Throwback Thursday

This last weekend was my high school ten year reunion.

When did that happen?

10 years. So what do I have to say for myself?

Never. Would. Have. Imagined.

You grow up thinking your life is going to go down this perfect path to happiness. Well, happiness still attainable, but down the path you envisioned and planned for, probably not.

So let me take you back to 2003.

  • 18 years old-adult finally! And I think I know everything, just ask my parents.
  • moving out of Kansas City-which did not seem like that big of a deal since my parents were divorced and I had become fairly independent going back and forth every weekend since I was 4. And I was ready to be away from my family-what 18 year old isn’t?
  • ok so fairly independent, but extremely painfully shy. I liked riding the coattails of people into a group. This is probably why I found my home in the arts (band, theater, and photography-I could either hide behind something or was given lines.)
  • huge dork-when I sat down to look at pictures I made a disclaimer to Tom that if he thought I was a dork now, the stats grow exponentially for back then
  • going to college for elementary education
  • I had my first year of undergrad paid for through the dozens of scholarships I applied for, but I was apprehensive of how the rest of the time was going to get paid.
  • I had just started my first summer at Worlds of Fun, which I thought would be a one time deal.
  • I did not own a car.

Looking back these things had a significant impact on how the last ten years went.

I acted like an adult and rarely asked my parents for guidance or support like many in college. And luckily my parents were not helicopter parents so they let me have my space. It made me fend for myself and fight my own battles. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were always there for guidance and support, I just learned how to fumble through things on my own first. This helped me learn who I was and how to pick myself up after I made a mistake.

I have lived in several places since then. I have not moved back to Kansas City, and that is still up in the air if I will. At that point [2003], I was so ready to be gone. Now I look forward to my visits home because I have lived far away for so long and I know that I am missing out on things. Most of my family lives in that area, and we have two nieces now that we don’t get to see grow up. We have decided that eventually we will end up back in Missouri so that we can be closer to family. The “where” will depend on job searches.

The shyness is a roller coaster itself. I am still painfully shy, I just have learned how to mask it-for the most part. It is really surprising that I made it through residence life as long as I did. I found when I was in my own element and a chosen environment, I could make it count, with a lot of work and energy. (And then a weekend holed up in my apartment). Over the past few years, I had several staff members comment that they were surprised I was an introvert. I am not sure if that is a compliment or not, but I guess it shows some growth that I can put my shyness aside. It also showed that they were unaware of what extrovert and introvert actually mean-teaching moment. I will say, I definitely have become much more self aware and learned a lot about balance so I could put away the shyness in some parts of my life. (All those personality tests…)

However if it is a new environment or one that I have not chosen myself where I know few people or no one, I still have severe anxiety and become that wallflower I have always been. I will constantly check my watch to see if I have put in enough time. Making friends is difficult to do on my own still, which moving here, just makes it all the more apparent. Housing really spoils you by putting you in forced cohorts. Tom and I recently had a heated discussion about my “preferred” way of making friends in small intimate groups instead of large gatherings. Fortunately and unfortunately,  my hubster is a social butterfly and can easily work his way into any conversation. Sometimes he has a hard time understanding my hard time. My awkwardness however makes me feel like I am always 3 steps behind, so most of the time in new situations I just observe. And I hate forced mingling. Navigating socials at conferences always gives me a pit in my stomach and is the reason why I sprint towards a familiar face. So this shyness/awkwardness is still a work-in progress.

But, I am much more confident with who I am, and the shyness has become more of an inner battle. I have become slightly more assertive, although Tom would argue that I still let people walk over me too much. Eh, I can’t give it all up I guess. At least there is growth right? And I am not unhappy about my shyness. I have made many good friends over the years, and wont stop making friends. I just take my time and do it very carefully. Overtime, I have just learned what are the best routes for me, or how to force an awkward smile and excuse myself for a graceful exit.

I am still a huge dork, and perhaps I have sharpened that in some areas. I like to proclaim that I am a classical dork, and I embrace it every day.

