Talks With Tom #10

Fun fact, I have no sense of smell. (Yes, I can taste.)

Tom has always been pretty free with passing gas. Without my sense of smell and being in the infantry, Tom has gotten even more comfortable crop dusting wherever. It doesn’t bother me, and most of the time I have no idea that he let one rip. Unless it is one of those loud ones or he starts dry heaving out of no where from whatever come out of his behind…

Tom forgets that other people can smell and that for the most part it is not social acceptable. He has gotten quite cocky about his flatulence in public.

This happened yesterday at the commissary.

I was waiting in line at the deli, and Tom had gone off to the sales aisle to see if there was anything worth getting.

Caveat-This knock knock joke is pretty common around our house. He had this conversation out loud to himself while he was off searching for sale goodies.

Tom-“Knock, knock.” (He had his head tilted back as if he was alerting the sky of his upcoming “joke”)

Tom answering himself-“Who’s there?”

Tom serving the punch line-actually passing gas

Then he realized he wasn’t alone in the aisle.

Grandma lady who was in the aisle the whole time giving him this scared glare thinking “What did this young man just do in my presence?”

Tom still out loud (nervously/surprised/trying to surpress the laughter)-“Cup of cheese!!!”

And here he scampered off back to the deli to tell me the tale.

Tom-“I just farted in someone’s face. It was probably a General’s wife or something.”

And then he proceeded to re-enact the story, and we made up a commentary about this woman’s thoughts. I am sure she was horrified.

I am still giggling ridiculously every time I think about it. I have to pause every few moments of writing this to get control of myself…

The funniest part to me, was how quickly Tom wanted to get out of that aisle. Usually, he doesn’t give any hoots about his toots, but this time was different. He didn’t even bring any of the candy on sale with him, and only was able to grab a couple items on his dash away from this woman’s glare. I am sure I will be laughing about this for years to come.

Also in case you were wondering, Tom swears that our house does not smell like farts, and no one has complained to our faces. So apparently We do a pretty good job with Febreeze and candles to clear the air.

I know you all are judging now–those stinky Whiteners. You wrinkle your nose if you want, but think about how awful it is to have no sense of smell and to always wonder if things are smelly! Another rant for another day is the obnoxiousness of enduring years of people putting perfume/candles/food under my nose to really test whether I can smell or not!

For the most part, I believe not smelling is mostly a blessing, especially being married to Tom and having two gaseous dogs. Match made in heaven. If I can learn not to worry about the unknown bad smells too much, you shouldn’t either.

And don’t act like you don’t fart.

Everything I researched today said that we do it on average of 14 times a day, but yet most of us try to hide it (that was totally the chair) or lie that we never would do it (whoever smelt it dealt it).

We worry too much about what other people think, myself included here. Babies and the elderly do it without noticing caring. And my husband is just making (air)waves to make this more acceptable for all those in between.

And let’s be honest, we all giggle just a little. Farts are funny. Try to watch this and not laugh.

(I have learned a lot of fart facts today, like that they actually make things called Fartypants.)

6 thoughts on “Talks With Tom #10

  1. Hahaha! I would pay good money to see the look on that woman’s face! If he had done that in front of me I’d probably fall on the ground laughing.

  2. Oh Cooooooo…this was super funny! I would have loved to have been in that isle to see both the lady’s face and Tom’s as he realized he wasn’t alone. Miss you Coooooo!

  3. This is so us! We are a very stinky family. Even Geronimo is a big farter. (Whenever he lets one rip, we always make a comment about how he fits right in with our family.)

  4. Steph, I love this one. And what’s great is I can see Tom doing everything that he did. I read this, sitting in my living room, with 3 other people and all I could do was laugh. And silent laughing is so hard when you can see Tom doing everything. Thank you for sharing your wonderfulness. And, side note, I had almost forgot you couldn’t smell!!

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