May 9, 2025 by Stephanie

Is Time Different at 40?

Today I turn the big 4-0.

I have never been weird about birthdays. Generally, I have embraced them and been excited about this journey of life and moving to the next year.

But I have to admit, this one hits different.

FORTY.

It is not a sad thing about aging or that I am having a mid-life crisis, but it is making me pause in a way that I don’t normally do for birthdays.

Age is very relative, and I know at some point I thought 40 seemed so far away. You wonder what milestones you will have reached and whether there is this sudden urgency to “live life to the fullest” because it all seems downhill from here. There are a lot of societal expectations by this time of your life to have things figured out.

But honestly, I am really seeing it as a reset button. If this last year has taught me anything, is that no day is guaranteed, so maybe it is that I need to “live life to the fullest” but I am seeing it more as being bold in my priorities.

My thirties brought me so much, and I have learned a lot about what is important and how awesome my life has become. I am realizing that now is the time to fill my cup differently and prioritize my focus on certain things.

By the grace of God, Tom and I are stepping into our 40s together this year. I am forever thankful for our relationship and what being married to Tom has taught me. This time last year there were moments that we did not think 40 was possible. It is a true gift to continue growing in our partnership and move through life together. There is beauty in realizing all the different versions we have seen of each other. We met in our early twenties, and here we are stepping into another decade with our love story. We have shared and survived so much as a couple. We are comfortable with each other for sure, but within that is a deep connection that has allowed us to navigate life together with intense purpose. I do believe that we make each other better, and growing “old” together is a blessing every day.

While I had George when I was 29, my thirties is where I really came into motherhood. We have created a beautiful family, and through this time I have become more sure of the childhood we want them to have. It is an interesting balance to strike with encouraging them to try new things and put them in activities that interest them, and then still finding time to just simply exist in our own space as a family. I want them to stay little and innocent as long as possible as to not age them too fast. This next decade will bring new things in motherhood as we start to navigate them becoming young adults and eventually start moving into the world on their own. I hope due to the complexities of becoming confident in my own life and the lessons I have learned thus far will make it easier to guide them in theirs. Ultimately, I know that I want my focus to be on their lives, development, and being present in all that I can with them.

Looking at where I am right now with my career, I could not be more grateful for all the twists and turns that got me to where I am right now. I have always dreamed of being part of educational moments and being able to create experiences where others can grow and learn. Looking back at every decision that seemed hard and unknown, they all have led me to right here. I am feeling more self-assured about where my passions are and how to advocate for where I can be best utilized. It is through my career experiences that I have learned more about my own voice and how to lean into my strengths and desires in order to impact the communities I am in. I have been so fortunate for the opportunities I have had career wise, and I am excited to see what is on the horizon. Our lives are never linear as our age presumes, and I have found making “five year plans” is never a permanent decision for my future. There is strength and comfort in knowing that I am moving myself to really look at my impact and what brings joy instead of climbing a business ladder because it seemed to increase my ability to affect change. As I am turning into this decade, I am really happy for each time I bet on myself in my career and defined my own success.

Looking over my life, building community is not something that has come easily to me. I do enjoy relationship and connections, however, due to my propensity to keep my circle small it can be challenging to create those deep relationships as lives shift. And making friends as an adult is HARD. It has been one of those pieces I have had to learn to take chances and be vulnerable. But I also have had to let go and realize that not every relationship will serve you forever. This has been a very hard lesson for me, and I have had to learn to be intentional about how I am showing up to spaces to build community. However, community is so important. We are supposed to live in connection. Finding your circle can be hard, but it is worthwhile to find people you can navigate life with. I am hoping that as I move into this next phase, community building is at the forefront of my priorities. Finding space for connection can take a lot of my energy, but I find that after these intentional interactions I feel full and blessed.

