Friday Filter: Book “Between Sisters”

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From Goodreads:

Meghann Dontess is a woman haunted by heartbreak. Twenty-five years ago she was forced to make a terrible choice, one that cost her everything, including the love of her sister, Claire. Now, Meghann is a hotshot divorce attorney who doesn’t believe in intimacy–-until she meets the one man who can change her mind.

Claire Cavenaugh has fallen in love for the first time in her life. As her wedding day approaches, she prepares to face her harsh, judgmental older sister and their self-absorbed mother. It is the first time they have been together in more than two decades. Over the course of a hot Pacific Northwest summer, these three women who believe they have nothing in common will try to become what they never were: a family.

I had never read anything by Kristin Hannah, but this book was on one of those Kindle daily deals. It seemed intriguing so I figured you couldn’t pass up a 99 cent book.

Boy am I glad I didn’t! I just flew through this book. You know those reads that you stay up way to late reading? This was definitely one of those for me.

The story line flows through three characters:  Meg, Claire and Joey. Meg and Claire are sisters, but I was not really sure why we were following Joey around until half way through the book. This ended up being a huge page turner for me because I wanted to know who he was supposed to be in all of this. She kept alluding to his connection, but never actually gave you the story until much later in the book. Sneaky!

Throughout the book, the story eludes to moments in history between the characters. You never full understand each one’s significance until the later half of the book. It is definitely the epitome of peeling back layers to understand the full scope of things. However I think that is why this book was so smart because on more than one occasion I stayed up until 2 am trying to understand how all the pieces fit together.

Meg and Claire have a sorted past “between” them that keeps them from getting close until a few key events happen. All the stars aligned basically for them to come back to each other and provide support for one another. You see all that is between them in unsaid words and unspoken memories. The coming together story is not easy and you see all the awkwardness that ensues from their past mistakes. But eventually, they become extremely important for one another and begin to change each other’s lives for the better.

There is romantic love and family kind of love woven throughout this book. You see how our pasts can shatter our future outlook without realizing what guards we have put up. It is a lesson in forgiveness and moving past heartbreak to open yourself up to new experiences.

I really did not see the end coming, but that is what makes a good book to me. I wont spoil it for you; you will just have to pick it up yourself!

It is a great read, and it really got me back into the feel for reading again.

I Have Caught The Education Bug

People have told me since I got out of grad school that one day I would get the itch to go back and go after a doctorate.

For years, I said, “Never. No way. Not happening.”

I hate research, like despise it. I enjoy reading and learning from research findings, but the act of collecting data scares the daylights out of me.

The day we went over statistics in grad school and discussed how to analyze data points and the frequency and what nots, I went home and cried. In all seriousness, I may have teared up in the class because it was so over my head and I just couldn’t grasp it. I was so overwhelmed from the information. I was beyond frustrated by the fact that I just could not comprehend how those tables and numbers explained something. I had never felt so stupid and embarrassed that as a graduate student I just didn’t get it.

(I must mention that I am fairly stubborn, so if I don’t get something right away, I generally avoid it like the plague. I don’t like that feeling of inadequacy at all.)

From that experience, I vowed never to pursue a degree that required actual research.  I didn’t ever want to feel that way again, and I knew I wasn’t going to intentionally put myself in a program that required me to take more classes on statistics or research analysis. That one day in grad school was enough exposure for me!  So I have been merrily running away from anything statistical or doctoral for the past four years. I thought I had shut that door permanently and was content not searching for positions that required a doctorate. I don’t see myself in higher level positions anyway.

That was until I heard this podcast.

This by far is the best interview I have ever heard, mostly because it stirred something in me.

Rosina McAlpine is a visit scholar at the University of San Diego and originally from Australia. What intrigued me the most was how she came to infuse higher education theories to create a base for learning strategies as a faculty member.

My passion is in academic coaching. I really enjoy working one on one with students to assess their goals and explore new strategies to help them become owners of their educational experience. They can only control how they react so let’s make sure the student has all the tools they need to be successful.

But I am always stumped with how to approach them when underneath it all is the issue that “the professor doesn’t know how to teach.”

As a side note, before I get to this point I do try to help the student  adjust and analyze their own reactions to that instruction and develop strategies to adapt to any style. I do understand that education is a two way process and the student needs to be responsible for their part. Just need to make sure that is said.

However I feel that this is a growing trend in higher education with how tenure works and research expectations with a little teaching on the side. Teaching styles will need to vary from a 20 person class to 300 people, or even in person to online. From my observation,  a big concern for students is when they can’t learn from the professor.

Especially when they are paying for it.

The requirements for faculty and instructors will be different from school to school. What is expected of academic folk can depend on how long they have been there, tenure status, university mission, private vs public, and the list goes on.

I began to wonder though:

  • How many actually require some teaching experience or provide some instruction along the way on classroom strategies.
  • How many are going off their own experience of talking at the student, giving roll, and providing answers?
  • Do professor training programs exist? If so, what do they look like? And how many are required?

Now I see from my very little  exploring that there are schools that do offer various types of professional development, but most of these seem to be optional.

