June 10, 2013 by Stephanie

Moving in with a Caveman

“What are you doing?”

This phrase has exited my mouth several 100 times in the last few weeks. When moving in with someone, there are some growing pains. Lots of growing pains. There are a lot of things you don’t know about someone until you share a roof with them. Albeit, we have lived together before, but when you do it so sporadically, there are still things to uncover or re-uncover. It’s like we are newly-weds all over again.

It is like that episode of Boy Meets World where Cory and Topanga spend the night together for the first time. Girl in face mask and guy clipping toe nails-classic.

Now add that the person you are moving in with is an infantryman.

My husband lived in the wilderness for 6 months, then lived in a practically empty house for almost 2 months.

This is what happens when you leave an infantryman unsupervised…

I do not claim his poor beer choices…

So on top of dealing with clothes/towels on the floor and dishes everywhere, I have to deal with Tom licking his plates after every meal and playing with knifes like he is a ninja.

And every reason resorts back to “I’m an infantryman.” (which inevitably leads to my eye roll)

Let’s just say, it has been interesting trying to get to know each other’s little quirks again. I would be lying if I said that the past month has been all rainbows and sunshines. We may have been together for the last 6 years, but there are still issues that we have to deal with. And honestly, I would be a little afraid if we didn’t have a disagreement here and there.

I may call Tom out with his primitive living, but I will admit that I have not been a perfect angel either. I am pretty set on my routines and everything having a place. As an introvert, I need my “me” time to get away from everything, so having someone around all the time has not been the easiest for me. I have had to redefine what that means for me and grab those moments when I can. Just this morning I got aggravated with him because he messed up my set aside “alone” time while I got ready for work. Really he was just trying to chat, and I was being rude and upset that I couldn’t be alone. This explains what transition I have had to go through as an introvert: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/how-to-love-an-introvert/ And I have had struggles with everything that this post mentioned, which in turn makes me drink the haterade towards Tom.

As every couple before us, we have had some rough patches learning how to read each other and effectively communicate. And we both have been so used to being on our own, so we have had to work on sharing a space and not feeling invaded by the other. Compromise has been the motto of our house or we just claim do-overs and start the conversation over. Although, I am not sure I will ever lovingly look over at Tom as he leaves army/survival gadgets everywhere (and I mean they are EVERYwhere). Just as he may not look at me with adoring eyes when I have filled the DVR with all of my TV shows once they start up again in the fall-the line up does get a little ridiculous.

But this is part of growing together. We will probably spend the rest of our lives trying to “tame” each other. I hope that every day we are able to learn more about each other. And who knows what habits of each other’s we may pick up on…only time will tell!

There have been a lot of good things too in this taming process:

Decorating the house
Making/fixing furniture-I couldn’t do this without Tom
Tom finally caving in and wanting to watch “The Bachelorette” with me
Grocery shopping together
Tom teaching me how to climb a rope (Yes like the rope you climb in Gym class. I have never been able to get off the ground, and these ropes are everywhere on base for me to practice on. And we’ve stopped on our way to the Commissary to practice.)
Eating dinner together every night
Deciding that we are becoming Red and Kitty from “That 70’s Show”
Playing outside with the dog
BBQ on the patio
Singing rap and pop songs in formal A Cappella voices (Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “I Like Big Butts” is my favorite.)

So for those of you who are about to move in with someone (significant other or not), understand that there WILL be an adjustment period. But there are a lot of laughs that can come with it if you can move past the unruliness.

***Anyone have any good stories to share after moving in with someone?***

Also with moving in to a new space there are a lot of new expenses. Since we had lived on campus, we did not have very much because most of it was provided. Luckily my parents are downsizing right now, so we inherited a kitchen table and set of chairs. You can see that they look like they were from the 80s or early 90s (the chairs, not my parents.)

We had to strip these chairs first. This meant taking off the couple decade old cloth and cushions that were starting to disintegrate. Then I had to pull out all the staples to make it easier for the new layer to be attached. Nasty job, but so worth it!

After we did that, Tom put on the padding and cloth that we had gotten from Hobby Lobby.

Grace was making it difficult for Tom to do anything because she wanted the padding to be her new bed.

