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Marriage IS Awesome

This last week, I have had several opportunities to ponder on the meaning of marriage.

A week ago, I had the wonderful pleasure of watching two of my dear friends get married. It was a wonderful touching ceremony and a huge celebration of their love. Let’s tip it one more time! It is a beautiful experience to watch two people make such a personal statement of commitment to each other.

Aww, love.

Recently, I was chatting with some friends of mine about the “big” commitment of marriage. We were talking about people’s timelines and needing to be ready to make that promise to someone else. Being the only one in this group who was married, I felt it was my duty to stick up for marriage. So I said that I think it is pretty awesome. (True statement, I do.) To which one of my friends jokingly responded with something along the lines of, “Yeah says the person who doesn’t even live with their spouse.”

I know they were trying to get a laugh and were only poking fun, but the comment kind of shut me up and made me retreat a little bit.

So do people really think my marriage is less real because I don’t live with my husband?

I haven’t really been able to shake this comment all weekend.

So what does marriage mean? Further more, what does MY marriage mean?

And this was my conclusion. Marriage IS awesome.

Every marriage is going to be a little different. We all have our own circumstances. We all have to work at it a little differently. But I believe that the basis is an undying love.

No matter what people think, I believe I have a solid marriage with my husband. Have we spent a lot of time apart? Yes, but that doesn’t make my marriage a sham. I would argue that I know what marriage means more than most. And just because I don’t see him every day, doesn’t make it any less of a marriage. We have had challenges and had to make hard decisions as a couple. These decisions push us every day to be united.

Marriage is more than a wedding. It is more than coming home to someone every day. It is more than having date nights or having someone to share the chores with. It’s more than the physical. Tom is not just my roommate, he is my husband.

C. S. Lewis said, “Being in love is something you do.”

So it’s not just a title, it’s something you have to work at and pay attention to. Marriage is a partnership. It’s a bond between two people that goes beyond the rings that we wear. They are just a really pretty symbol! It’s having a love for someone that is so great you wouldn’t be the same person without it. The partnership makes you a better you. As I watched Noelle and Peter say their vows, I remembered saying them to Tom. A marriage is two people promising to be there for each other no matter what.

I read this quote in my devotional book, “Real love isn’t based on changeable feelings. Instead, it’s an act of the will, a choice to honor your commitment to another person.” Pretty big stuff, huh?

I would say that there are many marriages that can’t say they have that kind of love and commitment. I would call those marriages the shams. (Can anyone say a Kardashian marriage?)

I am fortunate to say I have a great marriage. Is it ideal that we are apart, eh not really. But this marriage is as real as the next. It is the real deal.

Tom is the person I lean on the most. He makes me feel better when no one else can. He cheers me on when I don’t think I am strong enough. He supported me going to places I never thought I could. He has been by my side, and I his. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

If anything, this time apart has solidified how strong our marriage is. Even though we may be separated by thousands of miles, Tom and I are connected. This love keeps both of us going. We manage to still be there for each other despite these obstacles.

Here is another song from Tyrone that I think explains it all. I have heard this song a million times, but it hit me differently this weekend as I was baking like crazy, and I started screaming and throwing flour all over my kitchen, “THIS IS IT!”

Through it all, somehow “You Still Love Me.”

(PS. Tyrone comes out with a new CD this week, and you all should get it. He’s voice is like a dream.)

Sometimes, in a marriage, things aren’t easy. Sometimes you have to be apart; sometimes you argue. But you always love that person. Always.

That’s why marriage is awesome. You always have someone.

Anyway, if marriage isn’t like this for others, I feel sorry for them. This is a pretty sweet deal in my opinion!

I still stand by my statement that marriage is awesome. Tom’s my person, even if he is in Afghanistan. No one can take the fact away that he is my person. That’s as real as it gets in my opinion. And if you don’t agree, well maybe you haven’t experienced this love yet to understand.

I also am pretty thankful that I live in a state that believes that everyone should be able to experience this partnership. Marriage with the right person is awesome, no matter if they are the same gender or not. Who cares? It’s their marriage and their love. We should be happy that people have found that big love that makes them better. If people are happy and better than the day before wouldn’t that make the world happier and better than the day before? And I believe that everyone should be able to make that formal commitment to “their someone.” Who am I to say their love isn’t good enough for marriage? Again, we let the Kardashians get married, and we wont let thousands of people who actually would take it seriously? That doesn’t make sense to me. So yay for Iowa supporting all marriages! We are all about the “marriage is awesome for everyone” campaign. Now if we can just get the federal government on our wagon…

And now that my “Marriage IS Awesome” speech is done, here is my craft for the night.

