect. This group gave me information that I needed to feel better about the deployment and feel like I had some people to reach out to if ever needed. They were my life line and sense of stability some days. In deployment times you need to know you have that security, because some days that is all you have. At some bases, same sex spouses are banned from these organizations. Banned from hearing first hand when their spouse is coming home and the best way you can support them.

To think that our children could be impacted negatively by our love instead of profoundly brought up by it because of someone holding your parents back because your parents happen to be the same sex.

Like Major Shannon McLaughlin and her wife, Casey McLaughlin

To think that I would not be able to live on base with my husband and share our lives together.

Like Marine Captain Matthew Phelps and his soon-to-be husband Ben Schock

These are just two of the thousands of love stories.

Love stories–We grew up adoring Love stories and rooting for happy endings. (Well at least I did.) So why is there so much hatred towards them now? Why isn’t the solution obvious? Love is love. Love is about hearts not parts.

I know I get to have the peace and ease of being married already with the “government” blessing and benefits. And it may not mean much for me to fight for something I already have for myself. I realize my massive following of 25 people on this blog may not go far. But as an human, I could not stand idly by. So instead of changing my profile picture, I write.

I am big supporter of marriage. If you have read any of my words before, you know that I think marriage is awesome. So I am a big proponent of marriage for anyone who decides to make that commitment to another person.

Marriage to me is much more than what a piece of paper says, but unfortunately the reality is there are some doors that open because of that paper.

My words may be small and not far reaching, but I hope that people take the time to listen to the real stories and struggles and think about their choices and behaviors when they decide to pass judgement. Get to know real stories so you can understand the impact of your own judgements. We all came in this world alike and will leave alike. We breathe the same air. Our hearts beat. Period the end.

Show a little humanity will you? Have we all forgotten the golden rule that we were taught in kindergarten? “Treat others as you wish to be treated.”

Gosh life was simple then. Play, count, have snack, play, learn ABCs, play, nap…

Someone wise once told me, “Be as human as you can be.”

I ask that everyone dig a little bit to figure out what that means to you. Ask yourself if how you feel/act is really being “human.” If your answer is always yes, good for you. You are a saint. If not, jump on the self-reflective train with the rest of us.

This week our country will change dramatically with the decisions that the Supreme Court will be sharing one way or the other, and hopefully sharing soon.

For this couple and so many others, I hope that the SC decides in love and what I believe to be equality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=sb2Pi5M4LEE&feature=endscreen

Bill and John have a breathtakingly beautiful love. During this video, I laughed, cried, nodded in agreement as they explained some of the day to day of marriage, and then I was heartbroken. Heartbroken that there are people who don’t see this as real emotion and real love. I mean seriously, those selfies they took are just delightful.

For goodness sake, it is just two people loving each other. Your feelings have nothing to do with their marriage.

Oh wait they do…says every law saying a marriage is between a man and a woman. Until when…

I am optimistic that others can see that Bill and John deserved what I have been granted.

I hope my words are crafty enough for you tonight. Thank you for bearing with my ramblings.

Love one another more than ever.

freedomtomarry.org/military

June 24, 2013 by Stephanie

Talks With Tom Begins

My husband and I have some of the oddest conversations that often leave me either laughing or just bewildered. Thought bubble-“Did we really just talk about that?”

And my next thought bubble was that you should experience that too. You’re welcome.

I got this idea from a fellow blogger who documents her conversations with her soldier as well. So thank you Amy for the idea! You can see her convos at ArmyAmy. It’s nice to know I am not alone.

So here is the first installation of “Talks with Tom.”

This conversation may get into more than you want to know about Tom and I, and our dog Grace.

Tom has taught our dog Grace to sit on the bathmat in front of the toilet when we are using the restroom.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I am not even kidding when I say this. Grace will be in the other room when I go to use the bathroom and as soon as she hears the toilet seat, she comes bounding in after me. She then will sit like a statue on the rug and watch me go pee or number 2. In all fairness, she faces the door and just looks at you periodically. She does grant you some decency, I guess. At first though it is very odd and weird to have a dog watch you while you do your business. It’s a good thing that I don’t have performance anxiety when it comes to bodily functions.

I mentioned this odd Grace behavior to Tom and he responded, “Oh yea, I taught her that.”

Me-“Why?”

Tom-“That’s when you are most vulnerable to an attack. She is my guard dog, so she is going to protect me while I doodee.”

