It is what it is

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The Kind of Dad

Tom went back to work today after four weeks at home with our baby girl.

(Also how was this four weeks ago?)

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My first day completely alone with the kids makes me really grateful for the partner I have in life. It has been really nice to both be home for this past month, and I am so thankful he had the opportunity and support to take that much time off. Many fathers do not, so I count this past month as a blessing (in more ways than one).

And as another Father’s Day approaches, I am so happy to watch Tom as a dad.

He is the kind of dad who drives the lawn mower to the mailbox just so his son can pick up the mail.

He is the kind of dad who makes wood replicas of his power tools so George can feel involved when they are in the shop.

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He is the kind of dad who spends hours outside playing in the dirt and doing special projects with George.

He is the kind of dad who builds forts and make believe caves.

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He is the kind of dad who drives to the back of our house so George can wave to Daddy from his window when he is on the night shift.

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He is the kind of dad who puts on a red headlamp in the middle of the night to check on the kids…like every hour.

He is the kind of dad who teaches George things all kinds of things and doesn’t stray away from a subject just because he is two years old. Hence why George knows how to build a fire…

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Most people know Tom as the tough guy, and very few people get to see the gentle side of him. Our kids get that side every day, and I love that I get to witness these moments with them.

He is definitely a fun dad, and has more patience than I do most days. He reminds me to not be so structured and enjoy every day moments with our kids. I have had many proud moments as Tom’s wife, but seeing him as a dad is probably one of my favorites.

And to think he didn’t want kids when we first met, and now he has two.

 

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The Great Chattanooga Bicycle Race $75 Amazon Giveaway with Mike Mizrahi

Take a ride through 1895 Chattanooga as it’s turned upside down when a young woman has the audacity to ride a bicycle-in bloomers-in Mike H. Mizrahi’s new book, The Great Chattanooga Bicycle Race! Anna Gaines, 19, struggles to conquer her insecurities after a horrible fall years ago from her beloved horse, Longstreet. On a visit to Brooklyn, she’s drawn to the new pastime of bicycling. But back at home, cycling is a scandalous sport for a proper lady. Anna has her eye on Peter Sawyer, president of the Cycling Club. As community outrage grows, an unexpected turn of events pits Anna against Peter in a race between the sexes.

This book receives a 2/5 from me. I liked the idea of the book, especially now with all that is going on with women’s rights. I thought it would be interesting to read about a woman’s right to do something so trivial in today’s time like riding a bike.

I liked bits and pieces of the book. Honestly, it was a bit chaotic for me. There were a lot of side stories going on that made it seem very disjointed. While they may have added a little bit, in my opinion there was not a very good flow from one story to the next. At times it was hard to follow along with which story line was the focus at the time. Because there were so many story lines to keep up with, I don’t feel that there was very much depth to the characters even though I think that is what the author was going for.

What I did find interesting were Anna’s inner thoughts. She wrestled with the unwanted responsibilities that come with being a leader. There was one chapter where she talked about how she had become a role model to younger girls and how she was scared about the weight of that role. I think any leader has these moments where we have to think about how each thing we do has meaning to those around us. And that sometimes doing the right thing for the greater good will come with some harsh comments from naysayers. Change can be hard.

It was also interesting to think that there was a time that women had to fight to ride a bike or to wear pants in public. We have come a long way, but it also made me think, what is it of our time that our kids will look back and say how ridiculous it is that we had to fight for that equality. This book mentioned several times about equal pay and hiring standards, and it makes me sad that we are still fighting that fight today. I hope that things will be better for my daughter so she doesn’t have to endure things like this.

There is a giveaway to celebrate the release of Mike’s new book. You can enter to win this $75 Amazon gift card giveaway!

One grand prize winner will receive:

  • A copy of The Great Chattanooga Bicycle Race
  • A $75 Amazon gift card

Enter today by clicking the banner below, but hurry! The giveaway ends on June 14. The winner will be announced June 15 on Mike’s blog.

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Second Time Around

Much like this pregnancy, bringing Daphne home has been a much different experience than bringing George home.

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I think the biggest difference was all the unknown the first time around:

  • unknown job situation
  • unknown of how to handle a newborn
  • unknown of how long we would be in KY/TN

I remember being so anxious about our future and trying to keep this little person alive. It was hard to really enjoy those newborn stages.

