Bachelorette Rachel Week 9

 

Flush the format. She is changing things up and having the men meet the family earlier than normal.

  • Peter is up first.
  • I think he is the most realistic about a real relationship.
  • I love how he is getting into picking out these baby gifts.
  • So Peter got serious about his feelings now. Whew glad he got that out. And she is not shy about saying she is falling in love back.
  • Huh, Peter’s parents got married after a short time. I wonder why he is so reserved about this process.
  • Peter is just so chill about how he is explaining his feelings to her family.
  • I heard on the radio that her dad was actually there in the wings the whole time. Apparently there is something about him being a federal judge that he did not feel comfortable being on TV. So he did meet all the guys.
  • Rachel’s nephew is ADORBALE!
  • Ok so Eric and Bryan are talking about how Peter isn’t sure he would propose just yet. Why is Eric getting all up in arms about it when he doesn’t even know what love feels like. You are telling me that he is sure he is going to propose to her when he doesn’t know what love is? Huh.
  • Eric seems to be just spitting out buzzwords to her family. I don’t really feel like he knows what he wants.
  • Rachel’s mom is such a strong woman.
  • These guys are trash talking each other.
  • I think it says a lot that she is having Bryan meet her friends in addition to her friends. I think it means that she wants them to grill him.
  • I think that Rachel’s initial radar was correct with Bryan. I think he is a douchebag.
  • Rachel’s family is putting on the heat for Bryan.
  • Get it Mrs. Lindsay.
  • I do think they may have produced this and made some edit with how they are filming it to make it more uncomfortable to watch.
  • I am right there with Constance to be hesitant to trust Bryan.
  • I think Rachel’s mom appreciated that Peter wanted to slow it down.
  • Ugh yes! The fact that Bryan is trying to be so perfect with all the right answers…it raises red flags.
  • And now we are in Spain.
  • Eric keeps saying “You embody everything I would want.” The would part bothers me.
  • She doesn’t seem to react to Eric saying I love you. There was no glimmer in her eye. I know when Tom said I love you, I could hardly contain my excitement.
  • Oh this is fantasy date week!
  • The date with Eric was anti-climatic.
  • That little girl walking up to Rachel was a little awkward right?
  • Ugh gross. Grape stomping is disgusting guys.
  • I don’t understand why Rachel is so upset with what Peter is saying.
  • Y’all want the same thing, you are just saying it differently.

This is Hard.

Yesterday, I cried at a salon.

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With George, I cried a lot during his first couple months. I had no idea what I was doing, so much was changing for us, and breastfeeding was a pain (literally and figuratively). With Daphne, things have been so seamless so far so my spirits have been high. But yesterday, I hit the emotional brick wall and had my first meltdown.

We are struggling a little with Daphne in the afternoons/evenings. She gets to a point where the only thing that will console her is me. Whether it is feeding her or me putting her in the wrap carrier, I am the solution.

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Knowing that I am going back to work soon, we knew that we needed to start getting her used to other people and getting her used to bottles.

So I have been more intentional about leaving the house while Tom is home or letting others hold her when we are out. I am also trying my best to not be holding her all day when I am home with her (STRUGGLE).

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Y’all, this is hard.

It is devastating to hear her cry. She’s wants nothing more than her momma.

Yesterday when I was at the salon, and Tom was sending me desperate texts asking me how to help her since she started screaming the moment I left, I was heartbroken because there was nothing I could do or that he could do.

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So I became emotionally unglued for the first time since she was born.

(Luckily it was during the time that they were letting my perm set so I was in the sink area by myself.)

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I feel guilty for wanting to go back to work.

I am anxious that she will just scream until I get back to her.

I am sad that our beautiful summer together is quickly coming to an end.

I have a heavy heart knowing that I am her security blanket right now.

The longest I have been away from her is three hours. I am starting to think about all those moments missed.

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I know there is no solution to this feeling, and I know from having George that some days the weight seems to bury you and others you do just fine carrying it all.

