January 3, 2013 by Stephanie

Memories of Us

Today is my husband’s birthday. There was no cake with sprinkles, no picking out a lobster to eat and watching Tom scarfing down everything in sight at Red Lobster, and no trip to Jax to peruse the gear we need for our bunker. So we are postponing the celebration until he gets back, as with most things during this deployment. I did sleep in for him, and I did go to Red Lobster but I was pretty conservative on my lunch. I just didn’t want to end up like this after a seafood overload…

It does stink to have holidays come and go and not be able to make new memories with each other.

I guess you could say though we are still making memories, they just aren’t the traditional ones most people are having. These months have been difficult, but it has given us strength and an experience to be really proud of.

And sometimes the memories are all we have to get us through this last little bit.

So in honor of Tom’s birthday, I thought of memories from our relationship to highlight his 28 years. I promise it won’t get to mushy.

Meeting at Worlds of Fun both as supervisors of our respective departments-later to hear that Tom used to find excuses to come into the park to see me before he asked me out. One being a park wide power outage and “happening” to come to the ride where I was coordinating an emergency evacuation.
The whole asking me out scenario-He had just pulled over my brother for running a stop sign and thought Randall had stolen my car. Then as Tom was asking me out, he spit gum at me. And I still said yes…
Seeing Blue October live in KC
Having our last year in Warrensburg together
Moving me to and from South Carolina, and Tom being an awesome partner who drove the truck both times so I could get into my car coma
Building elaborate sand castles every time we are at a beach
Fudge, Moccasins, and Ninja weapons. Enough said.
Building a laser obstacle course in our apartment with two lasers and lots of mirrors, then singing the theme song to mission impossible as we tried to roll through it.
Watching Tom with Grace.
Watching Tom with Ava (his sister’s daughter)
Nights on Pine Street
Friday Night Date night means Hy-Vee Chinese and a movie rental.
Taking care of me when I have food poisoning, which unfortunately has happened more times than I would care to remember
Making the ribbon streamers for our wedding and making up ribbon dances in our apartment to “test them out”
Tom being the first person to tell me Boy Meets World is going to have a sequel. This is a big deal folks, especially since he called me from Afghanistan to do so.
Hearing Tom’s end of the world plans, which changes on a daily basis.
Being there to watch each other graduate from big milestones (undergraduate, graduate, basic training)
Me beating him repeatedly in miniature golf…
Our first date and being serenaded by a band at the restaurant
Having different opinions in how Rummy should be played
Going to Zoo Brew the past few summers
BASEBALL
Tom reciting how I talk jibberish in my sleep. (Basketball Time!)
Being cited by WoF employees on our second date at the KC zoo. We didn’t want to be tainted by the WoF rumor mill…
Making forts out of anything and everything
Helping me train for my first half marathon and singing “Push It” as we run.
The proposal story in Savannah, GA
Our perfect wedding

We have lots of memories still to make and many more birthdays to experience!

Tonight’s craft has been a long time in the making. I have been collecting plastic bottle caps for the past 6 months for this. For someone who doesn’t buy a lot of groceries and has reusable bottles, this took me longer than others. Half of these honestly came from when we cleaned out my grandparents’ fridge after the funeral. So I am sure if someone else was doing the collecting it might go a little quicker.

So you just need need enough caps to cover the canvas of your choice. Then you just glue them all to the canvas in the design you want. It took me awhile to organize them so it wasn’t all one color in a certain area.

But this is the final product!

Happy Birthday Thomas!

December 31, 2012 by Stephanie

Home For the Holidays

This last week was full of hustle and bustle. The holiday time meant a trip home for me.

But at this moment in my life, home is an operative word. I have lots of homes. With my parents being divorced since I was four, I have never really known a time where one single place was home. And now, with the in-laws that added another sense of home to the mix.

So in the last week, I had 5 family holiday celebrations, met with 3 old wonderful friends, and traveled from/to three different cities. I was able to visit and catch up with so many friends and family. Some people I had not seen in 6 years! Yay for a reunion with the Rydman family!

Even with the bouncing around, all of it felt like home. It was good to be surrounded by familiarity.

