August 14, 2013 by Stephanie

Going Commando

A few weeks ago, I wrote about T.J.

His story continued to weigh on my heart especially as I am trying to re-define my own personal dreams and trudge through some of the work.

Then I saw an update on his support page detailing a visit to several specialists.

As I read through his reports and saw what was going well and what was expected, an idea dawned on me.

Why don’t I run for T.J?

I had been going back and forth whether or not to run another half marathon. I like the idea of the race, but not always the time it takes to put in working up to that mileage.

(Is that a metaphor for getting your dreams or what?)

I knew that I wasn’t going to get a PR. I have ~~sort of~~ accepted that fate, knowing that trying to push myself too much would ruin my knees. And to be perfectly honest, I am just not that committed to giving away so much of my personal time to running to knock off minutes to my PR. But the fact is that races do inspire me. Having a race to work for does get me out and logging miles that I would never have thought I could do. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and strength. There is something in the air on race day that makes you feel alive and a part of something bigger. And I do like running in small increments–between 3 and 6 are my sweet spots. It’s fun to get your legs moving for a few miles. And it is a great way to have some Grace time while getting her some exercise too.

But I was plagued with the idea that if I could not beat my time, would a race really be worth it? Competition with myself has been a lifelong battle..

And have you seen the hills in Clarksville, TN?

Running vs running up hill!

So yea, I was teetering more towards not doing another half marathon for a long while, if ever.

But reading how T.J. so bravely meets with these doctors telling him what is working/not working in his body stirred something in me. God was telling me something. He wanted me to use my ability for this. Live it up and stop making excuses.

So I signed up for the Go Commando Half Marathon here in Clarksville.

I wanted this race to be more than just a race. With the undertones of what we are willing to do for our community and it being a military focus, I knew this would be more than just a race. It had to be more than just 13.1 miles.

I have started a fundraising page to help raise funds to find a cure and new medical practices for T.J. and many like him. I figure that if 90 people donate at least $10, I can reach my goal of $900, which is a $100 for each of his birthdays. So if you are feeling up to it, you can sponsor me. Yep just like those fundraisers in elementary school. You can think of it as a dollar per mile per say! Click this link if you are able to help me reach this goal. It should show up to my personal fundraising page. Any amount is appreciated, and I would be grateful for the support!

Donate to End Duchenne!

If you are not familiar with Duchenne, it is a fatal genetic disorder that causes muscles to weaken rapidly. It occurs mainly in young boys, and most live only until their early 20s. I was not aware of this disorder until I heard of T.J.’s story, so I am sure there are many out there that have never heard of it. There are about 20,000 new cases each year. If you would like to learn more visit http://www.endduchenne.org/.

T.J. is my inspiration when I feel like I can’t do that last mile or when I am struggling to break away from the couch. I am going to do these 13.1 for him whether that I finish it walking or running. If he can pitch for the St. Louis Cardinals (I won’t judge him for not going to the Royals), I can run a few miles.

I “Go Commando” for him.

(If you didn’t watch that promo video, please know that I am not a creeper who is going to go naked. Clearly, I will be wearing Ranger panties.)

August 12, 2013 by Stephanie

PCSing..whoseywhatsits

Today, I am linking up with Ashley from Eights on the Move for Military Monday and PCS Adventures.

I thought Student Affairs was bad with acronyms. That field has got nothing on the military.

PCS or Permanent Change of Station is basically the military’s way of saying moving for your job.

I am finally feeling like we have settled in from our PCS in May.

In the military, you can have the government pack and move you if you so choose. Tom and I decided to do a DITY (Do-IT-Yourself) move, which is where we move ourselves and then get paid by the Army.

We ended up saving/gaining some mula doing it this way. This way, I also had control over it and knew where everything was. Plus with the timing of things from my exit from Iowa State, we were able to get moving help from my end as well with loading the truck.

Double score.