We had planned to do this part together, but we weren’t able to get it all done in one night like we had planned. The stripping took a lot longer than we thought. But, Tom surprised me one night when I came home from work and had them all completely covered. Love him!

Basically a new chair!

Now we just need to update the table to match.

Soon we will be ready to entertain!

March 10, 2013 by Stephanie

Kicking it On Top of the World

Nothing is going to bring you down when you are about to see your love after 6 months of the unknown.

Not even pulling an all-nighter. For those who know me, they are well aware that I am not a happy camper without my sleep. I become a much angrier version of myself. I have nightmares of what my last all-nighter looked like my freshmen year of college with Amy as we studied for our American Government final-wretched.

Tom was scheduled to come in at 7pm originally, which with that I figured we would have an all-nighter anyway with not having seen each other in 6 months. But that was on my terms. The first lesson you learn in the military is that plans always change at the last minute. Days before his trip, they pushed back the flight arrival to 1:30am. Oh goodness.

And of course you have to be there several hours before they actually land, so I drove up to the parade field at 10:30pm and boarded what looked like a prison bus with several other wide-eyed families so they can take you to the hanger outside of the airfield.

Then you just sit on these hard cold bleachers in a hanger for a couple hours as a soldier counts down every 10 minutes. I played several rounds of bejeweled and tried to read a book, but my nerves were on high alert and I ended up looking at the time every few seconds. You would think the last 2 hours would be easy compared to going through 6 months of waiting.

Wrong, they were the worst 2 hours of the whole deployment.

And of course it is probably the one time of the year that it decided to be snowing and gross in KY. So when they had us file outside to wait for the plane for a half hour, I am pretty sure I lost feeling of my toes and nose as we were waiting for the plane to land.

So here I was at 1 o’clock in the morning, wet, cold, anxious and cranky. Surrounded by other wet, cold, anxious, and cranky people. We were a sight.

But then we heard that humming noise. All of a sudden, there is a plane in front of our face.

It was pretty cool to see a plane land right in front of you, and even more special considering the cargo it held.

Then we waited for what seemed forever for them to actually get off the plane and watch them file past us. Ugh they all looked the same in the uniforms and through the snow and tears of joy. Where was my hubby?!?

And then I saw him!

There is my guy.

All the worry, all the anxiety, all the everything just melted away. I didn’t feel cold; I wasn’t tired; I was on top of the world. I have him back!

I was half tempted to jump the barricade and go tackle him right there, but my better judgement won over there.

Then we waited for a 5 minute ceremony to commence before we were able to actually talk with our soldiers for 20 minutes.

We had our wonderful legs-wrapped-around-the-waist-hug airport moment. Nothing can compare to this moment.

You are just in shock that you are touching each other and seeing each other in real life. It is a goosebump moment.

Then after these wonderful few minutes, they have an exhilarating process of turning in sensitive items. This took about 4 hours….

You are not able to see your soldier during this time until the whole unit is done turning in the necessary gear. So you sit in a room with all the family members waiting for them to be released. Every time the door open, the whole room turned in anticipation and then slumped back down as we realize it was not them.

My cranky pants came back on at this point. I had hit the wall.

They were finally released around 6 am. We were heading back to the house as the rest of the base was coming into work.

It is hard to explain the nerves and joy that washed over me during this whole process. You look over, and it is a like a surprise all over again that he is actually back. We both kept saying that this felt like a dream.

As the song says, “I don’t think it’s ever felt so good, or felt so right. You here with me tonight.”

It’s in those moments that everything you just went through is worth it. You are on top of the world. This song was my anthem that weekend. Every word of this song expresses how I feel to have him back stateside.

And you are just really proud of what he accomplished. He just went and did something that very few in our country will do. But at the same time, you are pretty grateful that it is over for the time being.

Some other fun stories from that night: There was a proposal, a separate proposal that led to their marriage in a parking lot that night, and a father seeing his few month old baby girl for the first time.

I don’t think I will ever take these moments and grand experiences for granted. Going through this makes you realize what is important and how precious moments can be. Just soak it in.

It makes moments like this priceless.

