Welp here we are well into the second trimester, and I haven’t documented at all how this pregnancy has gone. Third baby problems I guess. I do love that I have documentation of my pregnancies, so I do want to attempt to keep up with the rest of this one. Working from home is mentally exhausting, and then to add on the physical exhaustion, I never wanted to look at a computer after the work day ended. So we’ll see how documenting goes…

I will be honest this one has been the most exhausting. Some of that is obvious when you are pregnant with two other kids running around, but then to add quarantine life on to that. The first trimester was ROUGH.

We found out I was pregnant around week 5, and that is when the morning sickness started taking over. From week 5 until about week 15, I was sick pretty much 24/7. I only actually threw up once, but the nausea was overwhelming none the less. I actually felt really fortunate that we were in quarantine, because I know trying to work in person would have made me feel so much worse. Here at home, I could get as comfortable as possible, and it didn’t matter how gross I actually felt. I am not sure I would have been able to work if I would have had to go into the office and be presentable.

I was basically eating like a college freshmen: poptarts, goldfish, Tostino’s pizzas, and Chef Boyardee beefaroni. Every fruit and vegetable sent me dry heaving. And I couldn’t look at meat for most of the first trimester. I don’t eat a lot of processed food, so this had so many effects on my body because that list of 4 highly processed items was really my diet for weeks. But my body DID NOT want anything fresh and wanted things filled with salt.

And oh the exhaustion. I literally fell asleep each time my body hit the couch. Eating breakfast with the kids during morning cartoons, asleep. Bedtime cartoons, asleep. Reading the kids books, asleep. I couldn’t tell you how many times Tom would find me asleep in the kids’ rooms while they played around me. I would pass out anytime my tushie hit a soft cushion.

There was absolutely no working out, and I struggled to even get my steps in every day. I would put the treadmill on 1.5 speed and slowly inch my way towards my step goal each day.

This all is fairly similar to how both of the other pregnancies went, but quarantine added a whole other element that made this a different experience.

As I said being at home made things better in the long run that I could just be a mess and no one would know. I have basically lived in leggings for the past 4 months. It also made it easier for us to keep things to ourselves. This was important to me because I don’t like to share my pregnancies until I have actually seen the little nugget on an ultrasound and heard a heartbeat. For me I need that reality confirmation before I feel comfortable sharing with the world. With Daph, we saw her at 6 weeks, and George we saw at 8 weeks. With this one, I did not have an ultrasound until 12 weeks. So having the ability to hole up in our house was really beneficial.

What wasn’t beneficial was the anxiety that over took me along with the morning sickness. Due to my history, I worried that my hormones were deceiving me as they did with George, so I really wanted a doctor to check me out and do their tests to confirm the pregnancy. I also was anxious since my doctor and I had talked through being labeled as high risk before. So when I was told that my first appointment (8 weeks) would be over Zoom, and that I would not have an ultrasound until 12 weeks, the panic set in. With George I had appointments every 2 weeks, and with Daph we had a three ultrasounds within the first trimester. It was really hard for me to just trust that everything was ok.

But due to COVID, my OB did not want patients coming in until their 12 week ultrasound. This was right at the beginning of the shut down, so there was a lot to digest in how the procedures would be different.

During my teleappointment at 8 weeks, I expressed my concerns. My doctor kept reassuring me that I was showing definite signs of being pregnant. She went through symptoms that I would need to watch for to warrant coming in person before 12 weeks. I was not exhibiting any of them. Which for any normal person, that would be calming. It just made me more aggravated that I could only go off my nausea and peeing on a stick to know everything was going ok. I really got spoiled with all the ultrasounds with the first two! Also Zoom appointments are interesting. It’s basically an indepth questionnaire with a chat feature. I felt fortunate that I have a blood pressure machine at home that I could at least talk through some medical readings.

That 12 week mark finally came around, and I was finally able to see this little baby on the screen. However, I had to go at it alone. All my appointments in person will be solo. I am glad that Tom has experienced the appointments before so he at least has an idea of what I am doing there, but it still sucks as someone with anxiety to have to go through pieces of this alone. But to limit exposure risks, no support people are allowed with patients during appointments. It also made me sad because I was able to take George to one of my ultrasounds with Daph, and that will not be an experience I get to share with this one.

And how have the kids been through all this? Pretty great actually. They named the baby Teddy, and I now realize as we are talking about real names, that we may never get them to stop calling this baby Teddy. Daphne is so excited to have her own baby, and she wants to share the crib with her newest brother. George is ready for another baby, but very much does not want to share rooms. We have been using it as incentive to keep his room clean. If he doesn’t clean his room twice a week, I have threatened to put baby stuff in his room. So far so good! They love to talk to the baby, but they think they do that through screaming in my mouth. It’s been really fun seeing their reactions as a 5 and 3 year old compared to the 2 year old that George was when I was pregnant with Daphne.

Even though I have been through pregnancy before, this one feels so different. There is a reality that I may do this whole pregnancy from the comfort of my own home, which brings on so many different dynamics and other missed opportunities of celebration. There are still so many unknowns and things that cause me to panic and question. So I guess with that it is the same…It’s like I am making myself doubt every sane instinct, and then I feel guilt that I don’t know what’s going on since I have had prior experience.

So yea the first trimester went swimmingly. But here we are, and I am 18 weeks and almost to the half way point.

Here are my first pregnancy updates with George and Daphne.