Many people take this opportunity to travel and see the sites along the way to their new abode. Unlike others, we did not do anything extravagant on the way here. Our road trip was simple-get there as fast as we can. I get really stressed out on road trips-mostly because I get restless and cranky. We just wanted to get out of that Uhaul and into our new space. Plus sight-seeing can be somewhat difficult with a pooch. So we just drove through Iowa, Missouri, Illinois, and Kentucky stopping as little as we could.

I was so lucky to have Tom help with the moving process. I am a little terrified of driving. (Seriously, I have a panic attack about driving on a weekly basis.) So driving this bad boy is a nightmare for me. I couldn’t imagine doing it without him, which is what many military families have to plan for. We have been thinking about what the next move will look like and the timing of his exit out of the Army and the next deployment. There are a lot of things to consider, but we aren’t going to worry about that just yet. But I am leaning more towards using PODS, especially since the Army will not pay for you to move “out.”

I am not sure which option is better. They both have pros and cons to it. I think you have to figure out what is best for you and your situation. It may look completely different if there are kids in the mix and depending on where you are going.

Maybe we would have taken more time if the trip would have needed to take several days across country anyway. Also if we were PCSing to say Italy or Hawaii, I think sight-seeing would be in order…all the time.

Regardless, I am glad the move is done and our PCS story has been written.

But the thing is, with the Army, someone is always PSCing. Tom’s unit seems to be doing all kinds of turnover. I feel like every day he comes home talking about another new person. It is really difficult to keep track. I need him to make the Army version of a family tree to keep it straight, along with their titles.

With this you have to say goodbye to people that you have gotten close to and learned a great deal from. You do this in any move really, but the frequency is probably not as high as it is in the military. It is just part of the deal with the Army. You get to meet a lot of people along the way, but they may not always stay in your neighborhood.

Tom just recently said goodbye to his platoon sergeant. Tom was the driver of his vehicle in Afghanistan, so he got to know the Sgt. pretty well. Plus, I think Tom was attached to him more because this Sgt. was his first out of basic and for his first deployment. But that is me just speculating the sentimental. His wife was also the FRG leader who answered all my questions while Tom was deployed and I was in Iowa.

To show their appreciation, the company pooled together to get him a gift. Tom of course went into creation overdrive to make it the best thing ever. And it is one of the coolest things I have seen, so of course I have to share it!

They bought him a gun and had it engraved with special emblems for the brigade and company. It looked pretty snazzy! Then Tom made a box that looks like the boxes that everything came shipped in while they were in Afghanistan.

The fun thing about this, was that Tom took a lot of time and energy to make it look like he didn’t care about the details. He was very particular about making it look like it had been on deployment.

He then bought foam padding and also used the padding from the box the gun came in to cushion the gun while moving it.

Even though I didn’t get to see this, it was fun hearing how the company gave the gift and the reactions from everyone. This family will be missed when they move to California!

August 11, 2013 by Stephanie

Talks with Tom #7

My husband works out every day, sometimes two or three times a day. So with all these sweat sessions, he gets a pretty large appetite.

Tom-Part of me wants to eat healthy and have a small piece of cake. And part of me wants a big piece of cake because I don’t care.

Me-What part did you get?

Tom showed me the plate. He practically had half of the cheesecake on his plate, but into two distinct pieces-one large and one small.

Tom-I got a big piece and a little piece so both parts would be happy.

Me-The best part is that you have a little piece on your nose.

This weekend I was under the weather. I woke up several days last week with a sore throat and it just progressively got worse throughout the weekend. So I went to Pinterest to see if I could find a home remedy.

I saw one with ingredients we had in our pantry. It called for:

3 tbs lemon juice

1/4 cup raw honey

2 tbs coconut oil

We got this honey at the local farmer’s market. Local honey is always better for you than store bought. It can also help with allergies.

Anyway, back to the sore throat remedy. I mixed it all together. And the product made me want to gag just looking at it.

So I added some regular tea and then put it in the microwave for a few minutes to smooth out the coconut oil and honey. The tea also helped lessen the acidic taste.

