It’s hard to believe that so much time has passed since we said “I do,” and yet, when I look at you, I still see the same man who made me laugh, made me feel safe, and made me believe in forever. What I didn’t know then was just how much that “forever” would teach us.
Fourteen years of marriage of growing up together, of figuring life out hand in hand. We’ve built a life full of ordinary moments that mean everything—shared glances across a crowded room, caffeine-fueled mornings, chaotic dinners with the kids, quiet nights when nothing really needed to be said and there are Office episodes to watch. And through all of it, one thing has stayed constant: us.
Staying connected hasn’t always been easy—especially in the seasons when life pulled us in a hundred directions. Work, kids, responsibilities… the noise of life can be loud. With the complexities we have experienced, especially over the past couple years, it would be easy to just fall apart. But somehow, we always found our way back to each other. In the small things. In the effort. In the choice to show up for each other, again and again.
You still make me feel chosen. You still make me feel wanted. And loved. And seen.
You always know how to lighten the mood with a perfectly-timed joke or sarcastic comment, and even when I try not to laugh—you get me every time. You have a way of talking all of us off our proverbial ledge and help us focus on reality. Your mind is sharp, your hands are capable, and I swear, you can fix anything. Whether it’s a broken toy, a car, or a rough day—you’ve got a way of putting things back together.
You’re the kind of dad I always hoped my kids would have—playful, patient, endlessly loving. You have made their childhood magical. They look at you like you hung the moon. And honestly, so do I. This life we have built together is nothing short of a miracle, and it is more than I ever dreamed of.
What I admire most, though, is who you are when no one is watching. Loyal. Ethical. Steadfast. Honest. People underestimate you all the time—and you just keep showing up, proving them wrong. There are so many little things that you do to improve the world around you that no one even knows you are doing. But I see you.
Thank you for being my steady when life gets messy. For showing up, not just as my husband, but as my teammate, and my safe place.
There’s a quiet kind of magic in a love that grows deeper over time. It doesn’t need grand gestures or perfect moments. It just needs care, commitment, and a whole lot of grace. And somehow, we’ve found all of that—together.
Fourteen years in, and I still choose you. I choose this life. I choose us.
Happy anniversary, my love. Here’s to every year that brought us closer—and to every year still to come.
When you get married, you are full of excitement. There is nothing but celebration around you. You are looking towards your future and you tend to focus on the happiness that is before you. You think about the mundane routines that you will experience together. You dream of the family you are going to make. You think about the LIFE you will have together.
What I didn’t realize 13 years ago when we high-fived our I dos, is how much we were choosing a partner to navigate death with. I mean I imagined growing old with Tom, as I sing the Adam Sandler song from The Wedding Singer. So it seems obvious that when you say “till death do us part” that was part of the deal.
However it feels different when you start navigating that stage of life.
Tom has an illness that will be with him the rest of his life, and can cause life-threatening situations. We have been searching for the past couple years for the right diagnosis as we hone in on different symptoms. He has seen a sharp decline over the past 6 months, but especially over the last few. We are looking at a long road to maintain positive health, but there are still a lot of unanswered questions. Our life lately has been trips to the hospital, surgeries, biopsies, scans, and a carousel of doctors.
I didn’t imagine to be talking about end of life plans this early in our marriage, but here we are.
It is in these moments that I find that I am blessed to be in this marriage. I could easily say “why us?” or think about life if it went a different direction for us. But then I wouldn’t have this marriage as it is, and all that it has given us despite our current valley.
This marriage has taught me about unwavering love.
This marriage has taught me the value of partnership.
This marriage has humbled me.
This marriage made me a mom.
This marriage has given me everything.
Our wedding verse is a constant comfort for me in this time.
It is often in the valleys where we are stripped to our core and made to learn about ourselves and life.
I am constantly learning about compassion as I watch him be in constant pain. Tom has always been the strongest person I know, and it can be easy for me to just expect the same since life is moving around us like everything is normal. I have needed to slow down and be there for him in new ways and try to understand what new support looks like.
Kindness in a marriage should be a given, but it can be hard when the stress is piling up. It can be hard on a relationship to go through any hard time, but even more so when health is affected. Tom feels helpless because this illness has him knocked down, and I feel helpless to fix any of his ailments so I am trying to keep everything else afloat. But that can make it easy for us to be stressed around each other, and it has been a good reminder for us to be kind in the simplest of terms.
