November 26, 2014 by Stephanie

George-3 months

Weight: He weighs 11.4 lbs now. He has more than doubled his birth weight. I don’t know where my tape measure is right now to measure his length, so maybe I will find it before 4 months. It’s hard for me to see how much he has grown sometimes since I see him every day, and then I look at pictures and think holy moly he is a big boy.

Health: An update on his heart scans: they went well. He still has some holes, but the doctor seems optimistic that they are normal and will close on their own. They are getting smaller, but they aren’t on par with most kids his age so we are going to have to go in again for another scan at 6 months to just keep checking the progress of them closing. The doctor did say that George is not reacting negatively to them so that is a positive sign that he is just fine. So hopefully that is the case. Otherwise, this kid is doing super health wise. He still spits up, but we now think most of that has to do with the fact that he just eats too much so it has to come back up. And now it is not violently painful for him so that is good news. He still looks like he is in pain when he farts/poos. The gas drops made him throw up more so we stopped giving him those. So we are just working through the gas issue with rubbing and warm cloths to make him not so tight.

Diet: Still exclusively breastmilk. This last week he has been pretty awful during nightly feedings. He will shriek in the middle and right after the feeding all the while doing windmills and burpees on my chest. I don’t know what his deal is, but he usually calms down about 20 minutes after we barrel through the feeding. He is not doing this when he is fed through a bottle or our first feeding of the day. Who knows. I did buy formula again (our previous back up stash is in KY.) I have not been pumping as much as he is eating through the day so we depleted our frozen stash again. Plus sometimes I don’t have the time to do a full pump session at work. I had to start pumping right after he does his first feeding in the morning to make that little bit extra for him. I think it is interesting that I can’t pump enough to feed him but yet he was doing just fine when he was just breastfed. So anyway, I bought formula again to have on reserve. I plan on writing more in depth about our new feeding adventure with pumping here soon too. Funny story about feeding: George’s cousin Ava, who is 5, is around him quite a bit. She gets upset with me all the time because I don’t let her feed him since I am breastfeeding. She said to me the other day that if she had a kid she would let me feed them. Way to guilt trip me Aves. She is helping babysit him today so hopefully she will get lots of feeding time with him to hold her over for a few days.

Clothes: We put away all the newborn clothes a week ago. Tear. He is rocking the 0-3 month clothes and some select 3 month items. Most are still pretty roomy but he is slowly filling them out. Another note about baby clothing items, I think it should be a rule that all pants are made with built in feet/socks. Baby socks are worthless 90% of the time because 90% of the time they do not stay on.

Sleeping: He does so well sleeping. He is still taking several naps a day, but he is also sleeping through the night. Which makes for one happy momma. His down for the night bedtime is 10pm. Then sometimes he will start stirring about 4:30, and then we wake up officially at 5am to get ready for the day. Since we are in limbo with our living situation and currently staying with my in-laws, we don’t have a crib. We were trying to make the Rock and Play still work for him, but he outgrew it for a full night’s rest. He can still nap in it for short periods of time, but when he fully stretches he bumps his little head on the top. My sister-in-law gave us a Pack and Play to use in the meantime until we get a house and unload the crib. I was concerned about him laying flat on his back and throwing up on himself which is why he was in the inclined Rock and Play for so long. But he has been doing great in the Pack and Play! I don’t think he has thrown up on himself during sleep time once since the switch, which was not the case a couple months ago.

Likes: Gosh this kid loves to snuggle and be held. I don’t mind that one bit! And since we are living with Grandma and Papa right now, he really is never put down for the most part. He LOVES ceiling fans. We joke that he is making love poems about them. “Oh fan of mine…” He likes to stare out windows and at Papa’s fish tank. He loves being sung to and talked to. He is pretty content when he is put in his baby swing. He still wants a pacy a lot, but it is getting less and less the more talkative he gets. He still loves the Kick and Play Piano…and by love I mean he kicks the dickens out of it.

