October 24, 2013 by Stephanie

A Letter To My Nieces

Dear Ava and Addison,

Both of you just had a birthday recently. Ava, you are a bright lively four year old. Addison, you are sweet and spirited at three years old.

As I watch you develop your own little personalities, I see that you have so many opportunities ahead of you. There is the excitement of going to school for the first time, slumber parties, your first crush, and figuring out how to drive through a fast food drive through for the first time. The possibilities ahead of you are vast and inspiring.

As your aunt, I want to pass along some words of wisdom for you girls. These are things that I look back and reflect upon and hope that you can become wiser much sooner and with less pain than I did.

So listen to your awesome auntie for a sec.

1. Fashion comes and goes. Do not let it rule or ruin your life. People go into debt and feel less than adequate all the time for pieces of cloth, and it really causes more anxiety than it is worth. Unfortunately as women, there is a lot of pressure to assert your sexiness with your clothing. Sometimes I am afraid of how the media portrays things, and how so many of us fall prey to believing we can’t measure up to the hype. Even my younger self shed a few embarrassing tears because I didn’t have the newest craze, and thought I would never fit in. Find a style that makes YOU feel comfortable. Clothes don’t define you, you define you. Be tasteful. And just be prepared that whatever you think is cool right now, you may regret years down the road. So no need to sweat it now.

2. Learn how to write effectively. With the way that technology rules our lives, so many people do not know how to write a full sentence with proper structure when the time arises. Understanding the difference between an adverb and an adjective and how to properly format a letter is important.

3. Take time to travel. Study abroad; go on road trips; just go places. This will help expand your scope and show you things you could never imagine. It is also a way to bring stories to life. Experiencing things in real life are so much better than TV/pictures. And if you only pick one place to go, your Uncle Tom and I would suggest Savannah, and also take us with you.

4. Don’t just emulate Disney princesses. There are many other women to have as role models. My personal faves are Sally Ride, Marie Curie, Audrey Hepburn, Eleanor Roosevelt, and your grandmas. I know this is a shocker seeing as I love most things Disney. While Disney princesses are beautiful and show how to be hopeful and can sing a glorious tune, they make it seem like you always need a Prince to save you from your worst nightmare. Be your own hero. Continue being strong for yourself.

5. Don’t get a credit card until your 20s. There is no reason for you to have one before then, and at this point hopefully you will understand how to effectively keep track of your money. Also the gimmick of they will give you a free t-shirt for your information is a hoax. This is you signing up for a card, and thus going down the road of a bad credit mark. And usually the shirts aren’t that cool. If you are that desperate for a shirt, it’s time for an aunt/niece date.

6. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Yes I know I am saying this one without learning this myself, but this is me teaching you through my mistake. I would suggest learning it while you are learning how to drive in the first place. Personally, I think it would be much easier that way. Plus if you are in a tight jam, it’s a handy skill to have.

7. It’s ok to change your dreams. Don’t let others dictate what you want to do with your life. These dreams will evolve over time, and you will figure it out. Just know that you need to be your own advocate for your dreams. The rest of us will fall in line when we see it makes you happy.

8. Know how to change a tire. Life skill that all people need to know, and it is relatively easy to do once you know where the jack goes. Also be ok with getting your hands dirty…

9. Don’t compare yourself to women in magazines. That’s not real life. I know there have been days that I have tried fitting into a size that I know is too small for me, and just ended up feeling miserable about my body. Comparing yourself to an image that is more than likely edited in some way is only going lessen your confidence in the beauty you already possess. Plus who wants to diet their entire life away? You don’t have time for that. (Plus your grandparents’ cooking is too good for that!) Beauty is being healthy and taking care of yourself, not the idea of trying to fit into a size double negative no waist/butt zero. Clearly this is an imaginary size that just leads you to think the worst of yourself since it is unattainable but yet glorified. Beauty is not measured by the number on the tag.

10. Watch Audrey Hepburn and Molly Ringwald movies. They are just too good not to watch. Seriously trust me. Sometimes ridiculous, yet iconic.