A week ago, I was not singing the same tune. I was down in the dumps about going home. I was very very anxious and apprehensive about my holiday vacation. I was worried that I would feel even more alone with all of the reminders about Tom being gone for the holiday season. I thought that I would get fed up with all the questions and conversations about Tom being gone and when he would return. This was also going to be the first time that I have ever spent the night at my in-laws without Tom around. Let’s talk about a Tom reminder! I thought I was setting myself up for a nervous breakdown sleeping in his childhood home. I didn’t want to think about Tom being gone, and I knew at home I would have to face it head on. Expletive said here.

Luckily, I have never been more wrong!

This trip was exactly what I needed.

I saw my family and friends while in my hometown. It was busy busy going from one house to the next everyday, some days even more than one house. Grace and I definitely traipsed all over that town! But it was a great distraction to be so busy. And it was nice to be with the comfort of my family and have our traditions still happen even though my world is a little off-kilter. Here’s to the shrimp at my grandparents’, Christmas Day malt-o-meal with my dad and stepmom, brisket buffet with the Coles (step-extended family), and banana bread with my mom! Hmm I see a theme with our traditions being based around food…. And then being able to see the friendly faces of some of my bestest friends over the years, words cannot describe how great this was.

Then rounding out the Tour de Missouri, I traveled to my in-laws. Being able to talk about Tom the way we did…I don’t really know how to explain it, but it was very peaceful and calming for me. We could talk about Tom and just be normal about it. It didn’t have to be focused on the Army or being in Afghanistan. We talked about what the next couple years would look like and the plans we have for family. It was not a conversation about Tom like I have with many with pity in their eyes or a worried brow. I didn’t have to repeat things over and over, which can get exhausting at times to have the same conversation with everyone I meet. I sometimes feel like I just need to record myself with the scripted answers and just play it on loop. (He is coming home in the spring–He is doing pretty well–I get to talk to him every day, and yes I realize that is UNREAL–It’s a day by day process.) I was able to talk about Tom like he was there with us. It may sound kooky but there was a Tom aura there that maybe only I felt, but either way it was very comforting. And it was just normal. There wasn’t all this hoopla about Tom being gone and what he is doing. We did all miss him terribly and it definitely wasn’t the same, but I think we all were just tired of focusing on the fact that he is gone. We realize it’s not something we can change, and sometimes you don’t want to focus on the empty chair at the dining table. (Which is what I had been doing prior to the trip…) I don’t know if I would have felt all of this without the people who are so closely related to him reminding me of him so much. (Our niece, Ava, is so much like him, it’s silly…) So what I was most afraid of was actually the best thing for me!

And there was no nervous breakdown! I only cried twice on the whole entire trip and that was because of a news report of soldiers surprising their kids by coming home (this was more of a mad/jealous cry) and then crying during Les Mis (so nothing to do with Tom-sorry babe). Success!

The dictionary says home is “a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.”

Home took a very different meaning for me this last week. It was a place I could go to and be comforted and celebrate all the good things. It’s a place where love just kind of wraps you up like a warm blanket. It’s where you can go and feel like you never left and pick up where you left off. It’s a place that puts you at ease, somewhere to rest your hat so to speak. It’s a place where you go for family.

I went to a lot of “homes” this past week, and it was a perfect way to spend my time without Tom around.

As Dorothy says, “There is no place like home.”

And on the holiday note, this is my last homemade Christmas gift for this year.

Sidebar–I feel that homemade Christmas went over really well. I had a great time with it! And everyone seemed to enjoy it on their side too. (Or my family is really good at lying to me about liking their presents.) It really was a labor of love you were giving away. So I think we all had fun with it. The only down side was trying to figure out how to transport all of it back home.

Anyway, I am pretty proud of myself for this particular gift because it is my first attempt at using my sewing machine.

I have not used a sewing machine since 7th grade Home Ec which was in 1997/98. So needless to say, I needed some guidance on this one.

My mom helped me freshen up my sewing skills, and we used this pattern as our guide.

http://www.diaryofaquilter.com/search/label/tutorial?updated-max=2011-01-06T15%3A06%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=20

I did not take any “as we were going pictures” since this site explains it perfectly. This was a pretty easy project to get back into the swing of things with a sewing machine.

I made these for my brother so he could have them so he and his daughter could start their own holiday traditions with stocking stuffers. Maybe he will continue the tradition of toothbrushes and a deck of cards…

And after being reminded of how to use the sewing machine, I think I can start doing other varieties of crafts. 2013 get ready!

