And just like that, January just faded away…Let’s see how I am doing on my list.

1. Crochet something else besides blankets or scarves at least once a year (2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020)

2. Do a photography challenge (Took pictures once a week George’s first year)

• It has only taken me six months, but I finally put all the pictures from this challenge together in a video.

3. Visit 5 cities I have never been to before (8/5)

4. Tour at least one a winery, brewery, or distillery

5. Send at least 5 snail mail a month

6. Become a “professional” photographer

7. Run at least 10 races (any distance) (5/10)

• I have officially signed up for two 5Ks this spring!

8. Go camping with Tom

9. Pay for the car behind me in a drive through

10. See Tyrone Wells live as many times as possible

11. Tour Fort Defiance here in Clarksville

12. Water ski with my dad

13. Do a 5K with my mom

14. Take a swing dance class with Tom

15. Read at least one fun book a month and one professional development book every three months

16. Take a pottery or stained glass class

17. Do one new recipe each month

• Million Dollar Spaghetti-This was ok in my book. I think it needed more sauce. Tom raved about it, and wants me to make it every day.
• Spaghetti Squash Chow Mein-This was also ok. I don’t think I had a big enough squash for the soy sauce ratio. It came out really salty. I did add chicken to it afterwards, and that really cut that down. I will make this again to try to get the ratio right.
• Sausage Breakfast Muffins-These were super super easy to make. Everyone loved these.
• Roasted Veggies-This was Tom’s comment when I put these on his plate. “Um so you ruined these but in the best way. They are crunchy and salty.” I told him they were supposed to be like that. It was a good change of pace off our normal steamed veggie routine. And it is super easy to put in the oven while you are cooking everything else for dinner.

18. See both a Clemson and UCM football game live

19. Find a place to volunteer on a regular basis

20. Go hiking

21. Ride in a hot air balloon

22. Go to at least 20 “new to me” restaurants. (30/20)

• A friend and I went to Harpo’s for lunch. Typical bar food, but the ambiance reminded me of TD’s in Clemson. Missing Tigertown just a little.

23. Stay at a bed and breakfast

24. Spend a day without electronics (phone, t.v. and computer)

25. Do something unique and new for my birthdays

26. Explore Nashville while we live here

27. Watch at least 10 movies that I have not seen before that won Best Picture at the Oscars and at least 20 documentaries (not necessarily Oscar winning) Movies (3/10); Documentaries (7/20)

28. Sew an item of clothing from scratch

29. Do a personal devotional/bible study on my own

30. Be a mascot for an event

31. Go on our honeymoon (preferably somewhere tropical)

32. Host an annual NCAA Basketball Tournament Championship game party

33. Go on a mission trip

34. Be on a recreation volleyball team

35. Become a mom

I apparently did not do so hot this month besides cooking. However, getting that video done has been on my list since August, so that is something!

There are days that I am gripping the kitchen sink trying not to let the anger steam out of my mouth because of the piles of dishes that have stacked up yet again.

There are days that I am fuming because the dogs want to go outside every five minutes and bark incessantly to chase down the mailman, the neighbor, or the leaf that threatened to knock down our house.

There are days that I have no patience for George’s temper tantrum over the fact that I tried to help him peel a banana so he could eat more of it (which he was also crying about not being able to eat more of because the peel was in the way).

There are days that I look back and think, “Well that could have gone better.”

I am learning every day that I have no clue what I am doing as a parent. Like zero.

There are days that I feel utterly lost, and I raise my voice more often than I would care to admit to the dogs and to George.

I feel an enormous pressure to be this perfect mom, which I understand is unrealistic, but I feel that is the time we live in. With all the comparison and articles surfacing on social media saying you should do this or that to be the best parent, it can be really degrading to look back at some of these moments where I have lost my cool.

You know what? I am sick of it. I am sick of feeling this guilt because I had one bad moment. I am sick of someone who doesn’t know me writing an article or making a comment online that I am not a good parent because I raised my voice a few times.

I am sick of ME telling myself that I am not good enough.