This interview spoke to me on so many levels of learning. Coming from a teaching certification background, I like to look at the educational process as a whole and see what all parties are doing with this investment.

How do we motivate and inspire students to work in the classroom? What is student learning to professors and are they engaging students beyond handing out a grade? What are students actually learning, and are they effectively learning? So many questions!

There are many wickedly intelligent people on the university campus. However just because they are the most talented physicist does not mean they are able to teach worth a lick.

Teaching takes skill and passion. Even in my own college experience, I could tell which professors where there for the subject versus the student. I will tell you that I respected and learned more from professors who were invested in my learning experience in addition to the facts about history.

Rosina McAlpine discussed the fact that many students pick a major and aren’t even excited about that. Why aren’t we doing more to infuse passion and excitement into learning? Are we just expecting a grade, or are we expecting them to become a new person because of the change that has occurred in the classroom?

Obviously I buy into holistic learning seeing as I am supporting students outside of the classroom and value student growth. The holistic approach comes with the territory of being a Student Affairs professional. It made me start to wonder why is this not a thing with the academic side of the house?

I have so many questions that have spurred from this one podcast.

  • Why aren’t faculty shown how college students develop and ways to motivate this population in their educational experience?
  • And if they are, is there a trend with certain degree programs, types of universities, state legislation?
  • Are we expecting too much from faculty that it detracts from student development? Some faculty teach several courses in addition to being advisers, committee chairs, researchers, presenters, etc. As with many professionals, faculty are pulled in a lot of directions. So does this leave less time for a student focus?
  • Are learning theory questions  asked when they are interviewed? What exactly do we know about their teaching style when offered a contract?
  • Do schools offer additional trainings or professional development throughout one’s career? Are they optional or required? Do faculty senates play a role here?
  • Is there a correlation in graduation rates/employment status for graduates with schools that do have a focus on teaching development?
  • Why do we expect K-12 school educators to undergo massive training requirements and not expect similar for higher education professionals?
  • Do students even care? Is this something that would encourage more students to apply to a program knowing that their professors are not only biologists but certified teachers?
  • What makes a good teacher? Are these skills we are looking for when hiring faculty?
  • And what about graduate students and teaching assistants who instruct classes, do they have instructions or are they just thrown to the wind?

Now I understand that this is still very surface level for me. If you know programs  out there that answer some of these topics, please do share with me! I am just starting to raise the questions for myself, and by no means view myself as an expert with faculty expectations. I am not here to critique and say that all professors are not effective as teachers. I really value my educational experience, and I had some phenomenal educators that have stuck with me years after the class ended. In my time as a professional, I have worked with some fantastic professors and know they are doing amazing things with our students.

Unfortunately though, I have had too many experiences with the other side of the coin that I am worried.

I am owning my biased concern that I feel that universities focus more on outside classroom merits for faculty than they do on how they can teach a student. While I do understand that there is value in having faculty who are doing great research or writing articles and the what have you, I have to ask what good is all of that if they cannot inspire a new incoming architecture major in the classroom for the first time. Where is our focus:  school reputation or the student learning? Can there a good balance of both? Faculty are molding the next generation in their field; I would hope that they would want all the best techniques to do so. I feel that this is not happening as much as it should. Again, this is my own observation and naivete on the subject coming out here. This is why I ask the question so I can learn more and understand the philosophy of faculty development.

I think there is something to be said though about the fact that so many students do struggle with some professors, or that when they sign up for classes they will avoid certain sections because they know that professor is a dud, and they will not learn anything or will struggle trying to understand because of the way information is presented. Too often, I’ve heard the phrase that there are professors who don’t care and aren’t willing to help or change the way the course is taught even if the majority of the class is below average. That is an issue for me.

I do recognize that there is a lot of student mindset training that goes along with this. Students do need to be responsible for adapting and taking control of their own learning, and not to blame everything on how information is presented to them. However when you hear this constantly, it makes you wonder why so many are saying it and if the fault really does lie with the student or are there methods and strategies we can be offering faculty as well?

If learning is to be a two way street, why are we only focusing on one side of the street for repairs?

While I have worked on the student end for many years and worked among their learning theories, it has made me curious about the theories and development on professors.

As you can see from my thought overload, this left me wanting to know more, wanting to dig deeper.

But since I hate research, I don’t even know where to begin answering these questions.

Why don’t I go back to school? Is it really just that silly data program that is holding me back? (In fact, yes it was.)

Tom has been telling me for years that I should just go for it and become Dr. Whitener.

Just as everyone has told me, the itch hit me like a wave. I am wanting to go back for that next degree. I have been out of the classroom for four years now, and I am now dying to go back.

To everyone who said it would happen and took my scowls at the idea of it, you can now tell me “I told you so.”

I really do want to understand this topic more. I feel that it would be so valuable to universities to look at on so many different levels. Again I ask, why do we expect a teaching degree for K-12, but only expect a history degree for a history professor at the university?

My research focus is somewhere in all that mess of questions. It’s a start right?

I won’t be undertaking this anytime soon because who knows what is going to happen to our personal situation in the next couple years, so I would like to be a little more settled before I begin this journey. I am however starting the process of exploring options of degrees/schools and delving more into what I can find online for this topic in the meantime.