I also know that it is ok to cry.  And although the feeling of guilt is heavy, I don’t have anything to feel guilty about.

I know that being a mom is never easy and there is guilt with any lifestyle, but dang this is hard right now.

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I rationally know that I am doing what is best for me and my family by going to work. I love what I get to do and feel so fulfilled professionally. I nkow that they get the best of me when I am home. I know that the kids get the benefit of other folks loving on them and interacting with other kids all day. Rationally I know all of this.

But sometimes a momma’s emotions are not rational.

I mean look at those cheeks? How do you not start crying knowing you can’t eat them up all day long?

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So for now I am letting my hormones get the best of me and cry along with her as we start this transition back to normal.

I enjoy all the time we do get together, and I feel so fortunate to have a few more weeks at home than I did with George.

I will try not to stress too much about what is to come in two weeks. I know everything will work out fine, and that I am not scaring them for life.

But I have to admit, today, it is hard.

(That’s what she said.)

Bachelorette Rachel Week 8

Hometown week! Let’s see how dramatic they can make everyone’s family appear to be.

  • I love that Eric took her to his old stomping grounds.
  • Rachel is playing b-ball in heels. You get it girl.
  • Maybe I grew up in a different world, but I find it odd that this 30 year old man has never brought a girl home to his family. And it makes me wonder if he wasn’t in this production and signed a contract to do hometowns, would he bring Rachel home?
  • Does his family live in a hotel?
  • I would be so overwhelmed to meet that many people! And they are all talking at once!
  • I love Rachel so much! She is so smart and down to earth.
  • Eric’s mom seems to be a strong woman who has given Eric a good foundation.
  • Eric’s dad seems skeptical of everything.
  • Eric’s toast was super sweet. Love does change everything.
  • Domino Park? That sounds like so much fun, and what a good touch for Bryan to remember that about her. How cute are these men!
  • I did not see any of these things when I went to Miami. Granted I was only there for an afternoon, and my priority was the beach…
  • I’m totally going to be Bryan’s mom…I will cry all the time when I have to think about my babies leaving me!
  • Bahahaha Bryan’s mom is calling him out for dating “all” the girls. She is puts it all out there.
  • Who is the young woman at Bryan’s? Did I miss her tagline? He said he was an only child?
  • Seriously, this mom, all the emotions! My baby hormones are making me cry when she is crying.
  • Rachel like melted when he said I love you. He is definitely in the final two…
  • Haha there are people following Peter and Rachel in Madison. That has got to be weird.
  • I love that Peter included his friends in his hometown. I agree that is so important. Although I would have been so upset that he surprised me with that encounter. Do not surprise me!
  • Peter is being realistic with wanting to be sure about this decision. It is a pretty drastic thing to propose after the amount of time they are together.
  • I still think that Rachel likes Peter more than he likes her.
  • Oh Dean’s date…the previews don’t look promising.
  • I don’t understand why Dean chose to have his Dad as the hometown if it is this traumatic to see him. Why would you chose to do this to yourself after two years of not seeing each other, and on public TV.
  • I get why Dean is being so reserved. I have been in those shoes with strained relationships . It’s hard for outsiders to understand why you want to just leave it alone and stay away.
  • I don’t think he is being childish at all for keeping this down and trying to joke al the time.
  • I hope that we get to talk to his siblings a little to see their reactions to all this.
  • This is so uncomfortable to watch them argue. I don’t feel right watching this.
  • WHAT?! Rachel said she was falling in love with Dean!
  • This is real life kind of stuff for sure.
  • I am ok that not everyone said I love you. It’s ok because it is still so quick!
  • Oh Chris Harrison-you are such a wise sage.
  • Rachel, you have to be selfish in this process. That’s how you advocate for what you want in a relationship. I don’t know if selfish is the right word. You are fighting for your own heart.
  • I don’t understand. Why tell Dean that she was falling in love with him and then let him go?
  • I think Dean may be the next runner up for the Bachelor.
  • Guys! I think Raven and Dean should meet. Wouldn’t they be perfect for each other.
  • AHHH I just found that he will be on BIP, and so is Raven!!! Yes!