Everything about this year has brought us to our knees and humbled us in ways that we didn’t even think was possible. It has made us be vulnerable in new ways as we continue to grow together. As we have humbled ourselves, we have been able to share more depth about each other and our hopes and fears.
When you are dealing with the hardship of life, being gentle is a weird concept. You’re kind of like an eggshell yourself never quite knowing what will break you. You don’t want people to pity you, but at the same time it can be a large weight to bear. You try to make yourself stronger than maybe you really are to just make it day to day. I am reminded of the extraordinary gift of gentleness that we can offer each other in our marriage. Our world is often filled with chaos and noise, the soft touch of gentleness has the power to soothe our souls, nurture our bond, and create a sanctuary of love and understanding between us.
Patience. Deep down, I am not a patient person. I get anxious waiting on others and want to know what is happening so I can prepare. Being a mom definitely has tested me in that, but so has being married to Tom in everyway. He walks boldly in life, and that can be a wild ride for this anxious heart. He joined the Army, became a police officer, and now has this unknown illness that makes me stop in my tracks daily. I have to be ok with waiting a lot in this life. I pray that God grants me the strength to persevere in times of trial, to remain steadfast in times of uncertainty, and to hold onto hope in times of despair. In my moments of impatience and frustration, I have to ask for help to cultivate a spirit of calmness, understanding, and perseverance, even in the face of these challenges and uncertainties.
There is nothing like facing death that makes you realize holding grudges or bad feelings does no one any good. One of the most remarkable aspects of forgiveness is its ability to bring about profound healing and transformation. By choosing to forgive, we free ourselves from the chains of bitterness and resentment, allowing us to experience inner peace. We quite frankly don’t have time to be mad at each other, so it has been really healing to just let things go and return to love.
Because above all else is love. Love is what got us started. Love built this family. Love is our foundation. Love ties us together.
While this year has been full of strife, it has also brought us immeasurable peace as we both have grown in our faith in God. Everything about this has been scary and unknown, but we have put our trust in God to pull us through this. We have been telling each other that God has something in store for us with everything that is happening. We may not know what that is, but we have found peace that this is the life He chose for us and there is purpose in that. We have had to learn to trust in His divine timing.
And for all of this I am thankful. I am thankful that we started dating 17 years ago during our summer jobs at Worlds of Fun. I am thankful that Tom asked to be tied together 14 years ago on the shores of Savannah, GA. And I am thankful that we chose to navigate life together 13 years ago when we got married.
I am thankful for everything because even in the hard, there has been so so much good. And I wouldn’t change anything about that, so I will take all of this hard now knowing we have more laughs and good to experience.
Today Tom and I are celebrating EIGHT years of marriage.Holy Wow!
This is one of our first photos together twelve years ago, and we had no idea what was ahead.
Eight years later we have experienced the marriage bliss, but things haven’t been all rainbows this year.
This has been a year of transitions.
We have been watching our kids transition.
George started gymnastics and soccer. This forced transition on all of us. I had to let go of him more, and he had to learn structure with the new found freedom. This was a whole new adventure for us as parents. We also embarked on getting him enrolled in pre-school which is huge for him. I struggled more than I could have imagined with my little man growing up and out, and Tom as usual was a good balance to my anxiety.
Daphne transitioned from a baby to a toddler. We were concerned about her speech this past spring because she just wasn’t talking and only communicated in grunts and minimal sign language. However since birth, Daphie has operated on her own timeline and we are just all along for the ride. We got her assessed by a speech therapist a few months ago, and there were many emotions that went along with that testing. She did not qualify, which now isn’t even a concern because girl can say the whole alphabet (and identify the letters), all her colors, and has started counting, amongst all the other day to day words she now says.
And a man who indulges me in my need to have themes for our kids’ Halloween costumes is a keeper. We are on 4 years strong of famous Georges and 2 years of influential women.
We watched two of our best friends transition into marriage. We could not have been more blessed to stand beside them on their days. It was also special for us since it was our first alone trips away from both kids.
We transitioned into the time of our lives (finally) where we start making more permanent holiday traditions. We hosted our first 4th of July shin dig which is something we have been dreaming of since we first got together.