If you have articles or know people to get me in touch with to discuss this further, I would love things to be sent my way! I wasn’t able to find a whole lot out there on this so far, so if someone can lead me in the right direction I would appreciate it. I am really interested in professor development so we can help university students in the classroom more. And anything I can learn in the meantime would be great!

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It would be nice to have a degree with Stephanie Whitener on it…just saying.

In addition to all this, that podcast also explored how women have a huge impact on the roles they have been given. She talked about work life balance as an educator, spouse, and mother in the most realistic way. I appreciated her candor and honesty about things. It was real. She talked about compromise in a way that makes you realize that it is really not discussed in education or social fundamentals.

It really is great to listen to if you have time!

Changed my life obviously.

Ruffle Crochet

While I was home for the holidays, my mom wanted me to make a specific scarf that she could wear to work. Apparently the church she works at is always cold, and she wanted something simple and warm.

So while I was introducing my brother to all the wonders of the show Castle (we watched half of the first season one night), I made this.

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I used a N crochet needle and left over yarn from a previous project.

Since I wanted to make it before I left Kansas City, I had to do something simple.

The main body is just double crochet stitches until I achieved my desired length.

To dress it up just a little I did decide to add the ruffle to the side. I am pretty impressed with myself that I made this ruffle up on the fly.

To make the ruffle: one single crochet, one double crochet, one triple crochet, one double crochet, one single crochet. Repeat to the ends.

Surprise! I then made it an infinity scarf by sewing the two ends together.

Not surprised?

Ok, I told you I had a sickness about infinity scarves this year.

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For the Birds

My in-laws love birds and really pride themselves on having a fantastic yard of nature.

They have bird houses and feeders everywhere, and they manage to get some of the coolest birds around their house because of it.

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I sat on their deck for probably a half hour waiting for this humming bird. I am pretty satisfied with myself!

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They even had dozens of birds come through during the Christmas ice storm.

So when I saw this idea, I knew that it was going to be a great gift. They give them food and shelter, so why not add comfort in there too!

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supplies

You need a suet basket which you can find at any store that sells bird seed. They come in various sizes. Since, I didn’t want to get in over my head, I just stuck with a medium to small sized one.

You will also need scraps of yarn. Since I crochet (a LOT), I was able to save tons of scraps for this. I am sure you can just cut yarn too if you don’t use yarn on a regular basis. (You can definitely tell which colors I use most often on my projects-yellow, white, purple, and red.)

You just stuff the scraps into the suet basket. You will need a lot of scraps because they will squish together. I saved over the last year for this. I ended up with two bags, one of which went in the basket initially. I gave the second bag as well as filler once this one is hopefully picked clean.

The end result is an offering basically for the birds to make their nests with this string.

It will be fun to see if this actually worked in the spring by seeing if the nests are now colorful.

Pretty sweet gift!

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Talks with Tom #17

This weekend was a whirlwind.

Tom’s bestie returned from his 9 month “business trip” to Afghanistan in the wee hours of Sunday morning. It was so touching to be part of that moment when Martin saw his family again. I felt extremely privileged to capture those moments for them.

And of course to see the relationship between him and Tom be rekindled was heartwarming!

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I love Martin’s family’s faces in the background.

Martin and Tom went to basic together. They were part of a small handful of that graduating group who moved here to Ft. Campbell. So naturally they stuck together despite being put in different brigades.

They are brothers from other mothers. It is ridiculous how much alike they are.

I am super pumped about Martin being back because while I love my husband and wish I could provide the world to him, I know that I cannot be everything to him. We all need a bestie. I have come to terms with the fact that there is going to be less time for Tom and I, or that some nights we will have another roommate. I know Martin being home is going to up our quality of life exponentially! (And I hope that his lady and newest baby will be coming to visit more often because quite frankly I love them too!)

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They picked up like they have never been apart! Love it!

Since the unit came in around 3am, it meant that none of us got sleep since you have to be there for hours before the plane lands. You also have to wait for hours afterward while they turn in sensitive items. So to let his family go back to their hotel to get some down time while we waited for Martin to be freed, Tom volunteered to wait the extra couple hours in the parking lot.

Which meant, Tom slept in the parking lot for a couple hours.

Tom- “I was sleeping in the Jeep waiting on Martin.”

Tom- “When I woke up, I thought what was that smell?”

Tom- “OH MY! Is that my mouth?!?! It tasted like I smoked a dog turd.”

Tom- “So I used Wrigley Spearmint to hide my shame.”

Me- “So you can be fresh for when you reunite with your bromance?”

Tom-“Yea. You don’t want your first post deployment kiss to taste like dog shit.”

(sorry about the language)

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They are two of a kind. This was one of my favorite shots.

This is just a preview of the ceremony pictures. I have tons more to share next week after editing (and some catch up on sleeping-this girl doesn’t do all-nighters very well friends.) I am going to include them in a post about fun facts about home coming ceremonies. I hope you come back to read all about it!

So even though it was a rough weekend on my body, it was a great weekend mentally!

It was a true testament of the friends turned family that you can make while in the Army.