February 17, 2014 by Stephanie

Armucation: FRG

Because being in the military is a life style for the entire family, the military has instated a group to help all individuals in the family feel connected and knowledgeable about the events going on with their soldier.

That is how the FRG was born. It stands for Family Readiness Group.

This group is made at the company level, which is about 100 soldiers. It encompasses the soldiers and the families.

So once a month, Tom and I go to a classroom to meet with all the other members of his company and their families. It depends on the FRG leaders and company commander whether single soldiers are included in this or if it is just the soldiers who are married. Ours is everyone.

At these monthly meetings, the company leaders go over the next month’s schedule. I find this really helpful to know how the training is going to look and when Tom will be away or when he has a DONSA (day off).

They will also provide us with resources or any other announcements that will pertain to us. For example, at the last meeting there was someone from the job center who talked about resources their office has.

This is often where we find out the most recent information about deployments.

The FRG does have some leaders that are the soldiers spouses. There is an FRG leader, who is usually a higher officer’s wife. Then each platoon in the company will have a POC (Point of Contact). This person will help disseminate information and do call outs to all the spouses in their particular platoon. They also have an FRG treasurer, again another spouse.

Depending on the FRG, there may be other things besides these monthly meetings that they plan. Some FRGs have parties or events throughout the year. Ours did a lot during the summer, but we have not done as much this winter. We have had quite a few potlucks at the monthly meetings though. Any events are usually family oriented and kid friendly. I mean “family” is in their title.

The FRG will still meet when the company is deployed. I am interested to see how it changes when all the men are not there. I was in Iowa last time, and I would just get the PowerPoints from them. I am sure that this gives us spouses a great chance to get to know each other too.

It is a pretty simple group. Since there are so many of them, they can change drastically on how they look though. We have even seen a change in this FRG since the new leadership arrived. So what the group will do will depend on both the spouses involved as well as the company leaders.

As you can see it is quite different than what the show Army Wives depicts.

It seems like I learn things about the Army every day. I am by no means an expert at all things Army, but I love exploring new topics and sharing what I see as a military spouse.

Hope you enjoyed today’s Armucation.

Do you have any questions about military life? Do you have any topic you would like me to write about? Feel free to ask away!

February 9, 2014 by Stephanie

Chain of Events

January was a yo-yo month for us. Full of ups and downs, and twist and turns.

So it is no surprise to me when I look back why I ended up a bawling mess in my supervisor’s office this week during our 1 on 1.

Here is how our last month has looked:

Over the holiday break, Tom met with a Missouri National Guard recruiter. We were both wanting to be closer to home, and wanted our job situations to be more secure. Both of us are going to be 30 next year, so we wanted to see if there was a chance to start our permanent-in-one-place life sooner than we had planned first getting into the Army gig. The National Guard would allow Tom to still be in the Army, but do it part time so he could pursue is cop dreams again, and we could be stationary. While the Army at one point looked like it may have been a lifestyle for us in the long term, many things have occurred for us personally that we know that this would be Tom’s only enlistment. After speaking with NG, the benefits were just too good not to pursue getting out of active duty early. (Like end of this spring early.) I won’t go into all the benefits that were on the table, but let’s just say Tom and I were ready to pack our bags and say goodbye to Clarksville. Tom just had to get a few people to sign off on the contract change here in FTC to make it official. This was happening, and we both were on board of making a career out of the National Guard.

That first week back at work was possibly the roughest for both of us. Everything just kind of spiraled out of control before our eyes.

Tom was asked to interview for a company level communications position. He did not want it, however he was one of the few who were qualified and had the correct security clearance. He flat out told his commanders that he did not want this position and was happy being a team leader in the line infantry.

I am sure you can guess what happened.

They made him the Company RTO that same day, not even minutes after he said he didn’t want it.

The very same week, I was told I was going to be cut back to barely anything at work.

We were both distraught and felt like we had no purpose here.

It is the week we would like to pretend never happened.

From that though, Tom had no qualms about turning in his National Guard packet. It was the best plan to get us both back home and started on different avenues. And everyone he talked to said that of course he would get that passed through. No big deal.

Any guesses?

It took a little time to get all of this back since there are several people in the chain of command the paperwork has to go through. Ending your active duty contract is a fairly big deal even if you are switching to NG.

But eventually we heard the answer. One person who had to sign said no way Jose.

Crushed.

It took us awhile to accept that our next year would be here in TN (and for Tom-Afghanistan again) instead of the house and jobs we had just spent the past few weeks envisioning.

Finally we did start coming to terms with it and started seeing some positives.

