December 31, 2012 by Stephanie

Home For the Holidays

This last week was full of hustle and bustle. The holiday time meant a trip home for me.

But at this moment in my life, home is an operative word. I have lots of homes. With my parents being divorced since I was four, I have never really known a time where one single place was home. And now, with the in-laws that added another sense of home to the mix.

So in the last week, I had 5 family holiday celebrations, met with 3 old wonderful friends, and traveled from/to three different cities. I was able to visit and catch up with so many friends and family. Some people I had not seen in 6 years! Yay for a reunion with the Rydman family!

Even with the bouncing around, all of it felt like home. It was good to be surrounded by familiarity.

A week ago, I was not singing the same tune. I was down in the dumps about going home. I was very very anxious and apprehensive about my holiday vacation. I was worried that I would feel even more alone with all of the reminders about Tom being gone for the holiday season. I thought that I would get fed up with all the questions and conversations about Tom being gone and when he would return. This was also going to be the first time that I have ever spent the night at my in-laws without Tom around. Let’s talk about a Tom reminder! I thought I was setting myself up for a nervous breakdown sleeping in his childhood home. I didn’t want to think about Tom being gone, and I knew at home I would have to face it head on. Expletive said here.

Luckily, I have never been more wrong!

This trip was exactly what I needed.

I saw my family and friends while in my hometown. It was busy busy going from one house to the next everyday, some days even more than one house. Grace and I definitely traipsed all over that town! But it was a great distraction to be so busy. And it was nice to be with the comfort of my family and have our traditions still happen even though my world is a little off-kilter. Here’s to the shrimp at my grandparents’, Christmas Day malt-o-meal with my dad and stepmom, brisket buffet with the Coles (step-extended family), and banana bread with my mom! Hmm I see a theme with our traditions being based around food…. And then being able to see the friendly faces of some of my bestest friends over the years, words cannot describe how great this was.

Then rounding out the Tour de Missouri, I traveled to my in-laws. Being able to talk about Tom the way we did…I don’t really know how to explain it, but it was very peaceful and calming for me. We could talk about Tom and just be normal about it. It didn’t have to be focused on the Army or being in Afghanistan. We talked about what the next couple years would look like and the plans we have for family. It was not a conversation about Tom like I have with many with pity in their eyes or a worried brow. I didn’t have to repeat things over and over, which can get exhausting at times to have the same conversation with everyone I meet. I sometimes feel like I just need to record myself with the scripted answers and just play it on loop. (He is coming home in the spring–He is doing pretty well–I get to talk to him every day, and yes I realize that is UNREAL–It’s a day by day process.) I was able to talk about Tom like he was there with us. It may sound kooky but there was a Tom aura there that maybe only I felt, but either way it was very comforting. And it was just normal. There wasn’t all this hoopla about Tom being gone and what he is doing. We did all miss him terribly and it definitely wasn’t the same, but I think we all were just tired of focusing on the fact that he is gone. We realize it’s not something we can change, and sometimes you don’t want to focus on the empty chair at the dining table. (Which is what I had been doing prior to the trip…) I don’t know if I would have felt all of this without the people who are so closely related to him reminding me of him so much. (Our niece, Ava, is so much like him, it’s silly…) So what I was most afraid of was actually the best thing for me!

And there was no nervous breakdown! I only cried twice on the whole entire trip and that was because of a news report of soldiers surprising their kids by coming home (this was more of a mad/jealous cry) and then crying during Les Mis (so nothing to do with Tom-sorry babe). Success!

The dictionary says home is “a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.”

Home took a very different meaning for me this last week. It was a place I could go to and be comforted and celebrate all the good things. It’s a place where love just kind of wraps you up like a warm blanket. It’s where you can go and feel like you never left and pick up where you left off. It’s a place that puts you at ease, somewhere to rest your hat so to speak. It’s a place where you go for family.

I went to a lot of “homes” this past week, and it was a perfect way to spend my time without Tom around.

As Dorothy says, “There is no place like home.”

And on the holiday note, this is my last homemade Christmas gift for this year.

Sidebar–I feel that homemade Christmas went over really well. I had a great time with it! And everyone seemed to enjoy it on their side too. (Or my family is really good at lying to me about liking their presents.) It really was a labor of love you were giving away. So I think we all had fun with it. The only down side was trying to figure out how to transport all of it back home.

Anyway, I am pretty proud of myself for this particular gift because it is my first attempt at using my sewing machine.

I have not used a sewing machine since 7th grade Home Ec which was in 1997/98. So needless to say, I needed some guidance on this one.