It was still very very tart and acidic. It wasn’t too horrible but you have to drink it fairly fast because the coconut oil will harden back up.

So did it work?

Initially maybe it did soften up the harsh scratchiness. However the sugar and lemon juice made me a little more nauseous than I was before. So if you can get paste the taste maybe it will work.

But I still have a sore throat so you be the judge, and it is even worse today. Ok maybe I would need to use it more to test it out, but I just couldn’t get past the taste and wanting vomit.

So I just went back to my other home remedy of putting hydrogen peroxide drops in my ears. That seems to work after a few days much better!

Hope you all had a much more luxurious weekend than I did with my raspy voice and phlegm. I definitely have the man voice going. Although, Tom and I started season 8 of The Office and had online Chinese and Chipotle galore, which is exactly my idea of a perfect weekend.

What are you favorite home remedies for sickness?

August 9, 2013 by Stephanie

Friday Filter-Nikki Heat Series

One of my favorite shows currently is Castle. I have always loved mystery in stories. I guess because I hate it in real life so I live vicariously through the excitement of the stories, all the while knowing nothing is really surprising is happening to me.

In Castle, the main character-Richard Castle-is a novelist who shadows NYPD to get insight for his latest series.

Bonus for us, they actually hired individuals to write these books from the fictional novelist.

Fantastic.

I read the first four this summer. I was not able to put them down once I started.

I find it interesting that some of the covers look somewhat racy, and one of the main characters in the book Jameson Rook moonlights as a Victoria St. Clair-a popular romance novelist.

I will say that if you like the show Castle, you are going to fall in love with these books as soon as you start. The book characters mirror those in the T.V. show, so that was fun to see that. You can also tell that this was a love letter from Castle to Beckett, which in the T.V. show she takes a long time to realize. Ugh I can’t wait to see if she says yes or not!

The books all follow the lead detective Nikki Heat as she solves crimes. Each book focuses on one particular case (sometimes involving several murders), and with each book they of course get more twisted and more intense than the one before. I love sequels though because they just keep adding layers to the characters. And then you don’t have that sadness when you realize that your relationship with the characters is over. Deadly Heat is coming out in September, just in time for the beginning of the newest season!

In these books, there is always an attack on Nikki’s life, and of course how she barely escapes alive. Rook is always in the thick of it humorously trying to save Nikki. Sometimes doing so, but sometimes just putting in some romantic comedy. It is an action murder mystery at it’s best.

Just when you think you can predict the next suspect they twist you around and show you new details that has you gasping. There were many nights Tom begged for me to turn off the bedroom light and just go to bed. I just couldn’t put it down. (And now I read by a red bulb headlamp…)

I don’t want to give too much away on the plots because half the fun is figuring it out on your own.

Each book is slightly different and shows the variety of what happens in NYC. Throughout the four novels though, you watch Rook and Heat fall in love (much like Castle and Beckett). You see them razz each other, but also how to be there for each other when times get tough. You watch them break down each others emotional walls, which I believe was Castle’s way of telling Beckett he would be there when she was ready to be raw instead of closing up all her feelings. I feel that the underlying tone of how it paralleled the show’s characters is why I found it so endearing. You can tell that even though Castle was trying to pay homage to one of the great NYPD detectives, he was really trying to tell her that they were meant to be together and would protect her, while also making her laugh. There are parts of the book that had me busting up laughing (which makes for an awkward lunch when you are alone in the courtyard). Then there are other parts where I thought I was going to chew my finger off from nail-biting-induced anxiety.

My favorite one is the last book, Frozen Heat. The case is much more personal than those shown previously. It goes into detail about Nikki’s mother’s death and a web of spies. The plot twists are perfect. They are expectedly unexpected. This is really the only book that doesn’t finish the case completely, so you will have to read the next sequel to find out what happens to a certain spy. (I also find life of spies fascinating. Why they ever took PanAm off the air is beyond me!) But, don’t fret, some pieces of the mystery are solved. One, I almost threw the book at the wall I was so mad-in a “NO WAY” kind of mad, not a “I hate this story” kind of mad.