December 19, 2012 by Stephanie

Best Laid Plans…

My last few posts have been pretty heavy for me, so I am just going to focus on the craft this time.

However, I will say this craft is just like life.

You can plan for things, but it doesn’t always work out the way you planned.

This was my inspiration.

I wanted to make a board with the Royals emblem by doing this string effect.

So I got a canvas, pins, paint, and thread.

I painted the board blue. So far so good.

I cut out the KC emblem to trace it with pins. Again good.

Looks good right?

Then I spent 30-45 minutes poking pins into the canvas.

Everything is going great…then bam.

This is what happens…

What you can’t see from this picture is the pins collapsing on each other. Or the thread would come off if I moved my hand in the wrong way. And this is how far I got in a half hour. Ridiculous.

So forgo the thread.

I push all the pins down, and then mulled it over that this wasn’t good enough either.

I go between the ideas of painting, sewing, and buttons.

I really wanted a 3D effect, so I nix the painting.

I didn’t really want to spend the time sewing. Poking the pins through the canvas was more than enough for me.

So I chose buttons.

After going to Walmart and Hobby Lobby, I found that yellow buttons are not easy to come by.

So I went to the jewelry section and used some flat beads from there. Success!

So this is what I finally came up with.

I really hope that my parents like it! Go Royals!

If you are wanting to try the thread thing, I would suggest doing it on a wood board with nails so the pins can’t move. I am going to try it again some other time. I just need to get over being frustrated about it first.

So if at first you don’t succeed, try again or go to a different section in Hobby Lobby.

Besides this project, I also made lotion and a hand scrub for some Christmas presents tonight.

They both are great, and they are super easy to make.

The lotion could be a little a little thick and greasy, but that could be my interpretation of it. And I had it all over my hands from making it and putting it in the jars so I probably used more than I needed.

Here are the instructions for the hand scrub:

Fill your container with 3/4 of the way with sugar. Then fill the rest with Dawn soap (the pink one with the Olay in it). Then you just stir it up until it is a paste. This easiness made me feel better about the string craft not working out nicely.

Here are the instructions for the lotion:

16 ounces of Baby Lotion

8 ounces of coconut oil

8 ounces of Vitamin E cream

All of these I found at Walmart.

Then you just mix it together with a mixer until it is whipped like icing.

So that is it for tonight! More projects to come soon!

Sidenote: Tom and I have been married for 18 months today! (Yep, I’m that person.)

You all should listen to track number 5 of Tyrone’s new CD “This Love.” It is called “Make it Through.”

http://www.fixtstore.com/product/88908/Tyrone-Wells—This-Love-%28MP3-Album%29

Sorry I couldn’t find a youtube video of it, so this was the best I could do to show you this amazing song!

December 17, 2012 by Stephanie

This Little Light of Mine

This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

This is a song I loved to sing as a kid. It was one of my favorites because you could shout “no” with permission and there were hand motions. And in my young age of wanting to be a choreographer, I loved having excuses for dance moves.

But this morning was probably this first time I really thought about the words of this song.

In the past couple of weeks, the news has been plastered with coverage on the two most recent mass shootings-Oregon and Connecticut. So many lives have been turned upside down by these tragedies. It saddens my heart to think about the families and the lives lost.

It also saddens my heart to see that the first thing that the news goes to is “Gun control is the solution.” Once again the debate has been spurred-yippee. I am not here to argue one way or another about whether guns should be more controlled or not. In my opinion, it doesn’t make a difference whether it is a gun or not. People will still find the means to be violent. Look at this knife attack that also happened on Friday in a school in China. http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/14/world/asia/china-knife-attack/index.html

I have my own feelings on gun control, and I respect that you have yours. So I don’t really want to talk about whether we should regulate it more or not.

What I do want to talk about is that with these incidents the common denominator seems to be a human being. In my opinion, we need to look at a much broader issue than gun control and make it a human issue. Why do people think that this is their only solution? Why don’t we look at how someone becomes so desperate that the only thing they can depend on is a violent weapon? Why does a gun or a knife (insert other objects here), become their lifeline?

Recently, I heard a statistic that since Columbine in 1999, there have been 31 school shootings in the US. 31. This does not include shootings that have occurred in theaters, malls, churches, or elsewhere. 31 schools have been wrecked with this violence.