My favorite is Peter.

Daphne-2 Months

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Weight:  She is 10 lbs 13 oz (36%), 22 inches long (28%), and her head is 38 inches (42%).

Health: She is a pretty gassy lady. She only poops every two or three days, so it seems like she is backed up with extra gas. Even though our doctor and chiropractor both say that this poop schedule is perfectly normal, we can tell that she is in pain with passing gas. She is still projectile vomiting. Our doctor recommended giving her some probiotic drops to help her digestion a little more. I tried giving up dairy for two weeks (I eat soooo much cheese so this was a hard two weeks!) to see if that helped, but her behaviors didn’t change at all. So we’ll see how these drops go!

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Diet: She is still breastfeeding. She does really well, but she still likes to comfort feed in the afternoon/evening time. She will eat every 3-6 hours overnight and in the morning, but once lunch hits she wants to feed every hour, and of course she barfs it back up so it is a constant battle. She’ll scream until she is nursed. Our doctor says that since it is the same time every day and this drastic change is predictable, there is nothing to worry about. She said that Daphne is still trying to figure things out, but with me going back to work we need to work on her just working things out without being comforted by nursing and also starting to pump again to get her used to the bottle. Wish us luck!

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Clothes: She went up to size one diapers. I just moved her up to 0-3 month clothes this past weekend, but she has a couple newborn clothes she can still fit into. She still can’t fit into any of her shoes.

Sleeping:  She is still a great sleeper at night, so it is hard to complain about her afternoons. She goes down for the night around 8pm. I wake her up sometime between 11 and midnight before I go to bed to have her eat again. Then she doesn’t wake up until about 6am!! The mornings aren’t consistent, but she will fully sleep 2-3 hours between feedings. Once lunch time hits though, all bets are off. She will do small cat naps between the comfort feeding screaming, and she has to be held all afternoon and evening. Over-night/morning she is now sleeping in her crib! The move to her room just happened this last week.

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Likes: Nursing. Me. Riding in the car is mesmerizing for her. She loves it. She doesn’t necessarily love these things, but I want to note how different she is from George because he hated getting lotion on, having a bath, and tummy time. She tolerates them and doesn’t cry the way he did.

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Dislikes:  She does not like pacifiers. We keep trying to make it happen, but she only keeps them in for 10 seconds before she spits it out. I just think of Gretchen Weiners trying to make “fetch” work in Mean Girls. It’s not going to happen. She hates the hours between 12-8pm. Lunch to bedtime is a struggle in our house right now. Yesterday she screamed for a solid hour while I was showering and getting other stuff done, and Tom holding her just wasn’t working. She also does not like her swing.

Nicknames: Sister Friend, Girlfriend, Sweet Cheeks, DC, Daphie, Daph, and Daphne June. Mostly though we call her Sister. George can’t say Daphne (it comes out Daddy), so we stick with Sister.

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Milestones: She has started smiling and gurgling a little bit. She is holding her head up really well. When she is on our chest, it is like she is doing the cobra pose when she holds her head up. When you hold her in a standing position, she is putting her weight on her legs really well.

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Quirks:  This girl has no shoulders. It is hard to keep the seatbelt on her in the carseat because of it. They are constantly falling off.

We parents are:  We have been surviving Tom going back to work. I also have started working out, and I am feeling more like I have my body back. We are feeling really confident about being a parent of two, but we’ll see if that feeling remains when I go back to work in 3 weeks.

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George is:  doing amazing. I haven’t mentioned it, but we have put him in pull-ups for when he is sleeping. He is doing awesome during the day with going to the bathroom, but night time is still a little rough. With his new room, he doesn’t come out of his room until we come to get him. I don’t know if he thinks he will be in trouble or what, but he won’t leave and will just sit/sleep in pee. So we decided that we couldn’t do that to him or us for that matter right now. So while he sleeps he gets the “night time” underwear. He has been doing great otherwise. Now that we have been doing tummy time with her, he likes to lay next to her and giggle at her. He does try to steal her pacy. We have been slowly throwing away his stash, and we hope to be done with them by the end of this summer.