Me-“Who is going to attack you in our bathroom?” (I should really know better than to ask questions.)

Tom-“My point exactly.”

Then he went on about some invader story in the end of the world and how Grace is instrumental in our security…This is my life.

After awhile, it has become oddly endearing that she sits there staring at the door and back at you waiting for our attacker. At least I will be all cleaned out when the robbers get me. Thanks Grace.

He is also apparently training her to be used to living in a tent. This gem happened when Tom stayed up all night with her.

Come back for the next Military Monday to hear our wacky conversations.

The craft today is all about organization!

This has been our counter since we moved in. Piles of who knows what.

And that is on a good day. This also doesn’t show the piles of stuff on the coffee table, dining room table, etc. So needless to say we were getting stressed about the clutter.

So I went to Walmart and bought 2 standing file trays, and picked out some scrapbook paper.

I cut out the paper to fit the front of the boxes. Then I sharpied our initials into each one. That way we each have a place for our mail/papers/whatnot. We can each decide our own “system” too, which sometimes in a marriage is important to have separate areas.

Then I just hung them on the wall at a height that we could reach in there.

I added the menu board I did a couple months ago to the mix. Although, it is no longer the menu board. We decided that planning out our week’s meals didn’t work for us. So we have made a deal to do 2 different recipes each week to be able to plan for the appropriate groceries, but we don’t pick which day we will cook them. We are spur of the moment type of eaters, so it didn’t work to plan 7 days at a time when we aren’t sure if we want a taco or spaghetti in 7 hours. So I changed out the food quote to “everyday” and we made it the chore/to do board. Much better!

I also printed out a picture from our wedding to even out the layout. It has made a huge difference in the kitchen! No more blank white walls!

Here it is in use!

All in all a very easy hour of crafting.

June 20, 2013 by Stephanie

American Wedding

Last week I was able to experience something that not many Americans in the modern day can say they have done.

I attended a real life BALL.

And by ball, I mean like fairytale ball. Like the one Cinderella went to and lost her slipper kind of ball. Well except this one the king and queen are not trying to marry off their son.

Was I really living out my Disney princess dream?

The best description I can give came after talking with my friend Kate about the experience. I give her credit for it; it is pretty much spot on.

“It was a like a wedding reception for America.”

And it so happened to fall on the Army’s birthday last Friday. Here’s to a great 238 years!

Tom just had surgery for an injury he sustained during his time away, so he wasn’t much for celebration that week. The things we do for love though. He was a trooper for me since I had never been to a military ball and endured the pain of dressing up in his formals. He just couldn’t stand up straight, move very fast, or laugh without holding his belly. I am a cruel wife, I know. Seriously though, it was our one guaranteed chance to go to a ball!

And he admitted the day after that he was glad that I made him go.

Living near Nashville has it’s perks. The 101st Airborne is able to have their balls at the Gaylord Opryland in Nashville. Talk about once in a lifetime!

It was magical. I am not sure I was even able to soak it all in. There was just so much! It was so surreal and breathtaking.

This particular event was to celebrate the 3rd Brigade coming home from their most recent deployment. There were around 1,000 people at this event. It was to celebrate the success they had and to decompress from being at war.

Because of the timing though, it signified a little more for me.

It really was like a wedding reception. I have been living a pretty distant life away from the Army since Tom enlisted. I could separate myself when I wanted to and be something else besides a military spouse. But now that I have moved here, I have a VERY different relationship with the Army.

I feel it every day in a very different way, much like how it is for a relationship when you get married. It becomes a little more serious. The Army is much more present in my day to day. And not in a “in your face-I’m stalking you” kind of way, but in a “hey, you’re the cheese to my macaroni” kind of way. From seeing the camo everywhere in our home, driving on and off base, seeing “America” basically on every corner, to serving military students much more openly at work… And did you know that most stores give military discounts? Every business asks for our IDs so we can get discounts, and when I ask if that is an every store policy or just this area, most say that it is every store. Hidden secret! I am going to have to hop on that!

So this ball for me was a little celebration saying I am ready to commit to this thing and there is no going back! Let’s do this Army.

It was a very special night with lots of emotions. We heard very high ranking officers talk to the men about the journey the Rakkasans have taken, and that now they are part of that legacy. Hearing these officers speak of valor, courage, camaraderie, and the leadership was breathtaking. I was overwhelmed throughout the evening as they talked about the selflessness of our soldiers. And most of them will tell you that’s just their job and want nothing more as recognition. You saw all kinds of medals, ranks, and other decorations signifying pivotal moments in these soldiers lives. (It was like a game trying to point out different ribbons or awards that you could find on people.)