And yet, the only thing we can think of as an answer is gun control. Obviously that conversation is not working.

We are becoming more and more numb to these tragedies. I bet that within a few weeks, especially with the holidays, we will have other things to talk about and the photos will have subsided on the internet. Columbine happened when I was in 8th grade, so at times, I feel like I have grown up with great tragedy in the everyday life.

Let’s be clear, I am not trying to minimize what happened Friday. I am trying to honor those lives and ask why do we get numb? Why has it become ok that this is the new normal? Why is it so easy for us to hear about these violent acts and not think about changing how we act and treat others? Why do we move on so quickly? Why are we pessimistic and act like nothing can change unless our congress says there is stricter gun control? Do we no longer have power as individuals?

These children’s lives should serve a purpose and not be so easily forgotten. We should get our acts together and not just wait for someone else to make a change. Why can’t we lean on each other in times of need? Why are we so distant from each other that we need to depend on inanimate objects for satisfaction?

Have we all forgotten the lessons we learned in kindergarten? The lessons these children that were killed Friday were in the process of learning.

I don’t have any idea how to solve this, but I would like to propose a shift in the conversation to how we can treat each other better.

I see it everyday that we are more attached to electronics than talking to the person next to us. We are so distracted with what is going to happen next that we forget to live right now. We selfishly try to put our needs at the front of the line, and often times it may be at the cost of someone else. We are all guilty of it.

I do feel that we need to show more compassion to others and not be so consumed with our own lives. We need to open our hearts and minds to other people and show love. Yes that love may be painful, and we may not always get it back. It may be tough love. I read an article written about a mom who struggles with her own defiant son. He has gotten the rigamarole of diagnosis of ADHD, ODD, autism, etc. She showed her son tough love on more than one occasion to get him the help he needed. She understood that she may not be the best person to deal with him, but she loved him and was strong enough to say “I need help to keep my boy sweet and innocent.” We need to be able to say that and for it to be ok to do so. And the world needs more love. People, not the guns/knifes/etc, need to know that they can go to another person for help. We need to feel safe with people.

During vigils, you see tons and tons of candles. The flame is supposed to represent the life that was lost.

And so I go back to the children’s song.

This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

This song is about being an example. It is about showing love regardless of how others may respond. I also like how it emphasizes “my,” meaning that even one light can push away the darkness. We all can do something; we just have to be willing to DO it. We need to stop being bystanders. Bold statement here: maybe if we ALL cared for others a little more and did a little more these atrocities would happen a little less.

I think these lights can be hope. They can be growth. They can be dreams. These lights can be anything. We need to stop letting people blow our lights out. There is so much darkness in this world, but we can help with one light at a time. As it says in the last line of the song- Let it shine, all the time, let it shine, oh yeah!

I will be the first to admit I could do more to be kind to others. So I am going to work on shining my light a little more and be a little more human.

Just think, what would those 6 and 7 year olds being doing right now? Who knows, but they would probably be happy playing with whoever. As a six year old everyone is your best friend, and everything is grand.

So I am not really sure how to move into my craft project seamlessly from this topic, so I am just going to say that I am done throwing my thoughts out there for now. I pray for the families and communities affected most directly. And I hope that these horrific tragedies challenge us to think about how we can be more human to others.

My craft tonight is another gift.

I used:

long wooden board

two colors of paint

small clothes pins

wood glue

I forgot to take a picture before I painted the board blue.

I then painted the letters. Then once everything dried, I glued the clothespins to the board.

I don’t have pictures on it yet, but the idea is to have pictures of the grand kids hanging from the clothespins.

I am really excited to give all of these gifts out! I hope they enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed making them!

November 28, 2012 by Stephanie

When the Evening Comes

So I know I just wrote an entry about how I needed to not wallow and be sad, but I need to be honest about it. It still happens no matter how optimistic I try to be.

I spent the last week home with my family, and the question always comes “How are things going?” I was telling my dad and step-mom how ridiculously busy things had gotten in the last month. And of course they asked why, and I wasn’t really able to hammer down a reason, but more or less just started listing all the things that were in my schedule. My dad turns to me and says “You are doing what you do Steph-getting buried in ‘stuff’.”

I just kind of brushed it off at the time, but the more I thought about it on the many trips across KC and then back to Iowa, the more I had to acknowledge that my dad was right. Don’t you hate that?