This job has given Tom some pretty awesome access since he now works at the company level instead of platoon and team level. Basically, he is the right hand man to the group’s boss. He is being slotted for some training opportunities that he otherwise A) didn’t have access to due to poor leadership or B) didn’t have a reason to go. His leadership before was pretty toxic from what I could tell, so we are both pretty happy that he is in a much better position with people who seem to care about what he has to offer and actually value his knowledge and gusto. He has a pretty sweet schedule now and dictates most of that on his own outside of company field training times. It also means that he will be much safer on deployment. He doesn’t like that too much, but I can love on that fact!

We both grappled on to the idea of another deployment.We had thought we were going to be able to steer clear of this next one due to contract timing. You have to have so much time stateside to do separation things before your contract ends, and we didn’t think that they would send him overseas for only a couple months. We both were in dream land thinking we wouldn’t have to go through that all again.

I didn’t get emotional about it, and I even told several people without any tears or wavering in my voice. With the ups and downs of the month, we just kind of took it for what it was and started making other plans. I am ~~currently~~ still in a job search here right now, but I am also looking back home now to potentially move while he is deployed. If I were to find a job in Missouri it would mean that we are back on the long distance train for at least a year until he can join me. However, it does mean that I can start getting things settled long before his time in the Army ends, and my career doesn’t have to continue to be on hold. Since he is going to be gone for most of that time anyway due to this deployment, we really don’t see this as a bad thing. While I like the area and we have made some friends, it would be very tough for me to continue to be part time here while Tom is over seas. The ultimate goal is for me to have a full-time job. Wherever that happens will dictate a lot of factors such as our moving time, Tom’s career plans, and baby plans.

In the meantime while all of this is happening, I have had the period from nightmares this month. TMI maybe, but it is the truth and had a huge affect on my emotional state. Unfortunately, this is a side effect of not being on birth control and trying to have a baby. I have resorted to feeling like a teenage girl again with weeks of agony. Yes you read that correctly, weeks. (Don’t worry, I have a doctor’s appointment this week to hopefully sort that out.) Although this time, we thought we were pregnant for a hot second due to the first symptoms I as having only to receive a call from the doctor that we are indeed not. I was heartbroken again to get these results because so much inside of me was pointing in the other direction. That would have made this angry tornado in my stomach worth it. For the last couple weeks I have eaten mostly Cheezits and McDonald’s McChickens because I am so nauseous from being a woman. Not exactly a breakfast of champions let me tell you, but it is the only thing that will stay in my uneasy stomach.

So after all that business, I still didn’t cry. I just figured that is the way that it goes in the Army and our life. You never can settle on one plan. Always have a back up and contingencies, and be ready for all that to change to0. It just is what it is.

Number one thing I have learned as a military spouse is accepting things I cannot change and move on with it. (I may not be proficient in this area yet, but I am a work in progress.)

Then you come to this week.

Tom was away at field training during this awful winter weather. It has been doing everything: raining, sleeting, snowing, etc. And he had to sleep in a tent all week in these freezing wet temps. Although he tells me that he was glad that they had the tent and a heater and weren’t out on the ground, so of course no complaints from him. Just another day at the office. I however at the time did not know all this and was just watching the weather get worse and worse knowing he was out there, but I guess it is good training for the different terrain they may face. This left my emotional outlet out of reach and also my McChicken go-getter out of commission.

I also wanted to make sure I was completely open with my supervisor on the fact that I would be job searching not only here in TN, but also back in MO. At the same time, I also disclosed to her about the deployment.

And I just lost it.

I think it was the fact that I had not had a real meal in a week, but all the emotions from the month overtook me and I was a mess in her office. And then of course I was mad at myself for crying, so that just made the tears fall harder.

Blubbering wreck.

We have done a deployment before. Long distance relationship has been most of our relationship. We both have been on the bad end of career woes. We have dealt with the never ending changes of the Army.

But at the end of the day, we aren’t machines, and sometimes we are going to react and let it out.

While you do get used to things and learn how to adapt with the military lifestyle, it doesn’t mean that it gets any easier to deal with the separation.

I was just at my breaking point this week, but again I am blaming it mostly on the fact that I am starving and crave healthy meals.

So yes I am still job searching. For what? Lots of things, but only the right things.

Yes, we may be moving soon. Where? It’s up for grabs, and it may only be me.

Yes, Tom has to go on another deployment. How long and when? It changes on a weekly basis as does when they are leaving. 4 months-9 months. Give or take a few.