Dislikes: He still hates being naked and diaper changes. The worst part of his day is lotion time. It is absolute torture for him. Just dreadful. He screams so hard that I usually have to stop halfway and hold him so he will remember to breathe. Yes it is that awful for him. He does tolerate baths now, but not the dreaded lotion. He does not like it when you stroke his spine, which is the same ticklish spot that I have and makes me quiver. So we just have to remember to pat and not rub his back. He also is still not a fan when we are actively attempting to do tummy time, but he does nap on his tummy sometimes. Weird kid…

Milestones: He can hold his head up on his own now. We joke that we should have made him a bobble head for Halloween because that is what he looks like when he is trying to steady himself. He will stand (with much holding assistance); he likes straightening out those legs and putting his weight on them. He smiles and responds to people now. BEST THING EVER. We can get him to imitate a howling noise, and he will go back and forth with you. I am overcome with joyful emotion when he does this (seriously I have tears sometimes), but of course he doesn’t ever do it as well when I am trying to record it. Geez George, just trying to capture the memories. Anyway, he is definitely trying to find his voice now and figure out what that mouth can do. He rolls his tongue a lot and sticks it out like a lizard. And that stinkin’ smile is just adorable. He is doing great at the babysitter’s. The other kids love him, and I know he is just loving all the attention he gets. This past weekend he rolled on to his side. I don’t think he realized what he did because he has only done it that one time. He is throwing his booty up in the air quite a bit though while he flails his little legs around on the Kick and Play. I wish I had that sort of enthusiasm when I was doing leg lifts…So I think constant rolling is in our near future. So there’s that.

Quirks: He can raise one eyebrow. It is hilarious that he knows he is giving you the stink eye. He curls his toes, which is something that I do as well.

We parents are: doing fairly well. This month has been a little rough because we are apart and doing A LOT of transitioning. Tom is officially out of the Army on December 5th, and we are in search of a new home. So there is still a lot of things in a state of flux right now on top of the new job situation. We are making it work though. I have been trying to figure out a new workout routine because I have definitely been feeling like sludge since starting my new job. Also I am hungry 100% of the time. Breastfeeding can also be coined the suckage of all calories out of my body. Tom has been super bored by himself in KY, so it will be nice to be back together so we can be homebodies again.

The dogs are: freaking out with the move process. They obviously aren’t with George right now, but they are definitely not acting themselves with us gone. Tom is in the midst of packing our home in KY, and they do not like living amongst all the boxes. They do move permanently back this weekend though, so we are happy about that reunion. They can be a big drooly mess together.

This kid is just the best. Happy 3 months little man! Thanks for letting me be your mom!

October 14, 2014 by Stephanie

George’s Nursery Reveal in Video

I want to remember things about this time. Every minute I get to spend with George is special. And I have no idea how long I will get these moments of just me and him, so I want to remember them here for years to come.

Part of that is remembering the place.

I spend most of my day in this room. I do most of his feedings in the rocking chair because it is the most comfortable for both of us. I read him stories here, and I introduce him to music while he makes faces at my singing. We play on the floor-really it’s him just flailing around as I pull him around on a blanket trying to imitate crawling and making sure the dogs don’t drown him in slobbers. I also spend a lot of time in the room just staring at how perfect he is and how lucky I am to be his mom.

So it may seem simple to outsiders, but this room is our world right now.

I love how light and airy everything turned out. It is just a friendly environment.

I did my first attempt at a video tour, so enjoy my commentary. (I have no idea what I am doing.)

If you have any questions about anything don’t hesitate to ask.

I also want to remember the sounds and the little things we do together. This may be a boring video to the soundtrack of “The Lion King,” but again the gurgles and faces made are my everything. And I don’t want to ever forget how precious these moments are.

So if you are inclined to watch a baby do nothing but baby things (which is honestly not much) for a couple minutes, this is the video for you. Spoiler alert, there are baby hiccups. Adorbs.

I still need to try to capture him searching for a pacy. Best George moment ever.

So that is George’s room. I can’t wait to see how these pieces grow up with him and transition into other uses as he changes.

Do you like decorating? Do rooms turn out they way you imagined?

September 11, 2014 by Stephanie

How You Doin’?

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Everyone is asking how we are doing now that we are all home and figuring out how to be a family of 3, well 5 with the dogs.

Here are some of my thoughts on being home with the little munchkin.

