April 28, 2019 by Stephanie

I’ve Got Something to Tell You

I’ve got something to tell you.

Putting George in gymnastics ranks in the top 3 hardest things I have had to do parenting him.

Since he is not in daycare or around other kids his age besides in church, we really felt that he needed some structured time with kids. He is going to go to preschool next year, and we didn’t want that to be the first time he had a structured learning environment. He needs to learn some social norms like how to stand in line and taking turns, and you know not scream in excitement at our friends.

I’ve got something to tell you.

What I didn’t realize is that this gymnastics adventure would be as much of a learning opportunity for me as it was for him.

I won’t lie. It has been a struggle for him. He is very much used to one on one attention and guidance. To go into an environment where there were a lot of rules and 10+ other 4 year olds was a lot to take in.

He has cut in lines, walked off to other areas in the gym without his teachers, and also had a hard time keeping his hands to himself. And paying attention when there are so many moving parts in that gym is very difficult for him.

There were many days that he cried when we got there because he didn’t want to go, and then he would cry when it was done because he didn’t want to leave.

On more than one occasion George was not the only one crying.

I hate to admit it, but there were times I had to intervene and pull him out of the class to take a breather because his energy was a like a tornado in a shop full of Precious Moment figurines.

I’ve got something to tell you.

This was the first time I realized in full that my role as a parent is to raise him to let him go. I had many feelings when I took him to the sitter for the first time when he was two months old. I knew then I was letting go of pieces of his childhood, but this experience has been different. I had to sit up and watch George just be, while having very little to no control over him. I had to watch him stumble and fall and pick himself back up time and time again. I had to watch him get reprimanded not only by his teachers but also his peers. I saw him be bullied, and I saw him be the bully. Being just a witness of the class showed things that made me cry on the way home and worry if we were doing things all wrong. I didn’t want to be that mom that intervened every time he took a misstep. I knew in the long run that stepping in defeated the purpose of him being there. There was no way for me to support him in the moment except by holding my breath and throwing up a lot of prayers that he could start containing himself and following instructions. I wanted him to make friends instead of getting laughed at for being the “wild one.” I just watched everything unfold from the bleachers. It was my Type A nightmare. I had to let him go. I had to let my control go and let George figure out how to be George independently of his family—independent of me.

I’ve got something to tell you.

We both grew from this last year.

Week to week, I saw George make improvements.

I saw him learn other kid’s names.

I saw him stand in line.

I saw him do “tricks” that he was scared to try that first day.

I saw him become more confident and proud of himself.

I saw him work hard to control his body and follow the rules.

I saw him start keeping his friends accountable to the rules like they had been keeping him accountable.

I saw him have a lot of great moments.

I also saw myself changing.

Over these months, I stopped worrying about what the other moms were thinking of my wild child. I started enjoying watching him just have the time of his life. I started soaking in how George is just as Georgie as he can be in every moment. I started realizing I was trying to force George into this perfect little box because of my societal expectations. I started relaxing and not dreading what trouble he would find himself in that day. I just let us both be, and we praised the wins and talked through the struggles on the way home. These days became our time together to grow, and I am so thankful for that.

I’ve got something to tell you.

I am so proud of this kid. This was a new adventure for us, and I am not sure who it was harder for. Letting go of our normal so he can start learning how to be a person was hard. Since he is home all the time, we have had a security blanket over him. I am terrified to lose my little snuggle bug, but at the same time I am so excited to see the littler person he is becoming. Most days George guided me along. We had to have some tough conversations following up on his behaviors after watching from the peanut gallery. I had to learn to navigate this weird area of parenting where I have to let him fumble his way through without wrapping him up in my mommy bubble wrap, and instead processed our day after the fact with “learning opportunities.” This parenting gig was really unfolding before me, and I see many processing car rides in our future.

These one hour classes where not ever perfect. But no one is. All I know is, he always went into every new trick with a big smile and great gusto like I have never seen.

Well except this time.

