Author: Stephanie

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Year 11

Today, Tom and I celebrate eleven years married.

As we reflected on this year we really couldn’t think of anything gigantic happening.

But then we started thinking about all the small moments we had this year.

George is really blossoming and figuring out his way at school. He is learning to read at lightning speed, and he joined Boy Scouts this year. Watching him become someone outside of our unit is such a bittersweet thing!

Daphne started and finished pre-K, and we really are starting to see her come out of her shell. She is a beautiful soul, and I cannot wait to see her in kindergarten.

And Wally. We are starting our last firsts. He is our last baby, and so with that comes all the firsts for the last time. He is the last to learn to walk in this house. He is the last for us to hear talk for the first time. We are trying to embrace all these little moments with him.

And with that, on the plus side, I am out of the breastfeeding fog. This is always a freeing moment. While I love being able to provide that experience for my babies, it really does change our life when I am not tied to that time table of feeding any more.

We also both experienced a lot through work.

Tom is now certified as a combat firearms instructor and a law enforcement jiu-jitsu instructor. He is very passionate about training officers, and these both were significant steps in his career to learn more about his field.

This last year seems like a blur to me work wise. I had so many growing moments with “other duties as assigned” and had to pivot many times in my leadership role. I took on supervising two other departments temporarily while other things at the institution shifted into place. Both of these areas where new and made me stretch in ways I could never have imagined. I led campus wide initiatives to impact culture changes, which can be hard but also fun and inspiring to navigate through the challenge. Fortunately, I am surrounded by phenomenal colleagues who help me learn each day, and I am grateful to be where I am. I am extremely proud in the work that I do, and this year, while hard, made me realize that even more.

We didn’t last long as a no-dog home, and we brought Daisy into our lives. I honestly don’t know how we could have found a better dog after Grace and Crosby. She is seriously the most docile and sweet thing who we have had to do zero training with. She just is a happy go-with-the-flow kind of dog, which perfectly fits into our crazy little family.

Being together this long is no easy feat.

It is not as simple as “just don’t give up.” Every day is its own small thing. There is always something to solve together. It could be paying down debt, who is taking Daphne to gymnastics, what new show are we going to commit to binging, or how do we advocate for our kids’ needs at school.

Marriage is fixing and deciding these things together. You pick someone that you want to do the hard stuff with, and then the good stuff is the bonus part. These decisions become more impactful when you choose someone to share them with.

We have learned that everything happens one step at a time. We didn’t just all of a sudden become married over a decade. It was a lot of little commitments to each other over the years to get here.

We still have the ability to surprise each other. Both of us are still striving every day to be better than we were the day before. So in a sense, we have never gotten truly comfortable and said this is good enough. We are still learning about each other and ourselves. We have both gone to counseling, and we are constantly looking for opportunities for growth. We make an effort with each other every day to connect in some way. And for us that is the only way that this has been successful.

15 years ago, many people considered our success a long shot (or a no shot). Just a summer romance that would sizzle out. But here we are coming off of a vacation with three kids happier than ever. Eleven years married and many more ahead!

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Walter-18 Months

Weight:  He weighs 24 pounds. He looks like a lanky little kiddo, especially now that we see him in shorts every day. I love his little features.

Health: He has had an on-going runny nose these last few months. Unfortunately, I think he got my allergies just like the other two kids. He is also still cutting about 4 teeth, so I am sure that is playing into the runny nose and diaper rashes as well.

Diet: He is starting to get picky about vegetables, but he still eats really well other than that. He has not met a fruit or a carb that he doesn’t like. His favorite is blueberries, bananas, oranges, and any type of bread. He also makes it very clear when he is ready to eat, and will run to the table when we say it is meal time. He also pushes his high chair over

Clothes: He is in size 18 month clothes, size 5 in diapers, and size 5 shoes. He is starting to wear some 2T stuff. It seriously makes me so emotional changing over clothes because I see shirts that both Daphne and George have worn, and it is bittersweet to have this as a last time.

Sleeping:  For the most part he does really well sleeping. He goes to bed around 7:30-8, and then wakes up usually around 8am. He has one nap mid-day. He still is in a zipadee-zip, and I am still skiddish to leave anything else in the crib with him. The zipadee-zip is hypnotic for him. He can be crying, and then I zip him up, and he is ready to roll over and go to sleep. However, if he does wake up, he is a bear to get back down in the middle of the night…like it takes us hours and lots of DisneyPlus to get him to calm down. He is a different person in the middle of the night!

Likes:  His new favorite activity is climbing everything including on top of the kitchen table. He loves music and dancing. He is obsessed with Daphne and Daisy. He loves the outside, and I think the water table is going to be his favorite thing this summer. He likes telling you “no.”

Dislikes:  He still hates getting his diaper changed. He hates when blueberries are not on his plate. He loathes getting his hair washed.