11. Make-up is not a necessity. As a tween, you may think you might die if you don’t have concealer or mascara, but I assure you, you won’t. Also less is more. Caking on make up takes away from your natural beauty. So unless you are on stage pretending to be another character for a part or you are cheering on your favorite sports team, there really isn’t a need for the make-up mask. Hopefully this is something you can learn faster than I did…

12. Be smart. Challenge your mind and spirit with learning new things every day. This doesn’t just mean getting straight As in school (although those do help to secure scholarships if college is what you are after.) This means being able to articulate your thoughts and not believe everything you hear without doing your own research. Be able to justify yourself and stand up for what you believe in. In the same light though, be able to objectively hear all sides of a story and be open to new possibilities. Soak in knowledge from everywhere and everyone. There is always something to learn.

13. Don’t depend on a love relationship to decide who you are as a person. You make you. They don’t make you. Naturally, you will meld hobbies and love some of the same things and they may encourage you to be a better person, but each of you should be your own person who makes your own decisions. Be true to yourself and be ok with who you are when you are alone. Ava and Addy, you are both fantastic, and don’t let the idea of love tell you otherwise. The love you find once you can do that is much happier, satisfying and real because you can be you at all times. And since this is a lesson that most of us have to stubbornly learn on our own, I am ready to wallow with you with Twizzlers and Sabrina (yes an Audrey film) when the time comes.

14. Get enough sleep. Naps are cool (in small increments)! Bedtimes are cool! I know it may seem crazy now, but there will come a time when you pray for more sleep. Being fully rested will help you enjoy the day more fully, instead of being half asleep or being in a caffeine induced coma all the time.

15. Read. Books, magazines, newspapers, whatever, just read. A well read woman is a dangerous thing, in a good way obviously. The act of reading inspires us to be imaginative, to think, to reflect, to connect, and so much more.

16. Play with a Skip It. Literally and figuratively. This is such a fun toy, so maybe Aunt Stephie and Nuncle Tom will have one at their house someday. I urge you to infuse fun activities in your life. Get outside, do things, be active. We are so stationary these days that it is important to “skip” the technology once in awhile to get our bodies in motion.

17. No job is beneath you. We all struggle with this at some point. However, if you are making an honest living and working hard, you will see the benefits. And if it is that bad, you will find a way out of it in due time. We all have our cleaning up puke or passing out hamburger stories (hopefully not together, but maybe) that taught us about hard work and earning your own way.

18. Show love. The world needs more of this, and both of you have such big hearts already. Don’t be afraid to love others who may not love you back. You never know how that love can impact the world.

I can’t wait to watch you both to grow into strong women who care deeply for those around you. I am excited to see what paths you take!

Believe in yourself. No matter what you hear or see from our culture, you are more than enough. So go and do great things because you are great. Only you can write your story, but don’t forget that you have many people around you who can be supporting roles and think the world of you. Just remember to be as human as possible.

You think it is tea party time now?

Love always,

Aunt Stephie

October 21, 2013 by Stephanie

Talks With Tom #10

Fun fact, I have no sense of smell. (Yes, I can taste.)

Tom has always been pretty free with passing gas. Without my sense of smell and being in the infantry, Tom has gotten even more comfortable crop dusting wherever. It doesn’t bother me, and most of the time I have no idea that he let one rip. Unless it is one of those loud ones or he starts dry heaving out of no where from whatever come out of his behind…

Tom forgets that other people can smell and that for the most part it is not social acceptable. He has gotten quite cocky about his flatulence in public.

This happened yesterday at the commissary.

I was waiting in line at the deli, and Tom had gone off to the sales aisle to see if there was anything worth getting.

Caveat-This knock knock joke is pretty common around our house. He had this conversation out loud to himself while he was off searching for sale goodies.

Tom-“Knock, knock.” (He had his head tilted back as if he was alerting the sky of his upcoming “joke”)

Tom answering himself-“Who’s there?”

Tom serving the punch line-actually passing gas

Then he realized he wasn’t alone in the aisle.

Grandma lady who was in the aisle the whole time giving him this scared glare thinking “What did this young man just do in my presence?”

Tom still out loud (nervously/surprised/trying to surpress the laughter)-“Cup of cheese!!!”

And here he scampered off back to the deli to tell me the tale.

Tom-“I just farted in someone’s face. It was probably a General’s wife or something.”

And then he proceeded to re-enact the story, and we made up a commentary about this woman’s thoughts. I am sure she was horrified.

I am still giggling ridiculously every time I think about it. I have to pause every few moments of writing this to get control of myself…

The funniest part to me, was how quickly Tom wanted to get out of that aisle. Usually, he doesn’t give any hoots about his toots, but this time was different. He didn’t even bring any of the candy on sale with him, and only was able to grab a couple items on his dash away from this woman’s glare. I am sure I will be laughing about this for years to come.

