November 25, 2013 by Stephanie

Armucation on Ribbons

Have you ever wondered what all the ribbons on the uniforms are? As I watch Tom make sure his uniform is ready for his layout (which is basically an inventory), I thought I would explain just a couple things for you. An Army educational moment for you on this Monday.

There are so many things that can be added to the uniform, and they all have a special meaning. Badges, ribbons, even the berets mean something.

Some are given because of the unit you are in, but most are earned through a specific action done, task or course completed.

Right now Tom’s unit is going through EIB warm ups. EIB (Expert Infantryman’s Badge) is a 2 week long course where they do various tasks to prove they are “experts” at their job.

The tasks range from physical endurance, land navigation, to rifle ranges. It takes a lot of work to get it. They have to score a certain number on each task to be qualified for the badge. The bar is set really high on all the tasks. For example, they have to clear/load/fire/correct malfunction/re-clear a m249 (a type of gun) in 30 seconds. It would take me that long to pick up the SAW.

Although, Tom’s says that if you don’t know how to poop using an E tool as a stool, you aren’t an expert infantrymen. So I guess that is a task they can consider if they ever update the course in the future.

They have been training for the EIB the past month or so. They go through the official course after Thanksgiving.

Some would say a more coveted badge is the Combat Infantryman’s Badge. This is one that Tom received while on deployment. Only infantrymen can receive this, and they can only get it on deployment (hence the combat part). They have to be direct contact and personally fight in active combat to qualify for this award. It is a huge deal for an infantrymen to receive this.

So while the EIB is the non-combat counterpart to the CIB, the CIB comes with greater risks and thus more honor (in my humble opinion.)

There are also other badges that are listed in the same categories for other MOS (military occupational specialty aka job).

Combat Action Badge is given to soldiers who are not in the infantry but are stationed in an area where there is hostile fire.

Combat Medical Badge is given to anyone who is part of the medical unit that assists and provides medical support to ground troops who are engaged in combat.

These are explained from my perspective from what I have pulled from various places online and what I have heard from Tom. As you can see, they all have value and have different merits.

Those are just a few of the gazillion badges and ribbons that the Army can earn. It is really fascinating to learn about the stories and experiences behind each one. The service is humbling when you think about it.

So there you have it. Welcome to my world of “Eye Spy” badge version. I hope you enjoyed the Armucation.

November 12, 2013 by Stephanie

Proud to Be

My husband has always wanted to be an Army man.

Tom as a kid playing in his Grandpa’s old Army helmet.

I know he had considered going after high school, but he choose to head to Warrensburg to start the normal track of a college freshmen. While I was in grad school, we had talked about the service, but in the end Tom decided to finish college and see where that took him. Once we were in Iowa, his job situation was not panning out as quickly as we had hoped and the thought of the military came up again. We went back and forth making the decision on whether Tom would enlist. It is not an easy decision for anyone to make and we made pro/con lists for months. It is not a decision that we took lightly, especially when we made this decision we had only been married for a hot minute.

But as you can see, Tom has always felt a calling to serving his country. So not even 6 months into our marriage, Tom took an oath to serve our nation.

This was the time for the Army. Every time before there was something else that he was destined to do. If he had joined before now, he would not have finished that degree. If he had gone after high school, we would not have met at Worlds of Fun that fateful summer. If he had gone during grad school, our relationship (eh maybe just me) at the time was not strong enough to endure the stress of the military. This time around, there was nothing holding him back. He was ready; we were ready.

I could not be prouder of the things that Tom has done in the last year and half as an American soldier. He put so many things on hold to fight for the things that he believes in the most.

He is not one to let others fight his own battle, and he puts in everything he has to fulfill his duty. He would do anything for his unit, which as his wife can be terrifying because I know that he would give his life to save any one of those men.

But that gusto, courage, and confidence are the things that I am proud of. I am married to a great man, a brave man, a sweet man, an Army man.

And yesterday, I got to share him with the elementary school his sister works at. They had a Veteran’s assembly, and Tom was asked to speak since the school knew about him from sponsoring him during his deployment the year before.