This is the blanket I had almost finished over Thanksgiving, and then finished the week I came back.

Two weeks might be a new record for me making a blanket!

I used yarn that I had left over from other projects that Hobby Lobby wouldn’t take back.

DSCF4060

I did a single stitch for the entire blanket, and then a crab stitch for just the edge.

DSCF4063

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When the Evening Comes

So I know I just wrote an entry about how I needed to not wallow and be sad, but I need to be honest about it. It still happens no matter how optimistic I try to be.

I spent the last week home with my family, and the question always comes “How are things going?” I was telling my dad and step-mom how ridiculously busy things had gotten in the last month. And of course they asked why, and I wasn’t really able to hammer down a reason, but more or less just started listing all the things that were in my schedule. My dad turns to me and says “You are doing what you do Steph-getting buried in ‘stuff’.”

I just kind of brushed it off at the time, but the more I thought about it on the many trips across KC and then back to Iowa, the more I had to acknowledge that my dad was right. Don’t you hate that?

Really, I don’t mind being busy, and it’s not all work stuff either. I have gotten more involved at my church, and I have really enjoyed that so far. I am training for another half marathon which requires some physical activity at least 5 days a week. SOIA basketball practice is starting tomorrow, so we have had some coaches meetings to prepare. These are all things that I feel keep me balanced, but do add some things to the to do list every week, if not every day.

Don’t worry, I still get my much needed me time and play time with Grace. (This entry is taking longer to write then needed because she and I are racing through the apartment playing our version of tag.)

Last week I was not able to talk to Tom much because of a mission they were completing that took them away from their base for a few days. So we went the longest we had gone without any communication-four days. 4 days doesn’t seem like much, but it can feel like an eternity. 4 days- I had to wonder about everything. 4 days of holiday goodness. 4 days of answering “How is Tom? And when is he coming home?”  So naturally, I just found more things to do while at home with my family. (I almost crocheted a whole blanket in this 4 day stint. I just ran out of yarn before I could. Ugh, only the border left.) Luckily, Tom was able to finally call on Turkey Day!

Anyway, back to my dad’s infinite words of wisdom. It hit me today that I am using my busy schedule to ward off some of the loneliness. Yes it took me a week to actually process and buy into my dad’s words.

I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer, I am just trying to be as honest as I can. The feeling does strike me at the oddest moments. I feel it at my desk at work, in a meeting when an opportunity for a “That’s What She Said” arises, when Grace and I go for our “family” walks, but mostly when I am in the apartment when the evening comes along. In theory, if I keep myself busy, that is less time for me to wallow. I have to move on to get things done-Where is my beloved to-do list? I would assume that some out there think that I am just avoiding the feelings, which to some extent I do. But if you want to hear it, I do cry. I cry a lot. Sometimes it hurts so much, I am not sure I can get myself ready for the day.  Sometimes, I cry, and I am not really sure even why I started so I start laughing at myself. But I know that achieving these “to-do” lists will subside some of that loneliness. It helps me feel accomplished, even if it is just doing the dishes or clearing out my inbox. 9 months is a long time to get lonely, so I have to focus on the small gains. That is one of my strengths, and I need to utilize that to stay balanced. With a busy schedule, along with the people that surround me, I can get through it.

So yea, I may be extra busy, but at a time when Tom’s calls are not consistent, I need the schedule and tasks. It is my way of coping, much like my honesty here. So bring it life.
Even though there may be more tears than I have had in awhile, I don’t want to give off the impression that I am constantly in a state of depression. That couldn’t be farther from the case. I have a great life-a job that fulfills me, great  friends and family to keep me laughing, the best dog ever, and a wonderful loving husband who is willing to do just about anything for me. Do I wish that circumstances could be different? Absolutely. I think we all do to some extent. Do I regret any of the decisions Tom and I made to get where we are? Absolutely not. We are who we are because of the experiences we happen upon. We are a stronger couple because of our challenges and continue working through more. And I will say that I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. My partner in life is pretty dang sweet, and I am so proud of what he has gone through. For better or for worse.