We are slowly transitioning our house into a homestead. We now have chickens and a garden full of produce. These have made us stronger despite the fact that the garden sometimes makes us angry with each other. Tom keeps trying to make us farmers, and I keep reminding him that we are in fact not farmers. We do have 4 chickens, an orchard with 12 trees and 3 blackberry bushes, a corn “field,” a pumpkin patch, and 6 different vegetable beds. So there’s that…
Last summer, Tom switched jobs. While he is still in law enforcement, his job looks much different than he ever expected. While he lost some of the adrenaline rush and community influence he loved about being a street cop, he gained back his health and valuable time with his family. There is also something to be said about removing yourself from a toxic environment, which was where he was previously. We gained a static routine and he gained bedtimes with the kids. We have officially had more lunches together this year than we have in our entire marriage. It has been hard for Tom to leave the road and the shift work, but he started putting our family first. But even with the added time back with our family, things haven’t been easy for him, and there are many late night talks about where he wants to be and the choices to make. It’s been a hard path to the right end. It might not feel like we are in the right place all the time, but he knows he is right where he needs to be.
With this transition though, it has allowed us more freedom. We have been trying to find our place as a family within our community whether that is with friends or with our church. We aren’t having to add this whole other element of what the shift work did to our family.
Our marriage has transitioned into a comfortable relationship in all the best ways. We have had to put in the work to get here though. I heard this phrase sometime this year, “Marriage is a practice, not an institution. Love has to be renewed every day.” This has rang true this year. You hear a lot that a marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but I would say that we both have to be giving 100%. If one of us loses we both lose. So we each have to be giving our all to this marriage. While we are partners in this life, we both have to go all in and show our whole selves otherwise this won’t work. There may be times that one of us is struggling, however even in the struggle we need to be giving our whole self to be transparent about our feelings and needs even in those down times. There is no way for us to fully support each other without that openness and willingness to let each other see all of us. The good and the sad. So it is not an institution where we just show up when we want to and claim it as it is. It is something we have to get in to every single day and commit to constantly. There are ebbs and flows as with most things, but we commit 100% each day. Because of this comfortable relationship, we have been able to be there for each other because we feel the safety from each other and know that we can fall into each other despite our flaws.
The days aren’t always easy, but it’s easy committing to you every day.
I love you more than yesterday and thank you for this life we have.
Yesterday we talked about those little quirks that irk us about each other. Today we will flip the tables and talk about some of the things we love about each other.
We’ll try not to get too ooey-gooey.
What I love about Tom…
His woodworking skills. I love that he can make anything, and I do mean anything. His imagination and ingenuity is bar-none. It is coming in real handy with our house, and watching him and George bond over it is becoming one of my favorite things to witness. (Just wait until you see all the mini tools George has…post coming soon.)
His humor is one that will make milk shoot out of noses. I often am left in the wake of his wit. I just can’t keep up with the daily talks with Tom, but they often lift my spirits and can make any serious moment not seem so serious. Sometimes the humor is crude, but I think it is always in an effort to bring some fun to the table and help people (like myself) not to be hoity-toity all the time. I appreciate his ability to make me smile every time I need it.
His loyalty is pretty hardcore. I am always impressed with his willingness to go all in for a cause. His dedication to his city, his country, and his family is rare. He has no hesitation going to bat for the things that he holds dear. I don’t know if there are a lot of people out there that are willing to sacrifice what he will in order to protect those that he loves. He has stuck by me in some pretty rotten times, and for that I owe him all the love in the world.
What Tom loves about me…
She is an awesome wife and mom. I don’t think I could put into words at how great she is. She is so legit. (Too legit to quit.)
At the very least, she seems to appear to reserve judgements about some of my opinions about politics and humanity in general that are often shocking to say the least. I appreciate that personal leeway.
The level of trust that we have. I don’t feel the need to go through emails or phone and we have joint accounts. I know everything is the way that it is supposed to be.
Tom also went on to say that he could go on and on but it would also be hard to wrap it up in words what I mean to him. And the collective awww..
To be a little sentimental, eight years ago today Tom asked me to be his girlfriend.
And today, we will be closing on our very first house to call our very own. We are going to be HOMEOWNERS!
So much has changed in the past eight years.
We have lived in three apartments together, but have never moved in at the same time.