I think we knew that having a newborn was going to be hard, but I don’t think we were at all prepared for the effects of being in the NICU, difficulties of breastfeeding, and general tiredness.

Tom also barely got any time off with George, especially since 2/3 of his time he did get from the Army we were still at the hospital with the NICU. This time he is off for 4 weeks right now, and will be taking another week or two when I head back to work in August. Having both of us here has been so nice.

This time we went in expecting the awful nights and set our expectations really low. I have been pleasantly surprised with the amount of sleep we are working with.

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Breastfeeding has been tons better this time around. I attribute this mostly to the fact that we were combating a 10 day stay in the NICU with George where he learned how to feed with bottles and syringes. Daphne’s first time eating was through breastfeeding, so I think it has just been much more natural. Granted it has only been twoish weeks, so I know we still have many more milestones to get through. I just hope it continues to go well. All I know is that I have not been breaking down crying in her room in the middle of the night like I did with George, so that is a plus.

Another big difference is that we are not as paranoid. I remember not wanting to leave the house with George. Our trips were very minimal with him in the car, and I just couldn’t deal with the logistics of breastfeeding. This time around, we have been out every other day as a family of four. I have a much better nursing cover that makes things much easier and gives me the modesty I want to be out while feeding her. Plus as I said, she is taking to it a lot better than George. I also think we realize that it is much easier to take a new baby out for errands and eating out than it is to take a toddler.

I also don’t feel like I have to have my eyes on her 24/7. With George, I would not take a shower without Tom being home because I was afraid he would die while I was getting clean. With Daphne, I am in other rooms all the time whether it is to finish cleaning or organizing the new bedrooms or playing with her big brother. I feel fine leaving her to nap in her rock and play without watching her breathe every second. We thank the NICU for making us even more paranoid as first tie parents. This time we are a little more confident that we won’t kill the kid if we look away for a second.

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It sounds like it has been all roses with Miss DC in comparison to Mr. Man. I will admit in a lot of ways it has been a lot easier. We are in a better place in life mentally, emotionally, and fiscally. That has a tremendous affect on how you approach being a parent.

However, having a toddler does make things more interesting. I can’t just sit around and hold Daphne all day which is pretty much what I did with George for the first couple months. My attention has to be split between two kids (and a husband and two dogs), which can be a little tricky. We have tried to keep George on as much of his normal schedule as possible. That can be hard when Daphne decides to eat right now and then George decides as soon as she is latched that is when he has to go potty. And he needs an audience to actually go…So making adjustments and forcing a toddler to change is never a piece of cake.

It has also been something trying to navigate the end of our renovation project with a newborn. Granted we moved when George was 2 months old, but having strangers in your house while you are newly home from the hospital and breastfeeding has been a little stressful this go around. Let alone I am still on a weight restriction so I can’t really help move anything into the new rooms.

There are good and bad moments with every transition I guess. However, I am trying to be positive this time around and try to enjoy these newborn moments as much as I can. Also this is a rare opportunity that I get to be home with my family over the summer months, so we are going to make the most of it. Our family is complete, and really what could be better than that?

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The Days Following Daphne

Yesterday, I gave you a glimpse of how labor went for Miss Daphne.

This part of the story is long, but it is helping me process it and will serve as a good reminder that my family is perfect just the way it is.

It was almost immediately after giving birth that my blood pressure started evening out. I also was not feeling the magnesium that much anymore, and we started the countdown until I would be off of it. They require that you remain on magnesium drip for 24 hours after you deliver. This means you are still stuck to the bed (with the catheter), and you do not get any food, still. With George, I remember that day after was the worst. I was delirious and felt like I was swimming the whole day, never mind that I couldn’t go see my boy since he was in the NICU. Since Daphne never left the room, I like to think that made things go a little smoother for me that next morning. I just started going stir crazy counting down my 24 hours.

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My mother-in-law brought George to meet Sister early that morning. He didn’t really get that it was his sister, and he kept pointing to my belly when we would say Sister. He called her Baby the whole time. He was more excited about all the digger books that we got him for the occasion. He did give her a sweet kiss and then tried to poke her in the eye before he left.

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My dad was the next visitor. He was there for most of the day just hanging out holding his grandbaby. Both Tom and I were able to catch a few zzzz’s while he was there.