My mom helped me freshen up my sewing skills, and we used this pattern as our guide.

http://www.diaryofaquilter.com/search/label/tutorial?updated-max=2011-01-06T15%3A06%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=20

I did not take any “as we were going pictures” since this site explains it perfectly. This was a pretty easy project to get back into the swing of things with a sewing machine.

I made these for my brother so he could have them so he and his daughter could start their own holiday traditions with stocking stuffers. Maybe he will continue the tradition of toothbrushes and a deck of cards…

And after being reminded of how to use the sewing machine, I think I can start doing other varieties of crafts. 2013 get ready!

December 21, 2012 by Stephanie

Continue on my walk

This month I participated in a book discussion on the book “Christmas is Not Your Birthday” by Mike Slaughter.

It is a book that looks at the commercialism that surrounds Christmas and trying to get to the heart of “the reason for the season.”

This short read made me think about things like how we have come to idolize Santa and all the stress that surrounds this time of year. We want everything to be perfect from the presents, food and parties. We focus on how much other people are going to react and view us. Or we try to top what we did last year.

The first Christmas Tom and I were together, I was able to score Blue October tickets. This really was awesome-score girlfriend points for me! Many birthdays and Christmases after that, I felt like I was always competing and trying to outdo myself and get him something even better. Why couldn’t I just enjoy the fact that that is one of the best memories he and I have and just leave it at that? Why do I need to do more or spend more? Was this perfect gift really the only way I could tell him how much I loved him? Why couldn’t I be ok with just buying him a tub of sprinkles and icing? Materialistic reasons I guess, or thinking I have something to prove and something to gain?

So what is Christmas about really? Isn’t it about Jesus being born? Hmmm? A baby being born in less than desired and even scandalous conditions (unwed parents, a carpenter’s son, child persecution, in a stable no less)? Not quite as cool as reindeer flying and a big jolly man who brings me presents!

Goodness we have become pretty selfish people.

Christmas should be about living and giving like Jesus did. If you look at his life, you see that he resisted the obsessions of man. You see a man who cared so deeply for others. He lived as we live and felt as we feel. He had pain and suffering. He made the ultimate sacrifice. He was not plump and have rosy cheeks with a hint of glitter on them. Although I do see Jesus having a hearty laugh.

Here is a quote that I enjoyed the most from the book-“…at Christmas we should celebrate the birth of the Messiah who was born not only to die sacrificially for us but to show us how to live sacrificially.”

I had to think hard about how I am doing this in my own life. The discussion leader prompted us with some tough questions that I was not always ready to answer, but all things I needed to look at. (I think we all have had those “I don’t wanna” moments.)

We should celebrate a life of service. We spend so much time focusing on giving others the “perfect present” that we do not even blink an eye thinking about how we can give the perfect give to Him. All he asks for is for us to give ourselves up. When I think about my grandparents and how much they gave, I am always in awe. But they were always some of the happiest people I have ever encountered. They had so much joy even when they “had” what seemed to be so little.

Now I know these are my beliefs and my interpretation, but wouldn’t the perfect gift be to “love one another as I [God] have loved you?” We were called to serve one another, not to buy out a Macy’s.

As Tom and I discuss starting our own family, this book made me really think about how we want to raise our kids. Of course we want to have our own traditions, and I will be honest we will still give gifts. But we really do want to focus on the service of others. There is a real joy found in the experiences of serving others that I want to pass on to my children. I want them to feel the importance of influencing others instead of always wanting for themselves. Since we do not have children yet, we are still kicking around some ideas on how this may play out. One that we did really like was having our kids go through their toys before Christmas day and picking ones to give away and donating them somewhere.

This whole thing really made me think about the traditions we have and think about the intent of each one. This was a really easy read but had topics that are not always so easy to swallow. I was forced to look at the world through a different lens. I think we are also at a point in our nation where if we don’t like it we tend to tune it out. We don’t want to hear criticisms in a “Here’s Your Good Job Ribbon” society. We talk a big game, but we don’t always walk the walk.

But I think we all need to take a good hard look at how we are living out our lives. I know I am sounding like a broken record about service, but it is such an easy thing to do. Even if you don’t believe in God, you can still believe in humanity. Believe that there are good in people and be willing to give your time and skills for others. Help your neighbor, help a stranger, just be there for others. (Now I am a good pile of mush inside…)

Here’s a little more to restore your faith in something…http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/moments-that-restored-our-faith-in-humanity-this-y

I am sure we have all seen the signs that say “Keep Christ in Christmas.” I understand that not everyone who celebrates Christmas actually believes in Christ, but I would hope that everyone can stress a little less and remember the joy that giving can bring.