Really, I don’t mind being busy, and it’s not all work stuff either. I have gotten more involved at my church, and I have really enjoyed that so far. I am training for another half marathon which requires some physical activity at least 5 days a week. SOIA basketball practice is starting tomorrow, so we have had some coaches meetings to prepare. These are all things that I feel keep me balanced, but do add some things to the to do list every week, if not every day.

Don’t worry, I still get my much needed me time and play time with Grace. (This entry is taking longer to write then needed because she and I are racing through the apartment playing our version of tag.)

Last week I was not able to talk to Tom much because of a mission they were completing that took them away from their base for a few days. So we went the longest we had gone without any communication-four days. 4 days doesn’t seem like much, but it can feel like an eternity. 4 days- I had to wonder about everything. 4 days of holiday goodness. 4 days of answering “How is Tom? And when is he coming home?” So naturally, I just found more things to do while at home with my family. (I almost crocheted a whole blanket in this 4 day stint. I just ran out of yarn before I could. Ugh, only the border left.) Luckily, Tom was able to finally call on Turkey Day!

Anyway, back to my dad’s infinite words of wisdom. It hit me today that I am using my busy schedule to ward off some of the loneliness. Yes it took me a week to actually process and buy into my dad’s words.

I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer, I am just trying to be as honest as I can. The feeling does strike me at the oddest moments. I feel it at my desk at work, in a meeting when an opportunity for a “That’s What She Said” arises, when Grace and I go for our “family” walks, but mostly when I am in the apartment when the evening comes along. In theory, if I keep myself busy, that is less time for me to wallow. I have to move on to get things done-Where is my beloved to-do list? I would assume that some out there think that I am just avoiding the feelings, which to some extent I do. But if you want to hear it, I do cry. I cry a lot. Sometimes it hurts so much, I am not sure I can get myself ready for the day. Sometimes, I cry, and I am not really sure even why I started so I start laughing at myself. But I know that achieving these “to-do” lists will subside some of that loneliness. It helps me feel accomplished, even if it is just doing the dishes or clearing out my inbox. 9 months is a long time to get lonely, so I have to focus on the small gains. That is one of my strengths, and I need to utilize that to stay balanced. With a busy schedule, along with the people that surround me, I can get through it.

So yea, I may be extra busy, but at a time when Tom’s calls are not consistent, I need the schedule and tasks. It is my way of coping, much like my honesty here. So bring it life.
Even though there may be more tears than I have had in awhile, I don’t want to give off the impression that I am constantly in a state of depression. That couldn’t be farther from the case. I have a great life-a job that fulfills me, great friends and family to keep me laughing, the best dog ever, and a wonderful loving husband who is willing to do just about anything for me. Do I wish that circumstances could be different? Absolutely. I think we all do to some extent. Do I regret any of the decisions Tom and I made to get where we are? Absolutely not. We are who we are because of the experiences we happen upon. We are a stronger couple because of our challenges and continue working through more. And I will say that I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. My partner in life is pretty dang sweet, and I am so proud of what he has gone through. For better or for worse.

Love endures forever. We are just going through the “er” part right now. “Forev” will come, and it will be awesome.

This song {Give It Time} from my favorite artist Tyrone Wells really explains all that I am feeling right now. So good.

And really these crafts help with that mindless busyness that also doubles as my me-time. Winning.

Tonight’s craft is a gift for my sister in law…So I hope you like it Em.

It is a canvas with lights in the back to highlight the words of Emily and Mark’s wedding song. It is a fairly simple project that took me about an hour to complete total.

The things you need:

paint
sticker letters
canvas
lights

I first put the stickers on the canvas. Neither kind stuck very well, so I was really nervous it wasn’t going to work out.

Once this is done, you just paint over it. I was lazy and bought spray paint, but I would assume actually painting with a brush would do well too. I used white paint, but I would be curious to see how a darker color would work for this.

I spray painted until I couldn’t see the pencil marks that I used as guides. It took a few coats to do so.

Then you wait for all of it to dry, then peel of the stickers.

Then I taped the lights to the back of the canvas. I think it looks pretty good! I don’t think the picture really does it justice.

I debate the rope lights vs regular strands on the back. The jury is till out on that one, but it would be really easy to change it. I think you could put it in a window too without lights during the day for the same affect.