And this week was his last gymnastics class for awhile possibly ever if he seems to like soccer more. There was a moment where I watched him politely tell a girl “You are being mean and that hurts my feelings.” And then watch him quietly move away from the problem. Months ago, George would have yelled and caused a huge scene. Displaying his emotions appropriately is not always his strong suit. It was in this quiet moment that I realized even more so how every day now I have to let little pieces of him go so he can learn. I have to trust this process of growing up and letting him be. He is listening and learning. It may not always be on my timeline, but he is growing to be the best George he knows how to be today.

He is fearless and wonderful, but he is going to make mistakes. Watching this class from the bleachers reminded me that I cannot protect and shield him forever. It was hard to let that go because you want so much for your kids. And watching them struggle to fit in is never fun. But I also have to trust that we are giving George the tools to handle himself.

Gosh he is a sweet little boy, and I love him to pieces. He is just so uniquely George, and I can’t be mad about that even if it means he is not going to the Olympics some day for a great parallel bar routine. Our sermon today was about prioritizing love over rules, and gymnastics was our current real word example of that. George needs my love, and I need to be more forgiving of my rules, society rules, and expectations to be perfect every moment.

I’ve got something to tell you.

Parenting is not for the weak. We learn from them just as much as we teach them.

And yes gymnastics made me super emotional. But if I have learned anything through my walk with God, is that he will use random things to teach you and mold you.

March 18, 2019 by Stephanie

Daphne-22 Months

Weight: 28 lbs. She is getting so tall!

Health: We have had another couple months of health yuckiness. Daphne has had a double ear infection and pneumonia. Her cough has finally subsided after almost 2 months of it.

Diet: Her appetite comes in waves. There are days where she will eat everything in sight, and others where she turns her nose up at everything. She loves any type of berry, oranges, bananas, carbs of any kind-but especially croissants and oatmeal. Fish is really the only kind of meat that she will eat unless it is chicken nuggets, which I don’t necessarily blame her for loving chicken nuggets. She is not a big drinker, which is so different than George who would drink all of his meals if that was an option. She eats with utensils like a pro, and often times she insists on eating everything with a fork-even things like crackers.

Clothes: We can tell that she is right on the cusp of being in 24 month clothes. I will probably switch them all out here in the next couple weeks. She is in size 5 shoes still, and size 6 diapers during the day and 7 at night. The size 6 overnight diapers just don’t cut it for her.

Sleeping: We have been putting her to bed around 7:30/8 still, and she generally stays asleep through the night until I wake her up before work at 7. On the weekends, she will stay asleep almost until 9am. Generally she does not have a nap anymore in the morning. She is still a great sleeper. Nothing has changed here. Girl likes to be in bed.

Likes: She loves her stuffies still, with the all time favorite being those Easter bunnies. Now she carries them all around like they are her babies. She tries dressing them, feeding them, and tucking them in. I find this fascinating because this is not something we have really taught. She loves Elmo and Sesame Street. She loves to read still, and she is starting to know the words because she will do the hand motions as I am reading. She loves lift the flap books and anything Elmo. She adores George, and she is always following him around and mimicking what he is doing (even his screaming during tantrums). She loves Legos of any kind, and she still likes to collect all the people up in a line. She loves to pull on clothes. You can often find her in other people’s closet pulling on their pants over hers and trying to put on their shoes or socks. It is pretty hilarious when she gets my socks on because it looks like she is wearing leg warmers.

Dislikes: Daphie Girl has a mind of her own, and she does not like to be told what to do. She is very sure of her routine, and she likes to stay in it. She is not fond of being left in the church nursery, and 100% of the time she ends up back in the pew with me.

Milestones: I feel like she is learning new stuff every day. However, she is not really talking. She has a few words and signs including “read.” She should have two word sentences now, and we can’t even get her to consistently say the same words day to day. She mostly speaks in hand gestures and grunts. In our last meeting with our PAT educator, she offered to refer us to have her tested for a speech delay. Since the assessment is free and at our house, there really didn’t seem to be any reasons not to at least see if she is behind on her speech. Her receptive language is through the roof, so I think they will balance each other out. I am not sure if she will qualify for therapy, but at least my momma heart will be rest assured either way.