The dogs are: doing alright. Crosby still has stitches from his surgery, which has been interesting to keep him from messing with them. For the most part, they ignore Daphne. Crosby does join me when I nurse her in her room, and he lays behind he rocker. Grace is still the diva that she always has been. She does try to lick Daphne’s face when we are doing tummy time though. She knows there’s some food there somewhere.

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I am trying not to count down the days until I go back to work. I am loving this time we are having together this summer. So here’s to making the most of the next few weeks with my sweet girl!

Here is George at two months.

Strong As A Mother

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“You make it look easy.”

“You look so put together.”

“I’m impressed with how you (insert thing I am doing).”

While I am flattered that people think that I am rocking this whole mom thing, I promise you there are moments where I am barely making it.

There was a day last week that I had to lock myself in the bathroom because I was so angry at George who was being a freaking tornado. I raised my voice to match his energy a few times throughout that day.

Let me also tell you that we really struggle with getting George to eat. For real, he is THE worst at meal time and exhibits all the typical toddler behavior of changing his mind and being picky. Most days I feel like a failure because his dinner consisted of raisins and a slice of cheese (or last week it had to be shredded cheese).

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However, I don’t want to talk about THOSE moments. I want to talk about the strength that being a mom gives you. I want to appreciate the all the small wins I have throughout the day (even if it is only one teeny win).

I am pretty impressed with myself with this transition to two children.

When I think about the things that we do as moms, it really is undeniable that we are some pretty BA people.

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I have survived on 3 hours of sleep because kids don’t understand quiet time.

I have managed to get both kids in and out of the car while running errands and kept them both alive by myself.

At least once a day I am carrying both children.

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George gets his teeth brushed every day. He turns into the Hulk when the toothbrush comes out, so the fact that I can tame him enough to get those things clean is a miracle.

I still am reading George his bedtime stories even though Daphne is taking on the bewitching hour like she is trying out for the role of a banshee on the show Charmed.

I know the difference between excavator and a backhoe which means I have spent a million hours reading books and watching YouTube videos about the various trucks and tractors in the world and looked like I was interested for the sake of my son.

Anytime I am wearing Daphne, I feel like I can take on the world.

I have held Daphne breastfeeding with one hand while assisting George with bathroom things with the other. (I seriously thought I was Hercules for this feat).

 

Come to think of it, I can do a lot of things with one hand that previously needed two.

Also breastfeeding. This time around I am not dreading it, so I call that a win.

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I think that we often compare what we are doing with our kids with other moms. Then we just see what we “aren’t doing well.” We all are doing amazing things though, and that shouldn’t be overshadowed by what other parents are doing. If I only thought about how poorly George eats dinner, I would be really upset all the time about this Mom gig. (He eats really well every other meal by the way. It’s just dang dinner.) We have to give ourselves a break and take in the compliments that we are doing a good job with these little humans.

I think that we as moms are really bad at taking compliments. We don’t want to seem cocky or that we are better than other moms. But we should feel proud of ourselves. We should marvel at the wins we get throughout the day no matter how small they are. I high five myself every morning when I get both kids in the car dressed.

We are getting these tiny little tornadoes where they need to be and helping them grow into decent human beings instead of actual tornadoes. Maybe we don’t have it together all the time, and that’s ok. I am sure though that we are all doing things that our previous selves would be impressed by or never imagined that we were capable of. Us moms have the kind of determination to get things done and make things happen. I am impressed every day by women out there and what they are doing for their littles.

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So thanks for those that have been hurling those comments my way. I do appreciate them, and it’s what we do right? We get it done. Sometimes gracefully, and other times we are hoping there is at least one more box of raisins to get us through to the next meal. We just have to carry these angels as far as we can in whatever way we can manage.

We carry them because we are strong as mothers.

What are your strong mom moments?