partnership

A dozen years of marriage.

If I think back to the summer of 2007 when we met, I would never have dreamed of the life that we have. It’s funny that our life together started at an amusement park, because it is the perfect metaphor for our life together.

From the moment we got married though in 2011, I knew I was in for ride with many twists, turns, exhilaration, and lots of snacks along the way.

Every year, I take some time to reflect on our marriage and how it has grown and evolved over the past year.

Some years I share how hard our communication has been.
Some years I give a timeline of growth we experienced that year.
Some years I highlight the belief we have in each other.
I generally always give thoughts on the milestones of the year.

This year, I wanted to talk through what this year in our marriage has meant to me.

Year 12 was a year of teamwork. This year emphasized why our marriage works. Yes we respect, admire, and love each other. But I think this works mostly because Tom and I are truly partners at this life.

Teamwork in Well-being

Tom has had several health scares this year. In October, he suffered a stroke that actually led us to testicular cancer that we fortunately caught before it could spread to his prostate. The recovery from the surgery was longer than expected due to his autoimmune disease having a reaction to his medication and bedrest. Then in February, un-diagnosed ulcers ruptured in his stomach causing him to be in the hospital for days.

We had the life altering moment of watching Wally have a seizure and still have no understanding fully of why it happened. To feel so helpless as parents wrecked me. To have Tom as a strong hold got me through that first month of worry. He made sure I ate and did everything he could to give me peace to sleep.

It was in these moments where we had to lean on each other physically and emotionally. We crawled into the hole together some days and were mad and sad at the situations happening to us. It was scary as the care taker to watch each other in those moments. But the teamwork meant for me to be even more present in these dark moments for us to stay strong together.

Teamwork in Faith

As we made decisions about our family’s faith journey this year, we knew we had to do this together. Faith in God is a personal commitment, but we needed to be in lockstep about our game plan as we are role models to our children. We have struggled with finding a community that we felt would help us grow but also nourish our family as a whole. We took a leap this spring and made a commitment to a church home this spring, and it is the first time we both felt called to the same church.

Teamwork in the House

We are both fully capable people and can do all the things around the house. But what is the fun in that? We divide and conquer with our natural strengths. For example, I keep our schedule managed as it overflows with commitments, and he can add more garden beds each year with great ambition. I make all the plans, and he is the fixer upper.

It helps knowing that I don’t have to carry the burden of the household completely alone, and he keeps life interesting with all of his house projects and ideas. We rely on each other to make this household run completely without feeling the burden one way or the other.

Teamwork in our Careers

We both have fully earned our spots in our careers. We both have worked hard, dreamed big, and never gave up. But I truly believe that I would not have the same strength to be who I am at work without his support at home. He makes me feel more confident and is my first sounding board when I am struggling. Both of our jobs take a lot of mental effort and time, and it is great to have a partner who is understanding when our brains need to shut off when we get home or that we may be running just a little late here and there.

Having a partner who supports your career aspirations means the world. He is my biggest cheerleader, and he is often the reason I feel brave enough to jump into new situations. I mean if he can believe in me, why can’t I believe in myself? Having someone that supports you this fully makes it seems like we are not having to sacrifice in order to chase these dreams at work.

Teamwork as People

We compliment each other well in our personality and strengths. It is honestly amazing how opposite we are from each other, but it really helps fill in the gaps where we need something in this marriage. We are able to balance each other out, and this helps when we have to solve problems in this roller coaster of life because we can see different angles when approaching different situations. And I would be remiss to say that everything is equal all the time around here. I think 50/50 is a myth in so many ways, but that is for another day. The beauty of this team work is that we can be teeter totters for each other. There is an ebb and flow with our energy and time, and we acknowledge when we need to make shifts for each other. We have gotten so much better about communicating our needs to each other so that we can truly be the best partners to each other.

There is no one I’d rather ride along in this life with then Tom.

From then…