My absolute favorite part of this series though are the afterwards. Since it is “written” by Richard Castle, he writes what a typical author would as far as thank yous go. For some reason I just get a kick out of these because they are thank yous to his fellow characters in the show. (Thoroughly confused?) He also manages to thank the real live actors subtly as well. I find this to be captivating to go through this weird lens of imaginary and real-when it is all in fact imaginary. Fascinating.

These are a particularly easy reads that have suspense, love, and some hilarious moments. It is an investment for the series if you start one because you won’t want to be left wondering what happens to Rook and Heat. If you have never watched Castle, you can still easily read these and never miss a beat. I think they [T.V. and book] are both able to stand well enough on their own, but I think are made all the better if you are invested in both the show and the book series. Like I said, they are intertwined marvelously, and I believe that is one reason why I was so riveted by this series.

But hey, I am a fan so I am probably biased. I am also a sucker for the drama!

I hoped you liked my first entertainment review!

Friday Filters offer a review that are my own opinions and are not influenced by anything other than my love for entertainment and art.

August 7, 2013 by Stephanie

Forgiving the Imperfect

“I hate you. You ruin everything.” My niece said this comment this weekend when she didn’t get her way and disapproved how a conversation was going. Nothing like a sucker punch…

Then 5 minutes later we were all in her good graces again like nothing every happened and building a cave out of blankets and pillows.

Seriously we should all have this mentality of forgiveness. Be in the moment and let the past go. We probably shouldn’t go for the sucker punches and hurtful words though. My focus here is the carefree attitude and forgetting past grievances.

This is not always easy for me to do in my quest for independence and a need to be right. I am stubborn to a fault.

My marriage has been a constant reminder about the lessons of humility, not needing to be right ALL the time, and getting past arguments so they don’t impede on the future or our love for each other.

I heard this list on the radio recently.

The 5 dumbest things couples argue about:

5. Laundry

4. Staying out late without telling the other person where you are

3. What to watch on TV

2. Cell phone bills

1. Emptying the dishwasher.

Anything sound familiar?

5. I am not sure if we have had a fight persay about laundry, but I am sure we have nitpicked at each other. We have fought over our laundry machine though…

4. Staying out late…yep that has happened

3. What to watch on TV-you know I am not remembering a time where we have. We razz each other about what we like watching. Sometimes he will watch what he wants and I will read or vice versa. We watch a lot of things together too, so I think this helps stave off any “arguments.” We may have tip-toed around it when I first moved here but we have fallen into a pretty good groove that the anxiety went away. And having a DVR helps.

2. Cell phone bills-I know we have fought over the password, but not the actual bill. This was actually the worst fight we had while he was deployed. So silly.

1. Emptying the dishwasher-um sadly probably once a week this debate continues….Did I mention that both of us are a little bit stubborn and have a little bit of lazy in us? Funny though, that we switch sides and use the same arguments against each other. I also think we each are just waiting out the other to see who will break first. haha the age old gotcha game.

Arguments are inevitable. I don’t think that there is a secret recipe that you can shake at it that will let you avoid tiffs in your relationship. I think people are lying when they say they don’t get into fights with their spouse (or they are ignoring things and bottling them up for the fight of a life time or possibly divorce). You are two individuals living together trying to live in harmony all the time. Things are bound to get stressful, emotions are going to rise, and expectations will not be met. Insert fight scenario here.

But.

You can get past it AND still love each other.

It’s true.

Tom and I could not be more opposite (except when it comes to desserts and all things 90s music) which can be a recipe for disagreements, but we love each other through and through despite his hatred for musicals.

When I asked Tom initially about his thoughts on conflict, he said, “There is one simple step to conflict resolution. Soften up their defenses with a MK-19, wait until nightfall, and overrun their perimeter with a superior force.”