Yes, we have all of this taken care of. We are actually ok with how things sit right now. We are made to handle whatever may be thrown in our direction. We both just had our moments of humanness this month.

No one said that the Army doesn’t make life interesting.

We are just going to have to have as much family time as possible!

February 3, 2014 by Stephanie

Armucation: Homecoming Ceremonies

I was one of those people who thought that as soon as the soldier got off whatever vehicle transport they came in on, they would be free to go home.

This is a huge misconception. There is a lot more that goes into a homecoming than the banners and hugs.

These are just my observations of the Army and how Ft. Campbell does homecoming. Every branch and post may do their own variation of things.

Bangor, Maine is the first stop in the US for many of our troops. There are a band of greeters who meet the soldiers as they touch US soil for the first time in months. These greeters come to the airport at all hours of the night to welcome home our troops. Tom said this was one of the greatest parts of coming home. It is very touching to watch videos from here.

Bangor Homecoming Greeters

They can come at all hours of the day. I joked that going to a homecoming ceremony during the day is a myth. I have only been to them in the dead of night. The schedules are also unpredictable. When Tom came home, I feel like they changed the time they were supposed to arrive about every hour that week that they were scheduled home. So there is a lot of waiting.

Glinn Photography

Once the troops get home they have to line up for a short ceremony.

Glinn Photography

From here, they are released for about 20 minutes to meet with their family.

Glinn Photography

These are the moments that are inspiring and the ones to live for.

Glinn Photography

After this very little time with family and friends, the soldiers line back up to go back to their company areas. The families go to a waiting room or classroom in the company area to wait for an hour or more. During this time you are not allowed to see your soldier. The soldiers are turning in all of their sensitive items, getting housing assignments, and other various administrative tasks. For me this was the longest couple of hours because I knew Tom was right outside but I couldn’t see him.

After they are finally released after what seems like days, then kind of everything is up for grabs.

The soldiers are not allowed to drive for 24 hours that first day, and many of them don’t have cars anyway because they sold them before the deployment. So they have to make plans for that.

The units will have a reintegration class they have to attend every day for the next week. It is a way for them to have some stability and routine when their whole world just changed.

Then there are the personal things that you have to get use to again which can take time depending on the soldier and family they are coming home to.

So there is much more than what you see on TV for homecomings, and it ends up being a long process of reintegrating back into the country. It is a very interesting and wonderful experience, but it was frustrating at first that I couldn’t just keep my soldier to myself.

I would encourage people to go to a homecoming ceremony once in their lifetime. It is very awesome to witness!

Have you been to a homecoming ceremony for any branch? What things did you notice from the experience that I did not mention here?

As a side note, Tom and I are being featured on “Date Night Is” for our date nights. Pretty sweet!

January 27, 2014 by Stephanie

Talks with Tom #17

This weekend was a whirlwind.

Tom’s bestie returned from his 9 month “business trip” to Afghanistan in the wee hours of Sunday morning. It was so touching to be part of that moment when Martin saw his family again. I felt extremely privileged to capture those moments for them.

And of course to see the relationship between him and Tom be rekindled was heartwarming!

I love Martin’s family’s faces in the background.

Martin and Tom went to basic together. They were part of a small handful of that graduating group who moved here to Ft. Campbell. So naturally they stuck together despite being put in different brigades.

They are brothers from other mothers. It is ridiculous how much alike they are.

I am super pumped about Martin being back because while I love my husband and wish I could provide the world to him, I know that I cannot be everything to him. We all need a bestie. I have come to terms with the fact that there is going to be less time for Tom and I, or that some nights we will have another roommate. I know Martin being home is going to up our quality of life exponentially! (And I hope that his lady and newest baby will be coming to visit more often because quite frankly I love them too!)

They picked up like they have never been apart! Love it!

Since the unit came in around 3am, it meant that none of us got sleep since you have to be there for hours before the plane lands. You also have to wait for hours afterward while they turn in sensitive items. So to let his family go back to their hotel to get some down time while we waited for Martin to be freed, Tom volunteered to wait the extra couple hours in the parking lot.

Which meant, Tom slept in the parking lot for a couple hours.

Tom- “I was sleeping in the Jeep waiting on Martin.”

Tom- “When I woke up, I thought what was that smell?”

Tom- “OH MY! Is that my mouth?!?! It tasted like I smoked a dog turd.”

Tom- “So I used Wrigley Spearmint to hide my shame.”

Me- “So you can be fresh for when you reunite with your bromance?”

Tom-“Yea. You don’t want your first post deployment kiss to taste like dog shit.”

(sorry about the language)

They are two of a kind. This was one of my favorite shots.

