June 10, 2013 by Stephanie

Moving in with a Caveman

“What are you doing?”

This phrase has exited my mouth several 100 times in the last few weeks. When moving in with someone, there are some growing pains. Lots of growing pains. There are a lot of things you don’t know about someone until you share a roof with them. Albeit, we have lived together before, but when you do it so sporadically, there are still things to uncover or re-uncover. It’s like we are newly-weds all over again.

It is like that episode of Boy Meets World where Cory and Topanga spend the night together for the first time. Girl in face mask and guy clipping toe nails-classic.

Now add that the person you are moving in with is an infantryman.

My husband lived in the wilderness for 6 months, then lived in a practically empty house for almost 2 months.

This is what happens when you leave an infantryman unsupervised…

I do not claim his poor beer choices…

So on top of dealing with clothes/towels on the floor and dishes everywhere, I have to deal with Tom licking his plates after every meal and playing with knifes like he is a ninja.

And every reason resorts back to “I’m an infantryman.” (which inevitably leads to my eye roll)

Let’s just say, it has been interesting trying to get to know each other’s little quirks again. I would be lying if I said that the past month has been all rainbows and sunshines. We may have been together for the last 6 years, but there are still issues that we have to deal with. And honestly, I would be a little afraid if we didn’t have a disagreement here and there.

I may call Tom out with his primitive living, but I will admit that I have not been a perfect angel either. I am pretty set on my routines and everything having a place. As an introvert, I need my “me” time to get away from everything, so having someone around all the time has not been the easiest for me. I have had to redefine what that means for me and grab those moments when I can. Just this morning I got aggravated with him because he messed up my set aside “alone” time while I got ready for work. Really he was just trying to chat, and I was being rude and upset that I couldn’t be alone. This explains what transition I have had to go through as an introvert: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/how-to-love-an-introvert/ And I have had struggles with everything that this post mentioned, which in turn makes me drink the haterade towards Tom.

As every couple before us, we have had some rough patches learning how to read each other and effectively communicate. And we both have been so used to being on our own, so we have had to work on sharing a space and not feeling invaded by the other. Compromise has been the motto of our house or we just claim do-overs and start the conversation over. Although, I am not sure I will ever lovingly look over at Tom as he leaves army/survival gadgets everywhere (and I mean they are EVERYwhere). Just as he may not look at me with adoring eyes when I have filled the DVR with all of my TV shows once they start up again in the fall-the line up does get a little ridiculous.

But this is part of growing together. We will probably spend the rest of our lives trying to “tame” each other. I hope that every day we are able to learn more about each other. And who knows what habits of each other’s we may pick up on…only time will tell!

There have been a lot of good things too in this taming process:

Decorating the house
Making/fixing furniture-I couldn’t do this without Tom
Tom finally caving in and wanting to watch “The Bachelorette” with me
Grocery shopping together
Tom teaching me how to climb a rope (Yes like the rope you climb in Gym class. I have never been able to get off the ground, and these ropes are everywhere on base for me to practice on. And we’ve stopped on our way to the Commissary to practice.)
Eating dinner together every night
Deciding that we are becoming Red and Kitty from “That 70’s Show”
Playing outside with the dog
BBQ on the patio
Singing rap and pop songs in formal A Cappella voices (Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “I Like Big Butts” is my favorite.)

So for those of you who are about to move in with someone (significant other or not), understand that there WILL be an adjustment period. But there are a lot of laughs that can come with it if you can move past the unruliness.

***Anyone have any good stories to share after moving in with someone?***

Also with moving in to a new space there are a lot of new expenses. Since we had lived on campus, we did not have very much because most of it was provided. Luckily my parents are downsizing right now, so we inherited a kitchen table and set of chairs. You can see that they look like they were from the 80s or early 90s (the chairs, not my parents.)

We had to strip these chairs first. This meant taking off the couple decade old cloth and cushions that were starting to disintegrate. Then I had to pull out all the staples to make it easier for the new layer to be attached. Nasty job, but so worth it!

After we did that, Tom put on the padding and cloth that we had gotten from Hobby Lobby.

Grace was making it difficult for Tom to do anything because she wanted the padding to be her new bed.

We had planned to do this part together, but we weren’t able to get it all done in one night like we had planned. The stripping took a lot longer than we thought. But, Tom surprised me one night when I came home from work and had them all completely covered. Love him!

Basically a new chair!