Love endures forever. We are just going through the “er” part right now. “Forev” will come, and it will be awesome.

This song {Give It Time} from my favorite artist Tyrone Wells really explains all that I am feeling right now. So good.

And really these crafts help with that mindless busyness that also doubles as my me-time. Winning.

Tonight’s craft is a gift for my sister in law…So I hope you like it Em.

It is a canvas with lights in the back to highlight the words of Emily and Mark’s wedding song. It is a fairly simple project that took me about an hour to complete total.

The things you need:

  • paint
  • sticker letters
  • canvas
  • lights

I first put the stickers on the canvas. Neither kind stuck very well, so I was really nervous it wasn’t going to work out.

Once this is done, you just paint over it. I was lazy and bought spray paint, but I would assume actually painting with a brush would do well too. I used white paint, but I would be curious to see how a darker color would work for this.

I spray painted until I couldn’t see the pencil marks that I used as guides. It took a few coats to do so.

Then you wait for all of it to dry, then peel of the stickers.

Then I taped the lights to the back of the canvas. I think it looks pretty good! I don’t think the picture really does it justice.

I debate the rope lights vs regular strands on the back. The jury is till out on that one, but it would be really easy to change it. I think you could put it in a window too without lights during the day for the same affect.

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Gobble till you Wobble

It is probably cliche that I am going to write a post about gratitude the week of Thanksgiving. Well get over it, it’s happening.

I have been wanting to write a message of thanks to the outpouring of support my family has received since Tom went overseas, but I just haven’t found the right words to do so. I am still not quite sure if I can express all of my gratitude to those around us as eloquently as I wish too, but I needed to say thanks somehow.
With the holidays coming up, I have been wondering lately how I am going to get through a time where family is the focus without mine present. I just kept focusing on what Tom and I would be missing out on. I mean this is the first time in 5 years he and I will not have been together for the holidays. I selfishly kept wallowing about the fact that my husband left me for the holidays. The feeling of being alone is highlighted exponentially at this time. Then I did something absentmindedly last week that reminded me that even though there are parts that stink about this, we have so much to be thankful for. (And really he didn’t choose to be gone at this time of year, so I needed to get over myself and stop being a Lifetime Christmas Special Movie.)

So Iowa State has an obsession with listserves. There are listserves for everything and everyone. Well this week, I had a Dawson’s Creek moment like when Joey sent a private message to all of campus. Fortunately, mine had positive effects instead of the public embarrassment Joey encountered.   I have been sending out emails requesting help with sending Tom and his unit items they need or want. This week I added all the appropriate groups, and pressed send. A few hours later, I get an email from one of my residents saying that she had some letters she hoped that she could give me to send in Tom’s packages. I know that I have talked about Tom and said things during Friley Senate (our hall council meetings), but I was still really confused about the timing of this email. Then I realized what silly thing I did. Instead of sending this request email to the Upper Friley staff, I accidentally sent it to ALL of Upper Friley. Yep, all 630 of them. I then started having several conversations/emails of people wanting to give letters or items. After just  a few days, this was the stock I got.

Overwhelmed.

Here are students coming out to give items to people they have never met, just because I sent a very vague email about this dude named Tom. Seriously, I didn’t even mention that Tom was in the service, which apparently prompted many people to talk to their CAs on who Tom was. Double bonus-community builder!

Speechless and humbled. I still am not really sure how to react to all the donations.

Not only am I thankful for the students who have helped donate in this last week because of my slight of hand, but I am extremely appreciative for individuals who have helped over the last few months. Countless people have come and dropped off goodies for me to ship. I don’t even mind that now the post office knows me by name, and that they have to restock their custom forms and flat rate boxes every time I come in! Two other buildings here at ISU did Penny Wars to raise funds for donations and to help cover the cost of postage. Again for people they have never met; although, they did plaster pictures of Tom all over their hall desk. My sister-in-law did a request at the elementary school where she teaches, and has had similar reactions to sponsor Tom’s unit. Kindergartners are giving up their allowance to provide items for these soldiers. Isn’t that seriously the cutest thing?