Then that afternoon, I took a turn for the worst.

When you give birth, the nurses will check your uterus to make sure that it is distended or not out of place. They push super hard, and it is not comfortable at all when they do it. However, I do not remember it being this painful when I had George. I had to grab on to the handrails of the bed and brace for impact each time they checked my belly because it hurt so bad. But they said that everything felt normal, and I was looking great.

I was also starving at this point since it had been over 24 hours since I had real food. My nurse got the approval that I could have clear liquids, which included strawberry jello and a popsicle. That was the best damn jello I have ever had.

I started to have some heavy bleeding, which also alarmed me because I barely bled at all after George. The nurse said for now it looked normal and there were no clots coming out, but she said she would keep an eye on it.

I began feeling really faint and like a huge weighted blanket was being put on my body. I wondered if it was because I ate the popsicle and jello too fast and thinking maybe it was my blood sugar levels freaking out on me. I remember turning to Tom and telling him that I didn’t feel good and I was going to pass out. Tom said I was really flush, and my blood pressure went down to a 49/39. He called the staff in, and I can remember there all of a sudden being around 10 people in our room. I felt some gushing like I peed my pants, and they realized that I was basically bleeding out.

They pushed on my uterus, and oh my the pain. Even giving birth and contractions cannot compare to this pain. They determined that I was hemorrhaging. Once everything was out after the birth, my uterus was supposed to contract. Because I had a blood clot though, it wouldn’t fully contract. So each time it would try to contract, it would just fill up with more blood.

It seemed like a lifetime was going by while they made a decision on what to do and continued checking everything. I know they were asking me questions and telling me things about what they were going to do, but I just remember being hazy.

I remember telling Tom that I was not doing well and telling him that I loved him. I was going in and out at this point because I recall Tom begging me to answer him and to stay with him. It was an out of body experience because I was yelling back at him, but nothing was actually coming out of my mouth. He just kept leaning over my face and kissing my forehead telling me that he was there and that he loved me.

There was a moment that will haunt me for some time. I looked up at the ceiling and said a prayer to God thanking him for letting me get Daphne out safely and to help Tom take care of them. I was having a hard time breathing and things were fading quickly for me and I felt like I needed to make peace with it. I am not trying to be dramatic; I really thought I was dying.

Tom said this is when I was in shock.

They gave me a ton of pain meds (morphine, fentanyl, and ephedrine). Let me tell you though, they did absolutely nothing for the pain I was about to endure. The doctor had to go elbow deep in my vagina to dig out the blood clot. THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. The pain was excruciating, and it brought me out of the daze I was in moments before. I felt like I was in a horror film where they were trying to get an alien or demon out of my body with no mercy. I was kicking and screaming just hoping it would stop. I am in tears just recalling it. I also am still having nightmares every time I close my eyes because it was so horrific.

I almost wish that we had taken a picture of the blood clot. It was like a whole other baby was in there. The largest piece was about the size of a large grapefruit, and then there was several smaller remnants that came along for the ride. It kind of looked like a ball of yarn after a toddler gets a hold of it. One big mass, and then a tangled mess unraveling around it. Many of the doctors and nurses told us that it was the largest blood clot they had ever seen.

It was estimated that over the course of the ordeal, I lost about three pints of blood. I had to have a blood transfusion, which is a first for me. It really brings home being a blood donor.

Once they had the clot out, the gave me a huge shot in my leg to get my uterus to contract fully this time.

It took me a while to feel back to normal, but with the new blood, I was starting to stabilize again.

I feel extremely fortunate for the staff that was on hand, and my husband for talking me through the whole thing. I thank God that He pulled me through so I could continue being a mom to my sweet babies. It is because of these moments that I will never again have another child though. It’s not that I can’t, and I feel very fortunate that I did not have to have a hysterectomy because the clot was so bad. This is just not something I can risk happening again or put Tom through. I have told Tom that if I even mention a third kid to pull up this post as a reminder that this is not a safe idea. The gravity of this ordeal is just not something that I feel like I could overcome again.

Soon after the transfusion, I was back to counting down the time until I got off the magnesium so I could get some mac and cheese.

Tom’s side of the family came that evening to meet little Miss. This was nice to keep me distracted because I was not able to sleep because every time I tried all I could see and hear was myself screaming from them pulling out the clot.