Then we had a real conversation about relationships. We came up with some of our top considerations/tips for confrontation with your significant other:

1. Think about big picture-

Me-Does it really make that big of a difference if Tom wants to stay over at his friends to camp over night? No, I was just being selfish and thought I would never see him again. Long lasting effects of long distance…I will see him again, and I know it’s not because he doesn’t want to hang out with me. In the end is what you are fighting about really worth what you and your spouse have together?

Tom-She is either going to divorce you or she’s going to get over it.

2. Recognize each other’s fighting styles

Me-Tom calls me out all the time because I like to retreat. I call him out because he likes to yell. Maybe those play against each other…Neither of these are helpful, but we know that is how we work so we have to try really hard not to push each other to those points just to get our thoughts across. There is also an element of understanding the right things to say (or not say) in these situations. There are some things that may push the person further into ‘smoke out the ears’ emotions, and that is not a place where harmony can occur. This also does not mean to use this knowledge to “win” arguments. In a marriage there are no winners of arguments.

Tom-When you are married, an argument is like a chess game.

3. Be constructively honest not destructively honest.

Me-I can’t blame Tom for how I reacted, but I can tell him why I felt the need to react the way I did. And when does pointing fingers ever really help the situation? But I feel that you need to be honest about what you are going through.

Tom-Sometimes people need to hear when they are wrong, except for me, I have never been wrong before. I take that back. One time, I thought my shirt was dazzling, but it turns out it was stunning.

(And we can see where number 5 goes into affect here.)

4. Actually listen to what the other person’s concerns are.

Tom-I don’t have a funny or quippy thing to say. That covers it.

Me-How can you apply their concerns to your behavior? Are they grounded? Seriously, did you do that? Which leads to…

5. Take ownership of your own mistakes and be willing to say “I am sorry for what I did.”

Me-Sometimes acknowledging it will make things better. But don’t just sorry to say sorry. You have to mean it and be genuine about your apology. No one is perfect, we should stop trying to be. If you can’t be imperfect in front of your significant other, we have some other things to hammer out.

Tom-If I ever screw up, I assure you I will be the first to admit it. But this generally doesn’t apply to me. (My husband is not confident or anything. I think he stopped taking this seriously after number one.)

7. Understand that saying sorry doesn’t always cut it and smooth things over.

Me-Be ready to offer how the future may be different because of the lessons learned here. What can you do differently? Talk about compromise-where can both of you give in a little? You can learn from this confrontation. Learn to become a stronger unit because of it.

Tom-Sometimes it is a good idea to go down to the shoppette and get her an ICEE just in case. Do something nice.

8. Make each other laugh.

Me-Tom and I are really good at diffusing the situation and making each other giggle. (Can you tell by his responses?) This helps us clear up the angry and get back to the heart of it. And really once you start laughing, everything seems better.

Tom-It doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing, we can always be happy.

9. Lastly, don’t let arguments linger.

Tom-If the argument goes longer than 20 minutes, I have forgotten what we were arguing about.

Me-This is Tom and I’s style. We don’t fight for days, or really hours. We hash it out and then try to move past it. I think this also goes for a time frame of when an argument is relevant. If you can’t bring up an issue in the designated window, is it really all that big of a deal? If you draw out a fight, emotions only have time to fester and think about all the things that you thought the person said (that they never said) and reading into the situation and applying it to every encounter under the sun….Stop. This is where forgiveness begins.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:31-32

So just like a kid, say what you need to say, and then become best friends again. Be tenderhearted and forgive each other so you can grow even more in love. Understand that every day won’t be a Disney fairytale, but if you are honest and open and fearfully love each other, I think you’ll be alright (and maybe your next romantic comedy storyline). You didn’t get married because you were perfect, but because you were finally able to be imperfect.

I am still learning and still trying to be a better wife. Creating this list by no means makes me an expert. Just this past weekend, I will admit I did something stupid and hurt Tom with my nasty emotions. But my husband showed me some forgiveness and we talked it through. Always learning.

I am always up for more growth in this area, so what are your tips for confrontation and forgiveness?