I think all we can do in this world is try, and then learn from those moments, and try to do better the next time.

I am trying to make the most of the time I am with George, but every day isn’t going to be sunshine and roses. I think we can do our best to have good days, but we also have to accept that every day cannot be perfect and go as planned. Parents are not perfect. God gave us kids to remind us of that I think. So why do we expect ourselves to be perfect every day?

God gives us trials for a reason.

Parenting can be a trial some days. They don’t just stare at you and coo sweet sounds forever. They grow up and try to put forks in sockets and hit the dogs with a baby swifter after dumping their milk all over the floor in a span of five minutes.

Parenting is beautiful yet messy, complicated yet natural, lovely yet trying, empowering yet terrifying, and oh so humbling.

While every day isn’t going to be a good day, I don’t have to let those days define me as a mom. I don’t have to let those moments limit the type of mom I hope to be.

Because the reality is there are a lot of good days. (It’s funny how one bad day can cloud up the dozens of good days.)

Regardless of the how we define the day, every moment I am proud to be his mom. And that right there (coupled with this sweet smile) is what makes me wake up every morning determined to have a good day.

This last month was crazy busy, but we accomplished a lot. I really like doing these monthly goals, so let’s see how I did with January before I share my February ones.

• Fitness-Do 1500 squats-I got a little behind, so I had to do several hundred yesterday. Over 300 squats is no joke. I didn’t really notice a difference in my leg tone over all, but it was a great start to the year to be focused on my health.

• House Tasks-
  • Take down Christmas decor-Done.
  • Organize/Put away George’s clothes he has outgrown-Done. Three bins worth are now in storage and two boxes to donate. Admittedly he does have a lot of clothes, but this is also clothes/shoes dating back to the 3-6 month stage. Ridiculous.
  • Sort/Donate toys-They are sorted, and I have a couple bags that are ready to get taken somewhere for donation. However we had Christmas presents take over those spaces. Why are toddler things so big?

• Something with George-Do finger-painting. He hated it. He put his finger in it once, grimaced, then tried to run away. It turned into a horrifying slip and slide for him. Even when we tried showing him it was pudding and he could eat it, he screamed like this was his worst nightmare.

• Something with Tom-Start watching Parks and Rec-We are a few episodes in, and we are loving it so far. It does remind me a lot of the Office. Unfortunately these days, I can’t get through more than one episode without falling asleep.
• Something for me-Do a mommy and me photo shoot-It may have not gone exactly as planned, but we did get some shots. And they are still sitting in my camera. I haven’t had time to get them on my hard-drive yet. My goal is to share them soon!

I did everything on my list! Now here are my February Goals

• Fitness-200 push ups. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, but I am going to try to do a larger set every other day, which is a lot for my puny arms.
  
• House Tasks-
  • Hang up photos in dining room and our bedroom
  • Clean up the yard-We have a lot of big plans for our yard this summer, but the first step is to get rid of all the sticks and leaves that have accumulated.
  • Build the dog “apartment” downstairs-Yes we are those people.
• Something with George-build a blanket fort. I looked up toddler activities, and I have two issues. One, they are either messy, like have to take a bath messy. And after the finger painting debacle, we won’t be doing messy for awhile. Or Two, they involve a lot of stuff that we don’t have on hand or prep time that we don’t have time for. So building a fort in the living room it is.
  
• Something with Tom-Go on a movie date
• Something for me-finish some photo projects. I have several things over the last 6 months that I haven’t really had time to complete because they are just for me. So I have lots of sorting and creating I want to do with my photos.
  
• I also want to blog at least twice a week. I have kind of gotten off the routine, but I have several posts that are only half written that I want to get out.

What do you want to do this month?

People. I bought a magazine yesterday purely because it was a recap of all 20 seasons of the Bachelor.

I think I have a problem. This is an obsession. I NEVER buy magazines. But I had to know where everyone ended up!

And because drama loves company, I figured I would share my obsession with you.

Here were my thoughts this week watching the Bachelor: