December 21, 2012 by Stephanie

Continue on my walk

This month I participated in a book discussion on the book “Christmas is Not Your Birthday” by Mike Slaughter.

It is a book that looks at the commercialism that surrounds Christmas and trying to get to the heart of “the reason for the season.”

This short read made me think about things like how we have come to idolize Santa and all the stress that surrounds this time of year. We want everything to be perfect from the presents, food and parties. We focus on how much other people are going to react and view us. Or we try to top what we did last year.

The first Christmas Tom and I were together, I was able to score Blue October tickets. This really was awesome-score girlfriend points for me! Many birthdays and Christmases after that, I felt like I was always competing and trying to outdo myself and get him something even better. Why couldn’t I just enjoy the fact that that is one of the best memories he and I have and just leave it at that? Why do I need to do more or spend more? Was this perfect gift really the only way I could tell him how much I loved him? Why couldn’t I be ok with just buying him a tub of sprinkles and icing? Materialistic reasons I guess, or thinking I have something to prove and something to gain?

So what is Christmas about really? Isn’t it about Jesus being born? Hmmm? A baby being born in less than desired and even scandalous conditions (unwed parents, a carpenter’s son, child persecution, in a stable no less)? Not quite as cool as reindeer flying and a big jolly man who brings me presents!

Goodness we have become pretty selfish people.

Christmas should be about living and giving like Jesus did. If you look at his life, you see that he resisted the obsessions of man. You see a man who cared so deeply for others. He lived as we live and felt as we feel. He had pain and suffering. He made the ultimate sacrifice. He was not plump and have rosy cheeks with a hint of glitter on them. Although I do see Jesus having a hearty laugh.

Here is a quote that I enjoyed the most from the book-“…at Christmas we should celebrate the birth of the Messiah who was born not only to die sacrificially for us but to show us how to live sacrificially.”

I had to think hard about how I am doing this in my own life. The discussion leader prompted us with some tough questions that I was not always ready to answer, but all things I needed to look at. (I think we all have had those “I don’t wanna” moments.)

We should celebrate a life of service. We spend so much time focusing on giving others the “perfect present” that we do not even blink an eye thinking about how we can give the perfect give to Him. All he asks for is for us to give ourselves up. When I think about my grandparents and how much they gave, I am always in awe. But they were always some of the happiest people I have ever encountered. They had so much joy even when they “had” what seemed to be so little.

Now I know these are my beliefs and my interpretation, but wouldn’t the perfect gift be to “love one another as I [God] have loved you?” We were called to serve one another, not to buy out a Macy’s.

As Tom and I discuss starting our own family, this book made me really think about how we want to raise our kids. Of course we want to have our own traditions, and I will be honest we will still give gifts. But we really do want to focus on the service of others. There is a real joy found in the experiences of serving others that I want to pass on to my children. I want them to feel the importance of influencing others instead of always wanting for themselves. Since we do not have children yet, we are still kicking around some ideas on how this may play out. One that we did really like was having our kids go through their toys before Christmas day and picking ones to give away and donating them somewhere.

This whole thing really made me think about the traditions we have and think about the intent of each one. This was a really easy read but had topics that are not always so easy to swallow. I was forced to look at the world through a different lens. I think we are also at a point in our nation where if we don’t like it we tend to tune it out. We don’t want to hear criticisms in a “Here’s Your Good Job Ribbon” society. We talk a big game, but we don’t always walk the walk.

But I think we all need to take a good hard look at how we are living out our lives. I know I am sounding like a broken record about service, but it is such an easy thing to do. Even if you don’t believe in God, you can still believe in humanity. Believe that there are good in people and be willing to give your time and skills for others. Help your neighbor, help a stranger, just be there for others. (Now I am a good pile of mush inside…)

Here’s a little more to restore your faith in something…http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/moments-that-restored-our-faith-in-humanity-this-y

I am sure we have all seen the signs that say “Keep Christ in Christmas.” I understand that not everyone who celebrates Christmas actually believes in Christ, but I would hope that everyone can stress a little less and remember the joy that giving can bring.

Tom posted a status the other day that said “Stop complaining about Christmas season stress, it could be worse.”

Yep you could be a 16 year old mom who just gave birth to her first child in a pile of dung. Oh wait she was in a pristine white dress with a blue scarf with a radiant light all around her…

Christmas is a reminder that God shows up in the most unexpected places. And with all of the hype about religion in schools after Friday’s shootings, I think many need this reminder.

I am sure Mary was not ready for what God has planned for her. She brings a whole new meaning to “16 and Pregnant.”

God understands what we are going through, he sent Jesus to walk with us and sacrifice for us. God knows our pain, and I believe he doesn’t send bad things down from heaven to punish us for not praying in schools. We live in a world that gets messy. We just need to have faith-which can happen anywhere and on any day.

Anyway, take a minute to think about how you view your holiday season. It might give you an opportunity to appreciate things a little bit more.

My craft tonight is for a friend of mine. It’s my first paid gig! Thanks Ashley! It was fun to make.

It was all single stitch crochet. I just alternated the amounts of rows between colors.

Happy Holidays everyone!

December 19, 2012 by Stephanie

Best Laid Plans…

My last few posts have been pretty heavy for me, so I am just going to focus on the craft this time.

However, I will say this craft is just like life.

You can plan for things, but it doesn’t always work out the way you planned.

This was my inspiration.

I wanted to make a board with the Royals emblem by doing this string effect.

So I got a canvas, pins, paint, and thread.

I painted the board blue. So far so good.

I cut out the KC emblem to trace it with pins. Again good.

Looks good right?

Then I spent 30-45 minutes poking pins into the canvas.

Everything is going great…then bam.

This is what happens…

What you can’t see from this picture is the pins collapsing on each other. Or the thread would come off if I moved my hand in the wrong way. And this is how far I got in a half hour. Ridiculous.

So forgo the thread.

I push all the pins down, and then mulled it over that this wasn’t good enough either.

I go between the ideas of painting, sewing, and buttons.

I really wanted a 3D effect, so I nix the painting.

I didn’t really want to spend the time sewing. Poking the pins through the canvas was more than enough for me.

So I chose buttons.

After going to Walmart and Hobby Lobby, I found that yellow buttons are not easy to come by.

So I went to the jewelry section and used some flat beads from there. Success!

So this is what I finally came up with.

I really hope that my parents like it! Go Royals!

If you are wanting to try the thread thing, I would suggest doing it on a wood board with nails so the pins can’t move. I am going to try it again some other time. I just need to get over being frustrated about it first.

So if at first you don’t succeed, try again or go to a different section in Hobby Lobby.

Besides this project, I also made lotion and a hand scrub for some Christmas presents tonight.

They both are great, and they are super easy to make.

The lotion could be a little a little thick and greasy, but that could be my interpretation of it. And I had it all over my hands from making it and putting it in the jars so I probably used more than I needed.

Here are the instructions for the hand scrub:

Fill your container with 3/4 of the way with sugar. Then fill the rest with Dawn soap (the pink one with the Olay in it). Then you just stir it up until it is a paste. This easiness made me feel better about the string craft not working out nicely.

Here are the instructions for the lotion:

16 ounces of Baby Lotion

8 ounces of coconut oil

8 ounces of Vitamin E cream

All of these I found at Walmart.

Then you just mix it together with a mixer until it is whipped like icing.

So that is it for tonight! More projects to come soon!

Sidenote: Tom and I have been married for 18 months today! (Yep, I’m that person.)

You all should listen to track number 5 of Tyrone’s new CD “This Love.” It is called “Make it Through.”

http://www.fixtstore.com/product/88908/Tyrone-Wells—This-Love-%28MP3-Album%29

Sorry I couldn’t find a youtube video of it, so this was the best I could do to show you this amazing song!

December 17, 2012 by Stephanie

This Little Light of Mine

This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

This is a song I loved to sing as a kid. It was one of my favorites because you could shout “no” with permission and there were hand motions. And in my young age of wanting to be a choreographer, I loved having excuses for dance moves.

But this morning was probably this first time I really thought about the words of this song.

In the past couple of weeks, the news has been plastered with coverage on the two most recent mass shootings-Oregon and Connecticut. So many lives have been turned upside down by these tragedies. It saddens my heart to think about the families and the lives lost.

It also saddens my heart to see that the first thing that the news goes to is “Gun control is the solution.” Once again the debate has been spurred-yippee. I am not here to argue one way or another about whether guns should be more controlled or not. In my opinion, it doesn’t make a difference whether it is a gun or not. People will still find the means to be violent. Look at this knife attack that also happened on Friday in a school in China. http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/14/world/asia/china-knife-attack/index.html

I have my own feelings on gun control, and I respect that you have yours. So I don’t really want to talk about whether we should regulate it more or not.

What I do want to talk about is that with these incidents the common denominator seems to be a human being. In my opinion, we need to look at a much broader issue than gun control and make it a human issue. Why do people think that this is their only solution? Why don’t we look at how someone becomes so desperate that the only thing they can depend on is a violent weapon? Why does a gun or a knife (insert other objects here), become their lifeline?

Recently, I heard a statistic that since Columbine in 1999, there have been 31 school shootings in the US. 31. This does not include shootings that have occurred in theaters, malls, churches, or elsewhere. 31 schools have been wrecked with this violence.

And yet, the only thing we can think of as an answer is gun control. Obviously that conversation is not working.

We are becoming more and more numb to these tragedies. I bet that within a few weeks, especially with the holidays, we will have other things to talk about and the photos will have subsided on the internet. Columbine happened when I was in 8th grade, so at times, I feel like I have grown up with great tragedy in the everyday life.

Let’s be clear, I am not trying to minimize what happened Friday. I am trying to honor those lives and ask why do we get numb? Why has it become ok that this is the new normal? Why is it so easy for us to hear about these violent acts and not think about changing how we act and treat others? Why do we move on so quickly? Why are we pessimistic and act like nothing can change unless our congress says there is stricter gun control? Do we no longer have power as individuals?

These children’s lives should serve a purpose and not be so easily forgotten. We should get our acts together and not just wait for someone else to make a change. Why can’t we lean on each other in times of need? Why are we so distant from each other that we need to depend on inanimate objects for satisfaction?

Have we all forgotten the lessons we learned in kindergarten? The lessons these children that were killed Friday were in the process of learning.

I don’t have any idea how to solve this, but I would like to propose a shift in the conversation to how we can treat each other better.

I see it everyday that we are more attached to electronics than talking to the person next to us. We are so distracted with what is going to happen next that we forget to live right now. We selfishly try to put our needs at the front of the line, and often times it may be at the cost of someone else. We are all guilty of it.

I do feel that we need to show more compassion to others and not be so consumed with our own lives. We need to open our hearts and minds to other people and show love. Yes that love may be painful, and we may not always get it back. It may be tough love. I read an article written about a mom who struggles with her own defiant son. He has gotten the rigamarole of diagnosis of ADHD, ODD, autism, etc. She showed her son tough love on more than one occasion to get him the help he needed. She understood that she may not be the best person to deal with him, but she loved him and was strong enough to say “I need help to keep my boy sweet and innocent.” We need to be able to say that and for it to be ok to do so. And the world needs more love. People, not the guns/knifes/etc, need to know that they can go to another person for help. We need to feel safe with people.

During vigils, you see tons and tons of candles. The flame is supposed to represent the life that was lost.

And so I go back to the children’s song.

This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

This song is about being an example. It is about showing love regardless of how others may respond. I also like how it emphasizes “my,” meaning that even one light can push away the darkness. We all can do something; we just have to be willing to DO it. We need to stop being bystanders. Bold statement here: maybe if we ALL cared for others a little more and did a little more these atrocities would happen a little less.

I think these lights can be hope. They can be growth. They can be dreams. These lights can be anything. We need to stop letting people blow our lights out. There is so much darkness in this world, but we can help with one light at a time. As it says in the last line of the song- Let it shine, all the time, let it shine, oh yeah!

I will be the first to admit I could do more to be kind to others. So I am going to work on shining my light a little more and be a little more human.

Just think, what would those 6 and 7 year olds being doing right now? Who knows, but they would probably be happy playing with whoever. As a six year old everyone is your best friend, and everything is grand.

So I am not really sure how to move into my craft project seamlessly from this topic, so I am just going to say that I am done throwing my thoughts out there for now. I pray for the families and communities affected most directly. And I hope that these horrific tragedies challenge us to think about how we can be more human to others.

My craft tonight is another gift.

I used:

long wooden board

two colors of paint

small clothes pins

wood glue

I forgot to take a picture before I painted the board blue.

I then painted the letters. Then once everything dried, I glued the clothespins to the board.

I don’t have pictures on it yet, but the idea is to have pictures of the grand kids hanging from the clothespins.

I am really excited to give all of these gifts out! I hope they enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed making them!

December 10, 2012 by Stephanie

Marriage IS Awesome

This last week, I have had several opportunities to ponder on the meaning of marriage.

A week ago, I had the wonderful pleasure of watching two of my dear friends get married. It was a wonderful touching ceremony and a huge celebration of their love. Let’s tip it one more time! It is a beautiful experience to watch two people make such a personal statement of commitment to each other.

Aww, love.

Recently, I was chatting with some friends of mine about the “big” commitment of marriage. We were talking about people’s timelines and needing to be ready to make that promise to someone else. Being the only one in this group who was married, I felt it was my duty to stick up for marriage. So I said that I think it is pretty awesome. (True statement, I do.) To which one of my friends jokingly responded with something along the lines of, “Yeah says the person who doesn’t even live with their spouse.”

I know they were trying to get a laugh and were only poking fun, but the comment kind of shut me up and made me retreat a little bit.

So do people really think my marriage is less real because I don’t live with my husband?

I haven’t really been able to shake this comment all weekend.

So what does marriage mean? Further more, what does MY marriage mean?

And this was my conclusion. Marriage IS awesome.

Every marriage is going to be a little different. We all have our own circumstances. We all have to work at it a little differently. But I believe that the basis is an undying love.

No matter what people think, I believe I have a solid marriage with my husband. Have we spent a lot of time apart? Yes, but that doesn’t make my marriage a sham. I would argue that I know what marriage means more than most. And just because I don’t see him every day, doesn’t make it any less of a marriage. We have had challenges and had to make hard decisions as a couple. These decisions push us every day to be united.

Marriage is more than a wedding. It is more than coming home to someone every day. It is more than having date nights or having someone to share the chores with. It’s more than the physical. Tom is not just my roommate, he is my husband.

C. S. Lewis said, “Being in love is something you do.”

So it’s not just a title, it’s something you have to work at and pay attention to. Marriage is a partnership. It’s a bond between two people that goes beyond the rings that we wear. They are just a really pretty symbol! It’s having a love for someone that is so great you wouldn’t be the same person without it. The partnership makes you a better you. As I watched Noelle and Peter say their vows, I remembered saying them to Tom. A marriage is two people promising to be there for each other no matter what.

I read this quote in my devotional book, “Real love isn’t based on changeable feelings. Instead, it’s an act of the will, a choice to honor your commitment to another person.” Pretty big stuff, huh?

I would say that there are many marriages that can’t say they have that kind of love and commitment. I would call those marriages the shams. (Can anyone say a Kardashian marriage?)

I am fortunate to say I have a great marriage. Is it ideal that we are apart, eh not really. But this marriage is as real as the next. It is the real deal.

Tom is the person I lean on the most. He makes me feel better when no one else can. He cheers me on when I don’t think I am strong enough. He supported me going to places I never thought I could. He has been by my side, and I his. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

If anything, this time apart has solidified how strong our marriage is. Even though we may be separated by thousands of miles, Tom and I are connected. This love keeps both of us going. We manage to still be there for each other despite these obstacles.

Here is another song from Tyrone that I think explains it all. I have heard this song a million times, but it hit me differently this weekend as I was baking like crazy, and I started screaming and throwing flour all over my kitchen, “THIS IS IT!”

Through it all, somehow “You Still Love Me.”

(PS. Tyrone comes out with a new CD this week, and you all should get it. He’s voice is like a dream.)

Sometimes, in a marriage, things aren’t easy. Sometimes you have to be apart; sometimes you argue. But you always love that person. Always.

That’s why marriage is awesome. You always have someone.

Anyway, if marriage isn’t like this for others, I feel sorry for them. This is a pretty sweet deal in my opinion!

I still stand by my statement that marriage is awesome. Tom’s my person, even if he is in Afghanistan. No one can take the fact away that he is my person. That’s as real as it gets in my opinion. And if you don’t agree, well maybe you haven’t experienced this love yet to understand.

I also am pretty thankful that I live in a state that believes that everyone should be able to experience this partnership. Marriage with the right person is awesome, no matter if they are the same gender or not. Who cares? It’s their marriage and their love. We should be happy that people have found that big love that makes them better. If people are happy and better than the day before wouldn’t that make the world happier and better than the day before? And I believe that everyone should be able to make that formal commitment to “their someone.” Who am I to say their love isn’t good enough for marriage? Again, we let the Kardashians get married, and we wont let thousands of people who actually would take it seriously? That doesn’t make sense to me. So yay for Iowa supporting all marriages! We are all about the “marriage is awesome for everyone” campaign. Now if we can just get the federal government on our wagon…

And now that my “Marriage IS Awesome” speech is done, here is my craft for the night.

This is the blanket I had almost finished over Thanksgiving, and then finished the week I came back.

Two weeks might be a new record for me making a blanket!

I used yarn that I had left over from other projects that Hobby Lobby wouldn’t take back.

I did a single stitch for the entire blanket, and then a crab stitch for just the edge.

November 28, 2012 by Stephanie

When the Evening Comes

So I know I just wrote an entry about how I needed to not wallow and be sad, but I need to be honest about it. It still happens no matter how optimistic I try to be.

I spent the last week home with my family, and the question always comes “How are things going?” I was telling my dad and step-mom how ridiculously busy things had gotten in the last month. And of course they asked why, and I wasn’t really able to hammer down a reason, but more or less just started listing all the things that were in my schedule. My dad turns to me and says “You are doing what you do Steph-getting buried in ‘stuff’.”

I just kind of brushed it off at the time, but the more I thought about it on the many trips across KC and then back to Iowa, the more I had to acknowledge that my dad was right. Don’t you hate that?

Really, I don’t mind being busy, and it’s not all work stuff either. I have gotten more involved at my church, and I have really enjoyed that so far. I am training for another half marathon which requires some physical activity at least 5 days a week. SOIA basketball practice is starting tomorrow, so we have had some coaches meetings to prepare. These are all things that I feel keep me balanced, but do add some things to the to do list every week, if not every day.

Don’t worry, I still get my much needed me time and play time with Grace. (This entry is taking longer to write then needed because she and I are racing through the apartment playing our version of tag.)

Last week I was not able to talk to Tom much because of a mission they were completing that took them away from their base for a few days. So we went the longest we had gone without any communication-four days. 4 days doesn’t seem like much, but it can feel like an eternity. 4 days- I had to wonder about everything. 4 days of holiday goodness. 4 days of answering “How is Tom? And when is he coming home?” So naturally, I just found more things to do while at home with my family. (I almost crocheted a whole blanket in this 4 day stint. I just ran out of yarn before I could. Ugh, only the border left.) Luckily, Tom was able to finally call on Turkey Day!

Anyway, back to my dad’s infinite words of wisdom. It hit me today that I am using my busy schedule to ward off some of the loneliness. Yes it took me a week to actually process and buy into my dad’s words.

I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer, I am just trying to be as honest as I can. The feeling does strike me at the oddest moments. I feel it at my desk at work, in a meeting when an opportunity for a “That’s What She Said” arises, when Grace and I go for our “family” walks, but mostly when I am in the apartment when the evening comes along. In theory, if I keep myself busy, that is less time for me to wallow. I have to move on to get things done-Where is my beloved to-do list? I would assume that some out there think that I am just avoiding the feelings, which to some extent I do. But if you want to hear it, I do cry. I cry a lot. Sometimes it hurts so much, I am not sure I can get myself ready for the day. Sometimes, I cry, and I am not really sure even why I started so I start laughing at myself. But I know that achieving these “to-do” lists will subside some of that loneliness. It helps me feel accomplished, even if it is just doing the dishes or clearing out my inbox. 9 months is a long time to get lonely, so I have to focus on the small gains. That is one of my strengths, and I need to utilize that to stay balanced. With a busy schedule, along with the people that surround me, I can get through it.

So yea, I may be extra busy, but at a time when Tom’s calls are not consistent, I need the schedule and tasks. It is my way of coping, much like my honesty here. So bring it life.
Even though there may be more tears than I have had in awhile, I don’t want to give off the impression that I am constantly in a state of depression. That couldn’t be farther from the case. I have a great life-a job that fulfills me, great friends and family to keep me laughing, the best dog ever, and a wonderful loving husband who is willing to do just about anything for me. Do I wish that circumstances could be different? Absolutely. I think we all do to some extent. Do I regret any of the decisions Tom and I made to get where we are? Absolutely not. We are who we are because of the experiences we happen upon. We are a stronger couple because of our challenges and continue working through more. And I will say that I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. My partner in life is pretty dang sweet, and I am so proud of what he has gone through. For better or for worse.

Love endures forever. We are just going through the “er” part right now. “Forev” will come, and it will be awesome.

This song {Give It Time} from my favorite artist Tyrone Wells really explains all that I am feeling right now. So good.

And really these crafts help with that mindless busyness that also doubles as my me-time. Winning.

Tonight’s craft is a gift for my sister in law…So I hope you like it Em.

It is a canvas with lights in the back to highlight the words of Emily and Mark’s wedding song. It is a fairly simple project that took me about an hour to complete total.

The things you need:

paint
sticker letters
canvas
lights

I first put the stickers on the canvas. Neither kind stuck very well, so I was really nervous it wasn’t going to work out.

Once this is done, you just paint over it. I was lazy and bought spray paint, but I would assume actually painting with a brush would do well too. I used white paint, but I would be curious to see how a darker color would work for this.

I spray painted until I couldn’t see the pencil marks that I used as guides. It took a few coats to do so.

Then you wait for all of it to dry, then peel of the stickers.

Then I taped the lights to the back of the canvas. I think it looks pretty good! I don’t think the picture really does it justice.

I debate the rope lights vs regular strands on the back. The jury is till out on that one, but it would be really easy to change it. I think you could put it in a window too without lights during the day for the same affect.