Not much happened next until early in the morning when they came to do their 24 hour check on myself and Daphne. I was doing much better which meant getting off the magnesium and having some Kraft mac and cheese. But Daphne was losing too much weight.

So they made me start pumping to supplement after every nursing feed. Pumping and nursing meant that I was basically milking every hour, which also translates to no sleep.

Her weight and my blood clot got us an additional night stay for observations.

We were moved to a post-partum room, and Tom and I just waited it out watching hours of Law and Order and Alaska Bush People.

My blood pressures were amazing (if I do say so myself), and all our doctors and nurses were even astonished how quickly I bounced back after everything I went through. And Daphne gained a few ounces over that 24 hour stretch.

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Saturday came and so did our discharge paperwork.

Apparently May was the time to have babies though, and our paperwork did not get sent right away. Because of protocol, since we were still there at noon, I had to have all my vitals checked again. However the nurse tech did not make it to our room until 2:00. (Our discharge paperwork was done minus the doctor’s signature at 11:00 am, but again because of the overwhelming number of births, our paperwork was not an immediate priority).

My parents happened to come to the hospital at that time as well.

So the unexpected vital check and waiting for the past 2 days to leave, on top of having to perform a good blood pressure in front of a group…well let’s just say did not happen. I had two readings that on paper would have signified that I was having a stroke (193/127).

Needless to say, they wouldn’t let me leave. I had to have my blood pressure checked for the next four hours every 15/30 minutes. I also had to do some lab tests with my urine and blood to make sure I was not still pre-eclamptic. Apparently 70% of patients with pre-eclampsia during pregnancy will develop it after the birth as well. The first two hours I did fine, and they were down to a more normal rate. But the longer, I was there they started climbing again. All I could think about was that they would never let me leave, and I would psych myself out into a bad reading.

Tom really was a saving grace here. He helped with the readings, and talked me off the ledge many times to keep me calm. He also advocated for me when it was hitting that four hour mark after we were supposed to leave initially, and I was working myself into a tizzy. We just wanted to be home and be able to tuck George into bed for the first time in four nights.

We finally were given the green light to go, and I would have to come back in for a follow up to determine if I needed medication.

I have had two very different pregnancies and two very different labor experiences. However, both were traumatic in their own rights. I am now confident that our family is meant to be just the four of us, and Miss DC completes our family dynamic.

I am eternally grateful for nurses like Amy, Christine, and Amber who were instrumental in my safety throughout the whole ordeal. Amber never left my side during the whole birth process. She was there from the moment they started the pitocin until well after Daphne was born. She was a delight. Christine was our day nurse and really was instrumental in helping me stay comfortable after the blood clot situation and got me some sweet snacks before my 24 hours was up. And Amy helped us get out of that joint and was an advocate for us as well when doctor’s wouldn’t even come to our room to tell us they were keeping us “hostage.” She also let Tom really take the reigns with taking my blood pressure so I wouldn’t experience as much white coat syndrome. They really made the experience as easy as possible.

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I am more in love with Tom after watching him become a dad for the second time. I know I would not have gotten through all of this without him encouraging me all the way.

I thank God for gifting me the chance to be Daphne and George’s mom. It is the greatest gift I have ever been given. They make my world complete.

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While it wasn’t easy, we made it home safely, and we are now trying to figure out our new normal.

I have so much more to share about how things are different this second time around, how big brother is doing, and just all the pictures I can manage to get of this little nugget.

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words that you have shared with our family. While this blog is mainly for me to remember, I enjoy being able to share pieces of our journey with each of you.

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Daphne’s Birth Story

It’s hard to believe that she is finally here!

Our Daphne Christine.

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While we had an induction planned, everything about this birth story was not planned. But what birth story is?

A couple weeks ago, my doctor scheduled our induction for Saturday, May 20th, because he didn’t want me to go a day past 37 weeks. Last Wednesday (May 17th), I went in for my final check up. Knowing we only had a couple days, we got everything squared away at the house, and I had everything done that I needed to do at work before I headed to this appointment. That day was also Tom’s last day at work before he started his paternity leave, so we felt good about the finality of this pregnancy. I even brought my hospital bag with me that day wanting to be more prepared.

