When you add Tom’s wit with the randomness that is the cop life, I get some off the wall texts and conversations at the dinner table. Sometimes they seem completely normal, and other times they throw me off because it is so out there.

Here is one example of what I have received:

They have to deal with some pretty crappy stuff, and humor is a good way to get past some of it.

While waiting for a warrant, Tom was talking to a woman who was stammering, “I don’t have a warrant.” Then she started screaming out celebrities that she claimed to have warrants. “Donald Trump has a warrant. Bill Clinton has a warrant. Sheryl Crow has a warrant.”

Tom then stopped her and said, “Whoa you don’t talk about Sheryl Crow like that. She understands that every day is a winding road.”

That comment apparently went over this lady’s head.

On another occasion, Tom got a call from our cable company while he was investigating a case. Tom will answer his phone no matter what while he is on duty because you never know what is on the other end that he may need.

The cable guy wanted us to upgrade our package, which we have repeatedly told them we do not want to do. This person kept asking Tom to add more channels, and finally Tom got fed up with arguing back and forth:

Tom-I don’t want it.

Cable Guy-Well, sir it is free.

Tom-I don’t want it.

Cable Guy-Even if it free? (FYI it’s free for 3 months then they start charging you, but it takes another month or two to cancel it so you really end paying a lot for this free upgrade.)

Tom-Look, I am a police officer. I am busy searching for wanted suspect right now. I do not have anymore time to talk about this.

Cable Guy-I just wanted to let you know that we may have several packages that you may be interested in.

Tom-Sir, does one of those packages tell me where my suspect is at?

Cable Guy-Ugh no…

Tom-Then you don’t have anything that I am interested in.

And they haven’t called us since.

One in three drivers is hostile immediately upon him making contact with them. They are either yelling at him or cussing at him before he even has an opportunity to talk to them about their stop. Instead of shouting back, Tom shushes them so he can give them his spiel. Yes he shushes grown adults.

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Our life is never dull. Correction…Tom’s life is never dull. I just get to ride his coattails.

In an effort to compliment me the other night, Tom let me know I was pretty boring.

So there’s that.