I would be lying to say that 40 doesn’t make you think about the longevity of life and enhances a deeper hunger for meaning. I have been thinking a lot over the last couple years what it could look like to walk with God differently in this season. I have been pushed and pulled on my faith as I have grown. It has evolved from striving to do faith “right” to leaning into grace and being in relationship with God. I am discovering that spiritual maturity often looks like surrender, not certainty. I am coming to terms with the mysteries of life and that faith doesn’t need to demand all the answers. I am learning the true art of letting go with my faith. I am listening more, asking better questions, noticing God in everyday moments. I have started seeing my faith not just as belief and a focus on self, but how I show up in the world with my faith. As a perfectionist, my faith journey recently has been allowing myself to strip down the expectations and high achievement to have a more honest, less polished faith. My intention as I move forward is to seek continued growth and closeness with God.

I feel that I am the most confident I have ever been in my life. I am discovering that not all important things are measurable. I have started letting go of the fact of any pressure to arrive at a certain point and a certain time. I am embracing how weird and awkward life can be, and instead of trying to maneuver into a perfect picture, to really sink in and enjoy the simplicity of the day to day. I have realized everything doesn’t have to be so serious, and there is importance in finding magical moments in this amazingly precious life. I think that is the beauty of resetting myself as I turn forty today. This last year showed me how fast life is moving, and I have an opportunity to slow myself down to enjoy it. Aging is really an expansion of life, not a decline. And I hope that I can continue to choose intentionally how to walk through this life while focusing on fun, fulfillment, and connection.

So here is to 40!

November 28, 2024 by Stephanie

Walter Turns Four

How is this dude four?!?!

In honor of his birthday, we did a kid interview to document his personality during this sweet time.

What makes you happy? That Sister plays with me.

What makes you laugh? Tickles.

What makes you mad? Georgie’s hurts. (These two are always fighting…)

What is your favorite toy? Scooter, but my favorite stuffie is Mickey Mouse.

What is your favorite show? Bluey.

What is your favorite animal? Elephant.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Artist.

Who is your best friend? Nicholas. (This is my other half’s son who is in middle school, and they live in KC. So stinking sweet that he made such an impression on Wally when we see them a couple times a year.)

What is your favorite color? Blue. (This changes every day.)

What is your favorite food? Grapes.

What is your favorite part of the day? Sunny days.

What is your favorite game? Ninja Turtles (It’s the old school arcade game.)

What are you good at? Running. (Accurate)

What is your favorite thing about yourself? That I draw.

What is love? Hugs and kisses.

I also asked the family their favorite things about Wally to honor his birthday.

Tom: He is our sour patch kid. One minute he wants to cuddle up and the next he is running away from you on his scooter.

George: That sometimes he is not annoying. I do like playing with him.

Daphne: I love playing with him. My favorite is playing with him with our nativity set and our blocks.

Me: I love his self-confidence. He is so sure of what he wants and how to use his voice to advocate for himself. He can command a room and not be pushed around. For being the smallest in the house, he holds his own. I love that once he puts his mind to something he will keep trying until he masters it because he knows deep down that he can do it. He is so determined to be fully himself!

We love you sweet Wally! You brighten our days with your humor and playfulness. Wally, you are so bright and make everyone a friend. You can make everything seem like the most fun thing ever. This our last year before you are off to school, and I can’t wait to see how much you grow this year!

August 26, 2024 by Stephanie

George Turns TEN

How has it been a decade already?

In honor of his birthday, here are 10 of our favorite memories over the last decade.

We had our annual Storm the Gate event this week at my work, and I cannot go to the event without thinking of the year that George peed on the lawn. He was newly potty-trained, just turned three, and here we are on a college campus celebrating a new class. He was used to peeing in our yard, so just as several hundred college freshman and many staff and faculty gathered on the front lawn of campus, here is George pulling his pants down around his ankle to pee on one of the biggest trees on campus.

This past summer George had a charity lemonade stand at school. He saw that his table was not getting as much traffic as others, so he decided to add a something special. He offered a unique George dance for a $1, and each time he did it, it got more elaborate and special. I love his creative brain and willingness to put himself out there.