I admit to taking a shower every couple days, and I have only worn make-up once in the past two weeks. Also I haven’t worn a real bra since George was born. And I am perfectly content with these grooming standards.
Tom and I had every intention of never letting George have a pacifier. However, his time in the NICU kind of thwarted that. They gave him one on several occasions before he could be held to calm him down. Once coming home, we lasted about 24 hours before we caved and gave him one when he was restless. He doesn’t need it all the time, but sometimes at 3 in the morning, it’s the only thing that will put him to sleep. Also it means that he isn’t chewing off his hands…

I don’t know how I would get through nightly feedings without Netflix. It has brought my binge watching to a whole new level…I would love to read, but I haven’t figured out how to breastfeed with one hand yet, so I can’t hold a book easily.
I am healing quite nicely from giving birth. There are days where I can feel the stitches, but for the most part I feel pretty normal. I did have to go on blood pressure medicine, but hopefully I will be off that after a month out.
George HATES being naked. I am sad by this because it means that we won’t have any cute naked newborn pictures. This is as close I could get, and he still is wearing a diaper. Otherwise the pictures look like I am torturing him and should be turned in for neglect. On the plus side, I didn’t have to deal with any poop shooting pictures.

On the peeing and pooping note, I have already been pissed and pooped on. Tom has evaded it so far (punk). The projectile range is ridiculous for such a tiny body. Also I swear his thingy is like one of those garden hoses you see in the movies that has gone wild and flipping water uncontrollably everywhere. Except it is pee going uncontrollably everywhere. Yesterday I seriously was trying to catch it with a diaper whilst trying to keep a wiggling baby from coming off the changing pad.
Watching his umbilical cord fall off was disgusting. I wouldn’t touch it, and was horrified that it fell off my baby.
Adjusting to the new sleep schedule has really been the only difficult part. He feeds every 3 hours, so that is pretty much my life right now. Unfortunately, I still can sleep like a log. I always miss the 2:30am feeding, and EVERY night I have turned off my alarm in my sleep. Tom has to wake me up later to say I missed the feeding. Whoops. Luckily, we have milk galore, so Tom has graciously taken over that feeding.
I miss my morning radio show, but by the time I remember to tune in, it’s already past 9 am. Womp womp.
I have managed to make homemade meals every night for dinner. #wearenteatingcerealforeverymeal
George has only had one bad night where he didn’t sleep. He is a really good baby for the most part. Really he only cries when I am not fast enough with the boob milk or his changing is taking longer than he would like.
He does spit up a lot. People who say breastfeeding babies don’t do this lie. The first time it shot out of his nose I was about 2 seconds away from taking him to the ER. Luckily my mom was still here and calmed my frantic overreaction.
I don’t miss work yet, but I am sure here in a few weeks that will come.
Sometimes I just sit and stare at George. I am still overwhelmed at times that he is actually my son. Saying “my son” is overwhelming…
I am ecstatic to say that I am officially 3 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight, AND I can fit into all my pre-prego clothes again. It took me exactly a week to do so. Success! I am pretty proud of my body especially since I was on bed rest pretty much for the last month. (Although I will admit, I haven’t worn much outside of pajama pants and tshirts…)
All in all, I don’t think this is such a bad gig. We don’t feel like our life is over like the world likes to make you think. Quite the contrary, our life has a whole new meaning now. I am pretty content hanging out with little G all day.

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September 9, 2014 by Stephanie

George-Two Weeks

It has been two weeks since our life changed forever, and our little bundle was born. He has been home for one week, and we couldn’t be happier!

Since this blog is meant to document our life, I am planning on doing monthly updates on George’s growth and his overall cuteness. You’re welcome.

Weight: On Friday, he was 5 lbs 10 oz. That is 4 oz less than his birth weight. It is normal for babies to lose weight in their first few weeks, so nothing to worry about yet. Even though he is so little, it is still mind-boggling that he fit in my stomach.

Health: Friday we got the all-clear on his billy report. I am very happy to no longer have to worry about that jaundice. Also maybe his feet will heal. He has prick marks all over his heels where they drew blood daily. All of our doctor’s visits last week went very well, and the doctor was very positive about how far he has come.