Also in case you were wondering, Tom swears that our house does not smell like farts, and no one has complained to our faces. So apparently We do a pretty good job with Febreeze and candles to clear the air.

I know you all are judging now–those stinky Whiteners. You wrinkle your nose if you want, but think about how awful it is to have no sense of smell and to always wonder if things are smelly! Another rant for another day is the obnoxiousness of enduring years of people putting perfume/candles/food under my nose to really test whether I can smell or not!

For the most part, I believe not smelling is mostly a blessing, especially being married to Tom and having two gaseous dogs. Match made in heaven. If I can learn not to worry about the unknown bad smells too much, you shouldn’t either.

And don’t act like you don’t fart.

Everything I researched today said that we do it on average of 14 times a day, but yet most of us try to hide it (that was totally the chair) or lie that we never would do it (whoever smelt it dealt it).

We worry too much about what other people think, myself included here. Babies and the elderly do it without ~~noticing~~ caring. And my husband is just making (air)waves to make this more acceptable for all those in between.

And let’s be honest, we all giggle just a little. Farts are funny. Try to watch this and not laugh.

(I have learned a lot of fart facts today, like that they actually make things called Fartypants.)

October 20, 2013 by Stephanie

Every Day Should be Race Day

This weekend I finished my fourth half marathon.

Before the Go Commando Half Marathon

This was a brutal race.

It started raining in the middle of mile one.

It did not stop until after mile twelve.

The rain fluctuated from sprinkling to blinding downpour. My clothes were soaked through by mile four.

There was a hill (or 2 or 3) in every single mile.

So I was soaked, cold (it was below 45 all morning), and my source of music was out since I was afraid of drowning my phone. I was feeling defeated every turn staring up at the road at another hill.

Here I was running with just my thoughts for 13 miles. Why did I do this to myself?

As you see on my shirt, I chose to run this race for T.J.

I was able to raise a $615 dollars for Parent Project Muscular Dystrophy. It wasn’t quite my goal, but still awesome to see the outpouring of love and support. I have left it open for anyone else who feels compelled to donate.

I didn’t run the whole thing. Many times, quite frankly I wanted to quit. Between the hills and rain, I was miserable. But then I remembered TJ, and a smile was put back on my face.

I started to really take in the race, more than I had for the last three (even Disney). Shocker I know.

Running for two and a half hours gives you a lot of time to be with yourself. It is a lot of time to criticize that I wasn’t going to PR, or focus on the cramp in my leg, or wonder if the liquid running down my face was rain/tears/snot.

But having TJ in the back of my mind made me run in a totally different way.

I had so much fun on this race despite being cold and sopping wet. I saw parts of Clarksville that are absolutely gorgeous in the fall. Since I wasn’t worried about time (well only to get into dry socks), I was able to observe things and be in the moment. We often try to rush to the end goal, so it was nice to take in the process. I was running somewhere between a walk and a hard pace. And I was quite content with that.

I think “every day should be race day.” And here is why.

1. People are constantly cheering for you. Who doesn’t love compliments like “You doing great.” “Work it girl.” “You are strong.” Some people even hold signs for you or come out in the road to give you a high five. Seriously, can these people come to my office all day?

2. Along the same lines, I have never felt that these races are competitive. Constantly you are cheering for your fellow runners on. I always end up running in the same group. You ebb and flow. Sometimes I was ahead of the rest, sometimes I was at the back. But the common theme was that we cheered each other on when we needed it most. We gave each other a heads up if the turn around was ahead. We made jokes to take away the fact our body was cramping. We ran along side each other to give the other person strength to take the next step. I think things in life would go much smoother if we took a lesson at this. Support each other even if it means you wont “win.” We are all living, so technically we are all winning. Comparison is the stealer of all joy. Run your race, and don’t be jealous of what others have.

3. Work hard and put in a solid effort, and you will be happy with your results. I am really proud of what I did today, and I worked for those 13.1 miles. No one can take that away from me.

4. No one criticizes what runners wear. Actually the more neon the better. I wear a fanny pack people. I would be ostracized if I wore a fanny pack to work or out and about. Think about it, these races are super accepting of all people.