When he was about 4 years old, we went to the zoo and off course there is a train. This was in the height of his obsession with all things that go. We basically went to the zoo for him to call the train and follow it every where. He was so excited. And there is a moment that will live in my brain where the excitement was bursting from him as he happened to “Choo Choo” call and then it drove by like it heard him. He was so ecstatic that his little body shook as it went by.

There are so many memories around Legos, so we are wrapping it all into one. Tom built him a special Lego table, and we have spent so many hours creating and building together. From our Lego Master competitions during COVID to building all kinds of different scenes. Our favorite though is when our family all chipped in for his 5th birthday to get all the sets to the Volcano Rescue theme. It was so fun to see his reaction and then spending all the time building the complete scene. Some of those sets we still use now.

None of the kids have taken conventional swimming lessons past 2 years, so we have taught them by a lot of determination and exposure. The summer that George was 7, he was determined to swim under water. We tried different things all summer, but a few weeks before the summer ended, he just made it happen! I loved how proud he was off himself. He jumped out of the water in disbelief that he actually did it. And now we can’t keep him above water when we go swimming.

When George was in pre-school, he was really into Little Blue Truck. After reading the Christmas book, he was convinced that there as a Christmas Tree Truck guy that delivered our tree. We counted down until we put up the tree with a paper chain. And then we put it up over his nap. He came down in disbelief that it was delivered, and he thought it was the coolest thing ever .It was such a magical year where he believed this so fully. It honestly may have been the start of his obsession with Christmas, which led to his 6th birthday being a Christmas themed party (in August).

Before Daphne and Wally came along, I got a lot of solo nights with George. Tom was on shift work, so he was only home at night a third of the time. So we had a lot of just me and George nights his first couple years. It was so special to spend that time together, and I remember so many random things from our solo time then. While there are a lot of things he may not get as a first born kiddo, but he is the only one who got that.

When George was 6 and Daphne was 3, there was a black snake on the driveway. Daphne walked over to the snake because she was curious. He jumped between Daphne and the snake. Then he picked her up and ran away with her. He was a beast taking care of his sister. So no matter how much they can bicker and fight, I know that he will protect her when he needs to.

George meeting his siblings when they were born is such a special thing to witness. He was so sweet as a three year old with Daphne. He would rub her head and say sweet things to her to calm her down. When George met Wally when he was 6 years old, he cried because he was so emotional about having another sibling. He sat and just held him for so long, and always wanted to love on him. To watch them together and see their bond grow is so significant.

And for our most favorite George memory, is one before he was even born. He has been surprising us since the day we found out about him. You can read the full story here. It is funny to look at those pregnancy announcement photos that say September. Again, he has kept us on our toes since day 1.

My favorite thing to do with him is when we go for walks, and we just get to talk and explore. Tom’s favorite thing to do with him is drive around in the car and get to talk and listen to music. So in generally we love conversations with this kiddo, which are ever abundant. He always wants to talk through things and ask questions about things around him. Being able to give him space to talk has been so special to build as his parents.

It is weird to say I have been a mom for a decade. George has taught me so much about love, forgiveness, being fearless, and enjoying the moments for what they are. He is the first to take a piece of my heart with him, and I just love watching him grow. He is so kind and funny. He wears his heart on his sleeve. He wants to know everything about everything, and he lives out being curious and not judgmental. He is a ray of sunshine who is as pure as he can be. He is really special, and it is a joy to be part of his world.

Happy birthday kiddo!

May 9, 2022 by Stephanie

37

As I sit here at the end of my birthday today, I can only smile at the life that I have been given.

There are certain moments of the year where I get reflective and take a moment to be thankful of what I have been given and my current place in life. Things have never been completely easy, and this last year was certainly not a walk in the park. However, my birthday has always been one of those times each year where I can pause and soak in my blessings, see how I have grown, and be thankful for those surrounding me.