There is so much bad press out there about the military, and I often feel that we are in our own little world sometimes. I feel that people forget those who are in the military and seriously misunderstand what they are doing for our country. And that sometimes, they just want a bag of Twizzlers to get them through the day (or the cold desert night). But this is the time that I want to say a big sincere thank you for the support that people have shown us in the last few months, even if it is just buying a box of easy mac or coordinating large scale efforts to show support. It reminded me at a time that I needed it that I have so much to be thankful for.

It’s nice to be able to send a little piece of home to Tom and his buddies, so thank you for helping make that happen. I am grateful for it all.

As for the family that I do get to see over the holidays-here is a little sneak peak of a gift I will be giving.

This Birthday Board project was the most in depth that I have attempted to do so far. I had to ask for help from my neighbor, Dick. And it took me a couple weeks to finish it.

You will need:

  • A long board
  • wooden letters
  • paint
  • wooden circles
  • screw eyes
  • jewelry circles
  • paint pen
  • a drill

First I had Dick drill holes into all the wooden circles and the long board. Thanks for the help Neighbs!

Then once this was completed, the painting began. This took me a couple days to complete. I didn’t realize there was so much to paint!

I painted each letter a different color, and I also did 4 of the wooden circles in each color. I used the thumbtacks to help make it easier to paint each item without getting paint all over myself. The wooden circles I painted both sides. Looking back now that it is complete, I could have dipped the circles into paint and covered the screws up completely with paint. That might have gone faster, but would have been a little messier and probably wasted some paint.

On each circle, I wrote someone’s name and the day of their birthday using a paint pen. (I just did the immediate family, so I made a lot of blank circles to accommodate others that this person wants to remember.)

I used some circle hooks that I found in the jewelry section of hobby lobby to fasten all the screw hooks together.

Once all the paint was dry, I glued the wooden letters onto the long board and added the white letters for the months of the year. I used some small foam letters that we had around as stamps.

So there is the final product of the family birthday board. And apparently on the Whitener side, I am the only one without a birthday month buddy.

It will be cool to see this grow as names are added!

Again, thank you for all the love and support as Tom and I go through this adventure!
Now it is time to celebrate the best holiday of the year because it is all about giving thanks, family and food! Gobble till you wobble friends!

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The Can Can

Today is Veteran’s Day. It is the day that reminds most people that there are veterans around the country and in our past that have fought for our freedoms. Unfortunately, it may be the only day of the year that some actually think about what that means.

Our armed forces have protected our country for centuries, allowing us to live the way we do today. We, Americans, are pretty fortunate. The men and women who work for our military do it for many reasons, but whatever that reason may be it is still a selfless act to be in the service. Most people are not willing to give back to our country in this way. I won’t go into all the sacrifices hoopla; for that you can read other posts. I just want to challenge the thought of only honoring their valiant community service on just this one day.

So with this challenge I encourage you to think about how you give to others. Do you give back in whatever way you can? I believe that we all have the time and means to do something for someone. Maybe the way that you can honor those who are Veterans this year is to make a promise to do a selfless act yourself.

I have done a lot of reflecting this year with Tom’s new commitment and then watching my grandparents pass away on how I wanted to serve. I have always been passionate about service projects and make sure that it is a focus at my job as well as my personal life. I have my staff do service projects each semester, and I promote them in my building. One of my favorite things I have done is volunteer every year with Special Olympics as a basketball coach. This is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done, and I swear I get more out of the deal than they do. But thinking about these three individuals in my life and how they have selflessly given their time, I was impelled to do more. So my personal promise is to do at least one service project each month.

So far so good.

Yesterday, my staff and I went to Meals for the Heartland. This is a group that packages meals for villages in Africa. We spent only 45 minutes packing rice and protein powder in bags, and we still managed to make over 300 meals. The center itself made over 6,000 meals during this one weekend. We barely spent an afternoon there, but we still were able to make an impact.

It’s things like this that I believe we can all do to pay tribute to the freedoms we have. There are so many opportunities to help others, and they don’t have to be grandiose. I have had a lot of small opportunities in the community here that I have been able to give a little of myself. So I encourage you to get out there and serve one another, just as our Veterans are doing or have done for us.

I really enjoy this quote. It makes you realize that even if it is small it can make a difference always.

Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

In all the places you can,

At all the times you can,

To all the people you can,

As long as ever you can.

-John Wesley
And after you serve others, you can congratulate your good deed by doing crafts! Ok maybe that’s not for everyone.

My craft tonight is a present I will be giving away here soon.