Now we just need to update the table to match.

Soon we will be ready to entertain!

January 27, 2013 by Stephanie

Have a Little Faith

Last weekend, I was with my best friend shopping for a wedding present for a friend of ours. As we were checking out, the checker asked whose wedding we were attending. We explained that it was a friend of ours from college. She then asked, “Oh is this her first marriage?”

Annette and I both look like we are still in college so I am not sure where she was coming from on this. She then went on to explain her parent’s divorces and how many people just don’t make it these days.

Well unfortunately she is right. But we were still dumbfounded that it was so common for her to ask mid twenty somethings “if this was her first marriage” like it was nothing.

Typically that is not the first question you are expecting after talking about a wedding.

I come from divorced parents myself so marriage was never something that I took lightly. Tom and I were together for 3 years before we got engaged and then another year before we tied the knot. We went through a lot in that time to figure out that marriage was our fate.

I am not against divorce. Watching my parents over the years, I understand that sometimes, even though divorce can be messy, it is the best for all parties involved. And sometimes it is the only answer to make everyone happy in the long run. There are a lot of reasons why divorce is good and necessary.

But this is not an entry on the benefits of divorce. Marriage is hard work, and sometimes you aren’t perfectly Disney happy. But, I know that I want my marriage to last.

So to make it, you have to have a little faith.

And boy has ours needed faith pretty much since the day we got married.

You envision a marriage growing up as something you see in fairy tales. So perfect and lovely, and always happy endings with a fantastic symphonic overture.

Well, Tom and I have been tested since day one. From Tom’s job search here in IA not panning out as we hoped, and now mine in KY hitting a brick wall, oh and then there is this whole Army thing and being apart for the better part of a year. We have got to have some faith in our foundations.

We have to have faith that someday we will actually be together not stressed about job searches or where we live. (Although my dad in his infinite wisdom says there is always something to stress about. Thanks for the pep talk, Daddio.)

We have to have faith that Tom will return safely.

We have to have faith in us.

I wear Tom’s wedding ring on a necklace every day. I get asked all the time if it’s Tom’s or my dad’s.

Yes, he could wear it over there, but he didn’t want it damaged in case something happened.

So I wear it. Everyday, everywhere. It is a little piece of him close to my heart at all times.

And do you know what is written on the inside of the ring? FAITH.

No joke. I noticed it one day while he was in basic training last year. Neither of us knew it was there until then. Talk about bringing chills.

So it is a constant reminder to me, just to hold on a little longer. Have some faith.

Faith can give you the strength to do things you never imagined.

I never thought I could be an Army wife, until I met Tom. Just a lot of faith, and maybe a little bit of crazy.

So what do you have faith in?

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Now back to the notion of fairy tales and all that jazz.

My favorite princess growing up was Belle. I thought she was awesome. She was a book reader like me (I fantasize about having a library like the one in the movie), and we both have brown hair and blue eyes. I also thought I could sing as well as her when I was a kid, but who was I kidding? Anyway, when you are a kid those were really all the similarities you needed. At the time, I thought all the other princesses were too girly or blonde.

Anyway, my love for Belle and the story of Beauty and the Beast has grown up with me. I freaked out when I was 25 and met her at Disneyworld. I still love the character to this day.

And I would say that I took some of Belle’s notes and have tamed a beast myself when I started dating Tom. On our first date, he did tell me he didn’t want kids or to get married.

In a month, I will have the chance to meet my childhood idol once again!

I am going to be running the Disney Princess Half Marathon at Disneyworld. And incidentally, the two women in the picture above are the two who I am running it with.

And yes, I am going to be dressing up as Belle. EEEEK! Dreams really do come true!

This weekend I made my tutu and headband for the affair. I am so pumped!

For the tutu I used 6 spools of tulle (4 yellow and 2 glitter) and an elastic band.

I sewed the band. I would do it smaller than your actual waist because it will stretch as you tie on the tulle. I had to cut some extra off towards the end and sew again, because it grew as I worked through it.

Then you just make knots with the tulle.

Super easy.

And if you are using glitter tulle this is what happens. Glitter everywhere.

And for the headband I will wear I bought several flowers, sequins to match and a simple headband.

Then you just hot-glue the flowers and the sequins to the headband. And voila, you have a princess headband!

I had extra flowers so I made these too. It was cheaper to buy several flowers and headbands in packs than individual ones. Go figure.

