The Oscars are this weekend. I LOVE watching the Oscars, even though I have to admit that I have seen very little of the films nominated. Who is excited about Neil Patrick Harris? This girl is. Except following Ellen’s performance from last year will be a little rough I imagine.

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Anytime there is a red carpet, I wish I was famous and wonder what life would be like to go in front of cameras all dolled up. Sidenote:  a real dream of mine is to be one of the ladies who is the award presenter/guider. You know the ones that don’t say anything but just stand there with the award and look pretty and point people where to go. You don’t really have to be famous to do that do you? How does one make that happen?

Anyway, It makes me wonder though what kinds of things I would want when I travel if I were a celebrity. Have you heard of a rider? A rider is a list of demands that celebrities make when say they are on tour. Each destination must meet these requests. I am not really sure what happens if they don’t. Perhaps they don’t perform or do the interview? These requests are supposedly to make them feel more at home and like themselves.

Anyway here are things I would want in my dressing room.

1. Chocolate Donuts. And not anything fancy from a real bakery. I want these:  the Hy-vee off-brand. I eat 5 every morning so these would definitely be comfort food. (Also in writing this, I discovered I could order these online…dangerous.)

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2. A big white robe and big fuzzy slippers. I want to feel like a cloud is hugging my body. Make it happen people.

3. Candy of the Twizzler and Ferror Rocher variety.

4. I would assume I have my own stylist team if I am famous enough to insist on a rider (which would be the one reason I would want to be famous), but I would like to have a masseuse waiting for me at every destination. Traveling is rough!

5. Panera Mac & Cheese and McDonald’s Fries. Because I need carbs when I travel. Who am I kidding? I need carbs all the time.

6. Straws in every drink. I am a sloppy drinker without straws. Seriously, it’s like I have never drank out of a real cup. I am an adult who needs a sippy cup. It would be even better if the straws were those fancy vintage looking ones, but I won’t be a diva about it. Just give me a dang straw so I don’t spill all down my front.

7. Hot towels. You know like when you get them right out of the dryer hot. Isn’t this the best feeling ever to be wrapped up in a warm towel after a shower?

8. A full smoothie station. Just have all the fruits and vegetables and ONE (brand) coconut water please. I would also ask that they are all local products from that particular area. Support small farms!

9. Listerine. I don’t know about you but when I travel I always feel like my teeth are more gross than normal. I need to clean up that dirty mouth.

10. A box of puppies. (And someone else to handle them). Because why not? There really isn’t much else that can bring joy quite like puppies!. Bring me all the puppies! (I would also insist that these puppies/dogs come from local shelters. This way these dogs can have a mini field trip from being in a shelter and maybe I can convince people with my celebrity status to adopt them. Fame for the win!

I may demand other things if were actually famous like J-Lo who has to have everything white, even her food. But as a non-A lister now, I think these things are pretty reasonable to feel comfortable. But let’s be clear besides the straws, Listerine, and donuts, these are not really things I have at home on a daily basis. Unless you put Grace and Crosby in a box, then maybe I have number 10.

So it makes you wonder if these riders are really what their lives are like at home or if they can just demand these things because they are famous. But then it makes you wonder why do we cater to these demands in the first place? But that is a discussion for another day.

Oh if I were famous…

What would you have on your rider? Are you going to watch the Oscars?