Nicknames: Daphie, Sisterbear, Sisterbean, Sis, and Daphie Girl. The two most common are still Daph and Sister.

Quirks: She likes to stuff her stuffed animals and pacies down her shirt or your shirt. Whenever she spills something she runs to get a towel to clean it up even if it is just a drop. She pretty much has her tongue sticking out all the time. She also loves us doing her hair. If I don’t put a bow in her hair, she will start pulling at it and pointing to either put it in pig tails or get her a bow.

We parents are: doing pretty good now that everyone seems to be over the sick period. I however just entered my most busy season at work, so it has been a little chaotic trying to find down time. We also are getting our yard prepped for gardening, so it was nice to finally have some good weather to get some work done. While it is a lot, I am excited to see what we are able to grow this year.

George is: still as wild and wonderful as ever. I am SOOO happy the weather is nice to get that kid outside. He has been playing really well with Daphie lately, and we have been talking to him a lot about how he is a big role model for her. We did just turn in a pre-school app for him, and my heart is breaking to think of him being old enough to go to school. This kid is so curious and loves to learn about things. He loves maps and learning about the functions of the body right now, so that has been fun to foster.

The dogs are: excited to not have to pee in the cold. Really the weather change has had a great affect on all of our demeanor. Daphie has a love hate relationship with them. She pretends they are her babies sometimes and tries to feed them and brush their hair. Then other times when they are barking she acts like she is terrified of them.

How are we looking at your next update being your TWO YEAR update? It’s funny I use my kids’ birthdays to denote big events at work. I had moment today thinking about something that happened while I was on maternity leave with her, and I think about how it is just two years but yet again so much has changed over that time. While it is bittersweet, I love watching this girl insert herself into this family. She is sassy and confident in what she wants, and I hope she never loses that.

Here is George at 22 months.

March 3, 2019 by Stephanie

Grit and Grace Review

Reading has been something that has been very difficult for me lately, however when this book review came to me, I knew I needed the challenge.

I received this devotional for my honest review.

Grit and Grace

This book is a 90-day devotional geared towards mothers. I knew I was going to like this devotional after the first page. One of the authors went into a story about being late to church and the frazzled feeling when you take your kids anywhere. She is my people.

There are a couple things to note from this book that I really like:

The two authors are at different stages of motherhood. One has young kids (like myself) and one has older children and is able to provide perspective from the other side of being in the weeds of toddlerhood.
With that being said, it does seem that this book is geared more towards mothers who are in the younger kid stages. I don’t mind it, and I think there is still much to glean from it. However, many of the stories are from this time.
The book is separated into daily devotionals, and let me tell you they are easily digestible. First they are fairly short, so each day could be read in 5 minutes. For someone who falls asleep within a matter of a few pages of any book, this is a must. I also loved that they included the full text of the scripture in each chapter as well as a short prayer. This easy access is great for me to connect with God and have a little guidance that gets me started with the word and prayer. I am all about some given structure in my chaos of days.

All that is great, however, what I loved most about it was how relatable it was. It is so easy to feel like you are alone and feel like you aren’t doing things right. Just this morning I mumbled under my breath that I do not have the patience to be a mom as both kids were crying at me for reasons that are still unknown. The stories that were shared were experiences that I have had. They shared thoughts that have gone through my head. They spoke insecurities that are deep in my soul. They are me. It is devotionals like these who talk about the mess and the realities of the imperfection that help me to connection with God. In these stories we can embrace grace through the love that is given, and I so appreciated the words that were spoken through this book.

I do not think this will be a book that I just read once. It might be one of those that I read yearly just to remind myself how wonderfully and fearfully we were made for motherhood. God made all this possible, even if sometimes it is a little messy.

He also provided us with a little Grit and Grace.

You can find the book here.