If I was proud before, I was in tears proud of watching him be the keynote speaker for those kids. Yes I am that blubbering wife. It also did not help that I was sitting next to the sweetest little old Vietnam vet as well. And they played taps and a hero memorial montage video, I mean really how was I supposed to keep a dry eye?

We were able to see TJ there as well. Tom made him “his guest” to the reception they had for families, which meant he got out of class for about 10 minutes to eat cupcakes. Awesome!

Tom and TJ.

We also got to hang out with our little niece a lot this weekend. And of course the relationship between Tom and Ava is priceless.

Yes, Tom smashed her face in her cupcake. After a moment of pouty face, she dug into the cupcake like nothing happened.

We had a great weekend back home, and it was great to see the outpouring of support for our Veterans. It was a little crazy to see the reaction to the uniform though. Around here in Clarksville, uniforms are such an everyday thing, so seeing people react back home was interesting to say the least.

Proud wife moments!

September 23, 2013 by Stephanie

Whoa Baby!

Let me first clarify, we are not pregnant. This is not an announcement of a baby in the oven.

I assure you there will be something much more creative to announce the birth of our first child.

After you get married, everyone seems to want to know when babies are coming, especially since we are the last in our families to have children. It seems like every day there is someone else online who is bringing a new life in this world. We are just at that age. So naturally people want to know when we will have our baby. (PS. What you are really saying is-So are you all having a lot of sex?)

I have resisted writing this to keep some semblance of privacy when it comes to our baby plans , but felt compelled when I saw the link up with Ashley today to address the topic of family planning with the military. Maybe it will squelch some of the never ending questions on when little W will be coming into the world and how the military factors in. That seems to be question number two for everyone after the “We want Baby Ws” comment.

Tom and I have been married for a little over two years. Out of the 27 months we have been married, we have only lived under the same roof for 13 months, and not consecutively.

Because of our distance relationship many people told us that we should just put baby plans on hold so we can get to know each other again. This is the only time in our lives that it will just be the two of us, and we shouldn’t rush into having kids just yet.

Well that sounds great in theory.

Here is our reality.

We have been together for 6 years.

We are 28.

We are part of the United States Military.

I am not sure if you were aware of baby making, but it is slightly unpredictable and can take a long time (at least 9 months) for that little bugger to introduce themselves.

And the Army can change it’s mind every other day on what they want to do with you. So making any kind of plan is hard, let alone one that has to simmer for approximately 9 months.

So because of that, we have had to adjust our timeline. Actually, we needed to accept reality and change our perspective with the timeline. It just cannot look like I have always dreamed, but that is how most of life goes. We have been seriously talking about babies since Christmas of last year. It was during Tom’s deployment that we decided that when he came home it was time for us to start considering our first child.

We are financially stable, even if my job hadn’t of panned out as it did. Because of the benefits we receive, our savings, and no debt situation, this really wasn’t a huge concern.

We are at a good age to start that chapter of our life. Our life is good and awesome.

When you are in the military there are a lot more things to consider though. There is a huge chance that I would have to either be pregnant alone or have to tackle the baby’s first year alone.

Not really the list you want to be choosing from as a first time parent.

And there is no way to guarantee that it wont happen that way. It’s just part of the life.

We talked extensively about what it means for us and what we would do in any situation. Contingency plans for the contingency plans. And we honestly started talking about these plans when Tom enlisted to begin with since at that time he was considering making the Army is career.

Yea maybe we haven’t had as much time “together together” as other couples who are starting to have babies.

But let’s get real.

I cannot get pregnant while Tom is deployed.

And that is what it comes down to. We have to be together to conceive that baby.

So we have to make the most of the months that we have together.

That is really what our planning has come down to. Would we ideally like to have a baby before the next deployment? Well yes, but there is no way to guarantee that. Ideally we would like a lot of things that are not an option in the Army lifestyle. We don’t have the luxury of time. So ideally, we have to deal with the time we are fortunate to have.

Whoa baby.