I just had a feeling that I wasn’t going to be leaving that appointment without a baby.

And sure enough, Daphne and I both didn’t pass our tests that day. She didn’t practice breathing during the ultrasound, and my blood pressure was too high for my doctor to let us go even two more days until our induction. So I checked into Labor and Delivery, and Tom met me there within the hour after securing George plans with his parents.

We got to our room at 5pm, and I was calm about the whole ordeal at this point. We were having a baby!

They started hooking me up with the IV. They checked my cervix, and I was already dilated to a 3, which is awesome that I was already there naturally. Because of my blood pressure, I was being put on magnesium again. I was really hoping to avoid this because of the bad and awful reactions I had with George. And because of the magnesium, I had to have a catheter. Ugh…

My in-laws brought George by after picking him up from the sitter’s. When he walked in the door, he said, “Mommy hurt?” So many emotions right there. It just hit me that my little baby boy was all grown up.

Soon after they left around 7pm, they put me on pitocin and got the party started. I started having contractions coming together almost immediately. I was also really feeling the magnesium. I was freezing out Tom because I was burning up so much and kept asking for the air to be turned down. The weird thing about magnesium though is that it was just my face that was on fire.

Since I was not allowed to walk around, at 11 pm I decided to get an epidural. It just seems silly to have to deal with all that pain to be able to do it more naturally when nothing about magnesium is normal. The only reason I wanted to try naturally was so I could walk around during labor, and that just wasn’t an option. Give me the drugs then! This time was a lot harder for me to get the epidural. It was much more painful of a process. Tom was in there this time though so that was nice to be able to hold his hand.

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At 12:30, they came and checked my cervix again and broke my water. I was only at a 4. I was a little upset that I wasn’t progressing faster, but I embraced where we were at.

I started shaking uncontrollably at this point. It was like I was cold, but I was hot from the magnesium. I just remember repeating to Tom, “I can’t make it stop.” I shook like this well after the birth was over. This was awful to not feel in control of your body at all.

The nurse had me flipping sides every few minutes in between contractions to help activate Daphne. Every time I had a contraction, her heartbeat went way low. They thought that the umbilical cord may be wrapped around her neck.  I just remember being exhausted after every flip because it was so hard to move my legs due to the epidural it was taking all my strength to rotate. At one point they had me on all fours to help alleviate some of the contraction pain. The thing that they don’t tell you about epidurals is that it doesn’t take away all the contractions like one may think, and you still feel ALL the pressure.

I was having contractions every few minutes and some severe pressure in my hooha. Finally at 3:00 am, the doctor came back in to check on my progress.

It was no wonder I was feeling pressure, because Daphne was crowning and her head was making it’s way out! Her heart rate was going down during contractions not because of the umbilical cord, but because my vagina was wrapped around her neck. So they got everyone into position quickly, including my legs into stirrups.

Seven minutes and 6 pushes after they said let’s start this, Daphne Christine was born at 3:20am and laid on my chest.

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They waited a couple minutes to cut the umbilical cord while she laid on my chest. It as so magical to have this moment. We never got this with George since he was whisked away to the NICU so quickly after birth, so this was amazing to have it this time around.

Once Tom cut the literal cord, they took her over to do her tests while they did finished cleaning and stitching me up.

They did struggle to get the placenta out. And when it did come out, it was very apparent why I needed to have this baby early. It was in shreds. Tom said it looked nothing like when I had George.

But soon it was over and Daphne was back on my chest avoiding the NICU completely as a pre-term baby at 36 weeks and 4 days. Here she was already passing her brother on tests. She weighed 6 lbs and 6 oz, and every bit was beautiful.

I remember dozing off a little bit before the sun rose, but after that I was trying to nurse her every hour or so. Tom and I also admitted that it was so very weird to have her in the room. People kept commenting that it was easy for us since it was our second time and knew what to expect, but we both were like uh no the last baby I didn’t get to see for almost two days after he was born. I don’t know how to do these first few hours of life business!

So after about  7 hours of labor, our precious baby girl made her debut into this world.

While she is now born, the story does not end here. The next couple of days were just as eventful and every part of this birth story. Before this week, I had contemplated having a third kid, but one particular part event of last week has me saying there will never ever be any more kids in our future.

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But you will have to come back for that part of the story. For now you can enjoy those baby cheeks!