There were moments of silence for those who have fallen. It brings a tear to my eye thinking about the silence as we held up our glasses in honor of the set table for one on stage symbolizing those who did not return.

And there were toasts to celebrate the victories. A lot of hoots and hollars to see whose company could be the loudest.

Cough*Angel*Cough.

If this type of event doesn’t make you feel patriotic, probably nothing will.

It gave me a sense of unity that I had not felt before. I was now fully connected.

Hats of to the Army. They know how to reel you in without you even noticing.

(And I didn’t even have to drink from the Grog to fill this giddy.)

It was a night filled with formal gowns and bow ties, nervousness, laughter, speeches, good food, expensive drinks, dancing, introductions, but most of all great pride.

Great pride for our nation, great pride for our freedoms, great pride for the 101st, and great pride for Tom. The service they provide to a nation of people they have never met and to individuals around them is something that cannot be described easily. Uplifting and encouraging for humanity. I felt a piece of it that night.

So here’s to our wedding America! I am glad Tom and I said yes.

My craft tonight actually was for a wedding. Sometimes I really surprise myself with how I match the craft to the entry.

I made this for two friends of mine who recently got married. Congrats to the Baumgardners!

I am not sure what this crochet stitch is, I started too long ago to remember the name. I am not sure I would do it again. It was really finicky, and I would get the needle stuck in the bubbles if I tried doing it without watching. And you had to count a lot. It was too much thinking. Crochet is a mindless thing for me. I don’t want to have to work at it.

It turned out nice though! I do like the textured stitches! I apparently forgot to get a close up of the stitch whoops.

I do love these colors.

Until next time…

June 10, 2013 by Stephanie

Moving in with a Caveman

“What are you doing?”

This phrase has exited my mouth several 100 times in the last few weeks. When moving in with someone, there are some growing pains. Lots of growing pains. There are a lot of things you don’t know about someone until you share a roof with them. Albeit, we have lived together before, but when you do it so sporadically, there are still things to uncover or re-uncover. It’s like we are newly-weds all over again.

It is like that episode of Boy Meets World where Cory and Topanga spend the night together for the first time. Girl in face mask and guy clipping toe nails-classic.

Now add that the person you are moving in with is an infantryman.

My husband lived in the wilderness for 6 months, then lived in a practically empty house for almost 2 months.

This is what happens when you leave an infantryman unsupervised…

I do not claim his poor beer choices…

So on top of dealing with clothes/towels on the floor and dishes everywhere, I have to deal with Tom licking his plates after every meal and playing with knifes like he is a ninja.

And every reason resorts back to “I’m an infantryman.” (which inevitably leads to my eye roll)

Let’s just say, it has been interesting trying to get to know each other’s little quirks again. I would be lying if I said that the past month has been all rainbows and sunshines. We may have been together for the last 6 years, but there are still issues that we have to deal with. And honestly, I would be a little afraid if we didn’t have a disagreement here and there.

I may call Tom out with his primitive living, but I will admit that I have not been a perfect angel either. I am pretty set on my routines and everything having a place. As an introvert, I need my “me” time to get away from everything, so having someone around all the time has not been the easiest for me. I have had to redefine what that means for me and grab those moments when I can. Just this morning I got aggravated with him because he messed up my set aside “alone” time while I got ready for work. Really he was just trying to chat, and I was being rude and upset that I couldn’t be alone. This explains what transition I have had to go through as an introvert: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/how-to-love-an-introvert/ And I have had struggles with everything that this post mentioned, which in turn makes me drink the haterade towards Tom.

As every couple before us, we have had some rough patches learning how to read each other and effectively communicate. And we both have been so used to being on our own, so we have had to work on sharing a space and not feeling invaded by the other. Compromise has been the motto of our house or we just claim do-overs and start the conversation over. Although, I am not sure I will ever lovingly look over at Tom as he leaves army/survival gadgets everywhere (and I mean they are EVERYwhere). Just as he may not look at me with adoring eyes when I have filled the DVR with all of my TV shows once they start up again in the fall-the line up does get a little ridiculous.

But this is part of growing together. We will probably spend the rest of our lives trying to “tame” each other. I hope that every day we are able to learn more about each other. And who knows what habits of each other’s we may pick up on…only time will tell!