I have really struggled with this “time” acceptance more than Tom, which is probably why I have hesitated talking about this much. I have quickly changed the subject when people ask and skirt around our plans. There are a lot of personal issues that go into this, which is one reason why I decided to be open about the fact that we are trying to have a baby. To be frank, I would like for it to happen sooner than later, for the obvious reason that I want my partner to be here with me for this. It is our first child, and you only get to do that once. It kills me to think of doing that alone, and it kills me that he would miss precious moments of our child’s life.

I have felt that pressure of our time and wanting to know that it is going to become a reality. You know that inner clock they talk about with motherhood? Well I think baby fever goes on high alert even more when you are in the military and you have to get that bun in the oven with precise timing. Did I mention that pregnancies, while there is a science to it, there really is no way to ensure that this time will be the time? So for this perfectionist who always runs on time with her plans, this has been super stressful to try to figure out within the Army time constraints. Thank you Army, for another lesson in patience.

I have also wrestled with the reality of what if we don’t have kids and something happens to Tom. How do you move on from that? I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I understood what that meant. I have wanted to have Tom’s kid since we first said I love you. What if we can’t get pregnant before the deployment day? I don’t sit long on this one for obvious reasons.

Why don’t we just wait until after the Army you say?

We could realistically do that. We will be 30 when his enlistment is up. We will be back closer to family. Seems like a good idea right?

But that doesn’t seem right to waste the moments we have now. It doesn’t seem right to put our life on hold because the Army makes things more difficult. That is no way to live. You would spoil your life worrying about all the worst case scenarios and waiting for life to be “perfect.”

The truth is we are ready to be parents. We have put a lot of other things on hold during our relationship, and we are ready to put this plan up on the table God willing.

There are also benefits of having a baby while we are still in the Army. If we go to the base hospital, all the medical care is free. When Tom is stateside, there is a lot of leeway with helping with appointments and childcare necessities (at least with his unit we have seen this). When he on his business trips, I have a community of spouses that are also in the same boat who can be a support network who can be go to people in times of crisis or when I just need advice. I am also in a situation with a job that can allow for some flexibility if needed, plus it is a military friendly university with various offices that I could call on, let alone the colleagues that I know I could ask for help from.

So our decision to just go for it comes with a lot of thought and some planning…and a whole lot of crying, laughing, praying and dreaming…

The truth of it is though you cannot really plan for a pregnancy, and doing so in the military is really no different. As with most things in life, there comes a lot of uncertainty. And no matter how much I try, some things just cannot be planned. You set yourself[bodies/health] up for the best situation, and just start trying and hope for the best. There is a lot of patience when you have made that decision because there is a dump-truck load of anxiety that comes with deciding to have a military child. If you get caught up in all the what ifs of the military you will make yourself sick like I have on many occasions. (Tom is seriously the most patient husband to deal with my sometimes delusional expectations.)

What we did was just decide if we were ready to take care of another human being as our own and with the different scenarios would we be able to handle it. We are just ready to have a baby. It is as simple as that. We will figure out everything else as is comes, which is what ALL parents have to do. The timing will be perfect whenever it happens.

Tom has to accept that he may miss things. And I have to accept that I may be alone for things.

But really we just need to accept that this will change our life forever. And are we ready for that?

Whoa baby, let’s have a baby!

Just not today…

September 5, 2013 by Stephanie

Getting a Little Political

Ok, if you have been watching the news at all, you can see that things in Syria are getting pretty serious. If you haven’t been watching, I would suggest tuning in.

Yesterday, the Senate started the vote for military action, first getting it approved in a committee.

We have been talking about Syria for a while in our household. Regardless of what the news is saying, it will affect us as a military family.

A fellow Army wife shared this article yesterday, and it really made me think. It made me think enough that I felt the need to respond in my own words.

Please keep in mind that I am talking from my military spouse lens. This is not meant to be about why we [United States] are considering military action. It is just my reaction to some of the media comments as of late, what I see at work and expanding on that article.

Many people think that our time in Afghanistan is coming to a close, and some even believe we are out. This is false, even though it is something we have been told even before Tom left for his first tour there. I even heard a politician say something to the tune of “We aren’t sending anymore troops there.” Tom deployed the next week to said “there”. One of our very good friends is currently there and schedule to be there until next February. He just found out yesterday that his first expected child is going to be a boy. I don’t think they would agree that we are “moving out” of that area. Also, Tom is scheduled for his second deployment back to Afghanistan next July. They have started extensive training which takes him away from our family for days at a time and often has him coming home at odd hours of the night. This kind of training will continue up until they leave next summer. I sure wish it was true that they were out of that country!