This is just a preview of the ceremony pictures. I have tons more to share next week after editing (and some catch up on sleeping-this girl doesn’t do all-nighters very well friends.) I am going to include them in a post about fun facts about home coming ceremonies. I hope you come back to read all about it!

So even though it was a rough weekend on my body, it was a great weekend mentally!

It was a true testament of the friends turned family that you can make while in the Army.

January 24, 2014 by Stephanie

Friday Filter: Film “Lone Survivor”

Tom and I went and so this film last weekend.

This is probably one of the best movies I have ever seen.

I honestly don’t even know where to begin reviewing it because there are just so many emotions that overcome me when thinking about it.

Happiness, sadness, fear, anger, curiosity and an immense sense of pride.

IMDB:

Marcus Luttrell and his team set out on a mission to capture or kill notorious al Qaeda leader Ahmad Shahd, in late June 2005. Marcus and his team are left to fight for their lives in one of the most valiant efforts of modern warfare.

Their mission was called Operation Red Wing. Four men set out to find this leader but things became fatal when they ran into a couple herders in the mountains. Without radio communication, these soldiers fought for their lives against a group of Taliban, who largely outnumbered the American team. As you can tell by the title, there was only one survivor. This story depicts the realness of war and how simple acts of kindness and a sense of duty to a fellow man may just end up saving us all. You can read here and here for more information.

They did a phenomenal job with this film. I have never heard a soundtrack so real like this. The sound mixing crew captured every breath, every bone shatter, every gun shot, just everything perfectly. I still get teary-eyed and goosebumps just remembering the noise of their bodies being catapulted down the hillside. That is the most haunting thing about this film. The sounds of war.

The acting was outrageously good. They picked a great group of individuals who were dedicated to bringing this story to life for the masses. They believed in our troops and wanted to honor their sacrifice.

And that heroism is what is so breathtaking about this movie.

I understand that I am personally connected to the military everyday, but I honestly think that everyone should see this movie. All of us as Americans should understand what our military goes through. And this is about as real as they can make that experience for us every day Americans. This story gives us a glimpse of the life of a soldier.

You didn’t only see gun fights, but you saw the relationships. That is the part that sticks with me. You see the bonds between a team of soldiers when they eat together or race in the morning. You see the relationships they left behind in the emails and the picking out Arabian horses for wedding gifts. You see the sacrifice for their loved ones. You see the love they have for their brother who is fighting right next to them.

You don’t see politics. You don’t see liberals or conservatives. You don’t see corporate greed.

You just see men being men and fighting to save one another. You see an effort to save human dignity. You see the human spirit and good against evil.

This is why our soldiers are serving in wars. They believe in something and are fighting to protect beliefs that may not even be theirs. They serve because they feel a sense of duty to our country.

As a military spouse, there is a lot I don’t know about what happened on deployment. Even with all the questions asked, there are parts that I will never know or understand. However after many discussions with Tom, this movie does that experience a lot of justice and bridges the gap for us who cannot comprehend the decisions that are made in those moments. They didn’t church it up and showed the gusto that these men have. I am sure many military spouses have heard some variation of, “I can’t promise you that I am going to survive a fire fight, but I can promise you I will not die alone.” There was a scene that showed this sentiment where Marcus Luttrell held up a grenade in fear that he had been compromised. They will not quit even if all is bleak.

Maybe that is why there were moments where I couldn’t breathe or was full out weeping along with the wife sitting next to me. I saw my husband in those men’s faces. I saw our friends standing on the hill. I saw people I admire giving all their energy to the mission. I know if they were in a similar situation as this particular Seal team, they would have made similar sacrifices.

I am proud of what my husband does, but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about these kinds of scenes. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t know that my prayers were answered when Tom comes home safely every day when so many others do not.

That is why I urge everyone to watch this. It reminds us about the humans behind the war. These men were other people’s spouses, brothers, uncles, fathers, and friends. It gives us a reason to believe that good does triumph evil.

The theater was packed to the brim. And it was eerie quiet once it was over. Watching the slides of pictures of the actual soldiers at the end brought it home to everyone there.

This was a gripping story to watch. It portrayed a realistic and gut-wrenching view about the actual events of war. It was not about the heroics or the romance that Hollywood often infuses into military plot lines. It ripped away all of that and made it raw and real for viewers to see this story of one lone survivor.

I appreciated every tear and lost breathe.

Friday Filters offer a review that are my own opinions. I was not contacted by anyone associated with these works or compensated for my review. My review has not been influenced by anything other than my love for entertainment and art.