Nicknames: Walt, Wally, Wally Bear, Wallington Bear, Wally Olly, Waller, Wallace, Wallaby, Butters, Sweet Bean, Stinkerdoodle, Waltie baby, Cutie baby, Sweetie baby, Baby guy, and Baby Walter.

Milestones: His language has exploded over the last couple weeks. He has so many new words: hello, blue, bye, don’t know, happy, wow, and apple to just name a few. My favorite though is “read,” and he will bring a book over to you and tell you to read. He is starting to really pick up on instructions and communicating back which is always really fun to watch. He has started a few tantrums…super fun. When I get home at night he runs to give me a hug. He finally started waving and running, generally not at the same time.

Quirks: He loves feeling fabric. Whenever he is near to someone, he will pinch their shirt and rub it between is fingers. He has one dimple on his left cheek, and it just melts me. He will fake laugh if you ask him to.

We parents are:  glad to have made it through the school year. I am really proud of this year for all of us. We saw some big transitions, but we still managed to make it through with more memories. Tom just got back from a training to become a Law Enforcement jujitsu instructor. He is really living out his dreams with his job, and he has some big plans with this credential. I was able to transition some work off my plate this last month. And not to toot my own horn, but I had to facilitate a discussion with the president of my institution last week, and I am feeling really proud of the result. Also we love this time of year, and the season just lifts everyone’s moods around here. We love our property, and being able to be outside more is so fulfilling for us. And we have so much going on in our garden!

Big kids are:  doing pretty good. They just ended school last week, so we are officially on summer mode here. I can’t believe that we have a 2nd grader and a kindergartner! George loves making Wally laugh, and is really good about trying to soothe him if Wally is out of sorts. Daphne is obsessed with Wally. She loves to tell me all the new things he did, and catalogs it all for me like a good caregiver would. She is constantly making up songs for him. And she loves playing kitchen with him. And the way they will cuddle up is the most endearing thing ever. He has started to grow interest in HER toys though, and we have had a few conversations about sharing with her now as the big sister.

Daisy is: doing great. Wally is her favorite, and they are so cute together. Wally has started sitting on her, and she just lays there and takes it. She is such a docile dog and so sweet with him. She also will run to the door with Wally when I ask for hugs. She is like, “Me too, me too!”

In case you are curious, here is George at eighteen months and Daphne at eighteen months.

His personality is really starting to come out as his words are forming. I love watching him interact with the world, but especially with his siblings. He is the perfect little guy for our family.

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Daphne is Five!

As we rode to school today, Daphne squealed, “This is the best day of my life!”

She has been counting down the days until she turns five. One whole hand!

I truly do not have the words to express the light that this little girl exudes. But I am going to attempt anyway.

Here are five things to know about this beautiful soul.

  1. She is the best sister. She adores both of her brothers. She wants to do everything that George does. She thinks the world of him, and she easily follows along to all his interests. When it comes to Wally, she is so sweet to him and caters to his every need. She wants to entertain him and comfort him all day long. She is the perfect middle to this brother sandwich.
  2. Daphne pays attention to the tiniest of details. She loves playing with tiny things, and has a story of the why to every detail. She doesn’t forget the importance of every step of the process and is meticulous to layer every piece as elaborately as needed. It’s as though everything she touches becomes ornate.
  3. She is the biggest bucket filler. Along with paying attention to details on things, she also does this with people. She feeds into others so easily. She is always taking in people’s favorite things and interests and recalls them at later points in order to fill that person up. She is constantly trying to make things because she knows they are something we like or reminds her of her friends. She is a great gift giver and friend because of how she wants to make others feel seen.
  4. She is as stubborn as a mule. I am really getting payback on this one. She is giving me a run for my money on being stubborn. She knows how to dig her heels in when she has an opinion on something. She also does not like to be wrong, so she digs in there too just to prove a point. She doesn’t fall far from the tree on that one….She also wants to know the reason for everything, and she won’t let simple answers go. She is relentless on asking for why.
  5. At the same time, Daphne is very tenderhearted and loyal. She believes in the best in people. It has been really fun to see her at school this year and see how she is developing friendships. While she has this eternal optimism about her, it can take her a while to warm up to strangers. But once she does, she is stuck to you for life. If that wall has come down, she gives her whole self into that relationship and becomes your ride or die with her loyalty.

She is a sweet human, and I feel blessed to have her. Sometimes I feel like we are raising each other. I am definitely not the same person I was the day she was born. I am growing right alongside her.

This has been a big year for her, and she has grown so much-physically and mentally. I am constantly amazed seeing what she is capable of. I am so proud of her, and I am in awe of her.

Five whole years with this little person.

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37

As I sit here at the end of my birthday today, I can only smile at the life that I have been given.

There are certain moments of the year where I get reflective and take a moment to be thankful of what I have been given and my current place in life. Things have never been completely easy, and this last year was certainly not a walk in the park. However, my birthday has always been one of those times each year where I can pause and soak in my blessings, see how I have grown, and be thankful for those surrounding me.