I loved seeing how Grace loves her dad! They have been inseparable since.

We are still doing the long distance for now until I move this summer, but it is unbelievable good to know that the worst of it is over. I can call him anytime I want, and see him every couple of weeks.

You have to live in the moment, and be on top of the world as much as you can. It is even better when you have someone to share it with.

This craft is another map project to commemorate our moves.

I had the place, the map, and the years we lived there.

It was something I made in Publisher and then printed off.

I like how clean it looks. And it really matches my last map project.

And it will be easy to replicate when we move again.

Thanks for hearing our story. It was a great night and I am ecstatic to have him back safe and sound.

February 8, 2013 by Stephanie

Acascuse Me?!?

First of all, if you haven’t watched Pitch Perfect, you need to add it to your life like yesterday. Aca-amazing.

Second of all, this is going to be the post where I pull the Army Wife card. I have pulled back from writing this post when I am highly emotional, and I have debated whether to even write it ever. But I feel that it is a post that needs to be expressed.

Throughout my short career as an Army Spouse, I have been appalled on many occasions at the misunderstandings and perceptions that people in our nation have about the military.

Sometimes I have gotten so angry at an individual’s disdain and rudeness that I think I might throw up. Then I have to remind myself that many people just don’t know.

So let me educate you just a bit from my perspective. These are just a few things and definitely only hit the tip of the iceberg.

1. Men and Women of the military make a choice to defend our freedom and our country’s constitution. They endure months/years of demanding training both mentally and physically to be able to protect the rest of us in our very cushy lives.

2. Ultimately, they do not get to choose the missions they go to or where they are stationed. My husband got out of basic and then not even four months later was sent to Afghanistan. Not exactly how we imagined our second year of marriage.

3. Just because they are trained killers, doesn’t make them crazy and evil. No matter what the news/Capital Hill may say. My husband is one of the most loving, loyal and dedicated people I have ever met. The military is trying to help other nations keep the peace and find the means to better themselves. Our military gets a bad rap because that’s what sells newspapers. Because they wouldn’t want you to know that all over the world, units are supplying food, medical care, education, and just general support to help countries in their time of need.

4. They have the utmost respect for our country’s values. To hear these men and women talk about their pride or watch them when the national anthem is played-it leaves me speechless. Many of them learn how to care and be considerate of others because of what they have been through in the military. I think many people in our nation could take a lesson from what the military teaches about respect.

5. Not all people in the military are homophobes. Stop labeling them as such. That just makes you the judger.

6. Deployment is not vacation, even if they are surrounded by sand. There are no beachy umbrella drinks found here.

They can’t call home whenever they want. And when they do, it is not a private call. It may only last 30 seconds, but could last 30 minutes. But you never know when you get that call.
They can’t eat whatever they want. At Tom’s station there was one cook for the unit. So you ate when they served. If you happen to have night duty, you ate what family/friends sent you in care packages or MREs because the cook wasn’t on duty. Dietary choice is no longer a luxury. (However, my husband does love those MREs.)
My husband’s living situation was a room that is smaller than most walk in closets. This is where all of his gear and cot were. He now lives in a room the size of our bedroom with 7 other men (cots and all their gear).
They may not have typical modern toilets and have more of an outhouse situation going on. Can you imagine going in a port-a-potty for 9 months?
It isn’t a walk in the park. It’s dirty, temperatures cannot be controlled…most Americans would be miserable in their conditions. (I know I wouldn’t last one day…) But they do it willingly, many signing up for re-enlistment for a shot at another deployment.
They may have internet, but the connection isn’t as nice as they make it out to be on TV. Tom and I were only recently able to skype and even now the video is about 3 minutes behind on the audio which can make things weird while you are talking. Some places have it capable in their room and some don’t. Some have to wait in line to only have a few minutes online. And there are some people out there that believe that since they have internet that their deployments must be a breeze and not so horrible for the internet and Facebook must mean 1st world living. Seriously?
They are away from their loved ones and miss out on holidays, birthdays, big milestones, and just every day life. This has got to be one of the biggest sacrifices of all.
I could keep going, but I won’t. Just know that they are making substantial sacrifices and don’t act like it is nothing just because you may not agree with why they are over there.