While I still found myself in education, I became a statistic when I changed my major. I learned within a month of my freshman year that elementary schools were not in my future. I quickly changed to Social Studies Education, which is what I stayed with. However as things happened thought my involvement and teaching practicals, I learned that I actually wanted to work with college students. I proceeded to get my Master’s in Counseling with an emphasis in Student Affairs.

Now that first year of college, I grappled with the fact I needed to figure out a way to continue to pay for school. I was persistent about applying for scholarships and was fortunate to receive many. This is probably because many people stop applying for scholarships once they actually get to college. Don’t stop! There are sooo many that very few people apply to. I ran a scholarship committee for the last three years, and only one year was there more than six people who applied for a $1000 scholarship. Anywho, I also managed to keep my academic tuition scholarship for my entire career. Whoop being a smarty pants finally worked in my favor! This financial situation led me to work in several areas on campus and showed me that a hard work ethic and determination can get you pretty far. Can you believe I worked for the alumni center phone bank? Seriously this shy girl did make those annoying telemarketing phone calls. I was horrible at it, but it was a fun semester none the less. The two jobs that probably changed the course of my life though were both in housing. I was a Community Advisor for three years and worked for a year as an Office Assistant in the main housing office. Because of these opportunities, I learned that I did in fact love teaching, just on a different scale than I thought. This experience prompted me to change my life plan and go into student affairs which led me to Clemson University for my Masters. And oh the lessons learned from housing….And because of all this, I managed to get two degrees with zero debt. Yep you read that correctly. Toot my own horn yes indeed! I paid everything the moment it was due and have no bills to worry about now. It has made my education very dear to my heart and probably is one of my greatest achievements to come out unscathed by the debt most college graduates face today.

Not only did I work on campus, but I continued to work at Worlds of Fun for 6 years. This was also a defining experience in my life, for so many reasons. Working at an amusement park is an awesome way to spend your summers. You gain some great memories, friends, and leadership experience. You also gain some really random knowledge like the best way to clean up puke and how to run a steam engine locomotive. Who doesn’t want to know that? (Unfortunately, you also get some wacko tan lines but you can relieve the pain by riding roller-coasters all day.)  This is also where I met Tom, so we are pretty much in debt to that place. I would love to get my hands on a vintage WoF map to do something crafty with it. Who knew that this temp job [starting in the games dept no less] drastically changed the course of my life?

My parents didn’t get me a car while I was in high school. I had to earn that ’99 Jimmy. They gave me a price that I had to reach on my own before we could look into it. I wasn’t able to do my share until after my freshmen year of college. Saving thousands of dollars while paying for school, is a hefty charge! But I am so grateful that my parents dealt me this hand, even though I hated it at the time. First off, UCM was a suitcase campus. So I was forced to stay at school on the weekends and make friends. Done and done. I joined clubs and had some great experiences that year that were a foundation for the rest of my time in the Burg. Secondly, it taught me a lot about fiscal responsibility and how to save. I have also never had a car payment in my life because of this and my parent’s support/encouragement. I am getting ready to get my third car using this method=just a little more savings to go!

So yea, I guess you could say the last ten years have been pretty good to me. I have learned a lot and become a better person then that scrawny nerdy shy girl who was terrified of the future.

Unfortunately, I was not in a position to make it to the actual reunion in KC. It would have been nice to see all those blasts from the past, and interesting to see how we all have changed. If my little novel of reflection here is any indication, we all probably made some strides.

Here are some visuals from my senior year. Photos sure have upped their game in the last decade!

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This was my favorite senior picture. In high school, band was my main identity. I played all through college and hope to someday pick it up again in a community band. I loved that saxophone. I had a luggage cart that I use to bungee cord it to so I could literally take it everywhere. That thing was heavy! Why there is no picture of this, I am not sure. For now just picture a gangly girl pushing around a box that could hold a person while trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Oh and I was probably carrying at least 2 or 3 bags with all my basketball/track gear, music and photography knickknacks, and all my books and class folders. It’s astonishing that I did not have a trapper keeper. Dad used to call me a pack mule when I got out of his truck. Good picture in your head? I said I was a dork. Don’t be hating; I think I came out alright.