“But we are leaving the county” (and also Iraq) they continue to report. The reality is that, yes, there are less troops being sent over. Many COPs (combat out posts) are being closed, but we are still planning to have a presence for awhile to come.

Military families will not be affected with the current proposed Syrian Plan. Hmmmm… As of right now the plan is not to use ground troops and to take no longer than 3 months from everything that I have read. That is great and I am absolutely on board with that seeing as my hubster is the ground troops. But when you talk about war, you have to be prepared for the unexpected. While this timeline would be ideal, it may not be completely accurate once we begin. We have no idea how the other side or other countries will react to our plan. You cannot wrap war up in a pretty little package with a bow, which is what I think this plan insinuates. The leaders of Syria are already warning us of what may unfold. Who are we to say they aren’t bluffing? This three month thing could get an approved extension to add support troops to this initial wave.

Plus let’s think about it, if we are going to get involved with military action, some troop somewhere has to take that action. I don’t think they are going to be doing that from American soil, so even though it may be for a couple months, some military family somewhere IS going to be affected. It doesn’t matter if this is the safest plan for our troops, there is always a concern from families. Always. Even when Tom was in a “safe” country on his way back from Afghanistan, I was still worried. I still felt this weight on my chest that I would never see him again. Unless your service member is beside you in person, you have concern and are affected by any type of deployment. And to be real with you, I still worry about him even when he is in the safety of our house. Being in the military is a life altering commitment that while I am honored to be a part of it, the reality is that it affects me every second of every day, and terrifies me all the same regardless of if he is stateside or not. His job is literally life or death. I am not sure how that can’t affect me.

And being gone just for one day affects families. Try saying that it doesn’t affect a family to the mom who has to figure out daycare and carpooling for all 3 kids since their partner is gone. Try saying that it doesn’t to the 3rd grader who didn’t see their mom in the stands at their first little league game. Try explaining how it doesn’t to the parents who just said goodbye to their 18 year old as they board that plane for overseas. The time does matter to us, and we are affected.

Constant battering of the military expenses. I have held my tongue to this point about all the sequestering business, even as I watched vital offices/services around base get closed during regular weekly business hours to help cut costs. But as I went home to MO this past weekend and saw billboards about the fast food strike and the “right to work”. As I have been seeing comments all over the place about how our military is ready to go, I was pondering our jobs and what effort we put into our work as a country. I thought about the respect that is given to those who choose to work in this [military] field without much regard except on big holidays. The military is ready to go at any time. That is what is so great about our Armed Forces. Tom is ready to go wherever America needs him to go (a little to eagerly in my opinion, but I am a little greedy about my hubster time.) This commitment to the oath they took to serve their country hasn’t come with full support of our nation. Constantly over the past year there have been talks about cutting benefits, bases, and military personnel. Here at Ft. Campbell they are going to be eliminating one of the most famous brigades (Band of Brothers) in the next year to hit the mark on the new budget. The scope of what that means, just boggles my mind. But regardless of the comments or the payback, they are ready to serve and willingly go every time. They do it with pride and honor. They do it without constant(or even regularly scheduled) pay raises. I think that is something that people should take note of before considering taking a swipe at the defense budget. Don’t get me wrong, there are some awesome benefits, and I am grateful for what we do get, but on the grand scale of things I am not sure that everyone has their facts straight when trying to say the military gets too much. P.S. There is no sitting out in the military. Have you heard the term AWOL and did you know that you can get arrested for it? Also, war doesn’t stop when you are asleep, eating, going to the bathroom, so a full-time job has a whole other meaning for service members.