I didn’t have anyone to take my picture, so you will have to wait until February to see the full costume. I know the suspense may kill you.

Just know, that it is fantastic. I am sure this will be the most fun I have ever had running 13.1 miles.

December 10, 2012 by Stephanie

Marriage IS Awesome

This last week, I have had several opportunities to ponder on the meaning of marriage.

A week ago, I had the wonderful pleasure of watching two of my dear friends get married. It was a wonderful touching ceremony and a huge celebration of their love. Let’s tip it one more time! It is a beautiful experience to watch two people make such a personal statement of commitment to each other.

Aww, love.

Recently, I was chatting with some friends of mine about the “big” commitment of marriage. We were talking about people’s timelines and needing to be ready to make that promise to someone else. Being the only one in this group who was married, I felt it was my duty to stick up for marriage. So I said that I think it is pretty awesome. (True statement, I do.) To which one of my friends jokingly responded with something along the lines of, “Yeah says the person who doesn’t even live with their spouse.”

I know they were trying to get a laugh and were only poking fun, but the comment kind of shut me up and made me retreat a little bit.

So do people really think my marriage is less real because I don’t live with my husband?

I haven’t really been able to shake this comment all weekend.

So what does marriage mean? Further more, what does MY marriage mean?

And this was my conclusion. Marriage IS awesome.

Every marriage is going to be a little different. We all have our own circumstances. We all have to work at it a little differently. But I believe that the basis is an undying love.

No matter what people think, I believe I have a solid marriage with my husband. Have we spent a lot of time apart? Yes, but that doesn’t make my marriage a sham. I would argue that I know what marriage means more than most. And just because I don’t see him every day, doesn’t make it any less of a marriage. We have had challenges and had to make hard decisions as a couple. These decisions push us every day to be united.

Marriage is more than a wedding. It is more than coming home to someone every day. It is more than having date nights or having someone to share the chores with. It’s more than the physical. Tom is not just my roommate, he is my husband.

C. S. Lewis said, “Being in love is something you do.”

So it’s not just a title, it’s something you have to work at and pay attention to. Marriage is a partnership. It’s a bond between two people that goes beyond the rings that we wear. They are just a really pretty symbol! It’s having a love for someone that is so great you wouldn’t be the same person without it. The partnership makes you a better you. As I watched Noelle and Peter say their vows, I remembered saying them to Tom. A marriage is two people promising to be there for each other no matter what.

I read this quote in my devotional book, “Real love isn’t based on changeable feelings. Instead, it’s an act of the will, a choice to honor your commitment to another person.” Pretty big stuff, huh?

I would say that there are many marriages that can’t say they have that kind of love and commitment. I would call those marriages the shams. (Can anyone say a Kardashian marriage?)

I am fortunate to say I have a great marriage. Is it ideal that we are apart, eh not really. But this marriage is as real as the next. It is the real deal.

Tom is the person I lean on the most. He makes me feel better when no one else can. He cheers me on when I don’t think I am strong enough. He supported me going to places I never thought I could. He has been by my side, and I his. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

If anything, this time apart has solidified how strong our marriage is. Even though we may be separated by thousands of miles, Tom and I are connected. This love keeps both of us going. We manage to still be there for each other despite these obstacles.

Here is another song from Tyrone that I think explains it all. I have heard this song a million times, but it hit me differently this weekend as I was baking like crazy, and I started screaming and throwing flour all over my kitchen, “THIS IS IT!”

Through it all, somehow “You Still Love Me.”

(PS. Tyrone comes out with a new CD this week, and you all should get it. He’s voice is like a dream.)

Sometimes, in a marriage, things aren’t easy. Sometimes you have to be apart; sometimes you argue. But you always love that person. Always.

That’s why marriage is awesome. You always have someone.

Anyway, if marriage isn’t like this for others, I feel sorry for them. This is a pretty sweet deal in my opinion!

I still stand by my statement that marriage is awesome. Tom’s my person, even if he is in Afghanistan. No one can take the fact away that he is my person. That’s as real as it gets in my opinion. And if you don’t agree, well maybe you haven’t experienced this love yet to understand.

