breathing

When January rolls around, talks about resolutions, goals, and a fresh start are so very common. And the idea of a “word for the year” is nothing new. The idea of setting a theme for the year with one word has been floating around for awhile.

I will be honest, right along with resolutions, I always thought the one word intention was hokey and kitchey. I mean how could you base your entire year’s worth of goals around one word? It just seems so lofty, and how do I mark a check next to a word theme?

I like my lists of goals with very specific tasks that I can accomplish over the next year. (A true Achiever at heart wants checkboxes.) As I always do when January 1st rolls around, I set out to create my goal list. My list is long for 2019, and here are just a few items I want to accomplish this year:

Complete 5 races
Have an outing with just me and George once a month
Read 5 books
Do at least one bible study a month

I will tell you with January almost over, I am already behind on more than half of my goals that I set forth.

I am not really sure why I had such a negative reaction to “intentions” before. I am always talking about being intentional in what I do, so it seems really silly that I stuck my nose up to this practice each year. I mean, I probably say, “Let’s be intentional,” at least twice a day at work…

So when I listened to my friend’s podcast about intentions (which I highly recommend anyone to find Friends in Pursuit), I was intrigued to sit on this idea of “one word” a little more.

I started thinking about the past year. While it brought me some great things, it did come without some incredible challenges. My anxiety has reared it’s ugly head more than I am comfortable with, and dealing with a four year old is quite possibly going to give me a full head of gray hair.

In their podcast and workbook on intentions, Kari and Andrea asked a question that kind of threw me for a loop.

What word describes a mindset that would have helped face the lessons learned?

Breathe is the word that came to my mind like a smack in the face.

My anxiety comes in the physical form of nausea and shortness of breath. It makes me flush, and I have a hard time calming my heart rate down. It can be a struggle to focus on breathing because it feels like I am stuck in an elevator that is about to plummet 100 floors.

So breathing focus is something I know from counseling that I need to do a better job of doing.

I thought of a lot of words for my year: grace, humility, drive, comfort to just name a few.

But I kept coming back to breathe and how so much of my challenges are brought on by my own anxiety and the inability to sometimes control my body.

I need to breathe in the moments with my children instead of hoping for the next stage to come. Wishing this time away does no good for anyone. I need to pause more instead of rushing through it.

I need to breathe before I respond to George’s tantrums instead of snapping back to gain control. Breathing will keep me humble and remind me that I am his role model and how I respond means more than just that one moment.

I need to breathe when I feel my heart start to race. Mindfulness is something that has never come easy to me, and I know breathing is so much of that exercise. I need to use the focused breathing exercise on my Fitbit to start training my mind and body to self-regulate.

I need to take a breath to instill patience over things and actions I cannot control.

I need to take a breath to sometimes watch my mouth and be more careful with the words that I say.

I need to sometimes just take a breath and give myself a break instead of jumping to worst case scenario and stop the planning machine that occurs in my head.

I need to breathe in the opportunities of new friendships and new initiatives instead of worrying about being out of my comfort zone.

I literally need to breathe fresh air more. One of my goals is to get outside a ton, so it is only natural to think about breathing in the outdoors.

I need to count my breaths as opportunities to be me and not someone else.

For me, breath encompassed all the other words that I was thinking of initially. Breathing is an action. Breath is a moment in time that will help me focus. There is so much work that can be done in a breath.

And sometimes I need to sit in that breath. In these breaths, I can trust that whatever this is will pass. In between breaths, I can let go and let God. I often try to rush through this lesson, so focusing on something so small like a breath will remind me that none of this is permanent. A breath can help me connect: with myself, others, and God.