This past year was a true testament of how investing in my own growth matters. It was the first year that I can honestly remember ever that my anxiety was not crippling. There were many trials this year that would have sent a younger me in a spiral. Now, has the constant overthinking stopped? Not at all. However, I have become more confident in who I am and learned strategies to knock away the self doubt.

I don’t have to be perfect. In fact, I am far from it. This year I am finally coming to terms with this. God uses broken leaders. There has been peace in finally accepting that I don’t have to be perfect all the time, and being broken doesn’t mean that I can’t still move forward. It only took me three decades to get here, but we all run our own race. (Hebrews 12:1 is one of my favorite verses.)

I talked about the start of my counseling journey last year after giving birth to Wally, and honestly that was a game changer for me. I have learned so much about how to truly accept myself and starting to understand I am not responsible for other people’s opinions. This is still a hard journey, but at 37 I am finally letting some of the things go instead of replaying old conversations that happened yesterday or even 20 years ago. It’s nice to look back at the post, and realize that the work that I have been putting in has been paying off.

I may not be the strongest, but I am stronger.

I may not be the wisest, but I am wiser.

I may not be the healthiest, but I am healthier.

I may not be the best, but I am happy with who I am.

There is not a quick fix in this life, and I am by no means perfect, but I am finally enjoying the journey. Intention has been my focus. I have learned this last year to control my thoughts more deliberately or to reconstruct them when my anxiety does settle in. I have learned to engage in projects with my whole self and know that I am there for a reason even if I don’t understand the why. I have learned how to be better than I was the day before, and even if I wasn’t there is humility and peace in trying again in the next moment. I have learned how to believe in myself.

In the end, I have my family and a purpose in life greater than I could have ever imagined. If my kids were to look back on this moment, I want them to be proud of who I am, and I finally feel at ease with that thought.

So here is to another year around the sun as broken as ever, but more free than ever before.

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Walter-16 Months

Weight:  I never remember to weigh him until after he is in bed. He was at 25 lbs at his 15 month appointment. Whoops.

Health: The last couple months have been a little rough. He is cutting his back molars. He has basically had a runny nose non-stop. I think he is going to follow in the big kids’ footsteps and get the allergy cough. He also has had severe diaper rashes. They have been excruciating.

Diet: He is doing great with meals. He is starting to get picky about vegetables, but he still eats really well other than that. He has not met a fruit or a carb that he doesn’t like. His favorite is blueberries, bananas, oranges, and crescent rolls.

Clothes: He is in size 18 month clothes, size 5 in diapers, and size 5 shoes. We skipped right over 12-18 month clothes, partly because he can fit in 18 month just fine. But really, I could not find that size in any of our boxes of prior kid clothes. No clue where that size went off to.

Sleeping:  For the most part he does really well sleeping. He goes to bed around 7:30-8, and then wakes up usually around 8am. He has one nap mid-day. However, if he does wake up, he is a bear to get back down in the middle of the night. It takes a lot of work to get him back down.

Likes:  His new favorite activity is climbing everything. He loves anything he can pull up on or if there are stairs. He loves the movie Encanto. He is obsessed with Daphne and Daisy. He likes the first two pages of any book. He loves playing with the hose, and going outside in general. He loves to get the dirt out of the pots. He loves to brush his own teeth.

Dislikes:  Due to his diaper rash, he HATES getting his pants changed. He does not like any pages past the first two of any book. You cannot have a piece of bread near him without him getting some. The audacity that we have to eat carbs without sharing.

Nicknames: Walt, Wally, Wally Bear, Wallington Bear, Wally Olly, Waller, Wallace, Wallaby, Butters, Sweet Bean, Stinkerdoodle, Waltie baby, Cutie baby, Sweetie baby, Baby guy, and Baby Walter.

Milestones: He is a climber, of all the things. He can follow simple instructions like putting his cup away, and he is starting to know where things are located in the house.

Quirks: My favorite quirk is that he hums while he eats.

We parents are:  doing ok. The past couple months have been fairly difficulty for me at work. There have been a lot of changes and many pivots. It has been exciting to work with my colleagues to provide the best experience for our students, but the resources are slim and we are all just trying to make things work. While it has been hard, it has been cool to see the creative brainstorming we have been doing to get it all done. Tom has been awesome. He is really living his best life and has no complaints.

Big kids are:  doing pretty good. George is working extremely hard to do well in school. It has been fun to see him reading all the things. He got recognized a couple times for awards during the month, so that was heartwarming to see. He also started soccer again, which seems to be a good fit for him. It’s just cool to see him growing and learning. Daphne started soccer again too. She is doing amazing at school. She loves her friends so much. She adores Wally. One of her skills is filling other people’s buckets, and she loves to make Wally the center of her world.

Daisy is: doing great. Wally is her favorite, and they are so cute together. She is still really skiddish, but she is such a great dog.

In case you are curious, here is George at sixteen months and Daphne at sixteen months.

He does not give up smiles easily, but I love his sweet little soul.