Tom posted a status the other day that said “Stop complaining about Christmas season stress, it could be worse.”

Yep you could be a 16 year old mom who just gave birth to her first child in a pile of dung. Oh wait she was in a pristine white dress with a blue scarf with a radiant light all around her…

Christmas is a reminder that God shows up in the most unexpected places. And with all of the hype about religion in schools after Friday’s shootings, I think many need this reminder.

I am sure Mary was not ready for what God has planned for her. She brings a whole new meaning to “16 and Pregnant.”

God understands what we are going through, he sent Jesus to walk with us and sacrifice for us. God knows our pain, and I believe he doesn’t send bad things down from heaven to punish us for not praying in schools. We live in a world that gets messy. We just need to have faith-which can happen anywhere and on any day.

Anyway, take a minute to think about how you view your holiday season. It might give you an opportunity to appreciate things a little bit more.

My craft tonight is for a friend of mine. It’s my first paid gig! Thanks Ashley! It was fun to make.

It was all single stitch crochet. I just alternated the amounts of rows between colors.

Happy Holidays everyone!

December 19, 2012 by Stephanie

Best Laid Plans…

My last few posts have been pretty heavy for me, so I am just going to focus on the craft this time.

However, I will say this craft is just like life.

You can plan for things, but it doesn’t always work out the way you planned.

This was my inspiration.

I wanted to make a board with the Royals emblem by doing this string effect.

So I got a canvas, pins, paint, and thread.

I painted the board blue. So far so good.

I cut out the KC emblem to trace it with pins. Again good.

Looks good right?

Then I spent 30-45 minutes poking pins into the canvas.

Everything is going great…then bam.

This is what happens…

What you can’t see from this picture is the pins collapsing on each other. Or the thread would come off if I moved my hand in the wrong way. And this is how far I got in a half hour. Ridiculous.

So forgo the thread.

I push all the pins down, and then mulled it over that this wasn’t good enough either.

I go between the ideas of painting, sewing, and buttons.

I really wanted a 3D effect, so I nix the painting.

I didn’t really want to spend the time sewing. Poking the pins through the canvas was more than enough for me.

So I chose buttons.

After going to Walmart and Hobby Lobby, I found that yellow buttons are not easy to come by.

So I went to the jewelry section and used some flat beads from there. Success!

So this is what I finally came up with.

I really hope that my parents like it! Go Royals!

If you are wanting to try the thread thing, I would suggest doing it on a wood board with nails so the pins can’t move. I am going to try it again some other time. I just need to get over being frustrated about it first.

So if at first you don’t succeed, try again or go to a different section in Hobby Lobby.

Besides this project, I also made lotion and a hand scrub for some Christmas presents tonight.

They both are great, and they are super easy to make.

The lotion could be a little a little thick and greasy, but that could be my interpretation of it. And I had it all over my hands from making it and putting it in the jars so I probably used more than I needed.

Here are the instructions for the hand scrub:

Fill your container with 3/4 of the way with sugar. Then fill the rest with Dawn soap (the pink one with the Olay in it). Then you just stir it up until it is a paste. This easiness made me feel better about the string craft not working out nicely.

Here are the instructions for the lotion:

16 ounces of Baby Lotion

8 ounces of coconut oil

8 ounces of Vitamin E cream

All of these I found at Walmart.

Then you just mix it together with a mixer until it is whipped like icing.

So that is it for tonight! More projects to come soon!

Sidenote: Tom and I have been married for 18 months today! (Yep, I’m that person.)

You all should listen to track number 5 of Tyrone’s new CD “This Love.” It is called “Make it Through.”

http://www.fixtstore.com/product/88908/Tyrone-Wells—This-Love-%28MP3-Album%29

Sorry I couldn’t find a youtube video of it, so this was the best I could do to show you this amazing song!

December 17, 2012 by Stephanie

This Little Light of Mine

This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

This is a song I loved to sing as a kid. It was one of my favorites because you could shout “no” with permission and there were hand motions. And in my young age of wanting to be a choreographer, I loved having excuses for dance moves.

But this morning was probably this first time I really thought about the words of this song.

In the past couple of weeks, the news has been plastered with coverage on the two most recent mass shootings-Oregon and Connecticut. So many lives have been turned upside down by these tragedies. It saddens my heart to think about the families and the lives lost.

It also saddens my heart to see that the first thing that the news goes to is “Gun control is the solution.” Once again the debate has been spurred-yippee. I am not here to argue one way or another about whether guns should be more controlled or not. In my opinion, it doesn’t make a difference whether it is a gun or not. People will still find the means to be violent. Look at this knife attack that also happened on Friday in a school in China. http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/14/world/asia/china-knife-attack/index.html

I have my own feelings on gun control, and I respect that you have yours. So I don’t really want to talk about whether we should regulate it more or not.