I also am pretty thankful that I live in a state that believes that everyone should be able to experience this partnership. Marriage with the right person is awesome, no matter if they are the same gender or not. Who cares? It’s their marriage and their love. We should be happy that people have found that big love that makes them better. If people are happy and better than the day before wouldn’t that make the world happier and better than the day before? And I believe that everyone should be able to make that formal commitment to “their someone.” Who am I to say their love isn’t good enough for marriage? Again, we let the Kardashians get married, and we wont let thousands of people who actually would take it seriously? That doesn’t make sense to me. So yay for Iowa supporting all marriages! We are all about the “marriage is awesome for everyone” campaign. Now if we can just get the federal government on our wagon…

And now that my “Marriage IS Awesome” speech is done, here is my craft for the night.

This is the blanket I had almost finished over Thanksgiving, and then finished the week I came back.

Two weeks might be a new record for me making a blanket!

I used yarn that I had left over from other projects that Hobby Lobby wouldn’t take back.

I did a single stitch for the entire blanket, and then a crab stitch for just the edge.

November 3, 2012 by Stephanie

Say What?

Tonight my craft entry is dedicated to Tom’s craftiness. He wanted to share a past project we did. In all fairness though, my family provided the dresser, and that was really all my input. Well, that and picking out the tile. Tom did all the work and deserves all the credit!

My parents are getting ready to downsize, so they are getting rid of a lot of things, one being this old dresser. As you can see, it needed some major upgrades.

We wanted to make it into a kitchen island. I will never forget the argument that ensued before we started this project. Tom and I had the hardest time communicating with each other what we envisioned for this island. We both lost patience with each other and were too stubborn to actually hear what the other was saying. That was the longest drive from Jeff City to Ames. (It is really difficult to fight while you have a 5 hour drive ahead of you. You can’t really escape it.)

Needless to say, we still have issues from time to time communicating with each other. And only being able to talk in brief spurts does not help. Tom has gotten even shorter with his patience after being trained to give information as quickly as possible, and because I don’t get much time it only makes sense for me to want to explain everything from every which way and being extremely long-winded. It’s an awful combination. So naturally, we get into tiffs every now and then trying to understand each other. Fortunately, we are mature enough now to call each other out and know when we need to step back for a second. And most of the time, we realize that we are more frustrated with the situation than we are with each other. But you take it out on the people you love most, right? Even though we have spent a majority of our relationship apart, we still have to find that balance with communication, and it needs tweaking every now and then.

And trying to figure it out when the blasted phone hangs up on us every few minutes is lame. Although, to be honest, that may soften us up a bit and make us forget what we are arguing about or realize that it was pretty dumb to be arguing over the Sprint account password. We become more frustrated with the phones than with each other, and then we get all mushy with the “I’m sorry” goodness. Delightful.

Then there are the small things about instant communication that I miss. I miss being able to tell Tom anything whenever. You know when you do something really embarrassing, and you want to tell someone how ridiculous you were? Tom is that person I can tell, and he will laugh at me, but he wouldn’t think anything less of me. (He does continue to razz me about things though.) Like talking about having a dog wedding or how I recently have forgotten to zip up my pants on many occasions. (FYI, I would appreciate you all not staring at my crotch. I already feel like a little kid forgetting so many times.) Today we had a conversation about bodily functions that 5 years ago would have disgusted Tom to pieces. Now, it is just what it is. When I talk to Tom, it’s like I open my mouth and all my insides just spill out. It’s just nice to have someone to just be completely open with without holding back because of embarrassment. Now Grace gets the brunt of my embarrassing moments, and she handles it pretty well. She never laughs at me, which I can’t say about my husband. Hmmmm, maybe I need to rethink this…

Besides sharing these things with my dog, I have resorted to still sending Tom texts with my ridiculousness. He is not able to see any texts right now, so it is going to be a real fun when he gets a few dozen of them by the time he comes home.

When you get right down to it with relationships, you have to learn to how to communicate. We have had to work really hard with this, especially with the changing dynamics of our relationship due to distance/circumstances. We are constantly trying to figure out each other and make the most of the situation. I think the fact that we are really open with each other helps us grow stronger together. We definitely don’t always agree, but we somehow manage to make it work. And part of that is understanding the art of compromise. Like this dresser for example. We both wanted it to look a certain way. At first we had a lot of trouble communicating what we wanted, but eventually we found ways to show our intentions and designs. From this, we had to compromise and meet in the middle with our ideas and blend them together.

I think the result is pretty awesome! Tom did a great job putting it together!

Now the dresser that my brother and I used as target practice, is a beautiful island that we use everyday.