January 21, 2019 by Stephanie

2019 Intentions

When January rolls around, talks about resolutions, goals, and a fresh start are so very common. And the idea of a “word for the year” is nothing new. The idea of setting a theme for the year with one word has been floating around for awhile.

I will be honest, right along with resolutions, I always thought the one word intention was hokey and kitchey. I mean how could you base your entire year’s worth of goals around one word? It just seems so lofty, and how do I mark a check next to a word theme?

I like my lists of goals with very specific tasks that I can accomplish over the next year. (A true Achiever at heart wants checkboxes.) As I always do when January 1st rolls around, I set out to create my goal list. My list is long for 2019, and here are just a few items I want to accomplish this year:

Complete 5 races
Have an outing with just me and George once a month
Read 5 books
Do at least one bible study a month

I will tell you with January almost over, I am already behind on more than half of my goals that I set forth.

I am not really sure why I had such a negative reaction to “intentions” before. I am always talking about being intentional in what I do, so it seems really silly that I stuck my nose up to this practice each year. I mean, I probably say, “Let’s be intentional,” at least twice a day at work…

So when I listened to my friend’s podcast about intentions (which I highly recommend anyone to find Friends in Pursuit), I was intrigued to sit on this idea of “one word” a little more.

I started thinking about the past year. While it brought me some great things, it did come without some incredible challenges. My anxiety has reared it’s ugly head more than I am comfortable with, and dealing with a four year old is quite possibly going to give me a full head of gray hair.

In their podcast and workbook on intentions, Kari and Andrea asked a question that kind of threw me for a loop.

What word describes a mindset that would have helped face the lessons learned?

Breathe is the word that came to my mind like a smack in the face.

My anxiety comes in the physical form of nausea and shortness of breath. It makes me flush, and I have a hard time calming my heart rate down. It can be a struggle to focus on breathing because it feels like I am stuck in an elevator that is about to plummet 100 floors.

So breathing focus is something I know from counseling that I need to do a better job of doing.

I thought of a lot of words for my year: grace, humility, drive, comfort to just name a few.

But I kept coming back to breathe and how so much of my challenges are brought on by my own anxiety and the inability to sometimes control my body.

I need to breathe in the moments with my children instead of hoping for the next stage to come. Wishing this time away does no good for anyone. I need to pause more instead of rushing through it.

I need to breathe before I respond to George’s tantrums instead of snapping back to gain control. Breathing will keep me humble and remind me that I am his role model and how I respond means more than just that one moment.

I need to breathe when I feel my heart start to race. Mindfulness is something that has never come easy to me, and I know breathing is so much of that exercise. I need to use the focused breathing exercise on my Fitbit to start training my mind and body to self-regulate.

I need to take a breath to instill patience over things and actions I cannot control.

I need to take a breath to sometimes watch my mouth and be more careful with the words that I say.

I need to sometimes just take a breath and give myself a break instead of jumping to worst case scenario and stop the planning machine that occurs in my head.

I need to breathe in the opportunities of new friendships and new initiatives instead of worrying about being out of my comfort zone.

I literally need to breathe fresh air more. One of my goals is to get outside a ton, so it is only natural to think about breathing in the outdoors.

I need to count my breaths as opportunities to be me and not someone else.

For me, breath encompassed all the other words that I was thinking of initially. Breathing is an action. Breath is a moment in time that will help me focus. There is so much work that can be done in a breath.

And sometimes I need to sit in that breath. In these breaths, I can trust that whatever this is will pass. In between breaths, I can let go and let God. I often try to rush through this lesson, so focusing on something so small like a breath will remind me that none of this is permanent. A breath can help me connect: with myself, others, and God.

A breath can give me power. A breath can give me calm. A breath can give me grace. A breath can give me “me” back in those moments of stress.

Breathe.

Just one simple word that holds so much meaning.

What’s your intention for the year?

And seriously, if you like podcasts, I highly recommend listening to Andrea and Kari!

January 19, 2019 by Stephanie

Daphne-20 Months

Weight: 26 lbs. She is also just a few inches short of 3 ft tall!