Diet: He exclusively is on breastmilk. We are trading between breastfeeding and bottle feeding though. I feel like my life is dictated by his eating schedule and having to pump for him since he needs to eat every 3 hours.

Clothes: He is barely fitting into newborn clothes, and even some NB clothes he is drowning in.

Sleeping: When he isn’t eating, he is sleeping. Actually sometimes he is sleeping while he is eating. He is a fairly good sleeper, and it doesn’t take much coaxing from us to get him to dream land. Except last night. He cried from 10pm until 5:30am…and then as soon as Tom left for PT he was my sweet little baby again.

Likes: It’s hard to say what he likes at this point besides eating and being held. He does love sucking on his fingers and hands.

Dislikes: Getting changed and being naked. Screams bloody murder when he is naked.

Milestones: Breaking out of the NICU and increasing our breastfeeding sessions.

Quirks: When we give him his pacifier, he will shake his head violently back in forth as if he can’t find it before he latches on to it. He also grunts all the time. He still gets the hiccups a few times a day like he did in the womb. However, now they look so painful when he has them.

Worst moment of the month: Obviously everything about the NICU.

Best moment of the month: Bringing George home.

September 4, 2014 by Stephanie

They Put Baby in the Corner

I left off with George coming out of my belly at 5:17 pm.

Our hospital has a rooming in policy, and they are very big on giving the families as much time together. They first will check all his vitals and they have a few tests that the baby has to pass before leaving us with him for an hour.

Because I was on magnesium for about 19 hours, George took on some of the drug too. My side effects were to feel like death, so you can imagine the toll it took on George’s little 5 lb 14 oz body. The mag made him super sleepy and sluggish so he did not pass some of the breathing tests and reflex test.

So I was able to hold George for about 2 minutes before they took him to the nursery to get a closer look at him. Even then, he was swaddled in so many blankets all I got to experience was his bluish gray face, no counting toes or seeing those knobby knees. Tom did not get a chance at all to hold our little man at this point.

Not exactly how we imagined this to go.

I am not sure how much time had passed, I was high as a kite with the mag drip still coursing through my veins. It could not have been very long before the nursery nurse practitioner and attending doctor came to our room to let us know that they took George to the NICU to put him on oxygen.

He was not able to breath on his own. Those last few weeks are time for babies to fully develop their lung and intestines. So in addition to not being able to breath, he was also put on an IV because he could not feed on his own.

He was on the oxygen for 3 days, and the IV for two days.

Feeding George went from the having an IV, feeding him drops of breastmilk from a syringe, breastmilk in a bottle and increasing mL he took with each feeding, to finally testing the breastfeeding waters 5 days after he was born.

While in the NICU, they also did heart scans on him because he had a murmur at first. He had some holes, but they all turned out to be normal holes that all babies have due to being hooked up to an umbilical cord for 9 months. I wasn’t aware that the heart isn’t fully developed at birth, and that murmurs are pretty common in newborns. The second heart scan gave us some positive news that these holes were closing on their own like they should. We do have to do a two month follow up with a heart specialist in Nashville just to make sure he is still progressing.

He also has jaundice and had to be put on photo-therapy until the day before he left. He still has high billy levels so we are taking a few minutes outside each day to hopefully get that down on his own. They also say the more he eats the more he will work it out of his system. We are having to go back in every couple days to get his levels checked to make sure he doesn’t have to go back to the hospital for even more photo-therapy. We are trying to kick the jaundice like a bad habit.

But hey we got to see him rock these shades.

So that was the prognosis of why he was in the NICU.

That was all technical, but there are so many emotions that no one prepares you for when you have a NICU baby.

You always think that it wont happen to you, and that you will get to take home your little one soon after the birth. Yea you hear the stories and read the articles trying to get you to think about the possibilities. However, I think most of us choose to be optimistic and brush the forewarning aside.

Even if you do think about the what ifs, you are never ready for the shock of the news that your baby had to go to intensive care. That reality cannot be explained.

You cannot prepare for the feelings of being helpless as you see him being strapped to monitors and watch him cry as he is poked and prodded.