7. There are a lot of good things that come out of a military career as well. To name a few:

You have a paying job and benefits, which in this economy is a blessing.
Education can be paid for. Yay no debts!
You get to see and experience the world. I know I have really enjoyed the unique knick knacks that have been sent home from other cultures.
There is support for not just you, but your entire family. This includes benefits, housing, education, lifestyle, counseling, etc.
Great sense of accomplishment and pride. Not everyone can do what they do.

I am not trying to say that being in the military makes you better than those that aren’t. We each have our own thing, and Lord knows that not everyone would flourish in a military lifestyle. What I am saying is that our country needs to take a little more time understanding what the military endures to protect us.

This week I had to deal with a financial situation where we were being charged for something that we had thought we had taken care of. Since it was Tom’s card, the customer service rep said I was not an authorized user. Even after explaining the situation, giving them all the card information, and letting them know I had power of attorney, they still denied me the right to take care of it. And they just kept saying, “Well you can take this into a branch to speak with someone in person.” The closest branch for this organization was 163 miles away. Then they said that since I was not authorized to do so my deployed husband could just call and take care of the dispute. They said this even after I explained to them repeatedly that he was deployed.

Oh no girl, you didn’t. Them is fighting words.

This situation made me furious. It takes me a lot to get heated, but this just kind of pushed me over the edge. So naturally I started crying to the rep and blubbering “He is deployed” over and over again. I was totally trying to pull the Army Wife card, and it just wasn’t working! He can’t just call willy nilly, he is half-way across the globe! I can’t just make him appear to fix this issue. Believe me, if I had that power, I’d be on that. (FYI, they still did nothing to help me that day. Tom ended up having to call when he could to take care of it, which was uber frustrating for both of us.)

It is situations like that that just make me sad and angry. There are so many misconceptions around the military, so please seek first to understand their situations. Even if you don’t agree with their purpose, they have a unique story to tell and has a right to be heard. They make sacrifices that even I don’t always understand. I have to check myself sometimes too, so I know it is not an easy pill to swallow.

These sacrifices are made so that we can live as a free nation. Our history is based on acts that service members have diligently fought and died for so we could get to where we are. Take a moment to honor that, I mean you are on the internet and all. 🙂

Maybe if we all knew what was at risk, we would be more appreciative of what we have.

I know after this experience I am.

One thing I know is that the military is a proud group who is willing to fight for the country and you. But I will ask you, who is fighting for them?

So with that little nugget to munch on, I will move on to my craft.

Every year I take some time to make a blanket for my honors fraternity, Phi Sigma Pi. We have an auction every spring as a fundraiser, and my contribution, even after graduating 5 years ago, is mailing in a homemade crocheted blanket. So each year, I come up with some new design and pull out yarn that are some shade of yellow and purple. It’s like my yearly challenge to come up with something better than the year before. Sometimes, I surprise myself with my creativeness and skill; other times I am just hoping someone will bid at least $5.

This year was a good year.

I tried a new stitch-the treble crochet.

My pattern was:

1. 3 single white on each end

2. purple 1 treble, 1 single, 1 treble, 1 single, 1 treble

3. 2 single white

4. repeat step two with yellow.

5. repeat step 3.

6. repeat step 2-5 until hit desired size.

I really like the effect of the treble.

And here is the full effect with Grace hogging the limelight as well.

November 28, 2012 by Stephanie

When the Evening Comes

So I know I just wrote an entry about how I needed to not wallow and be sad, but I need to be honest about it. It still happens no matter how optimistic I try to be.

I spent the last week home with my family, and the question always comes “How are things going?” I was telling my dad and step-mom how ridiculously busy things had gotten in the last month. And of course they asked why, and I wasn’t really able to hammer down a reason, but more or less just started listing all the things that were in my schedule. My dad turns to me and says “You are doing what you do Steph-getting buried in ‘stuff’.”

I just kind of brushed it off at the time, but the more I thought about it on the many trips across KC and then back to Iowa, the more I had to acknowledge that my dad was right. Don’t you hate that?