I work in a field were we constantly talk about injustice and under-represented groups, which is one thing I love about my job. I love getting out there and connecting people to their passions no matter their past or situations. We all have a voice and story to be told, and I love that I am in an environment that allows me to interact with a variety of people. I think the military should be one of those under-represented communities that comes to the forefront of people’s minds because they are so misunderstood and disregarded too often. They also encompass many of the most common groups that folks think of when you say the word “diversity” or “social justice.” You cannot always tell if someone is military, and many don’t feel it necessary to boast about those achievements. But, just because they don’t want to talk about it, doesn’t mean we don’t need to take care of them in this country. Yes they are independent and have had experiences that are worse than most of our nightmares. That, I think, puts most people in this mindset that veteran’s and military folks can just take care of themselves because of all that they experienced. They can handle anything right? Well, maybe so, but that doesn’t mean we don’t owe them a little gratitude and a hand. We need to be more empathetic to this population and how our politics can affect them.

Because, quite frankly, they will fight to their death to save our county.

They would rather make sure they are ready and trained for their war life. They cannot control the whens/whys/hows of where they go; they can control how prepared they are once given orders. Why can’t we as a country be ready to support them in this endeavor?

Ask yourself are you ready to go to war? I know I am not. So I am thankful that service members are willing to put it all on the line so I don’t have to.

(I have a similar contempt for America’s treatment of teachers, but that is a soap box for another day.)

As I said, this was not intended to be a debate on whether we should go to Syria or not, but I hope it inspires you to think a little harder about what you say about the folks that do go and the support you provide them. Seriously, we should think about any group we talk about and seek to know the facts. We need to hear the stories of that group before we turn a blind eye. Obviously, I am biased, and I will own that. But I see what these men [in Tom’s unit] do every day and I think it is about time someone takes notice instead of throwing stones at what they don’t know or understand.

So here I am just trying to tell a little bit of our story to hopefully remove some barriers.

August 26, 2013 by Stephanie

Livin’ Easy

I have been asked a lot lately how I feel about living on base. I am not really sure what people are expecting when they want me to describe my home, but they always seem surprised that I love living on base. I am linking up with several other ladies to answer questions about how we chose our living situations thanks to our military moves.

It really was a no brainer for us to decide to find a place on base. With my housing background, I have had my housing provided with my job for awhile now. So the opportunity for Tom’s to continue that blessing was awesome.

If you are a single soldier, you do live in the barracks. I might add that they are nicer than some residence halls I have been in! Since we are married, Tom obviously qualifies for family housing. And the military has to provide housing in some capacity, whether that is the form of an actual place to live or giving you an allowance based on the surrounding area’s average living expenses. In order to live on base we did need to sign up for housing, and we were put on a waiting list for about a month before the duplex was offered to us.

Our situation allowed us to wait until this little number came up. I was still working at ISU, and we knew that a deployment was coming up soon, so we were not in any big hurry to move into some place we didn’t want. It made sense to wait until we found something while I still had a job in Iowa. The timing could not have been more perfect for it.

I put a lot of trust into Tom, because he toured several different homes with the housing folks by himself before he picked this one. He never sent me a picture or called before he signed away. I’d say he did pretty well! It is a two-story, two-bedroom, one and half bath option. We have a fairly decent backyard, but we also lucked out being in a cul-de-sac so we have a nice field on the side as well. We chose the carport, which has been really convenient with our projects since our other option was a small garage. This allows for some more flexibility in use-such as having BBQs while it is raining.

The way housing works on base (at least here at Fort Campbell) is that you are basically put into brackets depending on the Sponsor’s (army person) rank. Then you also look at number of rooms based on the amount of dependents that sponsor has. Since I am technically a dependent according to the Army, we are entitled two rooms-one for Tom and one for me. Once we have a kid though I no longer factor in as a “room” number. If we had two kids, we could have a 3 room house, and so on and so forth.

Because we were in a position to wait and be patient for more options, Tom was able to say no to some places that just would not have fit us. So we were pretty fortunate that the long distance worked in our favor there. Some people may not have that luxury when they need to move so they get what they get or that is when a lot of people tend to search off base. Most of our friends have chosen to live off base because there just wasn’t housing available at the time they signed up and needed something right then.

There were a few factors that really influenced our desire to live on base:

1. We had lived on a college campus for the last few years, so moving into an Army supplied duplex was going to be an upgrade. No offense to housing folks who have given us housing! My apartments were always lovely, but not having college students around at all hours is pretty nice. And parking/mail right outside my door-awesome.