We have traveled all over the country and made residence in three different states.
We both graduated college, and each have had several jobs in the eight year stretch.
We dated for four years, and have been married for four years.
We have two crazy dogs.
And one wonderfully perfect baby boy.
Today, eight years later, we get the keys to the place George will grow up in. We can finally settle down after years of moving.
So I thought it would be fun to interview Tom and see his thoughts on a few things. I saw a few other bloggers do this, and I thought today was the perfect opportunity to see his responses. I pulled some questions from Chelsea and Melissa, and created some of my own. (Tom also insisted I ask some serious questions after some of the fluff.)
My responses/thoughts are italicized.
What’s the name of my blog?
Finding My Yellow? Are you just making sure I knew it? Blog, that’s the name of your blog.
What do I normally blog about?
Your life? What are these questions?
What was my first car?
Red Chevy blazer.
Nope. It’s was a Jimmy.
That’s the same thing. They were made on the same production line. You can’t dig me for that one because remember how many times I fixed that thing.
You would think for the amount of times you fixed it you would remember it.
What’s your proudest moment of our marriage?
Either George or the day you graduated Clemson.
We weren’t married yet when I graduated.
Hell I consider the last 8 years our marriage. Did you feel any different the day before we got married then the day after?
No.
There you go. I am also proud that you can deal with this (as he puts on his duty gear for work). A lot of people don’t watch their husbands put on a bullet proof vest as they go to work and deal with it as well as you do. That’s not normal or something a husband does every day.
Then we went off script and talked about the different dangers of law enforcement and the Army.
What jewelry do I wear on a normal day?
Earrings, wedding ring, Clemson ring.
Correct, but I also wear a watch.
That’s not jewelry. You use it to tell time, not to be pretty.
False. Am I right ladies?
What items are in my purse?
I don’t know. (The rest of his answer was wildly inappropriate.)
Wait you never use your purse. You always use your work bag or the diaper bag.
Life of a working mom, yep.
What is my favorite food?
It’s a daily thing for you. Beef mac? Cheese rolls at red lobster…Rueben.
He is right about it being a daily choice, but my go to will always be Mac and Cheese.
What is my favorite T.V. show?
Anything with teenagers and vampires.
I don’t watch anything with vampires.
Riiiight…You are addicted to the Bachelorette, Boy Meets World, lots of trashy TV.
The correct answer would have been Castle, but in his defense I do watch a lot of bad TV.
What’s an acceptable amount to pay for a dress?
What’s the dress for? Depends on what the occasion is?
Wedding dress there wouldn’t be a limit. On a normal day, a hundred bucks? (I laughed because I hardly spend over 30 bucks on a dress) Oh I shouldn’t have said that should I?
I just spent 12 dollars on a dress.
Ok well I want you to know that now if you do spend that much on a dress, I can spend that much on tools.
What are some of my favorite activities?
He said something dirty first-typical Tom answer.
Running, photography, watching trashy tv, blogging, you like live events like concerts and stuff.
Pretty spot on.
If I could travel anywhere, where would it be?
You would go on a cruise, probably somewhere like the Bahamas.
True.
Where did we go on our second date?
The zoo, duh.
It’s still probably one of my favorite dates.
What is your favorite quality of mine?
You are hopeful. (Then he went into a monologue about how he would view the world if we weren’t together, which I will spare you all from that.)
What am I looking forward to in our new house?
Comparatively, storage space. An air conditioner that works. A dish washer that works. A laundry room that isn’t an abyss for baby socks. And a kitchen that isn’t the size of a closet. A yard of any kind. Not wasting 750 a month on rent.
Yep to all that. And to be able to decorate our own space for real.
How did you know that I was the one?
I think if I could answer that question, then it probably wouldn’t mean very much. You just kind of know.
Is there anything you would like to share with my readers?
(Goofy grin.) You are not a good apologizer.
Sadly this is true.
Tom was really upset there weren’t more serious questions. Haha I think people (myself included) forget that Tom has a serious side because he is always goofing around. He surprises me all the time when he finally lets down his guard. But once you get past that facade, he is pretty sentimental and has some pretty serious and awesomely profound things to say.
Tom, I am so happy we decided to do life together. Now carry me over that threshold, and let’s make this place our home!
findingmyyellow.com 