What I do want to talk about is that with these incidents the common denominator seems to be a human being. In my opinion, we need to look at a much broader issue than gun control and make it a human issue. Why do people think that this is their only solution? Why don’t we look at how someone becomes so desperate that the only thing they can depend on is a violent weapon? Why does a gun or a knife (insert other objects here), become their lifeline?

Recently, I heard a statistic that since Columbine in 1999, there have been 31 school shootings in the US. 31. This does not include shootings that have occurred in theaters, malls, churches, or elsewhere. 31 schools have been wrecked with this violence.

And yet, the only thing we can think of as an answer is gun control. Obviously that conversation is not working.

We are becoming more and more numb to these tragedies. I bet that within a few weeks, especially with the holidays, we will have other things to talk about and the photos will have subsided on the internet. Columbine happened when I was in 8th grade, so at times, I feel like I have grown up with great tragedy in the everyday life.

Let’s be clear, I am not trying to minimize what happened Friday. I am trying to honor those lives and ask why do we get numb? Why has it become ok that this is the new normal? Why is it so easy for us to hear about these violent acts and not think about changing how we act and treat others? Why do we move on so quickly? Why are we pessimistic and act like nothing can change unless our congress says there is stricter gun control? Do we no longer have power as individuals?

These children’s lives should serve a purpose and not be so easily forgotten. We should get our acts together and not just wait for someone else to make a change. Why can’t we lean on each other in times of need? Why are we so distant from each other that we need to depend on inanimate objects for satisfaction?

Have we all forgotten the lessons we learned in kindergarten? The lessons these children that were killed Friday were in the process of learning.

I don’t have any idea how to solve this, but I would like to propose a shift in the conversation to how we can treat each other better.

I see it everyday that we are more attached to electronics than talking to the person next to us. We are so distracted with what is going to happen next that we forget to live right now. We selfishly try to put our needs at the front of the line, and often times it may be at the cost of someone else. We are all guilty of it.

I do feel that we need to show more compassion to others and not be so consumed with our own lives. We need to open our hearts and minds to other people and show love. Yes that love may be painful, and we may not always get it back. It may be tough love. I read an article written about a mom who struggles with her own defiant son. He has gotten the rigamarole of diagnosis of ADHD, ODD, autism, etc. She showed her son tough love on more than one occasion to get him the help he needed. She understood that she may not be the best person to deal with him, but she loved him and was strong enough to say “I need help to keep my boy sweet and innocent.” We need to be able to say that and for it to be ok to do so. And the world needs more love. People, not the guns/knifes/etc, need to know that they can go to another person for help. We need to feel safe with people.

During vigils, you see tons and tons of candles. The flame is supposed to represent the life that was lost.

And so I go back to the children’s song.

This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

This song is about being an example. It is about showing love regardless of how others may respond. I also like how it emphasizes “my,” meaning that even one light can push away the darkness. We all can do something; we just have to be willing to DO it. We need to stop being bystanders. Bold statement here: maybe if we ALL cared for others a little more and did a little more these atrocities would happen a little less.

I think these lights can be hope. They can be growth. They can be dreams. These lights can be anything. We need to stop letting people blow our lights out. There is so much darkness in this world, but we can help with one light at a time. As it says in the last line of the song- Let it shine, all the time, let it shine, oh yeah!

I will be the first to admit I could do more to be kind to others. So I am going to work on shining my light a little more and be a little more human.

Just think, what would those 6 and 7 year olds being doing right now? Who knows, but they would probably be happy playing with whoever. As a six year old everyone is your best friend, and everything is grand.

So I am not really sure how to move into my craft project seamlessly from this topic, so I am just going to say that I am done throwing my thoughts out there for now. I pray for the families and communities affected most directly. And I hope that these horrific tragedies challenge us to think about how we can be more human to others.

My craft tonight is another gift.

I used:

long wooden board

two colors of paint

small clothes pins

wood glue

I forgot to take a picture before I painted the board blue.

I then painted the letters. Then once everything dried, I glued the clothespins to the board.

I don’t have pictures on it yet, but the idea is to have pictures of the grand kids hanging from the clothespins.

I am really excited to give all of these gifts out! I hope they enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed making them!

December 10, 2012 by Stephanie

Marriage IS Awesome

This last week, I have had several opportunities to ponder on the meaning of marriage.

A week ago, I had the wonderful pleasure of watching two of my dear friends get married. It was a wonderful touching ceremony and a huge celebration of their love. Let’s tip it one more time! It is a beautiful experience to watch two people make such a personal statement of commitment to each other.