This past year was a true testament of how investing in my own growth matters. It was the first year that I can honestly remember ever that my anxiety was not crippling. There were many trials this year that would have sent a younger me in a spiral. Now, has the constant overthinking stopped? Not at all. However, I have become more confident in who I am and learned strategies to knock away the self doubt.

I don’t have to be perfect. In fact, I am far from it. This year I am finally coming to terms with this. God uses broken leaders. There has been peace in finally accepting that I don’t have to be perfect all the time, and being broken doesn’t mean that I can’t still move forward. It only took me three decades to get here, but we all run our own race. (Hebrews 12:1 is one of my favorite verses.)

I talked about the start of my counseling journey last year after giving birth to Wally, and honestly that was a game changer for me. I have learned so much about how to truly accept myself and starting to understand I am not responsible for other people’s opinions. This is still a hard journey, but at 37 I am finally letting some of the things go instead of replaying old conversations that happened yesterday or even 20 years ago. It’s nice to look back at the post, and realize that the work that I have been putting in has been paying off.

I may not be the strongest, but I am stronger.

I may not be the wisest, but I am wiser.

I may not be the healthiest, but I am healthier.

I may not be the best, but I am happy with who I am.

There is not a quick fix in this life, and I am by no means perfect, but I am finally enjoying the journey. Intention has been my focus. I have learned this last year to control my thoughts more deliberately or to reconstruct them when my anxiety does settle in. I have learned to engage in projects with my whole self and know that I am there for a reason even if I don’t understand the why. I have learned how to be better than I was the day before, and even if I wasn’t there is humility and peace in trying again in the next moment. I have learned how to believe in myself.

In the end, I have my family and a purpose in life greater than I could have ever imagined. If my kids were to look back on this moment, I want them to be proud of who I am, and I finally feel at ease with that thought.

So here is to another year around the sun as broken as ever, but more free than ever before.

May 18, 2020 by Stephanie

Daphne Turns Three!

Today my baby girl is three. It’s hard to believe that this sweet girl is now such a big girl. She is less and less like a toddler every day. To honor her today, I wanted to share three words that I feel perfectly describes this gal.

Independent

She has always done things in her own time frame including her own birth. She came out early and hasn’t stopped doing things at her own pace since. She is constantly telling us that she can do things on her own. She rarely asks for help, and she is the most determined person I know. She is constantly learning and pushing herself to be a big girl. I think the perfect example is watching this girl push herself on the tree swing. She is most content when she does things for herself. She is ambitious and curious, and I love seeing her come into her own power. But again, she will let you know when she is ready. And I love her confidence about that, and I pray that she always feels free and knows her worth.

Headstrong

Along with her independence, this girl’s will is nothing to mess with. She is as stubborn as a mule. This comes with positives because of that determination but can be also extremely frustrating when she tries to out wait you on something. Her tantrums can last for hours, but that stamina also plays really well for her when she is learning something new. When she puts her mind to something she will find a way to do it. She is uncompromising when it comes to what she wants. She also knows how to fight for what she wants. This girl can hold her own with George and often leaves him in her dust. Daph is not going to buy into something that she doesn’t find meaning in, and she stands by her opinions. She has such conviction when she decides to do something or stand for something, and this makes me excited to see how she is going to change the world.

Purposeful

These words all seem to over lap, but I feel that with her feelings she is very intentional with what she shares. She can be guarded and shy, but when she lets you into her inner circle she is never letting you go. She loves big, and to feel her love is nothing short of amazing. There is no one she loves more than her stuffies. She has names for them all, and often does roll call to make sure she knows where they all are. She is always mothering them and carrying at least one stuffie around at all times. She rarely cuddles with anyone, but lately she has been sneaking in our bed in the middle of the night to be close to her mommy and daddy. She says the sweetest things and has the most perfect timing and delivery. She has purpose with everything she does, and you can see those wheels turning as she is processing things around her. It is amazing to see how smart and careful she is with her feelings.

Daphie Girl, you inspire me every day. I am honored to be your mommy, and you are always amazing me with who you are becoming. You are going to do incredible things my dearest.