No one likes to be told, “I/We don’t want you.”
It is in our nature as humans to be wanted and needed.
Well this week, I felt another stab of rejection. I received another, “It’s not you, it’s me” kind of thank you for applying but we have found someone else notification.
In my head, though, I hear, “We have found someone better than you.”
After job searching continuously for 2 straight years (3 if you count the brief time that Tom and I were searching in Texas before he joined the Army), you get a little jaded on the job position rejections and having to start over…again
And this one hit a particular nerve knowing it was the last job I was going to go after here in TN.
You start to feel that there may be something wrong with you. You start to doubt your abilities and worth as a professional. You start to wonder if you are heading down the right path. You begin to regret all the energy and time spent preparing cover letters/resumes/detailed interview questions/all job garb. It’s hard not to be frustrated, angry, disappointed, bitter, downtrodden, embarrassed, insert all downer emotions here…
I know I am a good professional, but when I got the news, I felt all the doubt and insignificance seep into my heart. This time though, I didn’t want to feel worthless.
So I let myself have a good wallowing moment and let some ok a lot of tears fall out of disappointment.
After I let the dogs lick away my tears (which definitely happened), I was determined not to let these “We hired someone who isn’t you” moments define who I am.
(And really how can you be upset anymore after some good snuggles and kisses from these two?)
I pulled out my Bible and started whipping through verses and stories about rejection and starting over.
I read and was reminded about countless “suddenly” moments that God had instigated changing the course of their lives as they knew it.
David was a shepherd boy, but he was suddenly tasked with taking care of Goliath and eventually became king.
Moses was just hanging out in the wilderness for several decades when suddenly a burning bush directed him to lead a nation.
Ruth, Peter, Paul, and more had second chances. They were given new starts to fulfill God’s plan for them.
The one that struck me the most was Genesis 37: 25-28. This is the passage that talks about Joseph (the “dreamcoat” one) and where his brothers abandoned him.
How could Joseph not feel rejection? He was sold into slavery by his OWN family. Talk about huge rejection!
This as we know, however, was all part of God’s plan for Joseph.
As painful as it is, I have to find satisfaction in God and what he has provided for me. I am awarded so much beauty in my life, and I have so much to be thankful for. It’s not about what I can’t have, it should be about what I do have.
I have no idea what God has in store for me. As much as the planner in me hates that, I will eagerly wait for the “suddenly” moment for me to understand what my next step will be. Who knows, maybe here soon I will understand this to be that moment. I have to be open to possibilities. Cliche maybe: as one door closes, another opens. Or find a window or some other exit strategy from my current situation.
So for now, I will just agree with all the job-search-Stephanie haters. It is you, it’s not me.
I have to press in and press on.
So God, “What’s next?”