I was so overwhelmed the first time I saw him 28 hours after he was born. Overwhelmed with worry that something else could go wrong, but happiness that he is alive.

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You never think this is how you will spend time with your newborn.

You are disappointed that you can’t snuggle him close.

You are heartbroken that he has all of these gadgets attached to him.

You are taken over from anxiety that every knock on your door or phone call will be someone telling you even more bad news. So sleep isn’t really happening because each time I closed my eyes I feared the worst.

You are just scared.

I think you would expect those emotions to come but maybe not the depth of them and how paralyzing they can be at times.

The one that I was not expecting was the guilt.

Seeing that it was my blood pressure that caused George’s 3 week early entrance to the world, I felt like it was all my fault. I felt responsible for not being able to carry him full term so his lungs could develop. I hated myself and my body for not passing my first test as a mom. I felt like I had failed him. Why couldn’t I just get my blood pressure down for just a couple more weeks?

Maybe it was the delusional side effects of the mag drip, but I was so distraught that I was to blame that I would cry at the drop of a hat.

When you have a baby in the NICU, you also have to consider balancing your time. While we could go to the NICU any time we wanted minus the 3 hours they were closed due to staff changes, we needed to take time to take care of ourselves. Having a NICU baby is both physically and emotionally demanding. (not to mention having a baby period is physically and emotionally demanding) I would have stayed in there the whole time if I could, but I had family remind me that I needed to eat and sleep-you know basic functions of life. Once we left the hospital and weren’t just down the hall we had to keep in mind the time it takes to get to and from the hospital and how to break up the day to make the most of the drives. But all the while when you don’t go see him you think, “Are we being bad parents because we aren’t at his side every second?” How does he know that we love him if he can’t see us constantly?

Eventually you work through all these emotions, and a lot of it goes away for those moments where you get to hold his hand and you see his improvements each day. You start focusing on the positives and push aside the ugly emotions so you can celebrate the small (yet huge) strides towards being free of the NICU.

Holding George sans tubing for the first time was possible one of the best moments of my life. This happened three days after he was born.

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You realize that while the experience is difficult, it is a blessing to have the NICU staff taking care of your little one. He is getting 24 hour attention and being observed by professionals to encourage his growth. I would love to be the one giving him that attention, but let’s be honest I have no idea what I am doing so it was comforting to be able to chat with medical professionals every day on how to do things. Knowing they were taking ever precaution was comforting that we would have a healthy baby soon. We were able to ask all kinds of questions related to parenthood and how to be the best for George. It was like a gradual and practical introduction to taking care of our baby. It was very reassuring to have that help and guidance. Gotta look at the positives.

I was also able to get a lot of assistance and hands on help with breastfeeding which we would not have had outside of the NICU. Granted, we are still working on that because he still isn’t strong enough to do it for long, but the nurses were so encouraging and gave me some great advice for his particular situation. They made me feel better about issues that we were having, and I feel so much more at ease about the one thing that I was most anxious about prior to giving birth.

Coming home without George was definitely painful and devastating, but it gave Tom and I time to rest and get our house fully ready for our little guy.

We feel very fortunate for the staff who took care of him for his first week. George followed their guidance and was able to get stronger with each passing day. Every time we came to visit, he passed another NICU milestone and was one step closer to coming home with us. That week in NICU felt like an eternity too, but I know we are lucky that we had a positive experience and that it wasn’t any longer than the 7 days.

Our little guy is a fighter, and now we get to have him all to ourselves. And we are so thankful for that. The security blanket of having 24 hour staff to ask for help has been lifted, and they actually trusted us to take him home.

We can totally do this right?

I won’t lie, I had my first mommy panic attack sans hospital on the car ride home from the hospital…chalk it up to sleep deprivation.

Oh and they really did put our baby in the corner.

Thank you to everyone who said prayers, sent good vibes our way, or reached out with words of support. This was one of the most difficult weeks, and those thoughts in our direction were definitely appreciated.

Now I hope you are ready for George pictures in overdrive now that I have my hands on him full time. Check out #georgegram on my Instagram for the latest adorable thing.

As Tom put it about his sneezes, “It’s the most adorable thing. It’s like seeing a puppy ride a pony.”