Health: These past two months have been hard health wise. She got the Christmas crud with the rest of us. Her nose is basically running non-stop. She just has all the respiratory things.

Diet: She is a temperamental eater now. Who knows what she is going to like from day to day. She will eat oatmeal, bananas, blueberries, and blackberries without question. Meats are different every day. She will usually eat rice and potatoes. She has lost a liking to most vegetables, but usually we can get her to eat it in rice. She loves the yogurt melts and veggie/fruit packets. However when she is hungry you better get food in front of her fast. She has no patience for our slowness.

Clothes: She is comfortable in size 18 clothes. She is in size 5 shoes and size 6 diapers.

Likes: She loves her bunnies. Both kids had matching little stuffed bunnies in their Easter basket last year, and they have become her most prized possessions. She loves Elmo and Sesame Street. She loves to read, her favorites this month being any Elmo book, God Knows You, and Ladybug Girl books. She adores George, and she is always following him around and getting in his business. She loves Legos of any kind, even the small ones. We haven’t had any issues with her trying to put them in her mouth. She loves to collect all the people and give them different heads and hats. She loves to draw, and this is our go-to activity to keep her entertained. She still loves shoes and picking out her bows every day. She loves blankets, and you will often see her dragging one around. When Tom gets home, she skips to follow him and help him get out of his uniform. She just gets so giddy to be with her daddy after work. It is one of the most adorable things. She loved the snow storm we had last week! She love music and dances whenever she hears it. She loves to feed the dog, and she gets mad at you when you tell her that the bowl is full and her job is done.

Dislikes: George taking things from her. Not being involved with whatever George is doing. Having to stop coloring. Not being able to go outside. When you take the cheese away from her.

Milestones: She knows all of her body parts. We put her in pig-tails for the first time, so that hair is growing finally! She has started using stairs without crawling. She and George have actually started playing together-like real play. She signs more and please-even though her more is more like she is doing chicken wings.

Nicknames: Daphie, Sisterbear, Sisterbean, Sis, and Daphie Girl. The two most common are still Daph and Sister.

Quirks: She likes to stuff her stuffed animals into her Halo Sleepsack while she is in it. She walks on her tippy-toes. When it is time for TV, she plops herself up on the couch and grabs a blanket to cover herself up. She isn’t really talking much. Our PAT and pediatrician are starting to get concerned, but looking back at George’s update she has about the same amount of words. She does make all kinds of animal noises (tiger being her favorite) and she sings all the time. The only reason they have not recommended her to be screened yet is because she is so aware in other areas. Both PAT and our PED agree that her verbal comprehension and spatial awareness is far above most kids her age, so we are just monitoring the verbal for now. (I think the fact that George pretty much talks non-stop has something to do with it too.)

We parents are: not too bad. We got over the hump of the busy holidays. We got snowed in last week, and possibly will again this week. It has been nice to just rest and stay in our house.

George is: a wild child, but he is doing better than our last update. We started doing a reward system where he can earn/lose points towards his TV time. There is a lot of patience learning that is going on in our house, and every one is still super stubborn. He is warming up to Daphne more. They are playing more and he tries to engage with her more positively now than he has in the past few months. He has started trying to sing her songs every night with this ukulele he got at Christmas. It is really sweet. He has also started saying the qualifier “I love you, but…” and then tries to ask for something or tries to tell us what to do. While he can be frustrating, he does make me laugh until my belly hurts every day. We also recently started a new thing at bed where George reads me a book. He does a great job retelling the stories off memory or by the pictures. It has come to be my favorite part of the day when he insists on reading to me.

The dogs are: little poops. I can only assume it is Grace, but one of them keeps pooping in the house over night no matter how late we stay up and let them out. It is really obnoxious. Other than that they are doing alright. They loved the snow, which is always fun to see them react to. They are pretty good with Daph, and she loves them right back.

Daphie, you continue to be a dream. Something about 20 months makes me feel like I am losing my baby though. I will hold on to you as long as you let me.