There have been a lot of good things too in this taming process:

Decorating the house
Making/fixing furniture-I couldn’t do this without Tom
Tom finally caving in and wanting to watch “The Bachelorette” with me
Grocery shopping together
Tom teaching me how to climb a rope (Yes like the rope you climb in Gym class. I have never been able to get off the ground, and these ropes are everywhere on base for me to practice on. And we’ve stopped on our way to the Commissary to practice.)
Eating dinner together every night
Deciding that we are becoming Red and Kitty from “That 70’s Show”
Playing outside with the dog
BBQ on the patio
Singing rap and pop songs in formal A Cappella voices (Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “I Like Big Butts” is my favorite.)

So for those of you who are about to move in with someone (significant other or not), understand that there WILL be an adjustment period. But there are a lot of laughs that can come with it if you can move past the unruliness.

***Anyone have any good stories to share after moving in with someone?***

Also with moving in to a new space there are a lot of new expenses. Since we had lived on campus, we did not have very much because most of it was provided. Luckily my parents are downsizing right now, so we inherited a kitchen table and set of chairs. You can see that they look like they were from the 80s or early 90s (the chairs, not my parents.)

We had to strip these chairs first. This meant taking off the couple decade old cloth and cushions that were starting to disintegrate. Then I had to pull out all the staples to make it easier for the new layer to be attached. Nasty job, but so worth it!

After we did that, Tom put on the padding and cloth that we had gotten from Hobby Lobby.

Grace was making it difficult for Tom to do anything because she wanted the padding to be her new bed.

We had planned to do this part together, but we weren’t able to get it all done in one night like we had planned. The stripping took a lot longer than we thought. But, Tom surprised me one night when I came home from work and had them all completely covered. Love him!

Basically a new chair!

Now we just need to update the table to match.

Soon we will be ready to entertain!

June 5, 2013 by Stephanie

The Vacation Doesn’t End

Time has definitely settled and slowed down a bit. I started my new job a week ago, so it is safe to say now Tom and I are living a regular life and are starting to create some routines. I tell ya, getting up at 5 is not fun, but having someone keeping you accountable to that makes it a little easier.

The house is still silly in some areas with having to go home for the Baumgardner wedding last week, starting a new job, just building some furniture and then debating what needs to be done before Tom has surgery this week. Let’s just say our spare bedroom is becoming that closet that you are afraid to open because of what may fall out.

At the end of the day though, I get to come home to my family.

But, there is still this inkling that there is a joke coming up and this honeymoon period is about to end. Haha Whiteners-fun time is over. After living in a long distance relationship for the better part of 6 years, it is proving to be a hard habit to shake.

About once a day, Tom and I share comments of fleeting thoughts we had thinking we only had a weekend.

Do you want to stay up all night since you are supposed to head back to Iowa tomorrow…ohhhh wait!
We need to get one last family walk in before you drive!
Let’s just keep eating out because there isn’t any food and I don’t want to waste our time together cooking and cleaning the kitchen.
I don’t want to see anyone else but you this weekend. There isn’t anything in this city that demands our time. What, we don’t need to live holed up in our apartment all weekend?
I still have all my make-up and face wash products in a traveling case…
Why are you in the other room? Come sit next to me, every minute, every second…
Watch your TV on your own time! We need to get through “That 70s Show!”
and the list goes on…

Having jobs to go to every day is helping us settle in a little more, so hopefully we will feel more permanent the more time that passes. And we can explore the city a little bit too. I am really looking forward to the Farmer’s Market and Jazz on the Lawn!

Either way, I am loving being able to have a face to face conversation every day and not doing that dreaded drive away from the person you love. Seriously the worst part of a long distance relationship is the travel back after a glorious weekend together.

Sayonara depressing sappy love song drive mix! (Ok maybe I will still listen to that…)

Now I just need to tame the beast…

This past weekend Tom and I made most of our bedroom furniture. I will be honest, I did not do much. I stained the bed and was the assistant who held the wood when a clamp would not suffice. Tom was the mastermind behind these. But we still spent most of the weekend in our carport with saw dust flying everywhere.

We only have pictures of the bedside tables right now. We need to do some adjustments to the bed before I will post about it.

Tom did a fantastic job designing these tables. He did them from scratch, drawers and all. Super impressed! It is nice having a partner who can do some pretty wicked woodwork and spend all weekend manufacturing these things for you!

And we even managed to save the wood that went through the downpour we got caught in on the way home.

They look great in our bedroom!