5. Puddle jump. Oh hey rain. You tried making this race all about you? Well take that and puddle jump. Seriously enjoy life. (Why I realize that this doesn’t occur on most races, but I think there are ways to make every run fun…my interpretive dance walks are a big indication of this.) So take a moment to enjoy what you are doing in the here and now.

6. Do something to challenge yourself. This race was grueling with all the challenges, but the biggest challenge was the mental game. Being able to say you accomplished something challenging like this is a huge confidence boost. You also learn that you can do things if you just believe in yourself. We can do more than we realize.

7. There should be cookies at the end of everyday. Run for the cookies. Live for the cookies.

13.1 miles later and feeling like I was about to board Noah’s ark, I made it!

October 18, 2013 by Stephanie

Friday Filter-TV Show “Southland”

Before all the shows started back up this fall, Tom and I kept busy watching the entire series of Southland.

This is a cop drama based on a department in the heart of LA.

You will have a love/hate relationship with all the characters, except for Detective Ruben. I always liked him.

This takes a very raw look at police departments and all that they deal with. Since this is Tom’s chosen profession, it was interesting to hear his take on the accuracy. For the most part, being from Hollywood, it wasn’t too bad.

They dealt with everything from murders, addiction, gang wars, under cover, family dynamics of cops, and everything else under the sun.

What I appreciated about this was the focus on the actual day to day calls, and how in a split second everything can change your day. For the most part, it never really followed one single plot line. And life is really just a web full of plot lines instead of one steady stream.

This show only had 5 very short seasons, but it was all good. It was nominated for several awards throughout it’s airing, and was even brought back after a pro-longed hiatus for the last couple seasons.

It reminded me a lot of the real-life show Cops, just with a script. It had very in your face camera angles, which I believe helped catch different emotions than we see in other cop shows. The lighting and hues highlighted I believe also added to the “realness” effect. It didn’t have that “shot in a studio” feel to it.

You see how cops (new and veteran) struggle with trying to find a balance of upholding the law and how the job fits into their own lifestyle, views, and morals. The show talks about instincts and what can make or break a cop.

It also does not follow just one pair of cops. You get to see a variety of layers in the department and how they all may interact. This was particularly refreshing because for the most part it was not just a single story-line as with most shows.

I will say that the finale didn’t really feel like a finale. There were so many unanswered questions and ambiguity in how it ended. The fact that the show was not sure if they were going to be coming back for a 6th season or not probably played a huge role in how the last three episodes went down. They must have known that it was a possibility that they may not come back so they went out pretty heavy with these episodes, but also left enough open in case they did get the nod to go ahead with another season.

I also liked that most of the actors in this were unknown to me. Regina King was the only one that I knew off the bat. So that was nice to see some fresh faces get some screen time.

This is a great show that we binge watched in a couple weeks. If you are looking for something new, I highly recommend putting this in your Netflix queue.

Friday Filters offer a review that are my own opinions. I was not contacted by anyone associated with these works or compensated for my review. My review has not been influenced by anything other than my love for entertainment and art.

October 16, 2013 by Stephanie

Anxiety for the Anxiety

Without going into too many details, I have really high anxiety.

This is nothing new, but it has been pretty prevalent the past couple months.

With any transition there are some adjustment periods. With all kinds of new things going on (living situation, community, job, dogs, etc.), along with saying goodbye to other things (community, job, etc.), I should have expected it.

Unfortunately, I didn’t.

But you have to figure out a way to deal. So day in and day out, I put one foot in front of the other.

I also need a lot of reminders.

A LOT.

I made this easy frame with a scripture that encapsulates a lot of reminders that I need.

the supplies

I did the scripture in word document. I changed the fonts/sizing to emphasize certain words.

I picked out a piece of scrapbook paper to match our bathroom colors.

I bought a cheap frame at Walmart and spray painted it orange.

my reminder

Working on centering myself around prayer has really helped keep the focus on living and letting things go that I cannot change. I have had to work on acceptance and am continuously learning to be humble.

The bottom line is there is no reason to keep being anxious about being anxious.When I sit down and think about it, it is really quite silly for me.

Being more thankful does provide peace, and this is a great reminder to count my blessings and send up my requests to be less anxious about what is happening in the moment.

And what is better than a reminder every time you are on the toilet or brushing your teeth?

Brings a whole new meaning to “brushing things off” and “relieving” your stress.