Really, I don’t mind being busy, and it’s not all work stuff either. I have gotten more involved at my church, and I have really enjoyed that so far. I am training for another half marathon which requires some physical activity at least 5 days a week. SOIA basketball practice is starting tomorrow, so we have had some coaches meetings to prepare. These are all things that I feel keep me balanced, but do add some things to the to do list every week, if not every day.

Don’t worry, I still get my much needed me time and play time with Grace. (This entry is taking longer to write then needed because she and I are racing through the apartment playing our version of tag.)

Last week I was not able to talk to Tom much because of a mission they were completing that took them away from their base for a few days. So we went the longest we had gone without any communication-four days. 4 days doesn’t seem like much, but it can feel like an eternity. 4 days- I had to wonder about everything. 4 days of holiday goodness. 4 days of answering “How is Tom? And when is he coming home?” So naturally, I just found more things to do while at home with my family. (I almost crocheted a whole blanket in this 4 day stint. I just ran out of yarn before I could. Ugh, only the border left.) Luckily, Tom was able to finally call on Turkey Day!

Anyway, back to my dad’s infinite words of wisdom. It hit me today that I am using my busy schedule to ward off some of the loneliness. Yes it took me a week to actually process and buy into my dad’s words.

I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer, I am just trying to be as honest as I can. The feeling does strike me at the oddest moments. I feel it at my desk at work, in a meeting when an opportunity for a “That’s What She Said” arises, when Grace and I go for our “family” walks, but mostly when I am in the apartment when the evening comes along. In theory, if I keep myself busy, that is less time for me to wallow. I have to move on to get things done-Where is my beloved to-do list? I would assume that some out there think that I am just avoiding the feelings, which to some extent I do. But if you want to hear it, I do cry. I cry a lot. Sometimes it hurts so much, I am not sure I can get myself ready for the day. Sometimes, I cry, and I am not really sure even why I started so I start laughing at myself. But I know that achieving these “to-do” lists will subside some of that loneliness. It helps me feel accomplished, even if it is just doing the dishes or clearing out my inbox. 9 months is a long time to get lonely, so I have to focus on the small gains. That is one of my strengths, and I need to utilize that to stay balanced. With a busy schedule, along with the people that surround me, I can get through it.

So yea, I may be extra busy, but at a time when Tom’s calls are not consistent, I need the schedule and tasks. It is my way of coping, much like my honesty here. So bring it life.
Even though there may be more tears than I have had in awhile, I don’t want to give off the impression that I am constantly in a state of depression. That couldn’t be farther from the case. I have a great life-a job that fulfills me, great friends and family to keep me laughing, the best dog ever, and a wonderful loving husband who is willing to do just about anything for me. Do I wish that circumstances could be different? Absolutely. I think we all do to some extent. Do I regret any of the decisions Tom and I made to get where we are? Absolutely not. We are who we are because of the experiences we happen upon. We are a stronger couple because of our challenges and continue working through more. And I will say that I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. My partner in life is pretty dang sweet, and I am so proud of what he has gone through. For better or for worse.

Love endures forever. We are just going through the “er” part right now. “Forev” will come, and it will be awesome.

This song {Give It Time} from my favorite artist Tyrone Wells really explains all that I am feeling right now. So good.

And really these crafts help with that mindless busyness that also doubles as my me-time. Winning.

Tonight’s craft is a gift for my sister in law…So I hope you like it Em.

It is a canvas with lights in the back to highlight the words of Emily and Mark’s wedding song. It is a fairly simple project that took me about an hour to complete total.

The things you need:

paint
sticker letters
canvas
lights

I first put the stickers on the canvas. Neither kind stuck very well, so I was really nervous it wasn’t going to work out.

Once this is done, you just paint over it. I was lazy and bought spray paint, but I would assume actually painting with a brush would do well too. I used white paint, but I would be curious to see how a darker color would work for this.

I spray painted until I couldn’t see the pencil marks that I used as guides. It took a few coats to do so.

Then you wait for all of it to dry, then peel of the stickers.

Then I taped the lights to the back of the canvas. I think it looks pretty good! I don’t think the picture really does it justice.