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Besides some changes due to my braces that I had in college, physically I was fortunate to stay fairly the same. I still own and wear these dress pants. Between you and me, I actually think I look better with the decade behind me! Although I am still just as clumsy…

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I was in the senior play “Sabrina Fair” as the maid. My dad still talks about my drunken burping scene. Years of practice finally paid off-on the burping, not the drinking. (I can honestly say I never drank until college.) Acting in this play may have been the start of my infatuation with all things Audrey Hepburn. Sabrina is my favorite after all.  Then I played the school “hottie” and was part of the “band” in our musical production of “Grease.” So much fun! These two parts were completely out of my comfort zone and totally not my persona in HS. I remember practicing my “strut” in those atrocious heels for hours just so I wouldn’t fall. It was really fun looking back at my lame attempt of scrapbooking and all the little things I kept. It sparked a lot of memories that I had completely forgotten about.

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Who could forget about school dances?! And yes I wore gloves, doesn’t everyone at least once? Seriously though, why are corsages necessary?

I am so glad I don’t have to go though the waiting to be asked and all that drama and pressure of who is taking who. Luckily, my best friend , Ryan was my date to most of them that year. Ryan and I met in 4th grade where he teased me endlessly and made me cry on more than one occasion. I can never look at Sassafras the same.

These ladies were some of my besties throughout high school, or BFFs as we called them in the olden days. It’s hard to believe that most of us are married and beginning to start our own little families. Ok not hard to believe because we are awesome; it’s just when you reflect that it has been 10 years you just think holy cow did we just do that? I wish we could see each other more, but we literally all live in different states and have jobs like grown ups.

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We went to DC for a band trip, which was amazing. I would love to go back again since our visit was brief. Plus now with my history background and Tom being military, I think I would be able to soak it in much more than my 17 year old self did.

I was fortunate (or unfortunate some days) to be surrounded by my family my senior year. My brother was a freshmen and my dad was my marine biology teacher. Now while I look fairly the same, (my hair is now flipped under instead of out-but I will have you know that I did have long and permed hair in between), my brother and dad cannot say the same.

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My dad has since retired, shaved his mustache, and grew out his hair. He is a long haired salt and pepper man now. Living a wild and crazy life, just like his shirt here.

And my brother grew a lot and now has a daughter. Still crazy! But he is still as stubborn as he looks in the picture above.

I don’t have a recent photo of the 3 of us; we are not really that great at taking pictures together during family time. The second picture is the most recent one I could find with the three of us in it, and that is in 2011 at my wedding. Mental note to make that happen the next time I’m home.

So was this where I envisioned my life 10 years ago? Why don’t we hop on Xanga and find out? Oh goodness, my early days of blogdom.

Times change, and so do we. Hopefully we can look back and say, “Well that was delightful.”

My last ten years have been pretty decent to me for sure. I love my life and who I am with, and I feel blessed every day. Couldn’t have planned it better myself!

Here’s to the next ten years being as fruitful as the last.

And it just goes to show that you have no idea what God has in store for you.

Now what’s next?

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Hmm, that pose hasn’t gone away in ten years…

2 thoughts on “Throwback Thursday

  1. I love all the throwback pictures! I graduated in ’03, too, so I think I lots of similar pictures. But count me as a fan of corsages! The bigger, the sparklier, the better!

  2. I always love the look of astonishment when I tell people I am actually very very shy (just ask anyone who knew me before college!)….. or they just never believe me 😉 and I don’t always like how quiet I get in big groups…. So I am right there with ya 🙂 I have also found it to be useful to inspire people into trying something they don’t feel comfortable with 🙂 Good post!

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