Aww, love.

Recently, I was chatting with some friends of mine about the “big” commitment of marriage. We were talking about people’s timelines and needing to be ready to make that promise to someone else. Being the only one in this group who was married, I felt it was my duty to stick up for marriage. So I said that I think it is pretty awesome. (True statement, I do.) To which one of my friends jokingly responded with something along the lines of, “Yeah says the person who doesn’t even live with their spouse.”

I know they were trying to get a laugh and were only poking fun, but the comment kind of shut me up and made me retreat a little bit.

So do people really think my marriage is less real because I don’t live with my husband?

I haven’t really been able to shake this comment all weekend.

So what does marriage mean? Further more, what does MY marriage mean?

And this was my conclusion. Marriage IS awesome.

Every marriage is going to be a little different. We all have our own circumstances. We all have to work at it a little differently. But I believe that the basis is an undying love.

No matter what people think, I believe I have a solid marriage with my husband. Have we spent a lot of time apart? Yes, but that doesn’t make my marriage a sham. I would argue that I know what marriage means more than most. And just because I don’t see him every day, doesn’t make it any less of a marriage. We have had challenges and had to make hard decisions as a couple. These decisions push us every day to be united.

Marriage is more than a wedding. It is more than coming home to someone every day. It is more than having date nights or having someone to share the chores with. It’s more than the physical. Tom is not just my roommate, he is my husband.

C. S. Lewis said, “Being in love is something you do.”

So it’s not just a title, it’s something you have to work at and pay attention to. Marriage is a partnership. It’s a bond between two people that goes beyond the rings that we wear. They are just a really pretty symbol! It’s having a love for someone that is so great you wouldn’t be the same person without it. The partnership makes you a better you. As I watched Noelle and Peter say their vows, I remembered saying them to Tom. A marriage is two people promising to be there for each other no matter what.

I read this quote in my devotional book, “Real love isn’t based on changeable feelings. Instead, it’s an act of the will, a choice to honor your commitment to another person.” Pretty big stuff, huh?

I would say that there are many marriages that can’t say they have that kind of love and commitment. I would call those marriages the shams. (Can anyone say a Kardashian marriage?)

I am fortunate to say I have a great marriage. Is it ideal that we are apart, eh not really. But this marriage is as real as the next. It is the real deal.

Tom is the person I lean on the most. He makes me feel better when no one else can. He cheers me on when I don’t think I am strong enough. He supported me going to places I never thought I could. He has been by my side, and I his. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

If anything, this time apart has solidified how strong our marriage is. Even though we may be separated by thousands of miles, Tom and I are connected. This love keeps both of us going. We manage to still be there for each other despite these obstacles.

Here is another song from Tyrone that I think explains it all. I have heard this song a million times, but it hit me differently this weekend as I was baking like crazy, and I started screaming and throwing flour all over my kitchen, “THIS IS IT!”

Through it all, somehow “You Still Love Me.”

(PS. Tyrone comes out with a new CD this week, and you all should get it. He’s voice is like a dream.)

Sometimes, in a marriage, things aren’t easy. Sometimes you have to be apart; sometimes you argue. But you always love that person. Always.

That’s why marriage is awesome. You always have someone.

Anyway, if marriage isn’t like this for others, I feel sorry for them. This is a pretty sweet deal in my opinion!

I still stand by my statement that marriage is awesome. Tom’s my person, even if he is in Afghanistan. No one can take the fact away that he is my person. That’s as real as it gets in my opinion. And if you don’t agree, well maybe you haven’t experienced this love yet to understand.

I also am pretty thankful that I live in a state that believes that everyone should be able to experience this partnership. Marriage with the right person is awesome, no matter if they are the same gender or not. Who cares? It’s their marriage and their love. We should be happy that people have found that big love that makes them better. If people are happy and better than the day before wouldn’t that make the world happier and better than the day before? And I believe that everyone should be able to make that formal commitment to “their someone.” Who am I to say their love isn’t good enough for marriage? Again, we let the Kardashians get married, and we wont let thousands of people who actually would take it seriously? That doesn’t make sense to me. So yay for Iowa supporting all marriages! We are all about the “marriage is awesome for everyone” campaign. Now if we can just get the federal government on our wagon…

And now that my “Marriage IS Awesome” speech is done, here is my craft for the night.

This is the blanket I had almost finished over Thanksgiving, and then finished the week I came back.

Two weeks might be a new record for me making a blanket!

I used yarn that I had left over from other projects that Hobby Lobby wouldn’t take back.