I debate the rope lights vs regular strands on the back. The jury is till out on that one, but it would be really easy to change it. I think you could put it in a window too without lights during the day for the same affect.

November 5, 2012 by Stephanie

Hakuna Matata

This weekend, a couple friends of mine traveled with me to the closest military base. We went to explore the Post Exchange/commissary and see what we could find. In my head, I thought it was going to be this extravagant grocery store that I had seen at Ft. Campbell. And that turned out to be not so much the case. This base does not have quite the same amenities as bases I have been to before. The PX was basically a gas station convenience store. I got some good candy, and Linda and Melissa both got a Camelbak that says “hydrate or die.” We also drove around the base for about 5 minutes seeing all the sites. It just boggles my mind to think how different this was from Ft. Campbell and Benning, which are both massive bases. But if you think about it, they each have different jobs and demands on their soldiers, so it makes sense. I am sad that I was not able to find my Odwalla juices for a dollar though.

Even though I was not able to do the shopping that I wanted, it was still nice to share the experience with friends. I was able to blend my two worlds for once.

I have been watching the series FRIENDS lately. It is absolutely hysterical. I highly recommend it. (I am also convinced that Tom and I are a real life version of Monica and Chandler.) This show is all about the bonds of friendship and how as a group they can get through anything together. The iconic theme song has a pretty awesome message too-“I’ll be there for you.”

My friends here in Ames are one big reason why I have not moved yet. Having this support system already in place is a Godsend. Whether they realize it or not, they give me a reason to get off the couch and out of my apartment. They help me relieve stress and keep my mind off the fact that I haven’t heard from Tom in 24 hours. Just being around them makes me not worry. It’s when I am alone that I freak out the most, like for example today on the drive to volleyball. I started realizing that I have not talked to Tom since Friday, so what does my brain do? It starts envisioning military personnel standing outside my door waiting to tell me the worst. Oh or every time someone has called in the last week for political garb, I panic when I see the unknown number calling me to tell me something has happened to my husband. So I apologize for anyone who has called me wanting me to vote for so and so. I have been pretty short to them because I get so worked up before I answer the phone. Whoops. I also have been having nightmares that they wont be able to find me since I live in a residence hall to tell me anything. See how easy the mind wonders? So having people to distract me is so helpful. They help keep my life normal.

I know that I would have people to reach out to in Ft. Campbell, but the decision to stay here was obviously the right one for now. My life kind of got turned upside down in some ways in September. If I would have moved, everything would have been unfamiliar, and I would have become a shut-in. It’s been comforting to be here in Ames where I have a place and people to lean on already. I didn’t have to work at establishing that once Tom left. Ames has been my constant. The friends that I have here are great, and I am not quite ready to start friend dating again. They don’t teach you how to do that in school.

I know that the move is coming someday soon, and I am sure I will forge on and make new life-long friends. But for now, Ames people are my security blanket.

What a great segue! My blanket project for this entry is something that has been a long time coming. I started this blanket a year ago. I got carried away with the size. Unfortunately, I still stink at judging the length/width with the first couple lines. But by the time I realize how big the silly thing will be, I have already invested too much time to dare pull it all out.

Anyway, my intention was for this blanket to be a gift for my previous graduate student, Tiffany. We had been together for two years and had begun our Ames journey together. She graduated last May, so you can see how I failed meeting my goal to have it done by the time she graduated. I will also defend myself that it took longer than I had planned because you have to change the yarn on every row, which takes more time. I also had to really pay attention to the pattern on this one, which again took more time.

I did a crochet boucan pattern. Here is the video I used as a guide.

This woman is awesome at teaching crochet stitches. I have watched several of her videos, and she breaks it down really well for you.

Even though it has been a rough time getting it done, I would say that this turned out to be one of my favorites. It looks pretty snazzy! Go Cyclones!

Grace doesn’t like it when I put the blankets on the ground to take photos. She has to inspect it. And see what I mean about it being massive?
Here is the pattern up close.

In parting, they say “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” I say that’s silly. Why would I want to hang out with people who make me miserable? Friends keep you going even when you are at your lowest low. They are there to remind you of “Hakuna matata.” No worries, we got you.