2. We knew we could have a backyard and that Grace would be allowed to live with us. Going off base, you always risk the chance that the place you love won’t allow for pets, or it is an arm and a leg to be allowed to have them. We just have to register Grace with the vet on base, and we are good to go. Now we just need to work on her not being afraid to go off the porch without a leash…

3. I didn’t have a job lined up at the time we made this decision, so this was just the fiscally responsible thing to do. The rent is covered as a part of the Army providing housing, so a bill we don’t have to worry about. We do not have to pay for any of the routine maintenance or utilities. The only utility we pay for is cable and internet. We have even had a few months were we have gotten paid for how much electricity we did not use! You are given a base rate of electricity you can use based on the average, then if you go way over you have to pay, but they pay you if you go under! We have never had to pay, and we aren’t the best stewards of our electricity thanks to Tom. If we had lived off base, we would have received BAH (basic housing allowance), but it would not have covered everything like we see here on base. The math is just obvious when you start figuring it out. So anyway, the idea of not having as many bills (even though we are debt free) was too good to pass up when we had no idea what my income situation would be.

4. We were both new to the Army life, so we thought it would be nice to be surrounded by families who are in similar situations. I often forget though that everyone around us has an Army connection because it does not look like you are on base. They do a good job making it look like any neighborhood. But the truth of it is, there is at least one person in each home who has a job with the Army.

5. Convenience. Tom’s commute is like a 2-5 minute drive. Ft. Campbell is a huge base, so it has everything you would need right here.

6. With the Army, whether you make it a career or not, the reality is you probably will not be in the same place for a long time. With PCS schedules or just living out the current contract, we could really not see ourselves delving into the search for a house with the knowledge that we would leave it in a couple years for sure. This seemed like the easiest option without having to worry about leases because our timeline at Ft. Campbell was unknown at the time.

Those were just a few of the things that drove us to choose living on base. And we wouldn’t have it any other way. We know these aren’t the nicest house around, but for the price and convenience, we really couldn’t beat it. And I feel that we have done a really nice job making it feel like a home.

And now that we live here, I love this neighborhood. I have really enjoyed getting to know it better with my half marathon training and walking Grace. I have met a lot of other people just because of Grace. She has a lab friend that we run into practically every time we go out. And to see how the families are is really just ridiculously cute. It really restores some of my faith in humanity.

I know a lot of people who choose to live off base and love it but for us the choice was obvious! We are big proponents of base housing!

Here are some more shots of our neighborhood.

This playground is on the other side of the field that runs next to our house. There are playgrounds EVERYWHERE. And they are actual playgrounds with swings! You pretty much turn every corner and a playground is within sight.

These are other duplexes next to us that have a garage instead of a carport.

These are actual houses…not too shabby. You have to have put in some years to get these though. We think that they are at least 3 bedroom, if not 4 bedroom houses with a 2 car garage.

Living on base gets a bad rap, but as you can see it isn’t any different than a neighborhood outside of the gates.

The only difference is you have to go through the gates to show ID to get home. And you see this kind of thing on a regular basis. So security is a little higher.

If you are moving to the Ft. Campbell area there are a few things to note. Ft. Campbell sits on the state line.

The base is nestled in the cities of Hopkinsville, KY and Clarksville, TN. I like to call it a bubble fort. I have not explored much of Hopkinsville because most of the hype goes to what is going on in Clarksville. Plus Clarksville is much larger than Hopkinsville. I also work in Clarksville at Austin Peay State University so I obviously see it more. There are several community colleges and state schools in the area if you are wishing to pursue more education. Clarksville is a growing city; the fifth largest in TN actually. Nashville is also an hour away from the area if you are looking for more opportunities of a big city.

It has been an adventure getting settled here, between trying to find a place to live (while we were long distance and deployment pending) and then figuring out a job for me. Now that things seemed to be more figured out, we really do like the area and are venturing out and exploring more that the base and surrounding communities have to offer.

Feel free to ask questions if you are curious about the area or our process!