It is pretty simple. You just need one of the glass blocks, glass beads, and a string of lights. I got a few different shapes of beads, and they come in all kinds of colors so you can get whatever your heart desires there.

I just hot-glued the beads to the box. It took me about an hour to do all the gluing. Then I stuck the lights in the bottom of the block where there is an opening.

And then you get this:

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Hakuna Matata

This weekend, a couple friends of mine traveled with me to the closest military base. We went to explore the Post Exchange/commissary and see what we could find. In my head, I thought it was going to be this extravagant grocery store that I had seen at Ft. Campbell. And that turned out to be not so much the case. This base does not have quite the same amenities as bases I have been to before. The PX was basically a gas station convenience store. I got some good candy, and Linda and Melissa both got a Camelbak that says “hydrate or die.”  We also drove around the base for about 5 minutes seeing all the sites. It just boggles my mind to think how different this was from Ft. Campbell and Benning, which are both massive bases. But if you think about it, they each have different jobs and demands on their soldiers, so it makes sense. I am sad that I was not able to find my Odwalla juices for a dollar though.

Even though I was not able to do the shopping that I wanted, it was still nice to share the experience with friends. I was able to blend my two worlds for once.

I have been watching the series FRIENDS lately. It is absolutely hysterical. I highly recommend it. (I am also convinced that Tom and I are a real life version of Monica and Chandler.) This show is all about the bonds of friendship and how as a group they can get through anything together. The iconic theme song has a pretty awesome message too-“I’ll be there for you.”

My friends here in Ames are one big reason why I have not moved yet. Having this support system already in place is a Godsend. Whether they realize it or not, they give me a reason to get off the couch and out of my apartment. They help me relieve stress and keep my mind off the fact that I haven’t heard from Tom in 24 hours. Just being around them makes me not worry. It’s when I am alone that I freak out the most, like for example today on the drive to volleyball. I started realizing that I have not talked to Tom since Friday, so what does my brain do? It starts envisioning military personnel standing outside my door waiting to tell me the worst. Oh or every time someone has called in the last week for political garb, I panic when I see the unknown number calling me to tell me something has happened to my husband. So I apologize for anyone who has called me wanting me to vote for so and so. I have been pretty short to them because I get so worked up before I answer the phone. Whoops. I also have been having nightmares that they wont be able to find me since I live in a residence hall to tell me anything. See how easy the mind wonders? So having people to distract me is so helpful. They help keep my life normal.

I know that I would have people to reach out to in Ft. Campbell, but the decision to stay here was obviously the right one for now. My life kind of got turned upside down in some ways in September. If I would have moved, everything would have been unfamiliar, and I would have become a shut-in. It’s been comforting to be here in Ames where I have a place and people to lean on already. I didn’t have to work at establishing that once Tom left. Ames has been my constant. The friends that I have here are great, and I am not quite ready to start friend dating again. They don’t teach you how to do that in school.

I know that the move is coming someday soon, and I am sure I will forge on and make new life-long friends. But for now, Ames people are my security blanket.

What a great segue! My blanket project for this entry is something that has been a long time coming. I started this blanket a year ago. I got carried away with the size. Unfortunately, I still stink at judging the length/width with the first couple lines. But by the time I realize how big the silly thing will be, I have already invested too much time to dare pull it all out.

Anyway, my intention was for this blanket to be a gift for my previous graduate student, Tiffany. We had been together for two years and had begun our Ames journey together. She graduated last May, so you can see how I failed meeting my goal to have it done by the time she graduated. I will also defend myself that it took longer than I had planned because you have to change the yarn on every row, which takes more time. I also had to really pay attention to the pattern on this one, which again took more time.

I did a crochet boucan pattern. Here is the video I used as a guide.

This woman is awesome at teaching crochet stitches. I have watched several of her videos, and she breaks it down really well for you.

Even though it has been a rough time getting it done, I would say that this turned out to be one of my favorites. It looks pretty snazzy! Go Cyclones!

Grace doesn’t like it when I put the blankets on the ground to take photos. She has to inspect it. And see what I mean about it being massive?
Here is the pattern up close.

In parting, they say “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” I say that’s silly. Why would I want to hang out with people who make me miserable? Friends keep you going even when you are at your lowest low. They are there to remind you of “Hakuna matata.” No worries, we got you.